Behaving at the store

Ugh, I just feel like I'm the mom that didn't/doesn't take her kids anywhere. Not because of their behavior (until now) but because we had the twins and than I became PG and than had a newborn and yadda yadda. We would go places it's just that up until recently my trips to the store would involve me putting her in the seat and the boys in the basket. Well they are getting too big for the basket so I allow them to walk along the cart. Problem is, is that they won't walk along the cart.

It's like a ping pong match with two balls. This way, that way, come back over here, stand here, don't touch, put that back, UGHHH, I can't see you, come look at this, get over here NOW. They just feed off of each other like nobody's business.

Our trip yesterday was cut drastically short because of the really naughty behavior and unbearable tantrums. I tried to give the TO in the store (I'm all about that) but it didn't really work so we left.

I don't want to not take them and at this point it hurts feelings when we try to take just one.

Please tell me I'm not the only one battling store behavior and if you have any tips please share. I've asked a couple of my friends that just had singletons if there kid did this and they said no. They took their kid everywhere. That was not the case with us. It was just easier to go and do my shopping when my DH was home with the boys.

 

I go in with at least 2 things I *really* need and anything else is a bonus That said, we also have had to stop using the basket bc they fight so much (love Sams club bc they still fit!) and with walking or riding on the sides of the cart they do pretty well with a bribe. I know I know.....but, I've also done time outs in the store and walked out with nothing off my list bc they weren't behaving! They know I mean business! They are big on gum right now so that's what I use as a reward and they chew it on the way home and spit it out when we get in the house. I have a feeling Hannah is going to be one of those overgrown children sitting in the top part of the cart I used to groan at bc I won't want to let her know she's able to walk/get out

 

I found with my two having them help: hold coupons to give me or place light items in the basket helps distracting them from running away. I also will have them help me find items when we get to that specific aisle. Before we grocery shop, I always tell them that their job is to stay with me. Some days they are great about it and others, not so great.

 

Tell them that if they follow 3 rules (e.g. stay in the cart, no crying, talk nicely - - -whatever) they will get a specific reward (a temporary tattoo, a treat from a jar that you have in your purse, a sticker, whatever). Then plan one trip to the store where you pretty much know they won't earn the reward. Be prepared for crying and getting nothing done. After one experience of not getting it, they will understand. Obviously you can't expect them to do loong trips with multiple stores no matter how big the reward is.

 

My boys are a little over 4 and I can't take them anywhere without a shopping cart. They play off each other and it has become harder and harder to take them anywhere.

With my one DS I have begun to take away his Vtech Innotab if he does not behave. I give them both warnings before going into a store and if it starts getting out of hand, I will warn them once and then begin taking things away.

BUT, then I may or may not have to deal with a full blown out tantrum. Just last week we went into a grocery store to pick up some flowers for Grandma who is in a nursing home. As I'm looking at the flowers, they are touching everything in site. They had a display of a candy bouquet and my one DS kept touching it and taking out the candy. I warned him more than once and then told him "no Innotab". What happened next was :gah: He began crying, SCREAMING "I WANT MY INNOTAB" at the top of his lungs. I just ignored him, payed for my flowers while everyone else in the store gave me the evil eye and went to the car. I then spoke to him and told him again why it was taken away.

Even now when we are out and I can put them in a cart, I will give them a snack to keep them busy.

 

For long trips (and ones where I need to get in and out), we still use a cart or stroller. If we have time and don't need much, I let them walk and try to make it a fun trip. I try not to shop around bedtime or lunch time as those are times when they are prone to being naughty. I will also feed them a snack in the cart to buy good behavior.

 

I'll get the mean mommy award, but honestly, if they feed off each other I would take them separately. Even with hurt feelings. I'd alternate whose turn it was to come or stay and let them know why it's that way.

"Someone has to stay because when you both come with Mommy you aren't very good listeners and are naughty." "You can only both come with Mommy when you listen to Mommy."

But I also think the alone shopping trips are some of my most fun. It's nice to get them one-on-one. The conversations are great!

 

The only thing that helped me is time. As they get more toward 5 their listening skills improve drastically. DH does the grocery shopping at night after the kids are in bed. One reason is behavior that he can't handle and the other is that we have 4 boys who will constantly ask for anything and everything food related. Just now I will let the twins start to walk with me when they behave. If they don't, they had to ride.

 

I have really well behaved kids... the kind that my friends and strangers remark about... and I can barely do the grocery store with the two of them. It was fine when they were both little enough to put in the cart, but now that they're too big for the front basket, it's a nightmare. They fight about who gets to sit in the back, and then whomever wins complains that she doesn't have enough space to lay down. The other one is usually trying to climb a side of the basket and I live in fear of the cart tipping sideways. Then they want to drive the cart and almost hit people, or complain that their legs hurt and they can't walk so they go boneless in the store. And then there's the begging for random items. Last time Cricket begged for cherry tomatoes when we already had some at home, and had a fit when I said I wasn't going to buy any more. (ugh - blood pressure going up just thinking about our last trip to the grocery store)

 

It's still pretty hard to be honest. Sadly mine refused to use the stroller after they turned 3, so we just don't go out that much anymore... it's better than a year ago, but still very much a work in progress... the worst is department stores. They run all over, it drives me nuts.

 

My girls are the same way. They just turned 4 and half the time they still throw fits and run off in the store, want to get in and out of the cart, want to be carried, etc. I find that having them involved has helped the most. I let them hold my list and say "Can you help me find ____?" or "There is ____ why don't you go get it and put it in the cart" as well as "We need ____ so keep your eyes peeled for it" It makes them more aware of what is going on instead of just running wild. Granted it doesn't ALWAYS work and at times they still act bad in the store but it does help.

 

I can't do stores like the Dollar Tree, but I can do Target. My boys are 3 1/2 and walk beside the cart and each boy must hold the side of the cart while we walk. If they don't, we stop there and wait until they do. If they are on the same side of the cart, one boy will step on the heels of the boy in front of him, and as they're on separate sides of the cart, they can't reach each other to hit one another. They also like to take turns putting the item into the cart, so when I pick a box of cereal, I'll let one boy put it in the cart and they're big helpers that way.

The big double cart doesn't work for us as the boys would spit on one another in it, pull each other's hair, pinch...you guys know the routine.

 

Interesting idea- I'm going to try this next time we are at the store. :thanks:

 

I too am the mommy who doesn't take them anywhere. I feel bad because I know they crave outings but they just don't listen . They are 2 1/2. We only go out if I have another adult with me, DH or my mom. And even then I always bring snacks as a bribe when they get restless.

 

I took my girls everywhere all the time because I had no one to watch them, so when I needed to go somewhere, it was either go with them, or stay home. When they got to the point that they no longer would sit in the cart, or could because I had too much stuff, then they walked beside the cart. I told them before we ever got out of the car my expectations, then when we went in, if they did not do what I expected them to do, I actually would sit them in time-out right in the store. I'd find a little place and sit them right down. Granted, it wasn't the most convenient thing to do, but they hated time-out, so it worked for me. I also took toys if need be. The more we went the more they figured out what was expected and before long it was not so bad going to the store. But it was a ton of work and frustration. However, the more we went, the easier it got. That's not to say that I wouldn't have left them if I could have, but I just didn't have that option.

ETA: I didn't just practice with them at the store, I also practice everywhere we went. When we went to the park, I gave them specific instructions on where to walk and we practiced. Everywhere we went we practiced following directions and walking a certain way, or holding hands, etc, etc, so that it was just part of what they had to do wherever we went. And I gave them rewards for doing what was expected...sticker chart queen here, I carried them in the car and if they did what they were told, they got a sticker immediately when we got back to the car. They were thrilled and it made the next time out a lot easier.

 

You are not alone...sometimes our outings aren't so great and I leave the store absolutely exhausted. Just about the time I get one settled/consoled, something happens with one of the other two, and we start all over. Here's what I've noticed with our lo's, they act completely different alone on an outing/in the store compared to the trips we take with all three of them. None of my friends w/ singletons understand either and it all seems quick and easy for them. I love spending one-on-one time with them when DH can stay with the other two, but some days I just have to do certain things and run certain errands and I have no one to watch them here - our family is over an hour away - so they go with me. I just try to do the best I can and keep telling myself one day it will all click and everyone will know what they're supposed to do and not supposed to do and all of this practice and training will have paid off. hang in there!