choosing not to breastfeed

I have almost 13 month old twin girls and we are expecting again January 2, 2013 making our twins and the new baby 18 months apart. My experience with BF with the girls was in short, horrible. I tried to BF for 3 miserable weeks and I ended up just pumping and bottle feeding for the next six months. This time around my husband doesn't want me to even attempt to BF because he saw how much better our lives got with bottle feeding and he also liked having the special time with the baby during feeding time, which he won't get if I nurse. My girls are just getting to a really difficult age where they are into everything and I just can't see how I will be able to BF a baby and chase after them at the same time. I also don't feel like I'll have the time to pump for the new baby and I'm really leaning toward just going straight to formula and bottles from birth. Did anyone else make the choice not to BF? I feel ashamed to admit that I'm even considering it.

 

I tried with my daughter, it was not successful, so I'm not going to with the boys.

 

Hi! I never even attempted to breastfed my first set of twins and won't the new set either. Don't feel ashamed. This is a decision everyone has to make for themselves. I will say feeding one baby is a LOT different than feeding two. With my first child, i had a horrible time breadtfeeding. I have flat nipples which make latching hard. Combine that with first time mom jitters and plain inexperience with babies and I was doomed. I lasted 3weeks. With my second child I didn't even attempt to breadtfeed. With my third, I had done some reading and knew of some ways to help with latch. I ended up nursing her the first two or three months. Coming from someone who has latch issues, I would say it's worth a shot. You can always switch straight to a bottle. You can pump and your dh can give the baby a bottle for that special time. Unless you plan to prop a bottle up youre still going to be stuck in one spot when you're feeding. I would just confine your twins to the space you're in and break out some books or puzzles when you're feeding. That's regardless if your doing breast or bottle.

 

I did not BF my twins - didn't even try...no guilt!!! do NOT feel ashamed!!! you need to do what is best for your family, and if that entails giving formula then so be it!

I work on an OB unit and I'd say its about 60/40 bottle-feeding...

 

With my twins, I never considered BF'ing. It wasn't something I wanted to do and I never tried. (I never felt guilty about it either.) Most people around here go to straight to bottle feeding. Your baby will be fine either way. Don't worry about it! I did BF my singleton b/c I wanted to experience it and I nursed him for the first year.

 

I had the exact same miserable experience breast feeding my twins and also ended up just pumping for them. When my singleton came 17 months later, I decided to give it a try again and if it didn't work out, I would go to formula... no guilt (like you, I knew there would be absolutely NO time for pumping). It wasn't exactly effortless, but it DID work out and we made it over a year. I would even say that breast feeding with 1.5 year old twins was actually a time saver. Also, breast feeding one baby is so much easier! This is in NO WAY meant to pressure you or make you feel guilty for not trying... just a note to say that breast feeding can be rewarding after having such an incredibly terrible first go at it. Either way, there is no wrong decision! Congratulations on your new miracle!

 

Im a first time mom and im going to try to breast feed but if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Do not feel ashamed or let anyone else make you feel ashamed. I have realized that people think they can put their two cents in about everything regarding child rearing when your pregnant, I've had complete strangers come up and ask me if I was going to BF and also this is pro ably going to be my only pregnancy and my husband is planning on getting snipped after the babies are born, people stand in judgment of that too. You're always going to have those types of people bit you have to do what you know is right for you and your family. Id guess if yoy had such a problem with your twins and BFing you'd have the same problems with your next child. There is nothing wrong with juat bottle feeding. My mom couldn't breast feed bc of a bunch of medications she had to go one after my birth, im lactose intolerant so I was a soy baby, and I turned out just fine. I know formula gets expensive so you might want to loom into WIC especially if your baby has to be on a special formula. Again don't feel ashamed at all!

 

I pumped for 8 weeks and was so relieved when I stopped! I say if you think that formula is the best way for you, then do it with no guilt, no worries.

 

I breastfed my girls until they were 8 months and I was extraordinarily happy when I weaned. I felt like a human again. While I did breastfeed before and will again, its because its my personal choice and this is yours. There is absolutely no need for you to do something you aren't comfortable with. Your mental health is incredibly important for the health of your children. All of them!

 

There is a lot of local pressure from the health care system to BF which still continues MONTHS after I stopped. You just don't hear about moms not doing it all together where I'm from. They always have a reason (medication, nipple shape, latch problems etc) which I had the first time but this time I'm sure I'm capable of doing it I just don't want to. My family is very supportive of any choice that I make but within my circle of mom friends they are all nursers and I don't want to have to go into every conversation cocked and loaded ready to defend myself. When I quit BF I found the bottle challenging in different ways because there was not a lot of information out there about how much to feed them, how far apart etc. I wish there was more direct support for moms who choose not to BF so the poor moms that are struggling have the support they need on both sides of the fence.

 

I tried to breastfeed my twins for 2 months. Everyone seemed to be so judgemental and really pushed it. I gave up trying because I would rather the babies have a sane mom. I felt guilty and started to feel like an inferior mom. I tried with our next one and that lasted a little longer and then gave up. I had a better attitude though. I didn't allow anyone to pressure me or make me feel guilty about not breastfeeding. I just thought if it doesn't work, then I'm done. With our last one I had the same attitude. I have been bfing her for 10 months. Don't feel bad about not breastfeeding. You do what you feel is best for you and your family.

 

Of course the choice is yours. But please keep in mind that every breastfeeding experience is different. Woman have different experiences each time they breastfeed. And nursing a singleton is so different from nursing twins. With two toddlers about it would be much easier to nurse one baby you are carrying in a sling, while playing with your twins, or making them a snack than it would be to be washing bottles while doing any of those things.

 

I do want to at least try with this one I think even for the first few weeks so the baby get's all the really good stuff. I'm really going to have to fight to get over some of the things that caused me so much stress last time. Aside from latch problems and supply problems which can be fixed I struggled with obsessing that they weren't eating enough and not knowing when they were done and hating having to be stuck nursing when I wanted to be doing other things. I think back and I may have had a bit of PPD.

I will try I think at least and if it doesn't work then we're done. I second the thought that I'd rather my kids have sane mommy than a nursing mommy.

 

A lot of that is first time mom things. I think you will find you are a lot more relaxed this time, now that you are an old pro at motherhood. And you had two at the same time, so one will be a piece of cake. I speak from my experience but also what most of the other woman I've met have said too. Also PPD tends to be worse with twins, so there is a good chance you won't be dealing with that this time either.

Either way, good luck with the new baby I hope you have the most uneventful delivery in history.

 

I had wanted to BF our girls but they were so premature it wasn't possible. I wound up pumping for 3 months and they got my milk in the NICU. I tried getting my first daughter to BF while in the NICU but she never got the hang of it. I tried for 1 day after we got home and was so stressed I said forget this. Not long after I stopped pumping too. To be honest I didn't like pumping every 3 hours for months and my breasts were constantly sore and getting hard swollen lumps in the ducts and it was just awful. I was happy I could give them a little bit but I was very happy to stop and move to formula. Don't feel bad for the choice you make. Everyone is different.

 

I, for one, never enjoyed breastfeeding. I tried to breastfeed my singleton and my twins (went to pumping exclusively). With both I ended up getting a horrible case of mastitis and it NEVER got to where it didn't hurt, even after consultation with a lactation consultant, even pumping was extremely painful. It was just not an enjoyable experience and once I stopped, our lives got so much better. I agree with Melissa, every baby is a different experience for many woman, and you are usually much more relaxed the second time around. However, if you feel it just isn't something you want to do, don't let anyone guilt you into doing something that you don't want to do. It will just be stressful and not enjoyable.

 

My perspective is a bit different. I had a singleton and had a great experience breastfeeding and twins which have had a rough road. I had almost no problems with my singleton and I cherished our nursing relationship. I have had lots of troubles with the twins as we started on TPN and NG tubes in the NICU. Since I had the knowledge of how great it can be from my older daughter, I wanted to persevere. I pumped starting hours after delivery and triple fed the babies for 4 months. it was gruelling, but now that they are 100% on the breast it is so much better. It is so worth it to me. It has been even more important to me because of the antibodies my babies get having a toddler (germ magnet) in the home. I also hate having to wash bottles and pack milk/bottles when i leave the house--their meals are portable. Since you seem undecided, I would recommend giving BF another shot. However, since support is crucial, you will need your DH on board. there are many other ways a bond can be created other than feeding and your dh can have other special times with the babe like, for example reading to the babe, rocking, etc. If you surround yourself with supportive people, you may just have a great experience. I would suggest talking to an IBCLC before and immediately after birth, however, to get good acurate information. All the best for you.

 

What thankfulMama said. You can always give it a shot, and if it works it works, if not, not. The good thing about formula is that it's always there, so if BFing doesn't work, no problem. With BFing you only get the one chance. If you have friends who are nursers you already have a great support system in place there, which is awesome! I do BF (without many difficulties, thank G-d) and I don't love it. I always tell myself that it's an important thing to do for them, and it's such a short period of my life that I can live with the inconvenience, and that is what keeps me going.

 

I was going to say what others have said, give it a shot if you want or are undecided and go from there. Breastfeeding my singleton was a nightmare for the first 6-8 weeks--torn nipples, having to pump, crying all the time, pain. I had supply issues, he was dairy intolerant, etc, but it did get easier over time and I enjoyed nursing eventually (but did not enjoy that I felt I could never leave him that first year because he didn't take formula and I could never pump enough to have back-up milk).

I was terrified of nursing the twins and told myself we'd see how it went and that I was definitely using formula.

Well, wasn't I surprised that they came out pretty much good nursers, no nipple damage and it was so easy (I think having had the bad first experience also helped me set my expectations better so when we did hit minor problems, it seemed so much easier to handle than the big problems I had with my first). I couldn't believe it as I was expecting to be in tears forever and struggling like I did with number 1. I now find it much easier to breastfeed them than to bottle-feed, but we do both (formula and breastfeeding) and I've been really happy with the mixed-feeding approach. I like knowing I can leave the house and someone can just mix up a bottle as needed (I still have supply issues this time too).

And, all of that said, if you don't want to breastfeed or even try, that is your choice!

 

I agree with this, although it is purely your choice.

I'd go in with the attitude of - I'll give it my best shot, but if it doesn't work, I can always go with formula. Breastfeeding one is a lot easier than two.

Don't put any pressure on yourself.

Enjoy your pregnancy!

 

I would echo what a few have said -- breastfeeding isn't all or nothing. Mine take the breast when we can and if I'm my there or am out (I don't make enough for both of them) they take a bottle of formula. It works for us, though I know that approach wouldn't work for everyone. Whatever you decide, go with it and don't second guess. The newborn phase with twins is tough enough without beating yourself up over things.

 

We had great plans for my wife to breast feed the twins but it just didn't work out. They couldn't get good latches. My wife ended up pumping and we'd then bottle feed our girls. As a dad, I enjoyed being able to feed my daughters and get that one-on-one (or one-on-two) time with them.

The key with twins is to be flexible and be willing the change your mind or decision when new information or circumstances present themselves.

 

In my experience, I tried to breastfeed the girls but they couldn't latch on and I didn't have a large supply in the first couple of days. I then pumped for them while they were in the NICU and since they were on the gavache and then bottled fed by the nurses it was an easy transition.

They were on formula since birth, and then fortified breastmilk, and now they are on a 90/10 formula breastmilk and it is going good.

I felt bad at first because of the latching issues, now I feel a little bit bad becuase I'm having supply issue so don't have enough BM to give to both of them.

At the end of the day it is your choice and you should do what is best for you and your babies. I suggest pumping and bottlefeed it will be easier for you. BM is the best for at least the first 6 to 8 weeks.

 

I disagree with the bolded. I found pumping to be difficult, stressful and more work than lifting my shirt. Don't get me wrong, the first week was tough with a lazy baby but once he starting to suck a bit nursing IMHO was much easier.

 

Agreed. Pumping is so much harder than nursing a baby at the breast. I had to pump for weeks with my first and then also keep trying to feed him at the breast. Then I had to do that for 10 days with my daughter (one of the twins) and I was so grateful when she finally started latching great because it really is easier to life your shirt than to be attached to the pump.

also, I have become very adept at running around the house with a baby attached to my boob. LOL. Can't do THAT with a double-electric pump!

 

You've received a lot of advice already. I just thought I'd chime in to tell you that I have been able to successfully BF my singleton with two toddlers running around.
It is possible, not perfect, but possible.
You're obviously seriously contemplating it, so I'd definitely try it and even if for some reason it doesn't work, you gave it a shot.

I was terrified for my DH to go back to work when his 4 week paternity leave ended after our 3rd son was born. Of all of the things I was concerned about, how I'd BF LO with my older boys running around was my foremost concern (they were just 2 when LO was born). But, here we are 9 months later, still going.
I came up with a plan for where and when I'd nurse (for when I was alone with all 3). I wanted to always have the older boys in my sight--believe me, it doesn't get any more active and wild than these two!! I thought of things to occupy them while I nursed. I thought of distraction techniques for when they started getting into something, fighting, or causing trouble while I was nursing. I tried to engage them in talking, singing, alphabet, counting,... The early days were a bit nerveracking as we all got used to each other, but really, my worrying turned out to be for nothing, or mostly nothing (a few times early on I had to stop nursing midway to intervene with the boys).
Honestly, nursing LO became part of our routine. My older boys began to expect it. It became part of their familiarity and comfort zone. It became part of "what we do."

If nursing your LO is what you want to do, you WILL find a way to do it. If Plan A doesn't work, go to Plan B.
I, too, had a tough BFing situation with my older boys and mostly pumped for 8 months. I set my mind to nursing this time and I'm pretty stubborn, so I was dead set on achieving this goal.

Give it a shot and along the way, you'll figure out what works best for you and your family. I do have to agree that BFing a babe is easier than pumping/bottling (I can't walk the pump around with me and BFing is much more time-efficient!). I could BF LO just about anywhere in the early months... any chair, standing, walking, wherever my older boys were. It's only now that it's become tough because he's older and much more interested in everything going on around him (if the theme song to Thomas the Tank Engine comes on when he's nursing, forget it--he's done! Haha)!

Anyway, good luck, whatever route you take.

 

I have to third this (don't know why it didn't copy the whole post). I found pumping to be the worst of all worlds: you have to take the time to bottle feed, clean the trillion pump pieces and bottles AND actually sit there and pump 8+ times a day (including middle of the night). It's definitely the most labor intensive and time consuming of all the options.