s/o of birthday party invite for one twin...

I just had to share the convo I had with another mom at a birthday party yesterday. I was SHOCKED! She took her boys to a party earlier in the week. It was her good friend's son's birthday. So the mom of the birthday boy was telling my friend that as people RSVP'd they would say stuff like "Little Jakey will be there, and I will be bringing his younger brother". CAN YOU IMAGINE?!?! A few asked, but others just said they were bringing siblings. She invited 21, but with many bringing their siblings, the count was up to 34. So she had 36 goody bags and 36 cupcakes and enough drinks for 36 kids. Guess how many actually came? FORTY-FIVE!! :woah: So even more, who never even RSVP'd, showed up, and they brought their other kids too.

AND...when it came time for cupcakes, some people overheard there would not be enough so they were rushing up to get cupcakes for their kids. :woah:

I could never, EVER do this. It wasn't even a twin thing. These were just younger and older siblings. Holy smokes. :faint:

 

Wow. Just wow. That's my fear too. Last year at their party we had 2 people show up that didn't rsvp and 2 bring siblings that didn't rsvp for them. :grr: SO annoying!

 

You've got to be kidding me. I didn't realize it was that common. WOW!!!!!

 

We've had people do that here too. It's so incredibly rude! I actually started keeping my list of kids that RSVP'd and checking them off and if the parents brought extra kids, I would kindly say that the I anticipated x # of kids and there are only enough goody bags for the friends listed on the invite. If I have enough cake, I will allow that but sometimes we do cupcakes and I'll say the same thing. If it's a party where I have to pay per child just for the activity I have been known to say that I had already budgeted and paid for x # of guests and they were welcome to stay, but I would appreciate if they could pay for the extra child. There are times however where it doesn't matter how many kids are there (it's the same price up to 30 kids or something like that) and I won't say anything except about the goody bags. I actually had one party for DD1 that was just invites for the girls in the class. It was a make your own pottery place and was $16/kid, so the # of guests was limited. This Mom showed up with both her daughters saying she tries to give them both the same experiences so nobody ever feels left out and they can't do things without the other (they were about 2 years apart in age). She did offer to pay, but then ran out after the party was over and never did pay me. I was furious!

 

In my opinion that is the most ridiculous thing tho think or do. They are two different people, when are they going to be able to develop their own likes and dislikes? Their own personalities? Their own friends? It, to me, sounds like a set up for later resentment and anger towards mom. I do however feel the same way about sports for kids that are 'competitive' but no one wins, or everyone wins. I just don't get how that teaches anyone anything. When kids like this grow up they are going to believe that they should get what ever everyone else gets just because, not based on earning it, not based on merit, etc.




Sorry for the off topic rant.


Now that my two are older I actually have them call their friends and ask whether or not they are coming. When it comes to the party and 'uninvited' siblings, it really depends on the situation. If we are at home and there is enough cake etc, then I don't mind if they stay, but they won't be getting a goodie bag (they weren't invited, I don't have one). IF we are at a place that I have to pay per person, no I'm sorry you can't stay, unless you pay upfront. If its a matter of how many people (place limited to 20), then I'm sorry you can't stay, and put the onus on the location. I will admit to not RSVPing on occasion, but usually its because I get the invitation that has been at the bottom of a book bag for a week or so, the day before the party.

This year when we did the girls party as a swim party, it was a mom and me party. One of the moms came with both of her girls (both invited) and her son. I knew this in advance since they were driving about 2 1/2 hours to get here. One came with two extras, both of whom I knew were coming, because she couldn't leave them home (but we had to make sure they were good swimmers). Otherwise, I made it clear to all who were invited, it was only the person on the invite and mom because we had a specific child/adult ratio needed for safety reasons.

 

In an hour we are off to the party I posted about the other week. Just me and Nicholas! Im so glad I listened to you all!

 

At this point, I just assume that any siblings would be coming. I don't even ask if they are coming, I just count up all the invited kids plus their siblings and prepare enough seats and goody bags. Last birthday party, we invited 10 kids but 20 kids ended up coming. A few did not bring siblings but one brought two cousins who were visiting for the weekend. I don't know if people consider it rude or reasonable, but after a few years of similar experiences, that's just what I expect now.

 

I do NOT think this is okay and honestly, if this is the new "trend", I'm going to have a very hard time with it. ardon:


I'm with Molly, they can't be together and get equal treatment forever! Ahem, this coming from a mom who still has hers together in school...but still...

I do agree there are certain circumstances that would warrant possibly bringing a sibling along. I was, however, shocked that as I mentioned in my OP, she had more than double the kids that were originally invited. That to me is NOT okay. For our close friends, I would always invite the sibling and assume they're coming...because we hang out with the family and do things. But for their classmates, I would never expect to invite the sibling and would definitely not even expect them to bring the sibling.

Based on all of this, I know exactly what I'll do for the girls' party. :good:

 

I think that situation was unique. You said yourself that Seamus plays with the kid on the playground, etc. So it's not like you would have asked to bring a sibling that may have never even met the birthday boy. KWIM? But anyway, I think it's great that you're taking him 1:1. A little down time for you :lol: and a little individual time for him!

 

We usually have very few kids but this year we didn't invite the school kids (didn't the year before either). I'm not sure I want to invite those kids if this is what will happen. It's fine if a family friend brings all their kids but not strangers

 

I am thinking the same exact thing TabbiSue. Guess we'll keep it to our close and personals.

 

:angry: That is so rude!!

 

Oh, I would be spitting mad! I'd go down my list and give the cupcake and goody bag to those who responded. You didn't respond you were bringing extra kids? Oh well, they can sit and watch the others eat. And you can bet I'd make a point of pointing out how yummy it was. Unfreakinacceptible! I sometimes cannot believe the level of rudeness some people can reach. It boggles my mind!

 

She was going to do that with the cupcakes but the feedin frenzy started before she had a chance to.

She did it with the goody bags. She went around the room and only game them to the kids originally invited.

 

The rudeness of some people amazes me. So far our parties have been family parties but am not looking forward to this once the kids go to school.

 

Actually, we have had less of an issue with this as the kids have gotten older. The last time I had anyone bring a sibling it was the boys' K party at Chuck E Cheese. There were about 3 extra siblings (I was smart, though, and planned the party for the afternoon right after K--the boys were in AM K that year). That way, all the older siblings were in school, and the party was planned so parents could get back to meet the bus for the older kids. And those few people who did bring a younger sibling bought separate pizza and tokens for their kids, and I invited them to join the cake, since we had enough to share.

Now that the boys are older, we never have an issue with siblings. The only time I did was when the one girl twin in the grade (there are 4 sets of twins, 7 boys, 1 girl), wanted to come even though it was an all boy party. I actually told mom she could come, but mom wouldn't let her.

 

We have had a couple issues. I try to have a couple extra things in case someone does not RSVP. I had a french themed party for the girls this year and had a friend crocet berets for each girl. Someones little sister came with them (the girls are 9 and the little sister is 4), I thought it was strange to just drop someone off that was not invited.

The girls understand that if one of them gets invited to a party the other one may not be. It is just how it goes.

 

Wait a second...they dropped off the 4 year old??!!! :faint:

Just when I thought my story took the cake.....

 

well I was one of *those* mothers this weekend :blush:...Abby got a party invite but not Ian - he was ok with it and wasn't planning on going to the party (it was a girls only party, and not even all the girls) - well I don't know how the conversation went between the b-day girl and Abby, but she came home and said "Alyssa said Ian can go to the party too"...

however I did call her and ask if it was ok (it was, she had several nephews coming), and I offered to pay for him when we got there but she refused - but talk about embarrassed! I then had a little talk with a certain large mouthed little girl and explained to her that just because she gets an invite doesn't mean that her brother gets to go too!!!

 

Okay...but...this is unique!! I think it would have been crazy rude to just show up with him and ASSUME friend told mom that she invited him thru Abby. KWIM?

 

true Michelle - I'd never in a million years do that! I'd either tell Abby she couldn't go because I don't have someone to watch her brother (and send the gift into school if I'd already RSVP'ed that we'd be there) or I'd find someone to have a "playdate" with for Ian...

 

Quite different than just showing up the party with the sibling, without ever asking.

 

Ashlyn did that also. She came home and said M said Aidyn can go to the party too b/c they all play together on the playground. But I told Ashlyn that unless M's parent's called me to tell me that, Aidyn wasn't going and that I wasn't going to contact her parents to find out. ardon: Ashlyn was more upset about it than Aidyn.

I agree though, very different than just showing up with extra kids! :gah:

 

We had the same thing happen recently & I said the same thing as you, Lou. Lila was invited & came home and said the little girl said Luke was welcome to stay as well, but since the invitation was only to Lila, I said no. Once we got to the party to drop Lila off, the mom also said he was welcome to stay, but I still took him home with me. I want them to understand that it is okay for one to go to a party without the other & I don't ever want parents to feel obligated to have the other one.

But, I agree that it is a very different situation than just expecting to take all of your kids to a party.