So he finally asked the dreaded question

So today in the car, Cameron started mentioning our dogs are above the clouds in heaven. OK, he's said this before. Then it goes on....

Cameron: The planes can't go above the clouds because heaven is there.
DH: Heaven is higher than that. Airplanes can't reach heaven by flying above the clouds
Cameron: Sparky and Skye are way up in heaven where airplanes don't fly.
Me: Yep, so no worries. Sparky and Skye will not need to worry about planes. They are too far up.
Kiefer: Daddy, how do you get to heaven?
DH (suddenly looking a little pale) looks at me and says: Oh no, there's the question. I don't know how to answer this.
Me (just as Kiefer started to ask the question again): Sparky and Skye were very old dogs. Bodies don't last forever. Their bodies stopped working and their souls/spirits went on to heaven which is way way above the clouds. Eventually our bodies are going to get too old and our souls/spirits will go to heaven too.
Kiefer: So we'll be able to see Sparky and Skye when we go to heaven?
Me: Yes, when it's our time to go, but that won't be for a very long time. When we get old and our bodies stop working, then it'll be time. We can see them then.
Cameron: I can see Sparky! I can see Skye! But, only when it's time.


Both boys continued on and on about how we all go to heaven when we get very old and how the dogs are up there waiting for us. Cameron seemed a little concerned about the dogs and how they are waiting for us, so I added and confirmed how they are in a place where they have all the friends and toys and food and places to run around in that they could want. They are in a very special place some people call Rainbow Bridge where they are happy as they wait to see their family again. When it's our time to go, we'll see them again. It's not our time yet. We have a long way to go before it's our time to go to heaven. The dogs will be happy as they wait for us.

Cameron and Kiefer seemed quite satisfied to hear that the dogs were in a good place, they won't get hit by airplanes, and that they are waiting to see us when it's our time to go. The car ride did go on as they both discussed their new knowledge on the matter of where heaven is and where the dogs are. I felt happy with myself on how I handled that because talking about heaven and being asked how to get there means talking about death. They've never really asked about it....they just accepted that there's a place called heaven and that our dogs went there to live instead of here at home. They also for a while believed heaven is either on the roof of our house or just above the clouds. It was always a bit amusing to hear them talking about the dogs needing to stay dry when it rained or that we need to make a window in the roof so they can see us better or to make sure there are no holes in the roof so they don't fall in. Eventually they moved heaven to above the clouds permanently, so we no longer had to worry about the health of our roof anymore.

 

Eliza, it sounds like you answered the question for your boys well. It's a tough one to answer. My father passed away in 2010 and so did one of our cats and we've had to answer that question a couple of times. Now anyone who passes (animal or human) is in heaven with Pop-Pop and Cady.
I also add to them that no one is truly ever gone if you love them and keep them in your heart.

 

I guess a good thing about being atheist is that we don't believe in a heaven or hell, so I don't have to explain that (as for what they learn in school, from friends, we'll cross that bridge when it appears). And they do know about death, they know that their grandmother is dead and that people get sick and sometimes die. They also understand that, in general terms, we come from the earth and we return to the earth.

 

It sounds like you explained it well to me. My girls have asked a few times where they were at my wedding. I simply told them they didn't exist yet. I didn't know what to say and they kept saying they were in my belly at my wedding. I didn't want them repeating that! (It wasn't true, we were married for 3 years before we had them).

 

Ditto!

 

This is how I've explained it too... and that people live on in our memories and stories.

Great job with your explanation Eliza. I was so worried about talking about death with my girls (afraid that I would scare them), but we talk about it all the time in the context of life.

 

I figured if they ask again looking for more information, I was going to talk about how their bodies, after they've stopped working, goes back in to the Earth to help feed the ground, grow the trees, nourish the soil, etc.. . Our energy gets put back in to the air and stuff above ground. Our souls/spirits are what go to heaven.

I believe in ghosts, spirits. afterlife. I'm an agnostic as I questions everything, but I lean towards believer of God, but I don't believe in segregate religion or church. I believe the Bible is a story book. There are morals and values to learn from in there, but it's not the word of God. I don't believe God is listening only when we attend Church. That's a building, not a phone booth. I believe we have someone watching us whether it be God or angels, or other spirits. I believe someone listens when we make wishes, pray, or just need to talk. Sometimes we get answers if we know where to look or how to interpret the signs. I agreed to have my boys baptized Catholic because of my husband's side of the family. Mine were thrilled I even got them baptized. I'm the non-religious one in my family. My father is like me in his beliefs, but he's even more of a believer, just not a church-goer. I think Heaven is possible. I don't like to think all we do is float around as ghosts after we die. Ghosts, to me are spirits with unfinished business or are just unable to let go of something yet. They attach themselves to something, someone, or an event so they are unable to move on. Some may not know they are dead even. I think those who have fulfilled their lives move on better and go on to another plane. I don't believe in a spiteful God. I don't see why I would believe in a God that judges every little thing I do. I make good decisions that are not intended to harm anyone or myself. I intend on doing right by myself and other people. I don't ever want to or desire to kill or harm anyone. I think if there's any judgement, it's about my respect for life, not who I marry, how hard I worked in life, or how many times I farted in public. The hard part of this is I don't same beliefs as my in-laws and even my mother. My in-laws feel comfortable with how I feel and that I am respectful of other people's beliefs as well as being somewhat spiritual myself, but I don't really believe God created the earth or man. I'm more a science person in that matter. That's where a large part of the belief is different between me and the rest of the family. I'm leaving most of the religious talk to my husband. I will answer my beliefs the best I can as to not confuse them, but once they get to questioning more details, things are going to get harder for me.

 

I'm so happy to see this topic. My grandfather is very sick, and my girls are quite close to him. I'm so worried about how to tell them if he dies soon. I think what you've all suggested is wonderful. This will help me a lot when te time comes.