Aren't tantrums suppose to stop by 4?

I have a strong willed little girl (she takes after me, and I know when she is an adult this will serve her well, but while she is young it does end up in me wanting to pull my hair out many days). Lately things have been going pretty "normally" with the kiddos, but it seems like every 3-4months DD just can't handle things and needs to have tantrums to get her anger out. It can happen over a variety of things, today it happened because I let her have a pen in room to do drawing with during her 45min of quiet time, then after 10min she came out and showed me that she has written all over her arms! Ugh, I told her no more pen (took it away) and then she wanted to wash it off herself, I told her to go back to her room and she could wait to wash it off until bath time. Well, that resulted in 30min of screaming, crying almost to the point of getting sick (which is new behaviour for her). she did calm down once quiet time was over, I gave her a big hug and asked if she would like help washing off the pen marks, she said yes and all was fine. until she realized she didn't earn a sticker (as they get one for staying in their room and being quiet during quiet time). So that resulted in yet another tantrum that lasted another 15min. I seriously don't know what I am doing wrong, I thought by 4yrs old that tantrums would be gone...

I do know that if she gets overtired, or too hungry it does result in tantrums, and I usually manage that very well because I know what it is like if I don't, so as a result not very many tantrums are related to those issues (altho this weekend was also an exception as we stayed at a hotel and DS woke DD up at 445am! )

My DD is quite motivated by sticker charts (altho the outcome of not earning a sticker usually results in a temper tantrum), so perhaps I can somehow use sticker charts to reward her for using big-kid behaviours...anyone tried this?

 

Tantrums stop? My girls just turned 5 and they still have tantrums. Heck I'm nearly 37 and when things don't go my way and I'm tired or hungry, I'd really like to throw myself on the ground and scream.

I think what you are doing is fine. Consistency and clear expectations will help her learn how to appropriately handle her emotions. I have to say in the last year, my girls have gotten a lot better. We have less full blown freak outs and they can get themselves out of them quicker. When they are upset, I tell them its ok to feel that way, but its not ok to scream at me. If you want to scream go into the other room and when you calm down we can talk. :hug:

 

Every 3-4 months? You're lucky. LOL. Here it's almost on an every day basis, and she turned 4 two weeks ago.

 

From 4-5 children are INSANE. Look it up in a development book and that is an age where 10,00000000000 things are going on and they realize that some of them they have to handle on their own, some they want to handle on their own, and some they don't. It's a MESS. We were shellshocked from DS#1's behavior that we would walk on egg shells for fear of the monster coming out. One day, right before he turned 5, he gave me the sanest reply I had every heard and I sat there waiting for the explosion. He still has issues every now and then but not like he did from 4-5. I am moving out when the twins turn 4.

 

Mine are 6 and sometimes they still have tantrums. It's gotten a lot better since around age 5 though. But yeah, at 3.5 and 4.5 (not so much right at 4, but all kids are different) we had MAJOR meltdowns.

Even now, I have to remind myself not to be afraid of tantrums. I think that's actually harder for me now because they have fewer of them -- sometimes we get through a whole week without one. But then I find myself letting them get away with too much because I don't want to provoke a meltdown, and that's not a good idea! A child who is testing limits needs to find them, even if it makes her scream.

 

Mine are almost 7 and one throws tantrums almost every day. It's been so bad that I literally have had dreams of throwing him down the stairs. :lol:

 

We are dealing with this right now. Not getting your way=giant tantrum. It's not all the time, but when it happens it is ROUGH. I actually felt a little better reading this thread and knowing my kids aren't the only ones!

 

My son's like that - strong-willed, things have to be his way or he can't handle it. His tantrums were unbearable from age 2-3.5. and they'd go in cycles, where he'd drive you nearly insane for a couple months straight, every single day. Until the point I couldn't take another second of it and he'd snap back into sweet boy mode for a few weeks. He really turned a corner at 3.5 and he's been so much better. He still has them - maybe once a week? Hard to quantify, because they don't bother me nearly as they did before. They don't last as long, I can pretty much ignore them and they doesn't normally lead from one tantrum to another to another, like they used to. Although some of the responses in this thread are worrying me that they could come back again!

But as for your question about the reward chart, I do put good behavior on ours as well. I have a category titled "behaving like a big kid" particularly because of his behavior in the past. I don't know if it helped him at all. But it was a good reminder for me, to point out good behavior. When he was in a situation that would normally spiral into a tantrum, but he was able to control himself, I'd explain how proud I was of him for handling the situation like a big kid and give him a sticker. I also use it for things like sharing and listening. I doubt this was the reason he's improved so much, I think it's just that he matured, but I still liked the idea of it. We also do a sticker for good behavior in quiet time.

 

One of my six year olds throws tantrums. Not the kicking on the floor thing, just screaming bloody murder like she's just been stabbed... most always at one of her brothers. It drives me up a wall!

I remember being at a friend's house when I was 11 and she was 12. She threw a tantrum like the best of 2 year olds, on the floor screaming and thrashing. I was mortified, it was so embarassing! I'm sure her mother was, too. I'd never seen anything like that from someone that old. And she didn't have developmental issues or anything, just was spoiled.

 

My girls are about to turn 4 and yes, they still have tantrums. LOL I don't know when they will grow out of it but I look forward to that day!

 

Oh yes. Twenty or 50 times a day. Mine are 4.5 and it has NOT gotten better with age! NOPE.

I can actually do LESS with them now than I could when they were 2. They're MORE work! They get into more crap and just drive me bonkers in general.

 

I would say in our house, the tantrums are less frequent at age 4 but they still happen. I agree with everything Leighann said. Be consistent and be as unemotional as possible.
Just the other day my DD had a monster of a tantrum because she was playing with her mobi go and her brother decided to play with another toy that she always likes to play with. Even though she was not playing with that toy, she lost her mind. I told her that a) she was playing with her mobi go, so what did she care what he was doing b) share c)chill out. She just could not get herself calmed down, so I took her up to her room and told her that she needed to get herself together and when she calmed down, I would be happy to bring her downstairs. About 5-10 minutes later, she was quiet, calmed down and much better. As much as I wanted to lose my mind on her, I just had to be firm and as unemotional as possible.

 

Tantrums are normal! (unfortunately) The school my kids go to has a "chill corner" that kids can go sit in whenever they feel the need, with comfy pillows and books to read. Cricket is somewhat prone to tantrums and she asked if we could create a chill corner in our house, and it's been great. She's learning to take herself there whenever she feels the need to scream, or hit, or freak out. The deal is that she's allowed to go to the chill corner whenever she needs, even if it's getting dressed for school or during dinner (As long as she isn't abusing it as a means to avoid doing the stuff she needs to). We talk a lot about how it's hard to control our emotions and that it's totally normal to feel overwhelmed and mad some of the time.

The chill corner hasn't stopped all tantrums at our house, but I figured I'd mention it in case you want to add to your arsenal of ways to combat tantrums. It sounds like you're already doing everything right - staying calm, being firm, setting limits, etc. Hang in there!