tell me I'm not asking for too much

My girls are almost 4.5. The way we do bed time over here is they get baths and then have quiet time in their room with just a lamp on, and then lights out/bed. A couple of times during quiet time they have surprised me by picking up their room. So I know they are capable of doing it. Lately they have really been trashing their room during the day and I have enough to do, I don't want to clean their room every evening. So I started a new routine 2 nights ago. While I make dinner, they are to clean their room. It's not like I'm asking them to vacuum and dust. I'm only asking them to do what I know they can do because they've done it in the past! Pick up their toys and put them either in their toy box or the appropriate bin, put all their clothes back in the drawers or the hamper. Basically get everything off the floor. And I'm not checking after to see if they put things where they belong. I just want to be able to walk in to their bedroom at bed time and have a clear path. That's it. Well tonight they are refusing to do it. They are both sitting in their mess of a room crying about how hungry they are. It's 4:30 and I'm in the middle of making dinner, they don't eat this early. So I told them that they are to stay in there until they pick it up. Now I feel bad that I threw that out there. What if they never pick up their room? :headbang: Okay so tonight is shot because I've already thrown this demand out there, but tell me I'm not being unrealistic in wanting them to pick up their toys at the end of the day. I am solo for the next several days. Tell me I'm not a horrible mom for making them sit in there.

 

You are not being unreasonable AT ALL, they can do that. I guess if the standoff continues I would pop in and help them get started and tell them how good they are doing and encourage them to finish up so they can come eat dinner with you.

 

Thanks Lesley. They are both behaving so terribly. One sitting on the bed doing nothing and the other throwing a screaming horrible tantrum in the doorway. I got DH to go talk to them in the midst of getting dressed for work. I've gone in there to start things along but they won't do anything unless I'm in there. Basically so then I do it and they sit there and watch. STRESS! They don't want Cooper in there but if I shut their door they freak out even worse.

 

Never worked in my house... not much help here sorry, but my kids never clean up when I ask them to. I've done the same thing, and they sat in the room for 3 hours without touching anything because they didn't want to clean up. I've been told to make it a game or whatnot but it doesn't work with my kids either... the only thing they'll do is pick up one thing (like a puzzle) if I tell them that they have to clean it up if they want to watch tv, but that's about it...

 

:hug: I've been there. Any incentives you can give them? Special treat after dinner? Slumber party video before bed? Usually a little bribe, I mean incentive helps my girls get with the program.

 

I was going to suggest a bribe too (because that's totally what I would do) but wasnt sure about rewarding the bad behavior. Arent 4 year olds fun!?

 

Can you tell them one thing each to pick up? I was going to suggest what Lesley said and have them do it because they CAN, and if they don't, go in and help, or start, a little bit. But I find my crew gets overwhelmed. So if I say, "Nicholas, you clean up the blocks and Anthony you clean up the Little People" it sometimes goes a bit smoother.

In any case, I feel your pain!

 

Maybe I'll go make each a suggestion. They like to play the "I see" game - as in I tell them what I see and then they pick it up, but the point is that I don't want to have to sit in there for an hour while they pick up. I want them to do it while I am doing what needs to be done. It's silent in there now, maybe they are doing it. If not I am going to try what Meaghan suggested and each name one thing for them to pick up. Normally I do offer a treat but at this point getting to come out of their rooms before they are 18 is as big of a treat as they deserve.

 

DH just checked in with them on his way out the door. Amelia is in bed, says she is going to bed for the night. Really?! She'd rather go to bed at 5 pm than just pick up her toys?!

 

:rotflmbo: I am sorry, this just made me laugh so hard!! OMG, such a drama queen! That's funny. Hang in there Aimee!!

 

Hang in there! What happens here is I tell them one thing each I see on the floor, then I walk away and finish my tasks. They come running to me when said item is picked up and asks what to clean up next and I pick anything at the top of my head.

Or with what happened tonight-they fought over who was cleaning up the blocks. With tears.

The moral of the story is-you can never win!

And hey-a kidless early night for you!

 

They're doing it now. Relief. It's only taken an hour for them to start.

 

Glad they have finally started cleaning up.

 

Aimee, I am glad they did clean up finally. I would make it a game or do a sticker chart (if that motivates them). When they do it, I would give them lots of praise.

I think this age is when they like to really dig in their heels and really test you!

 

If the girls are giving me a hard time (we have trouble with migrating toys into the living room), I will give them each a plastic bucket that we use for toy storage and "see who can fill up their bucket before I finish x,y or z!" I'm trying not to have them compete against each other, but don't really mind if they feel like they're beating me. Plus they think it's hysterical if they beat me After the buckets are filled, they at least go upstairs to the play room, not necessarily put away correctly, but it's out of my living room!

 

Be firm and consistent and before you know it, they'll see you start dinner and instinctively go in and start picking up. :hug: :hug: BTDT, some days are just a bigger battle no matter what.

ETA: you are doing exactly what we do here. It does work, it just takes time to create a habit.

 

Just to let you know what happened the rest of the night! It only got worse! So they started picking up, and around 6 I went and checked and it was probably 75% picked up. They wanted to come and eat dinner so I said that was fine. Now in the meantime Cooper had already eaten and was eating cookies, basically to keep him quiet and occupied. So the girls saw and they wanted cookies. Amelia ate her dinner so I gave her 2 cookies. Lily said she didn't want any more dinner so I told her to put her plate up, which she did, and then I just gave her 1 cookie. (They were very small cookies). She went wild. After I gave her the cookie I turned to walk to the bathroom and she followed me in there and then opened the bathroom door on me, screaming at me the entire time. I mean, this wasn't even back talking, this was back screaming. So I had it! I told her that was it, straight to her room. No bath, no pajamas, straight to bed. I went to get the other 2 ready for their baths and she kept coming out of her room. So I spanked her bottom! She did it again so I spanked her again! After 2 spankings she finally stayed in her room and about 5 minutes after that she was sleeping. I don't think that she thought I was going to follow through with the early bedtime b/c she kept trying to bargain with me like "I'll just have the one cookie" etc. Now I know a lot of people are against spanking and usually I don't spank but I didn't know what else to do. She woke up around 8 and by that time I was in bed watching TV so she came in there and I put her pajamas on her, gave her some water and she went back to bed for the night. Worst night ever! I think the worst part (other than spanking her) was me trying to give the other 2 kids a bath while she was throwing a fit/not staying in her room. And Cooper is too young to be in the tub unsupervised so it was very stressful.

 

:hug: Aimee.

I hope that she is behaving better for you today. Sorry that last night was so rough :grouphug:

 

Ugh, that is a BAD BAD day. I hope it's the last one for a while. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

I hate bad nights. Alice turns into a demon when she's not feeling well, so here's hoping that it is temporary due to illness and not a permanent change in her behavior. :drinks:

 

As far as the toys not getting put away, I must be the meanest mom ever! I honestly just started throwing stuff away. If it got left on the floor, it went in the trash. But hey, it worked.

As for the fit throwing, one of my almost 7 year olds has started with the fit throwing so I have no advice. I can definitely sympathize though!

 

I wish I could just throw them away... but I've spent money on that stuff and I just can't do it.

 

Oh I like the trash bag idea!! You dont have to ACTUALLY throw it away but I bet if you say you are and start putting stuff in the bag then they may straighten up!
I am really sorry the night went so terribly for you. I am really proud of you for standing your ground and staying firm, that is hard to do when you are also dealing with other children. :hug:

 

I've tried the pretend throw away before. The problem last time was they just didn't care. I don't know if now that they're a little older and understand better if it would work. It's worth a shot. What wound up working is DH promised them a trip to the park but only if their room is clean this afternoon when he wakes up. So they did pick it up for me last night, somewhat, but this morning they got everything off the floor. I know they can do it when they want to.

 

Yeah, that trick only works sometimes, just depends on how hard headed your kids are and also if you can track down their favorites and threaten to toss it. 4 year olds are freaking tough!!!