I am at the end of my rope and feel like I need to spill it all out somewhere so if you read this thanks for listening . I had a total meltdown around 5 am this morning (screaming, crying, door slamming, you get the idea ) after listening to my girls cry for the last 2 hours (and DH snore beside me). Before that they were up at least every hour all night long. This pretty much seems to be the norm and I am exhausted and frustrated. I am so sick of hearing about my friends kids who have slept 13 hours a night since birth and nap 3 hours a day...I constantly feel like I must be doing something wrong to have made my kids suck in this department so much. I have tried everything to get my kids to sleep and they just don't. CIO has worked to some extent but I have been avoiding doing it yet again because I'm just not sure I have it in me. I HATE listening to them cry but I also hate being so tired and grumpy all the time. The last 2 times we have done it it has taken close to 2 weeks to get them sleeping and then we only got a week, maybe 2 of good sleep before the next thing derailed us (cold, GI big, teething, etc) and we were back to the all night wakings. Also, yesterday the girls did not nap at all...and that was the second day this week they have done that so naps suck too. On a good day I get an hour and 15 min out of them, maybe so I have a feeling they are going to be early nap droppers. DS napped a good 3-4 hours until he was almost 3.5 and even now will fall asleep if we go anywhere in the car in the afternoon and often on the weekends cuddling with me or DH on the couch. On a better note he is now sleeping consistently at night since he started school so at least now I only have 2 awake most nights. I am a SAHM and DH works a lot. I have also started doing some contract work in my "spare time" and trying to fit that in has been a bit of a nightmare. I am alone with the kids from the time I get up until at least after dinner if not later. I try my best to keep everything under control and not to complain too much since DH has a very stressful job and usually works well into the night in his office at home after being at the office all day. He is incredibly supportive and helps out as much as he can wherever he can but the reality is that the kids are usually left up to me. The girls are clingy and whiny during the day, they fight with each other, they fight with other kids when we have play dates and when DS gets home from school there is more whining and fighting. I just feel like I am exhausted and frustrated all the time and it's hard to be a good mom when you feel that way. I do have help as my Mom usually comes over once a week but since my sister is expecting her first baby any day now I am going to loose her as she'll be spending her time with my sister and her baby instead of us. I totally understand that as I've had her undivided attention for over 4 years now but it will still be tough to adjust to. I love being at home with my kids and wouldn't have it any other way but some days I wonder if I am going to survive the next 2.5 years until the girls start JK. I often find myself wishing they had been born on Dec. 31st instead of Jan. 9 so they would be starting school a year earlier, lol . I should probably turn Dora off, get ready to go out and get on with my day...thanks for listening .
Aww, I just read your post. I am so sorry you are going through this... I wish I had some good advise, but I really don't. Just a big hug for you. Your daughters sound very similar to my daughter. Reading your post I am just dreading the future... Vanessa is 15 months, and since she turned one, we had very few nights that she slept through, we blamed it on teething and other things, but the reality is that she's not a good sleeper, and I used to be the same way as a baby so there's only so much you can do. We do the same thing with Max and he sleeps well, so who knows??? A big hug to you, go take a hot shower while they watch TV or do something that relaxes you a bit and tackle this day just like any other, you can do it . An oh yeah, go ahead and vent, we completely understand you here! Have a nice(r) day, Monica
The 2nd year drove me batty. :hug: it was about where you are now that I started getting firm with my needs. 1. You (kids) might not nap. But you will be in your crib from 1-3. If you nap, longer. 2. You don't have to fall asleep at 7:30/8 (we changed their bedtime in this year). But you will be in bed. Until morning. They have stuffed animals, books and eachother in their room- bed is not the enemy. 3. For 5 min/ day, you will go into your room and entertain YOURSELF. Usually when you are driving me crazy. 4. If I'm going crazy, you will be put in a safe environment (either crib or PNP) for 5 min while I regain my composure. When your mom comes over, leave. Just enjoy the solitude. I'm happy to say they get a lot better. 2 is nuts but not like the 2nd year. Everything you are telling them now IS slowly sinking in.
I am sorry you are having such a rough time. I agree with the post above. My boys get put in their beds for nap on the weekends. If they don't nap that is fine, but I need the break and so do they. I know your girls aren't in cribs anymore so it may be harder for you to enforce the stay in your room for 2 hrs. Bedtime here is 6:45, regardless if they fall asleep right away or not. For crying at night, William was BAD, every night he would cry. My parents were away one week and it was just me and the 3 boys and by the 3rd night i had reached my limit with the 10pm and 2 am wake ups from him. I moved Nathaniel into my parents room in the PNP and let William cry. It took 3 nights, and he has been sleeping ever since. What if you were to separate the girls? Maybe one is waking the other up? Hope it gets better soon.
I am so sorry you're having a rough time. And I have soooo been there. The second year was awful; it seemed like we could never get any traction in terms of schedule. It was also the point where I very much wanted "myself" back but I just couldn't manage to get there because of the night wakings, the colds, the teething, the tantrums, the speech delays, the ... list goes on and on. It sounds like your husband and you have the same kind of lifestyle as me and my husband; he works crazy hours and often has to work at home in the evening. However, he takes over when he gets home and is in charge of getting the kids ready for bed. That helps my day end just a little earlier and he enjoys it because he gets to spend time with the kids. If you can, maybe you guys can work out some schedule like that where you get a bit of relief at the end of the day even for 1/2 hour. If you're doing contract work, have you considered putting them in a day home for one day a week or something just to give yourself a break and get some work done? It might also tire them out! I agree with other PP's suggestions too. Although CIO might be painful, it might be necessary for everyone in the long run to get sleep. Or separate them or try some other sleep method. My kids were/are beasts when they are sleep deprived. Once we got that sorted out the daytime stuff got so much easier to deal with. I wish I could say that I planned everything out and followed some method, but in the end I just did CIO because I was literally too exhausted to get up with them again at night and power through another day. Mostly, just hang in there. Carve some time out for yourself to catch a breather during the day and come in here and rant away!
Thanks everyone . cheezewize all your suggestions were great...I do often lock myself in the bathroom for a 5 min timeout as I don't have cribs to put them in anymore . Looks like I am going to have to give CIO another try...I think maybe I was looking for some reassurance that it is OK and won't kill them. I know we all NEED to sleep more and I think this is the only way it's going to happen. As for DH on the nights he does make it home to help with bath and bed he does take over, mostly. I think I need to learn to step back even more...I do everything alone all day (and night) long and often do bath and bed alone too so there's no reason why he can't do it either . As a shout out to him he has started taking all 3 grocery shopping on Saturday mornings so I can have an hour of quiet in my own house and a cup of coffee and a shower in peace...he really is an amazing dad and partner when he's not swamped with work and tries his best to make time for us . I have considered putting the girls in care a couple of mornings a week so I can get some work done but there are 2 issues with this: 1. The $...since there are 2 of them the $ I make working would go to paying for their care so it kind of cancels itself out. However I have been thinking of just taking the loss right now as I hope the contract work will end up being a long term source of income for us and eventually they will be in school so this could end up being a good short term solution. There is a morning program that I can register them for in Jan when they turn 2 and I am seriously considering doing this. 2. The work is not always there for me when I have the time to work on it which I find frustrating but that's the nature of what I am doing so a lot of when I have to work is out of my control. That being said there is nothing wrong with having the girls at their program a couple of mornings a week leaving me with nothing to do, lol. Slipper...they are in big beds but they still can't open doors so once they are in their room they can't escape . I can't separate them as we only have 3 bedrooms and I don't want to put either of them with DS or with us. I was separating them for nap but then we started having issues at bedtime where DD1 started asking to go to sleep in my bed (which is where she was napping) and screaming for an hour or more refusing to go to sleep in her bed. I now have them both napping in the same room again which is why I think they have been having such crappy naps this week. I know hat things have got to get better when they turn 2...I found there was a HUGE change with DS once he turned 2 so my mantra for the last year has been to make it to January...I have my fingers crossed tings actually get better then .
I have a hard time letting my husband take over at the end of the day too but I find things go better for everyone if I just disappear. I go take a shower, go lay down, run out and get groceries. Just get away. And definitely CIO will not kill them! But lack of sleep is killing everyone, so short term pain, long term gain. As for the cost of care, I have struggled with that too, but I feel that my sanity is worth it, so we'll be looking for a part time daycare/dayhome option in January. I am hoping that the structure will do them some good and it can't hurt for me to get a break.. it's not like it's really ever a break anyway because there's always things to do.. it's just that you don't have someone attached to each leg while you're doing it!
Are there any other mom's in your area you could do a swap with? Like you watch each others kids one morning or afternoon a week? That would at least give you one morning or afternoon a week, which I think would go a long way as far as giving you a break, etc. I really hope you are right that it gets better at age 2! My boy are three weeks from being 2 and have been totally NUTS the last couple of weeks (but they are cutting their 2 year molars, so I think that's a lot of it - today they took NO nap at all).
[quote name='E's 3' date='08 December 2011 - 06:38 AM' timestamp='1323351509' post='1841077'] I am so sick of hearing about my friends kids who have slept 13 hours a night since birth and nap 3 hours a day...[/quote] Don't you hate those braggers??? Doesn't it just want to make you bean them in the head with powdered donut or something??? :tomato: :tomato: My suggestion, scrape up some cash for a sitter or call in a favor with a friend and get out of the house and away from the kiddos. Even if it is a one hour trip, the repreive is nice. Weather permitting, maybe a nap in the car at a park is in order?
One other thought. My LOs sometimes quiet down and sleep if I am in the room with them. I will admit, when I am completely exhausted, I have drug a pillow and blanket into their room and slept on the floor while they played in their crib in a dark room. They get the joy of my presence and I get some sleep while they play in a contained environment. Definitely against the rule books, but if it works...
I am so sorry! My suggestion is CIO. I know it's so hard to hear them cry. But it's the best for you all. They will have a healthy sleeping habit. It might be hard because your kids are big now. But you can do it. Be tough a little bit. It really sounds like your kids really need a solid sleep schedule. Take care and good luck!
So...I registered the girls for a pre-school type program that is for 2 year olds!!! They will be going one morning a week for 2 hours starting in January . I know it's only one morning a week but it's a start! Also, thanks to all of you tonight will be night #1 of CIO once again! I tried explaining to them at bedtime that if they woke up they needed to go back to sleep on their own and that mamma loves them but she is tired and needs to sleep and so do they. We'll see how it goes .
LOL...YES!!! But I'm not going to lie, if I had one of those urband legend babies I'd probably brag too .
[quote name='E's 3' date='08 December 2011 - 07:49 PM' timestamp='1323391793' post='1841232'] LOL...YES!!! But I'm not going to lie, if I had one of those urband legend babies I'd probably brag too . [/quote] lol! I'll ship you my boys then.
[quote name='E's 3' date='08 December 2011 - 08:18 PM' timestamp='1323391729' post='1841231'] So...I registered the girls for a pre-school type program that is for 2 year olds!!! They will be going one morning a week for 2 hours starting in January . I know it's only one morning a week but it's a start. [/quote] per-school at 2!!! I never knew they could start preschool that early. I need to check around. If we have 2 yr old program, I will send my kids next yr after April.
I want to lend you my support too! I've so been there- over and over again. I'm going with pp's who said CIO. It honestly worked for me. Be strong. It stinks for a while but really, it won't kill them. Just another suggestion, but are there any girls you know that could be a mother's helper to you for a couple of hours once or twice a week? My friend's daughter is 12, the oldest of 4 kids, and she comes over just to play with the twins for a bit after school while I get laundry done, start dinner, stare out the window and remember when my life wasn't so hard! Anyway, the best part is that she's inexpensive and my kids love her. It has really helped me keep my sanity, and the best part is that I'm still home and know what is going on. No, it isn't as good as a spa day or anything, but it keeps me from going completely insane. Hugs to you!
I don't have much to add sister except nope CIO won't kill them. Its not like you are going to let them scream themselevs sick for 9 hours. Sounds like your husband is a great help when he can be its that those can be times are not often and he has his own set of outside stress. that makes it harder. our house is run by momma, daddy works long hard hours so I can be home with the kids. I still have my twins on a hardcore sleep schedule and if I break it I suffer for days. We went shopping yesterday and got home for naps an hour after their normal nap time and they have been a mess sense. They thrive on schedule. For example today I put them down at 11. their nap time. They fussed and carried on and then started talking to each other etc. Finally at 12:45 Wyatt fell asleep. Then about 1:15 Willa Grace who was still in there singing and kicking her feet got her foot stuck in the crib slats and screamed bloody murder which woke Wyatt up. I went in got her free gave her some snuggles but then back in bed she went. Til 2. They are in their rooms from 11 to 2 every day sleeping or not. Then tonight we had a school program for my oldest and left the twins here with my neice and her bestfriend so the twins would be in bed on time. Well they got them in bed at 7:15 like normal we got home about 7:30. After the girls left my husband went in and GOT THE TWINS UP! OMG ARE YOU KIDDING ME? They had MAX 1 hour naps and now you break bedtime? I felt bad and didn't say anything because he had not seen them at all today because he goes to work well before they get up however as he lay sleeping at midnight I was cuddling on the couch with 2 babies who are so over stimulated and over tired they can't see straight. That btw was much easier to do when they were 4 lbs each vrs the 19 and 20 lbs they are now! It was mostly because they went to bed an hour late and that hour that they were up my husband and oldest dd played with them and got them overstimulated. ok so now I realize I am rambling LOL Point of that story is structure structure structure. Like PP said you don't have to sleep but you will stay in your room. You don't have to be asleep at x time but you will be in your bed. You need to take back the house sister. Sounds like the girls have taken over to some extent mainly because you are so tired. GOOD LUCK!
LOL Maybe it would solve all my problems...Dannik and Donevan could play...maybe they would be happier having a friend their own age and not being surrounded by babies and then Amélie and Audrée could team up with William and Nathaniel .
It's a program run by the city I live in...they call it "a pre-school recreation program"...they sing songs, do crafts, play games. Basically it's just like a short term daycare for SAHMs . You can register for up to 3 sessions per week and they are all 2 hours long. The cost is about $10 for each 2 hour session so it's pretty reasonable ($5/hour/child). I think it will be good for them to be away from me (and for me to be away from them!) since they are pretty attached to me.
I've just had a girl who lives 3 doors down from us babysit them for the fist time a couple of weeks ago. It was in the evening though and I put the girls to bed before we left. She's really good so I was thinking it could be an option in the summer but that's a long way away!! She does take the bus with my son (the bus is shared with the high school) so she's on the same schedule. It might be worth talking to her to see if she might want to come over for an hour or 2 one afternoon a week. I find the afternoons LONG as Dannik's school is early start so even though he's full day he's off the bus at 2:35. By the time we get home and get everyone undressed it's usually close to 3pm and the time between 3 and 5 pm is always hard. We spend a lot of time at our library now that it's cold out!
[quote name='E's 3' date='08 December 2011 - 07:49 PM' timestamp='1323391793' post='1841232'] LOL...YES!!! But I'm not going to lie, if I had one of those urband legend babies I'd probably brag too . [/quote] Haha, you know what is frustrating? To have one of those urban legend babies and also have his sister who is the total opposite. Now I realize I am lucky that he sleeps well, but it becomes frustrating when we DO THE SAME THING with both, so both eat the same things, at the same time, both play the same way, both of them have the same schedule, same structure - he sleeps like a champ and she's fighting sleep any chance she gets . How were your girls with CIO last night?
My sympathy and empathy! My boys are still waking up at LEAST once a night, if not twice, and I've been a total sucker and keep feeding them to get them back to sleep. DH is away for a few days, and I'm thinking I might do some CIO while he's gone. Last night I was in there at 3:30am, and they are seriously standing in their cribs and DANCING and SINGING. I said "You have full tummies, fresh diapers, and you've been drugged [teething]." I don't know what you're doing, but I'm GOING TO BED. They only kept up the partying for another 15min, thankfully! I know they don't need to get up and I know they don't need to eat. I just need to suck it up, put in the earplugs or knock back the Ativan, and let them figure it out. Any parent who says "CIO is so easy!" obviously never had multiples.
That would be frustrating! I guess at least you know you're not doing anything wrong and that it's just the way she is, not that that helps at 3am when you're exhausted and frustrated . I started CIO, sort of did one night and now everyone has a HORRIBLE cold. Last night I was in their room at least every hour if not more often. I have it too so I feel like crap on top of the no sleep . Since DS has started school a whole new group of bugs have been brought into the house and I seem to be getting all of them again. I have decided I would rather have a GI bug go through the house then a cold...I hate not being able to do anything for them and the coughing seems to last for weeks which means no one sleeps. At least with a GI bug they are usually exhausted and sleep lots and it's over quickly. Oh well...ss soon as this cold is done I'll try CIO again .
So the girls slept last night for almost a full 12 hours...WTH????? I am NOT complaining, lol, I just find it crazy that after not sleeping for anything longer than a 2 hour stretch for months that last night, with colds, they both slept all night long (and are still sleeping right now at 6:20 am). They haven't done this since the last time I did CIO which I think was in July some time. At least I know they are capable of sleep...now if I only I could figure out what happened last night to make them sleep so well and then repeat it every night for the next 18 years .
my mom told me the only time I'd nap was when I was getting sick...the cold probably knocked them out!
I've been wondering about that, Monica. We do baths during the day, because I couldn't reliably make it part of a consistent bedtime routine due to travel. But it certainly does help them relax! Mostly I think because they're tired after splashing each other for twenty minutes! CIO has been working well, until last night when I was letting them CIO and discovered that poor Duncan had a huge hard dry stool stuck halfway out his backside. No wonder the kid was crying...
please keep telling yourself THIS TOO SHALL PASS! I have had these days...and usually reached out on here on the verge of a breakdown too! I thought I was going to lose it, and then miraculously things got better...then this will happen again in a few months. Please heed cheezwhiz's rules...i follow that too now. they get it eventually if you stick to your guns no matter how hard. they would walk all over me if I didnt stand firm. 2 against 1 is rough! you are going to have to do CIO again probably for the end result of peace.ask your mom or a friend to give you a day break to relax and gear yourself up for the battle. it will be a tryi g week but if you dont give in at all, most tots will stop fighting sleep in 5 days or so. on a side note, i joined the gym to get free daycare there 2 hrs a day so they would stop whining and fighting so much. it helped a lot for them..they dont fight or cling or whine nearly as much and Im down 42 lbs! i take the FULL 2 hrs from 10-12 everyday...sauna, shower, stretching...u get the picture! good luck hon!
E's 3 I haven't been on here in a LONG while but just read your post. Virtual Hugs! I am finding this age super tough too. THe naps are a hit-or-miss and without a break that makes for a LONG day My kids bday is Jan 11th, so i totally get your thoughts about why weren't they born in dec and can't start school early... lol I hope things are getting better now and the CIO is working. the pre-school type program is good. We did one this last session, parents present but still. The kids loved it and we were out of the house Something I wanted to mention for the summer, I jsut read about these pre-school camp sessions. There is a parent and tot camp class, where you go to a day camp with your child and have swim lessons, arts class etc for 2.5 hours. The cost was like $30/kid. THere are also programs for 2.5 year olds where you drop them off for half a day. Something to consider for the summer and honestly, being outdoors with other kids in a camp setting sounds so great. FYI, i've had to give myself timeouts lately bc I have been starting to yell a lot more than I should... it's a fab idea for everyone bc unless you have the patience of a saint, having two-TWO year olds is TOUGH!
