Split them up for 1st against their wills?

My DDs have always been together in daycare, preschool, and now kindergarten. All their teachers have said it works out fine. But I feel like Sarah is in Amy's shadow. Amy is a natural leader and seems to be very popular (from what I can tell), and Sarah is much more reticent and kind of does her own thing (although she does have one close friend who actually seems to prefer her over Amy).

So on the one hand I feel like it would be better for Sarah to be on her own and not be sort of the lesser light. But on the other hand, in a way, I think she benefits socially from being Amy's twin. I guess I worry that she would actually be less happy if she had to stand on her own. But DH thinks that Sarah is a "gamma girl" and just doesn't care as much about being part of the gang.

Academically I don't think there's an argument either way, though that may change as they start getting more competitive about that.

They get along fine at school, but they fight a lot at home. So I also think it might be best for us as a family if they spent a little less time together. But whenever we've suggested splitting them up for 1st, they both say no.

I'm just having trouble weighing these contradictory factors -- need advice!

 

My girls are younger and are only in pre-k but your Amy should like my Ana, and Sarah like Meara. We split them in pre-k and its been wonderful for Meara! She enjoys having friends to herself. She has a best friend and couple of other close friends too. Meanwhile in the other class Ana is friends with everyone, and knew everyone's name by the end of the first week (including everyone in Meara's class).

When we asked the girls being in different classes, Ana said she wanted to be together and Meara said apart. When they found out they had different teachers, Ana was upset at first, but by the end of that first week all was well. Its funny because even though Ana is so social I worry about the fact that she doesn't have one special best friend like Meara. Good luck with your decision and I'm sure whatever you decide your girls will be fine.

 

My girls are split up for kindergarten, and there is so much less fighting now that they spend their school days apart from each other. They definitely miss each other, and get along better when they get home and on the weekends.

I made the mistake of asking them if they would like to be in the same class in first grade, or did they like being in separate classes (expecting them to say separate). G, who I thought would take the separate classes harder in the beginning, said she wanted to be in her own class, but L said she wanted to be in the same class...go figure. I am dropping that conversation (obviously) because I don't plan on letting them be in the same class.

I did request that this year they at least have the same lunchtime, so they do play on the playground sometimes, and sometimes not.

 

When the counselor and I were discussing separation for 1st grade, something she mentioned (off of the record) was that if she knew 1 or 2 of their friends, she could probably make sure they each had at least one good friend in their class.

Mine really, really didn't want separated. I did it anyway. It was good. And the arguing does slow down just by virtue of they each have their own stories and own experiences to share. Stories from kindergarten were turning into a competition of who could get the most details in.

Marissa

 

What everyone else said. Also, keep in mind that if they have never been separated, they don't know what it really means, other than something that could be new and scary. Kids like status quo, so it wouldn't surprise me to hear that they would say they wouldn't want to be apart. From what you said, I think there is a lot of benefit to having them in separate classes.

 

Mine argue a lot at home as well, but seem to get along fine at school. I'm hoping the separation next year will stop that and I'm glad to hear it has for those of you who have split. Allison wants to be separated, Sarah not so much. But, Sarah is the one who always seems to be the social butterfly, while Allison could care less. I'm anxious to see how they do being apart.

 

In my twins' 2nd year of preschool they were together. Clayton was in Audrey's shadow and Audrey did NOT like it. He wanted to wait for her but she did not want to be waited for etc. Kindergarten came and they were great being seperated. I think Sharon's point is a valid one. They do not know what it is like to be seperated.

 

Mine got split when they went to k~ my choice. I have always wanted my kids to be known for who they are..not as a pair. This has worked out great for us in regards to the class and teacher really knowing my kids. They would prefer to be in the same class, but I know that for my kids that is not the best academic environment.

 

Alden, I am SO happy you posted this. :bow2: I think we've talked about this before but Lauren is Amy and Emma is Sarah. Totally! I've noticed Lauren (your Amy) becoming more of a leader/boss now that Emma (your Sarah) is coming into her own and discovering who she is. That's making some situations difficult. For this reason, I've decided it would be best to split them. My heart breaks a little over this decision because they really do love being together.

I too think they will be fine standing on their own. It might take some adjustment until they both figure out how to handle it. And we will be fine too! Right?

Lauren cried so hard when I told her they would be separated next year in 1st, so it's nice to read what is written here. :good: I know mine will be fine, L just has the fear of the unknown anxiety.

 

Mine were split for first this year. They had always been together up until then. I wanted them together and they for the most part wanted to be together. I am really glad they are split. The fighting at home is almost completely gone! When they do see each other in school they get all excited and give each other hugs. Part of me is sad bc I feel like that twin bond is not like it used to be but I am glad to finally see some independance coming from Mitchell who always stood behind Mckenna.

 

This would make me very sad too.

This I'm looking forward to.


Such a double-edged sword!

 

I just never gave them the option. I knew they would want to be together, but it's not good for them or the teacher and other students. I know that they would mess around in class if together. They got no input into whether they were separated, because frankly, they are too young to know what is best for them.
The issue was settled for us when J broke his arm in their second year of preschool. I had to literally carry A like a sack of potatoes under my arm into preschool. He simply refused to go to school without his brother. And lo and behold, A blossomed in those few days being his own self, not constantly compared to his brother. The teachers made a point of telling me what a difference it made. From that point on, I never considered keeping them together.

 

I had forgotten about this, but this reminded me of when Amy was out sick from pre-K for a few days and Sarah went by herself. Sarah moaned and groaned about wanting to stay home too (obviously) and saying she missed Amy, but when she was actually at school, the teachers said she was more talkative and outgoing than usual.

I never thought of Amy having that much of a suppressing influence on her, because I always thought they both just did their own thing (and that's what the teachers said too), but apparently it did make a difference.

I'm still dreading the tears and protests, though. :cry: