very upset

I have been on bed rest for 2 months and my Dr. Says we prob can deliever in a month. The girls are looking great and my body is holding up but I feel like my mind is failing. My house is so messy and we have what we need for the girls but nothing is set up. I live with my mother who has a lot of health issues and in my feeling just being lazy because the Dr said she is good as new. I live with my little sister who lives like a pig and procrastinates and when she does lift a finger to clean my tells me that at least she is trying. My sister has 2 dogs that are not trained so that is overwhelming when they don't listen. I live with my husband to be and he goes to school and works full time, and he does what he can. I also live with my 5 year old who goes to school, but she developed a listening issue and having accidents in her pants and a sever attitude issue. I also have 2 dogs but they are well trained. We have 3 outdoor cats that come in to sleep and eat.
I want to get out of bed and get this house in order and keep it that way. I want to set up the baby stuff and be a hands on Mom to my 5 year old again. I am done with bed rest!!! My emotions seem to be on hyper sensitive. I want to scream and cry and just get it all out. But if I do what I want I am risking going into labor. I am stuck between rock and hard place. I cant talk to the people I live with because I fear ill go into labor because they all claim they do there best and no one helps them and it will be a huge fight.
I am struggling to stay in this bed, and trying hard not to cry and scream!! But the tears are burning my eyes. I want my kid to behave and her know I love her and would do anything to be hands on again. I want out of this bed!!!! I want to have clean house and good meals and to have stuff done and in order, but my support system cant give me what I need and want and I just have to take it.

 

Just wanted to say hugs! I know that you have no control over the situation and I can't imagine how frustrated you are right now. When the babies are born healthy it will all be worth it and I know you know that. Are there any friends or extended family who are asking to help? Maybe you can have a friend come in once or twice before the babies are born and clean for you. I know that the best gift I received when I had my twins was a cleaning lady who came in while I was in the hospital so I came home to a clean house. Maybe you can plant the seed in someones head to do that for you! I am so sorry that your family is not helping more. It sounds like your hubby has a lot on his plate but it is really a shame that mom and sis aren't doing anything. Is there a reason sis doesn't live on her own? I can't imagine how crowded that house will be with 2 babies in it! We are here for you any time you want to vent!

 

thanks for the sweet words. Hubby and me had a heart to heart after I wrote this and the tears just would not stop. He said he will get a cleaning crew in the house when he is home once a week, so he can just do maintenance. He told me he cant know what I am going through physically and emotionally but he will do matter ever it takes for me to smile.
my sis cant afford to live on her own and is terrified to try. as for my mom I just don't know anymore. she says she is fine and she will help but doesn't leave her room. she might be depressed but she wont say either way.
so i sit here baking my girls and watching my house get worse and worse yet my 5 year old is having issues. So now me and hubby talked about it too and we are coming up with a plan so she doesn't feel left out or forgotten.
things are really hard and i am trying so hard not get depressed but the dark cloud is winning right now

 

I wanted to say HUGS to you too... Hang in there, it sounds like you hit a rough patch here and being so pregnant with twins can really do a number on your emotional state even when everything else is perfect. I was an emotional basketcase with both pregnancies - how my poor husband put up with me is anyone's guess. If anyone did or said anything even slightly "off" to be I'd cry for days. I look back in awe at some of the big decisions I wanted to make (like sell the house, I hated our house when I was preggers - it's an old home with lots of wood siding that smelled so bad to me in my nauseous state, also we have cedar closets - OMG the smell of them when I was pg... anyway I just wanted to move out of our beautiful home and kept trying to convince my husband). Just take some deep breaths and know that in a few months, after the post-pregancy hormones have flushed out of you, and the babies start sleeping a little better, this time will have passed and you will be stronger & ready to tackle everything. This feeling is temporary...

And in a few months you will be back to being a hands-on Mom for your 5 year old too. It is also temporary. If she is misbehaving and having potty accidents it is probably a reflection of her trying to make sense of this situation too -- and it will get better. She is trying to get your attention any way she can. Here's a story for you - I was 4 years old when my twin brother & sister were born. This was 36 years ago when twins were very unusual... and my mother was in the hospital for 2 months before she gave birth. Then, she brings home 2 new babies and forget it. I started wetting the bed again at night, which must have been subliminal (I don't remember it, obviously) and the doctor told my mother then that it was a call for attention. My world had been turned upside down!

Anyway I just will keep saying that it is temporary and in a few months you'll have control over things again (at least, as much as you can with 2 more little ones around!). Hang in there, PM me if you need any advice.

 

I'd have you hubby give an ultimatum. Either help and improve in 2 weeks or they are out. You are just enabling their behavior

They out little is having adjustment issues and the family issues are not helping. It's not out of the ordinary to have this behavior.

 

Lots of hugs! That sounds so stressful! And I remember the MUST.CLEAN.AND.ORGANIZE.EVERYTHING.RIGHT.NOW!!!!!! feeling. Hang in there!! It will be over soon.

 

I just want to say hugs to you to! I got an anxiety attack just reading that! I so agree with TabbiSue! I understand Hubby to be goes to school, but it sounds like to me it is time for him to step in and make some things happen...delegate, help out, tell some people to get out, whatever...you can not afford to be stressed out at this point in the game. You can not clean up after everyone's crap, and it sounds like to me you have a lot of that going on! Have a heart to heart with hubby to be and get some things taken care of, because when your two little comes, all that crap is still going to be there...along with two babies. You think it's stressful now, you just wait. It needs to be taken care of soon!

 

Whose house is this? I understand sis not being able to afford living on her own but she should not be bringing 2 dogs of her own into the mix! If it's your house I would tell her she can stay but the dogs have to go and she needs to follow some house rules. If it's mom's house, I would talk to her about setting limits so that you guys aren't trying to bring 2 newborns into a zoo.

 

I agree with the others that some rules need to be set before the babies come. Your mom and sister need to shape up and at minimum start to clean up after themselves. And untrained dogs + babies = disaster. Those dogs either have to go through some intensive training or they have to go! Maybe it's time for a family meeting and some ground rules. Maybe you can make a schedule of things that everyone can live by. Or everyone can chip in for a cleaner. Or whatever, but things that are an issue now are going to be a huge issue when there's two more people in the house.

 

Another thought for you, if you or any member of your family attend a church, let it be known you need help with cooking, cleaning, etc. My church family was wonderful and they delivered precooked meals at a set time every couple of days during my twins' NICU stay and during the first month of their life. I admit, I felt like a failure for asking outside of the family (mine was much more supportive than yours), but I honestly could not have done it without the help. And I met new friends in my church family - older ladies whose families and grandkids weren't nearby and who appreciated having someone to cook for who raved over their food (even if it was absolutely terrible )

I would, however, caution against getting out of bed and doing it yourself. For me, staying put was SO HARD. Pre-twin-pregnancy, I was a very active, Type A person and it killed me not to be able to go into their room and get organizing. So, when no one was home, I bent the rules of my bedrest and got up to do things. My twins came early. I harbor EXTREME guilt(which I to this day have not been able to fully share with anyone - DH, BFF, even folks in anonymous forums like this) that perhaps my actions led to the girls arriving earlier than they were supposed to. Twin A ruptured when I bent over to do something ridiculously innocuous. My OBGYN (who is family friend) has told me numerous times that I was probably already in labor at the point. Maybe some day I will believe her; but two years later, despite the fact that my girls are now thriving and they have completely caught up, I still kick myself for not just letting it go for a few more weeks. For me, the stress of seeing my babies in the NICU and having to leave them there for weeks was far greater than any frustration I thought I had before.

 

On the same line of getting friends/church/coworkers to help, there is a great website that coordinates people bringing you meals. It is http://www.takethemameal.com. It sends out an email to anyone who signs up to participate and people go to the calendar and put themselves in for any day they want to sign up. My cooking club uses it whenever someone has a baby and it's awesome!

 

Just checking in - how's it going?

 

we all had a heart to heart and things have changed....sometimes things get forgotten and I remind them it needs to be done.
As for my kid her behavior is showing signs of improvement so i hope it will all work out. I have my c-section on 5/17 so i have 13 days left and the house vibe is very excited. thanks for all your support and prayers

 

I'm so glad to hear things are improving!

 

Hooray! Almost there! You're a ROCK STAR!

 

Yaaaay! Too lazy to look for a high five emoticon (is there even one?) but just picture it here:

 

Your c/s is in just a couple days!!! I'll be praying for you.

 

Hoping you are getting much needed rest before the big day! Good luck!!