We thought 2 and 3 was bad...boy 4-years old...WOW

Can I just say that we made it through the terrible 2's and then 3's, but we were never expecting the 4-year old behavior. By 3pm almost each day either myself, DH, or my mom are ready to tear their hair out from the two crazies running around this house. The beginning of each day starts pretty well, we try to schedule outdoor activities to tire them out a bit like trips to the park or walking, but by 3pm the day starts to go down hill were we are waiting for bedtime. They scream, hit, bite, throw toys, tell us they need/want this or that, make mess upon mess, and try to use us as human jungle gyms. This was all behavior from when they were around 2-years old that has somehow reappeared. We never expected 4-years old to be this insane and then you have two at once. We have tried every form of discipline, are consistent between whoever is with them, and it seems like we are losing this battle. Is this a typical phase? If so, I hope it passes quickly. At least they start pre-school in the fall.

 

That is what is going on in our house with my 4 1/2 year old boys. They say 1/2 years (18 months, 2 1/2, 3 1/2 ect.) are the worst as far as behavior problems and that has been very true for my boys. I tell them "don't touch ____" and they will look at me, laugh and do it anyways. :grr: They get out of time out and laugh. Only when I get REALLY angry they'll listen. :diablo:

 

I hate the 4's. My oldest is 4 and there are some nights I just want to cry. I DREAD when the twins are 4. For Donevan it's the sassiness and the talk back. There are days I am just like :shok:

 

We are at 3.5 and by far this is the worst for us. I keep hoping and praying for this phase to go by quickly but the days are sooooo long. Today Izak bit Aaden and neither of them have EVER bit before. Both boys were out in the living room with a sip cup of water, spitting the water out of their mouth onto the window sill and carpet .... :woah:

And the "Mom, get me more water" is the icing on the cake. :gah:

This too shall pass.

 

The 4's were hard for us, too. It was constant arguing and not getting along. It only lasted until about 4.5, but that was the longest 6 months of my life. I thought I was going to loose it! Constant tattling, constant fighting and arguing...it was a crazy time!

 

I found that the terrible three's kicked in around 3.5, and lasted until around 4.5. My oldest daughter is 5 now and she is a DREAM compared to how she was 6 months ago. The twins aren't too bad right now, they are almost 3.5, so I'm fairly certain our nightmare session will be beginning fairly soon.....

 

Ah yes I forgot about having to explain that being a tattletale was bad too since we have the "informer" living with us who is also the "instigator" that brings upon her brothers wrath.

Plus if I hear "mommy you're silly" one more time while disciplining them I am going to lose my mind. It is nice to know we are not the only ones. DH said the other night that he thought we were failing miserably as parents.

 

Oh geez. Mine aren't even quite two yet. You guys are scaring me!haha

 

Yeah, really, you guys are scaring me also, and my kids aren't even 2 yet.

Edited to add: Kristin, I like your taste in boy names .

 

The fours are the worst for us too. Not a lot of physical violence, but they are so mouthy, throw hissy fits over everything, call us names ("you're a stupid mommy"--funny and infuriating all at once), fight with each other, tattle, etc. the other day, Jack said he hated me. Is that supposed to start so early?!? I keep telling myself it's a stage.

 

3 and 4 were the worst for me. At 5 they made a marked improvement.
In my case I found a loose schedule helped. We posted a schedule with options there were some things that had to be done a some times (like meals and bedtime) but I found it helped to create a time for a certain type of activity and they could choose specifically what that was, like a block of time for a "toy" activity, legos, dolls, play kitchen. A block of time for a physical activity, a creative block and a video or computer game block. These with fit in around the things that happened at set times so there was an end time. Time to stop clean up and wash your hands for lunch. I found that when my two did the same thing for two long, that was when they started bickering and moved into fighting.

 

I was just about to search this forum for anyone else having a terrible time with 4 year olds, and this was right at the very top! My calm, mature DD just started wicked tantrums about a month ago and I was certain she was sick or having OCD anxiety attacks (Google diagnosed PANDAS), but they're just good old-fashioned tantrums. Her twin is weeping at the slightest injury or injustice constantly. My 2.5 year old is the calm and mature one in the house I had forgotten how rattling tantrums could be, so I've had to dust off my coping strategy and not let my nerves get frazzled. My DD has a few tantrums every day, when she can't do something just right, her stuffed animals aren't just right on her bed, a sister marks on her paper, she doesn't get to do something, a sister picks a TV show she doesn't like, etc., just like what went on when they were two! This caught me really off-guard, so I'm so thankful to hear that it's "normal" and it too, shall pass...

I also bought the Ames and Ilg book on 4-year-old development and am re-reading the 3-year-old book, as mine tend to run six months behind, and apparently 3.5 is the peak of frustration and insecurity, which my worse DD is experiencing and having tantrums as a result. These books said that the age of 5 was a state of calm, as PPs have noted- whew!

 

Yes, as we round into five, things are starting to calm down. Our only problem now (that we never had before) is that they want to stay up later at night. And I'm tempted to let them because it's still light out even at 9:15, but they're having a hard time waking up in the morning as it is.

I give them an option now. They can either go to bed at 8:00 with two books, or at 8:30 with no books. It seems to cut down on the tamtrums.

 

Can I just say that sadly reading these posts has made me feel better? Its only 8:53 AM and I am already to pull out my hair with my darling, little 3.5 yr olds!!!!!!! I hopped on here for some sanity and I found it. I know in our house sometimes we have a "magical" day where things seem to go well so I wish you all one of those "magical" days

Kristen

 

It reminds me of the saying.... "JUST when you thought things could not get any worse... they DO."

age 4 has been horrendous for us. HO REN DOUS.

 

SO glad I found this post today! I was fairly certain that my boys suffered from some sort of sociopathic disorder but after reading everyone's replies, it looks like they might be behaving within the range of normal(ish)!! Holy crap. I feel better!

 

We are right in the thick of it too.... :faint:

 

So many people told me that when the kids turn 4, they go from not listening to listening as if a light switch went on. I mentioned this to one of their teachers and she just laughed at me. Then I became scared. This is their second full day of being 4 and so far so good. Well, the listening is not happening, but I don't think the light switch is working. Oh well. Eventually this will change. They will become new creatures and monsters. I just hope for the best.

 

NOOOO!!! Please someone say this isn't true!!!! My twins are turning four this summer and while we still have our many difficult times/days, I have found that lately sometimes things are more manigable, they play with eachother for lengths of time now, etc.. yes they end up fighting and the craziness is still there... but is it going to get harder??

 

Ditto! Bit scared here too lol!

My girls are just over 2 and the days aer verrrryyyyyyyyyy long and crazy now!!! Always something to look forward to hey! :aggressive: :babyflips:

 

Oh no! 2 was so tough for us, 3 has been REALLY challenging and we keep hearing 4 is better. I'm scared now.
Sorry you are dealing with this! Really hope things turn a corner for you guys soon.

 

Really, I've enjoyed the 4's. We are right at 4.5. Does the sassy talk, fighting between each other, and sometimes outright defiance get old? Sure. But the conversations we get to have. The places we get to go that are so easy (went to see Madagascar 3 today with just my purse and 3 kids...nothing else!) and everyone enjoys them and behaves, the fun games we get to play as a family (Go Fish, Chutes and Ladders, etc.) and yet they are still young enough that they want to hold my hand, sit on my lap, tell me how beautiful I am and how much they love me, 4 has been awesome. It's a little bit big kid, a little bit baby, a little bit brattiness, and a whole lot of loving, cuddles, and silly. :wub:

 

Oh, how sweet. Thank you so much for posting this. My kids aren't even 2, and we are in the middle of the tantrums phase, so I was so scared reading these threads about the scary age of 4... It gives me hope to read what you said .

 

This exactly! I think 4.5 is a turning point. A couple of months into the 4's was no different than 3 maybe a little more sassy. Now, it's great. Yes, they fight, talk back, and are generally a pain some times but the other things mentioned make up for it.

Hang in there! Hopefully it will get better soon.

 

mama23boys, thanks for the hope!

 

at 6 mine are STILL defiant, have started fighting and tattling AGAIN and generally just make me lose my wig on a daily basis...

I can't wait till school starts again...

 

:gah: Mine are only 3 and the sassiness, defiance, Mommy I hate you!, as I carry them out of somewhere kicking and screaming is already happening. They get into everything, make a gazillion messes, get in trouble and do it all again. If it gets worse at 4, I am giving them away. For realz, yo.

 

This article covers this topic nicely...

Phases and Moments

 

I have to agree with Jori, I loved 4. Sure, they were trying at times, but I loved that they were becoming big kids while still being sweet & snuggly. We are still in that phase now, but I know it won't be long before the snuggliness starts to fade away. But the conversations, the way they can make me laugh on a daily basis with the things they say & the way their little minds work make it all worth it!

 

AMAZING ARTICLE! Thank you so much for sharing! I'm going to read this and re-read this and keep it for all those trying moments! So glad I clicked that link!

 

My girls are the same way...I have been wondering, what the heck is going on? Their biggest problem now is throwing fits. They say "I want ___NOW!!!" and if they don't get it they throw toys, run off screaming, hit each other, etc. UGH. Nothing seems to help, I usually send the fussy one to their room fora few minutes to calm down and "think" about what they did. Glad I'm not alone in this struggle.

 

Oh. My. Goodness. THANK YOU ALL. My 4 1/2 year olds are making us CRAZY and you all have made us feel a little less alone! lol. The fighting, tattling, not listening, talking back, holy moly it is getting old. Our daughter is worse than our son, but between the two of them our sanity is slowly slipping away! Ahhhh! Of course they have amazing four year old moments as well, but those seem to always get overshadowed by the badness. Argh. I think I need to come on here a little more often for moral support... thanks again guys. We will keep riding this out and hopefully this phase is over soon!