What is your policy on tattling?

The girls have started tattling on each other. DH had started saying to not tattle unless there is blood but I'm not sure I like that policy. I do want them to work things out on their own but I also want them to know they can come to me if they need help or don't like what is going on. So what is your policy on tattling? Are you like my husband who doesn't want them to come to us unless there is blood involved? Are you cool with them coming to you every time sister hits/scratches/kicks even if it's an accident? FTR: They are not tattling when sister is doing something she shouldn't do. They are tattling or coming to us for every little minor scrape/tap/bruise/scratch/whatever. "Don't tattle unless you are bleeding" is just way too harsh for me.

 

I think there is a fine line. We ignore it for a long time, as a lot of it is just age driven. But when they start getting older we try to help them distinguish between tattling and keeping someone from getting hurt or hurting others. If they just want their sibling to get into trouble, it's not allowed. If they are concerned about their sibling getting hurt or hurting someone(ie., getting a knife out of the dishwasher, or tying a leash around someone's neck to play doggie), then they are thanked. Hope that helps.

 

This is us. Of course, most of ours is tattling to get the other one in trouble.

 

This the same here. I just tell the kids to stop trying to get each other in trouble.

 

Our general policy is if it's to help (blood, something dangerous, hitting, etc) that's fine. If it's to get someone in trouble, it's ignored.

If you want them to stop tattling over every little thing, what worked for mine is I would call them both together. I would mention that I had heard they were having a problem. Then I would casually mention that if I had to solve the problem I would ________. But I was hoping they could be big kids and figure it out together. I usually thought of something drastic enough that they decided pretty quickly that mom really didn't need to bother and would figure it out.

I know this is older, but it was hilarious. In first grade there was a tattling epidemic in Timothy's classroom. His teacher just got a plain notebook and labeled it The Tattling Book. She refused to listen to any of it. They had to go write out whatever it was they wanted to tell on someone about. She would read it later. That was some of the funniest reading ever.

Marissa

 

This is our basic policy, too. We don't have much tattling right now. 3-4 seems to be the biggest age for it, at least in my kids. And there are times I've told my kids that I want them to come tell me about a problem... instead of hitting their brother or something. But generally, when there's something going on, at least 2 kids are involved. So if someone tells me about so&so hitting them, my first question is usually "what did you do that made them want to hit you?" Tattling rarely gets just the other person in trouble. So they learn that it's not worth it.