Mouthy McMoutherson

has shown up at my house FULL. FORCE!!!

I'm at a loss. Both boys are sweet as can be but Jack is the type of kid that winds up and winds down quick in a flash. If he's mad about something he will most likely scream at you and/or possibly hit you. Easy enough for me to deal with...time out in your room and/or spanking if you don't listen.
JT though....geeeeeeeez! That child has a mouth like no other! He just doesn't know when to stop and I'm having trouble figuring out how to discipline him AND get him to stop. For the past month or so we have been saying "Catch that mouth JT, its running away from you" when he starts with the lip and we think he's gonna spiral down....he knows what we mean but its like he just can't help himself from having to get the last word in and yelling at us. So he ends up with a time out in his room.
I'd like to help him stop before he starts saying the mean things bc usually it just starts with lip like "I'm not going to pick it up" or the like but ends up with things like "Your a big meanie", "I'm just gonna put you up in a tree" or the meanest thing ever at daycare "If you don't stop my daddy has a gun and he'll come shoot you" :woah: For real?! My child said that?!?! That punishment was his play guns got put up and if we see him pretending to shoot he gets a time out. They have rules at home with the guns that they have to point them out the window and they can only shoot birds and coyotes....pretend obviously but we want to start teaching them rules anyways.
I just wish he could stop that mouth from getting away :escape:

 

I was actually wondering how people react to that... but personally, I ignore it. She doesn't get any sort of reaction for yelling at me. I know if I put her in time out she'd be wailing and screaming for an hour though and it wouldn't really help.

She doesn't say the same kind of things though... I would have gone nuts at the gun comment and definitely punished that.

 

I recently read "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish along with their other book "Siblings Without Rivalry" which I mention because one of the big points they make is that acknowledging our children's feelings goes a looooong way to diffusing unacceptable behavior. I've been trying some of the techniques with the girls & have been finding it really helpful. It doesn't work all of the time & I still (more often than not) find myself resorting to raising my voice, threats & punishment. I've had enough success with it though to keep trying - I think learning how to acknowledge feelings (especially those of a child that might seem so illogical & ridiculous to an adult) is a skill with a learning curve.

So, as an example, let's say JT's playing with some trucks, then moves onto the playdough, so you ask him to please pick up his trucks and he replies that he's not going to. You might say something like "I can see you're having a lot of fun playing with the playdough and don't want to pick up your trucks right now but in this house we take good care of our toys. Would you like to pick up the red trucks first or the blue trucks?" (Offering choices is another big thing they talk about) ANYway, it sounds so wishy washy when typed out like this but it honestly works a lot of the time. I mean think about it - how often do YOU want to just hear from someone else "I get it, it sucks"? That can often be enough to help you move forward with something even when you don't want to do it.

The books were a good/easy read and I really liked what they had to say. Plus, as I said, I've been having some success with the principles so that's my .02.

 

Yeah I've read this a lot but it doesn't work one bit with my daughter, lol.

 

I think Rachel's advice is really good. I find I can get my kids to at least wind down a little bit if I just get right in their face, speak calmly and let them know that I know what they're feeling and why it's not ok to behave like that. It has mixed results, but I feel like it's a better place to start than yelling.

My boys make guns out of everything around, and the number one rule is that you don't shoot people. If they pretend to it's an automatic time out or at least a toy time out. I think if they threatened someone like that I would do something more drastic like permanently taking away toys.

 

This is the part that is the hardest for us. We have the same behavior issues, and the relentless having to get the last word in, the wanting to make us as mad as he is, etc. But the biggest problem is the obvious consequence (time out - time out in room when time out turns into angry screaming/pounding/tantrum-fest - or eventual spanking) turns him into a devil child. I wish it was just the initial bad behavior that led to the time out that was the worst of the problem, and that was all I had to figure out how to correct. But it's what he turns into when being disciplined that is just unbelievalbe around here. The screaming, stomping, pounding on the door, kicking the door, breaking out of his room and following me relentlessly yelling at me to either 1. apologize if I spanked him or 2. that he's not going to do what I'm asking of him (calm down)....repeating over and over and over and over...saying MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY a zillion times until I say "what???" and he'll just repeat points 1 and 2. Last week I had to lock myself in my room to get away from him because he wouldn't stay in his room, I couldn't get him to stay there, and I couldn't get him away from me screaming for me to apologize. He was totally out of control and I couldn't deal with it, I had reached my breaking point. (this goes on for over an hour) I sat in my room as he banged on the door and dumped the clothes baskets out that I had folded in the hallway, begging for me to come spank him so I could open the door and he could again plead with me to apologize/and that he's not going to cooperate. I'm in the middle of an IVF cycle, so the hormones on top of it are not fun, but the feeling of being completely out of control when dealing with a 4 year old is horrible. Needless to say this is the last straw, and I'm calling a children's psychologist this week.

I'm interested to see how others deal with the situations you described, but I'm afraid my situation is several steps beyond normal 4 year old behavior.

Once he snaps out of it, he's an angel and acts like nothing happened. And that's most of the time. Which is lucky for him, otherwise I probably would have sold him on e-bay by now!

 

That's why I ignore, honestly. She gets over it pretty fast that way, otherwise she'll scream in her room, bang the door etc for as long as I leave her in there (they can't get out of their room, still haven't figured out the childproof knob cover).

But yeah I'd definitely call a child psychologist Denise, it seems a bit excessive. Sorry

 

Oh my gosh, I have no advice for either of you, but can I tell you how relieved I am to hear that I am not the only one who is dealing with this right now! Ours are 2 and we have been having epic battles with them lately. Ours are doing everything I quoted from you above. Thankfully not at the same time, so we try to use the tantrum as a teachable moment for the calm twin, but I am SO tired of being screamed at, hit, kicked. Ignore it??? HA! I wish that worked. When I get to the point that I can no longer speak to them calmly and I try to walk away, they chase after me screaming "you're not talking." Um, yeah! My favorite is when they start screaming "throw me in the trash" (what I threaten to do to their toys after they have hurled them at me). Don't tempt me kid.

AAHHH. Two year olds suck sometimes.

 

Thank you! I got the books mentioned above and I've only read 2 chapters but I've tried a couple things and it seems to work sometimes.....now to change my behaviors and reactions! :blush:

 

Oh good - I'm glad it's been helpful! I know eh? It's so hard to change our own patterns but I just cut myself a lot of slack (once I've calmed down) since I'm working on changing 30+ yrs of habits & think about other things I could have said/done for next time. It's a lot of thinking on your feet & can get quite tiring some days. I keep meaning to make a short list of all the "techniques" to post in various places around the house for when I get stuck, but I haven't done it yet.

My favorite part of the new edition of the book is the last chapter which is written by Adele's grown daughter & her experiences raising her own children. It was really insightful.