Feeding my kids is horrible...ready to pull out my hair!

I just need to vent about this because it is frustrating me SO MUCH I don't know what to do. In the last year and a half my girls have become extremely picky eaters. Every night at dinner, and I'm talking EVERY NIGHT no matter what I cook (unless it's macaroni) they turn up their noses. We have got to the point where we practically have to force them to eat. We tell them "You must have 5 bites" or 10 bites or whatever. One of my girls does alright and usually will eat the bites we tell her but it is so aggravating having to sit there and monitor every bite that goes in to make sure she is eating what we ask. My other daughter simply refuses to eat, it doesn't matter what it is. She says "I don't like that" or "That's yucky" or some such thing. Any meat, any vegetable, pretty much the only thing she will eat regularly is a bread roll and sometimes plain rice. I absolutely am NOT going to make her special meals. I realize all kids have certain things they don't like but there is no reason for her to refuse 95% of what is put before her. It is a fight at dinner every night which makes it miserable. Sometimes she will eat her required bites but it takes FOREVER, long after everyone else is done eating because she has sat there and tried to avoid eating for so long. Half the time, we have to actually stab the piece of food and feed it to her like a baby to get her to eat it! It is ridiculous.

In the past I have worried about her going hungry so before bed I'd cave in and give her a snack. But starting yesterday, stuff changed around here. I am tired of this behavior. We told her if she refused to eat, she was going to sit at the table until she ate what was asked of her. She sat for maybe 45 minutes, refusing the food and saying "I'm hungrrrryyyy! I'm hungryyyy!" I kept telling her "If you are hungry, you will eat your dinner." Ultimately it got to be bathtime and so I said, "OK, you will not be getting any food until breakfast." And she didn't. She didn't eat her dinner and all she had was a small drink before bed with my other daughter.

Part of me feels bad, but truthfully, I know it isn't going to hurt her. She won't starve, and I'm not going to substitute dinner with crackers, fruit snacks, etc. I'm hoping after a few times of this she will decide she is better off to eat dinner than go hungry, and that she will not be rewarded for not eating what I've prepared. But gosh, this is soooooo HARD!!!! to deal with. I want to just scream every night!

 

I am sorry.. we don't have picky eaters, but we have lots of battles over every other thing, especially bedtime. I know how tough it is to stand your ground, but I have to believe in the end it will be worth it!

 

I have a picky eater and I've had to do that too. It's ok to tell them they can't eat until their next meal in the morning. You aren't starving them. If they are that hungry, they'll eat. Eventually, they'll realize that if they are hungry adn they don't want what's given to them they have a choice, eat what's offered to them, or don't eat. it's more a battle of the wills. Soon, they'll eat what is offered to them.

You can also, if you haven't already, try to offer them a choice that you are willing to make for them. Giving them a choice will offer them some control over what they eat and are more likely to eat it because it was their choice. just be ready to occasionally make both of the foods you offer which is why you only offer stuff you are willing to make both of if that is their choice. If it's something you have to put together, see if they are willing to help you make it. Kids will also more likely eat what they help to make. It's more rewarding and fun for them to eat something they made. If this is something you normally do and they still won't eat, just remember, you are not starving them. They'll eat once they know their choice to not eat what's given to them is not working out in their favor. You can offer snacks during the afternoon and morning times, but don't let them graze.

My boy grazes...or tries to, and it only frustrates him that I don't let him. He can have a sip of water before bed, but no food. He's stopped asking for food now, but the water he'll occasionally ask for. Even that I don't always give him if I feel he's had enough drinks through the day. He won't wet his bed, but if he gets up in the middle of the night to pee, that means he's not getting good quality sleep and he'll likely be cranky the next morning.

 

I have picky eaters too. But I never force them to eat anything. They've actually surprised me a few times by eating something they never wanted before... but if we had forced them to eat it, they would probably never tried it by themselves later, because they would have had a negative memory associated with the food. It just seems to me that if you force them to do something, it makes it sound like it's a bad thing. We encourage them though, comment on how good something is etc... but we never force them. Plus frankly I don't want yet another battle.

IMO your mistake though was giving a snack later. Just remind her that she won't get a snack before bed (we don't even give a drink except maybe a cup of water if they really seem thirsty, but again, they go to bed one hour after dinner anyway). If my kids don't eat, they go to bed hungry, period. If they only eat one thing and leave the rest, and ask for more of the thing they ate, we don't give it either. They only get a small snack in the afternoon too, and never after 3.30pm, so that they're hungry at dinner.

 

Monday Royce went to bed hungry. It was 8:00 and he didn't eat his dinner, so I wouldn't let him have a snack.

Tuesday he got up and ate a big breakfast. I will win the battle of stubborn.

 

Glad to know I'm not alone we've stopped giving snacks. For the most part here too, sometimes there is war otherdays I'm shocked at how little they can eat!

 

I did just stopped battling with my oldest and said the same thing. Fine, nothing else until breakfast. It didn't take too long before she'd eat a reasonable amount of most things. She's still kind of picky at 14. But she eats fine. And I think this is a reasonable thing to do with most healthy kids.

I have had to monitor and basically force Sabrina. She doesn't have any wiggle room for losing weight, shes so tiny (at 6 1/2 she weighs about 5 lbs less than my son who'll be 3 next week). I hate it, but nothing we've done has helped. I do try to make sure there's something at dinner that I know she'll eat, but even then sometimes she won't. When she asks for seconds we almost throw a party.

 

Good for you for stopping the snacks. It was incredibly hard for me to do the same thing (about a year ago when my girls turned four). I was so worried about them going to bed hungry, but in all reality - it's not the end of the world. I also stopped fighting about what they ate, or how many bites. And my life has become so.much.better!!! So, if you can do it - I'd say stop fighting about the five bites or ten bites. Tell her that you'd like her to eat, and then ignore it. Completely and totally just ignore it. After about a week you may be pleasantly surprised that your girls decide to eat dinner again (at least the bland parts). That's what happened in our house.

 

Some weeks, I let my kids each have a night when they get to choose what is for supper, we make up the schedule on sunday, but the caveat is that I will make "their suppers" only if they eat what everyone else chooses.

Obviously, I get final say in what is an appropriate choice, but I can guide them to their choices, tell them it needs to have a protein, either explain what their choices are etc. no one has ever asked for anything outrageous before, they end up picking something that I would have made anyhow, but

This way they feel like they have some control.

 

I have one stubborn picky eater and I was that picky eater as a child. Don't battle over food. It is not worth it. In fact it can cause more harm then good. I would suggest not making her take a certain amount of bites. Put the food in front of her and if she refuses to eat ignore it. Carry on with your dinner and ignore the behavior. She might be a picky eater but she is also getting a major reaction by refusing to eat. I would require her to sit at the table until dinner was over with but I would not battle her over it. I would even say to her that she doesn't have to eat and then ignore her. I'd even let her sit there with an empty plate if she doesn't want any of the food on it. Continue on with a different topic of conversation. She will go hungry but she isn't going to starve. Let her body take over and let her start listening to her body signals again instead of making food a battle of wills no one really wins that contest. She will eventually eat.

My other suggestion would be to have her help with grocery shopping and food preparation. My boys mix pancakes and even flip pancakes and have since before they were three. One of my boys makes waffles. He knows how to watch the lights and lets me know when they are done so I can remove it. They love to stir, mix and even just watch me cook. And when they "help" they tend to eat more and try new things. You might try pizza one night with a variety of toppings and let each kid make their own and let them put whatever they want on it. It does take a lot of patience to have extra hands in the kitchen but it is so worthwhile. My picky eater now eats peppers. He even picks them out at the store. He loves yellow and orange peppers. All because I had him help me wash and cut them up several different times. Have her at the sink washing the veggies and fruit. You might even buy them each an apron and some cooking gear.

My mom got frustrated with me once because I flat refused to try one single bite of peas. I still remember time I spent at the table staring at that plate. To this day I hate peas.

 

Thank you everyone! Those are all some good suggestions and it makes me feel better to know I'm not alone. It has been hard for me to look at her sad face as she complains "Mommy, I'm hungry!" and tell her no, but ultimately, it isn't going to starve her and I know in the morning she will just eat a bigger breakfast. I know she will be fine in the end, and I am ready for some peace at dinner time again I miss the days when they were 2 years old and ate literally anything put in front of them. I even have a video of one of my girls eating an entire bowl of homemade beef stew, vegetables and all. Haha.

 

I am so happy I found your post NicoleLea! I am in the exact same boat right now with our girls who just turned 3. I agree that it is completely ridiculous that we often have to spoon-feed our girls like babies and practically force-feed them at just about every meal! It's not so much one child more than the other, as I'm sure you know with twins, they switch roles! It's almost like once one decides to eat that day, the other girl refuses to, and vice versa the next day, there's hardly ever a day where they're both eating a decent amount of their meals.

Now that's it's been a couple months since your post, I'm curious as to whether or not you've overcome the food challenge and if so, please share how =)

 

Although my girls are not really picker eaters any more, mealtimes with them drive me NUTS. Every single meal I have to fight to get them to sit down, stay seated, use their utensils (pretty much given up on that one for now), use their cups to drink and not play ... ugh. Anyhow. Here is a good website on feeding kids and dealing with picky eaters: http://itsnotaboutnutrition.squarespace.com/top-ten/
GL!

 

I went to a parenting seminar a few months ago and one of the presenters talked a bit about this. Basically, she said to do pretty much what you've done (offer small portions of the food you've cooked for the family (no special meals for kid(s)), point out this is dinner and they need to sit and eat it, and if they don't, there are no snacks offered later– they won't starve, they'll eat when they're hungry (ie. at breakfast).
One thing she pointed out that I'd never considered before is that most kids have breakfast, a snack, lunch, a snack, and then dinner... and so by dinner they've likely had about 90% of their daily food intake, and may not actually be that hungry. She also made that point to say it's not a big worry if they hardly eat at dinner, since they've filled up on other foods throughout the day.
You're doing well– stick to your guns (or serving spoon, as the case may be!)

 

twinangelsRN - Unfortunately I am still dealing with it! However I am not letting it get to me like it used to. Instead of fighting with them over what to eat I simply tell them "This is your dinner, if you don't eat, you will not get anything later." Also we do try to give rewards for eating a good dinner, like some kind of dessert. But ONLY if they eat a good portion of dinner. Definiately no dessert if they don't eat dinner. I am hoping they just grow out of it, they must not be as hungry as they say because they will not eat dinner, then say they are hungry, get nothing, get up the next day and do the same thing all over again. LOL.

 

Love this topic!! AFter seeing all the posts...it just goes to show that this is NORMAL!! LOL!!

I do dinner time alone with the kids so for me its quite frustrating when they are bee bopping around and not concentrating on dinner to actually eat. And then when they do sit down to eat, they don't necessarily want it...so we play games. We play the "Who's going to be the winner" game and the "NO...don't eat your dinner" game! Funny enough, they both work!!! All three of my kids say "I'm going to be the winner" and when I "don't do it, don't do it....don't eat your dinner" in a very playful tone, they gobble it up and show me a very excited face. Then I follow up with "Now what am I going to eat?" Whatever....it works for us! I'm sticking with it! My kids don't go to bed hungry anymore.

They have had their fair shares of empty bellies at bedtime....not on my account, but their own, but still, I agree, its the hardest thing to deal with when your kids don't eat!!!

 

This is the reason I feed my kids their main meal in the middle of the day. Then in the evening they will have their lighter meal (sandwiches, scrambled egg & toast, soup etc). That way they are more likely to eat a good amount of their food. [Plus I've found as they get older that it fits in better with school, where they have a hot meal in the middle of the day, and after school activities-because they can eat quicker or even on the go if need be.]
The downside of course is that it doesn't fit in with family dinners, and if you're the one doing all the cooking it can be a pain to cook for the children at lunch and then have to cook again for adults in the evening (sometimes when I get home I really don't feel like cooking my own dinner) but it might be something to consider for anyone who's struggling with dinner time.

 

My husband has got the kids to eat their meals by telling them that they can have a popsicle if they do. I'm really torn on the subject frankly. I don't want them to overeat if they're not hungry just to get a popsicle. We give them really small portions, but still.

Another problem really is that we eat so early in this country LOL. In France, with dinner at 7.30-8pm, it's easier because they're definitely hungrier by then (kids usually get a snack after school, at 4.30pm, we call that the '4pm' lol). But I guess school and work rarely start before 8-8.30am over there.