Help with pottying

Our boys turned 3 a few months ago and are mostly potty trained during the day. They don't pee their pants much at all these days, thankfully. Getting them to poop in the potty has been the real challenge. They go to daycare full time. For months and months they refused to use any potty to poop in. Then recently I learned that C was pooping in the potty at daycare. Yay! For a week or two he still refused to poop in potty at home and instead would ask for a pullup. But 2 weeks ago he pooped in the potty at HOME for the first time and it was a huge deal. We praised him and gave him a piece of candy to reward him. B used the potty at school yesterday to poop, then yesterday evening he had to poo again and asked for a pullup. I was ready to let him poop in his pants and clean him off in a cold shower, LOL. But DH decided not to fight that battle and gave in and put him in a pullup.

However, my question is when can a child be reasonably expected to clean their own bottom?? I ask because I am tired of C coming home with skid marks and a "hershey kiss" between his butt cheeks :lol: All joking aside it was really starting to annoy me. So yesterday morning I asked his teacher if they help them clean their bottoms when they poop in the potty. She said no, that in the 3 year old room kids need to learn to do things themselves. I was not happy with that response and reminded her that C had only started pooping in the potty within the last 2 weeks and that he doesn't know how to clean his bottom. She said "He doesn't know how to at all?", and she had a rather judgemental tone IMO. But then she added that they can help them for now. It really irritated me because when I thought about it, C had only pooped in the potty at home once or twice (all other times have been at daycare). Now how the heck is he supposed to know how to do it himself after only 2 times?!

Anyway, I'm just wondering when kids generally get the hang of cleaning their own bottoms. I had always assumed most kids were closer to 4 or so before being able to really clean themselves, and I'm worried after a couple of weeks his teacher is going to stop helping him. C actually pooped in the potty at home last night, and then I tried to put tp in his hand and show him how to do it...but his little arm didn't appear to reach far enough and he jerked his arm away from me. I just have no idea how to teach little boys how to clean their own bottoms! :unknw:

 

My boys are 4.5. One for some odd reason always has a clean break! :laughing: The other one, not so much. So we tend to check him and help him if needed. Annabella turned three in June and there is no way she could do it on her own.

When I taught, it was the older kids, and wiping was something we never did. I'm sure if a child needed help, it wouldn't be an issue. So by 4/5, I think some kids are ok to do it on their own. Whether we trust them or not is the bigger question!

 

At 4, we still do our girls. ardon: We've tried to teach them but they are nervous about it so always ask us to do it for them. They start preschool in September though so they'll have to learn at some point.

 

at 4 1/2 I still wipe my boys. On the days they've done it, I had to put a new roll of toilet paper on because they feel more is better.

They are in preschool and I do believe my one DS will wipe when he goes. I just think at home he's used to me doing it.

 

My two can wipe themselves, they are not always successful with a totally clean wipe. But I've talked to other friends about it and one of them said she still had to help her oldest son wipe his bottom until he was 5-6 years old. With both of mine, they wipe and if they feel like they need me to go over it, I just tell them to ask. When they have skid marks on their undies, I just tell them you have to make sure to wipe yourself clean.

My SIL, who is a 5th grade teacher, works in a daycare over the summer and she usually works with the 3-4 year olds and she does supervise them in the bathroom in case they do need help. Now my BF, had enrolled her 3 year old in a 3 day a week preschool program last fall and he had to be completely independent on the potty before he started (go by himself, wipe himself, wash hands, pull up clothes)...he could do it but he wasn't always perfect about it and I know she still helps him wipe his bottom from time to time.

I think it's really an age and physical dexterity kind of thing. I just noticed that mine seem to get better with it as they get older.

 

Have your kids lift their right arm straight up in the air, then curl it over their head. If they can easily touch their left ear then they might be able to start wiping themselves. If they can't, their arms are still too short.

It sounds ridiculous, but someone suggested this little test with my oldest, and it's very true. Once his arm was long enough to easily reach his ear he could wipe himself easily.

My oldest was 5 when he started wiping himself all the time. My dd could wipe pee around age 3.5, and poop about 4.5 (she's very tall and long limbed, her arms were longer).

My twins are 3.5 and my girl twin can wipe pee but neither can wipe poop yet. Well, they could try but they'd never get themselves clean

 

Mine are almost 7 and still need help occasionally! They've been able to do it fairly reliably since about age 5, but yeah, until then, most of their underwear had skid marks by the end of the day. We kept a lot of butt cream on hand. The daycare teachers just didn't have time to wipe everyone's bottom.

Now the problem is that they don't feel it's necessary to wipe when they pee. <_< Every few months someone gets really irritated down there, and we have a chat about it, and she's better about wiping -- until it stops hurting and then she stops wiping again.

 

Thanks for all of the replies so far. And this seems to confirm what I've thought all along, that the majority of kids can not really wipe themselves good until at least 4. I know that their teachers are busy, but for the most part they stand just outside the bathroom door during scheduled potty breaks. And its not like kids are pooping all the time at school. I don't think its too much to ask for them to try and help them wipe their bottoms. They just recently turned 3 and became potty trained! I know their 2 teachers are very big on the kids doing things themselves (washing their hands, putting on their shoes, etc) but they are expecting too much from 3 year olds when it comes to wiping their own bottoms. I wouldn't even mind a little streak here and there from them not doing a good job. But seriously, the hershey butt kisses are really ticking me off!! :lol: Danielle, interesting idea about them being able to touch their ear over their head. I'm going to see if they can do that tonight! I guarantee they can't. They are both pretty short for their age.

 

Another one here who's 4.5yo's still need help. I think my older daughter started around 5 when she went to kindergarten. I honestly have no idea how this all works for them at daycare...I bet if they need help and ask for it she helps them.
I'd let them try on their own and then double check for yourself...same way I do for brushing teeth, just so they learn. Good luck!

 

My girls need us to do it as well. However, my niece's daycare also has a "no assistance with wiping" policy starting at 3. It does seem ridiculous to me. I've tried to show the girls a little so they do it first, but they nearly fall in the toilet.

 

:blush: My 7 year olds still need help. :tomato: I suppose you could say they're sheltered a little bit.

 

Thanks for posting this!!! Me and the hubs were just having this conversation thinking we were late on the whole gettin them to do it themselves bit.

Izak seems more inclined to try while Aaden absolutely does not want to even think about it. I'm going to ease up on it and revisit in a few months. Whew. :good:

 

My oldest son is 4 now and he has JUST started to wipe his one bum!!! Not for the sake of me trying to get him to wipe...but he would just refuse! I would let him sit on the toilet for 30 minutes until I would finally cave and do it for him. However, he is going to school in the fall and his new teacher sent him a photo of herself introducing her to the kids. Well....this was a perfect time for me to say "Grifyn...Miss Kruger will not wipe your bum for you". It was perfect timing and it has worked! He now wipes his own bum! He was just lazy!

The twins now see Grifyn wiping his own bum and at 2.5 years old, the twins are wiping their own bums too.

 

Now I have one more question. Everything I have read online says to teach them to wipe "front to back." That means they would have to reach around behind them to do that. And right now they just don't have the dexterity and arm length to do that. Does anybody else here have kids who wipe back to front, going through their legs? :unknw: I know the experts poo-poo that idea, heh, for sanitary reasons. But its also unsanitary to have a mud butt

 

I still help Eleanor wipe and she's 4. I can't remember exactly when I stopped helping the twins (I'm sure it was a gradual thing) but I think it was probably around 4 1/2. I agree with what a pp said; encourage them to try themselves first then go over it, hopefully they will be able to pick it up sooner rather than later. That policy seems a bit ridiculous to me.

I think it would be fine to let them wipe back to front for now. My understanding is that it's with girls that it's most important to have them wipe front to back, because it's far more likely girls would get an infection from wiping back to front. I'd go ahead and teach them to wipe by reaching through their legs for now, you can correct it later when they can reach properly.

 

My DS told me he will start wiping himself when he goes to college! :headbang:

 

Still wiping mine and they're almost five. They won't even try because they're terrified of getting poop on their hands. I happen to have the children that see something gross and vomit all over the place.. Sooo nice. Anyway, school has been telling me that they need to do it by themselves since they were 3. I straight up told them (at 3) that they could get bent and I was withdrawing my kids if that was the case cuz that just wasn't going to happen. I was then told that they DO help the kids if they need it.. Anyway, push it. I don't think 3 is old enough.. I'm going to try the wiping from the front thing soon.