Question Mark child -- developmentally

My twins born 4 weeks early one seems to be having developmental delays. she is 4 yrs old, just turned, and started Junior Kindergarten.
MRI brain good, genetic testing good, has had two large bouts of hearing loss but now cleared up with large permanent tubes so hearing is now good. periods of low iron.
Seems to have a good memory and can finish the sentences of books if i start her with a word or two.
Her communication has always been behind for the reasons of the hearing, but even when I get her to read (from memory not word recognition) she is quiet and says it fast. She seems fine with present/ past / future tense not bad for her age.
she seems to lack the usual diagnosis (not autistic, not CP, ... ) positive, happy, confident.

When I asked her what does "watch" start with " w - w -" she looked like she had no idea and tried to change the topic. Yet 10 mins later she could say the Alphabet phonetic song from You tube and she remembered what most of the words represented " V is for Van V-V- Van" (even when I forgot that v=van and g=gorilla). When we came to T it was suppose to be "train" (per Youtube) but she improvised and said "tiptoe".
She answers her own questions some times. "thats ok honey".
Some stuttering, often changes subject or off topic.
plays less often with learning toys more with dress-up and changing clothes. More of an actress type.

My dh and I have used the term "lazy" which sounds negative so say lack of motivation in learning, lack of motivation to clean-up, lack of motivation to keep up with group activities... We love her she is adorable, so sweet so gentle. We just want to help her.

Her twin is the opposite -- highly motivated to participate, loud, eager to answer questions, eager to talk, eager to lead, loves educational toys.. Their younger sister 2,5 seems very switched on with language and understanding.

Any Any Any suggestions or thoughts that come to mind.

Heather

 

She sounds pretty much on target for a 4 year old. Could it be that the other one is just advanced making her seem like she is behind. Many kids don't read at all at 4 years old. One of my boys didn't read until he was in K--as a 5 year old, and was right on target through 1st grade. Now at 9, he is way ahead. His brother read at age 3.5, and is at the same level as his brother. Some kids are just not ready to be literate at 4.

 

She actually sounds like a normal four year old to me. My twins are 4.5, and neither is reading. They both know all their letters and sounds and like to pretend to read, but so far they haven't been interested in truly sitting down and working on words. They prefer to play dress up or do imaginative play (yesterday they flew to the moon, turned into aliens, came to Earth, discovered dinosaurs, and then turned into princesses).

I agree with Sharon that perhaps since her twin is so advanced, your daughter appears behind? You mention being unmotivated; that's also very typical at this age. Kids are learning the difference between themselves and the world around them, and starting to assert their personalities. I have one child won doesn't care about joining the group for activities either. She's perfectly fine and healthy and normal, just doesn't really care if all of her friends are painting. She might want to look at a book, or dig in the sand. Then she'll wander over and join in the painting. I really do think it's all part of learning about themselves and their own independence.

Nothing you write indicates a problem to me - but of course, I'm not there to see your daughter. If you're truly concerned, ask your pedi about where she should be developmentally and then do a checklist to see if she's missing any skills/behaviors.

 

ALL kids are different. She sounds normal to me too. I have 2 kids who were 4 when they started reading, and I have a 6 year old in 1st grade who is just taking off with the reading. It's not for lack of trying. She was just a late reader. But once she started, she has really taken off.

 

My girls are in k (6 yrs old) and just now starting to read.

For a four year old she sounds quite normal and certainly not lazy. Her improve on letters is better than rote recital. Even "play" is educational. Everything doesn't have to be obviously educational to teach kids important info.

 

Personality differences come to play here, I think. She is a different person than her sister, and if they weren't twins, I bet you wouldn't think there was anything wrong with her. Sounds perfectly fine to me :hug: Normal to worry, though, I think we all worry at some point or another.

 

I'm sorry if I implied that she wasn't reading. ... neither is her twin. It wasn't that she wasn't reading.... It was just that the teacher felt she was behind the class. Not seeming to understand patterns (ABABAB, or ABC-ABC-ABC type patterns) or that she wasn't really answering questions appropriately sometimes veering off track in her answers.

 

I don't know if she talks more at home than school. She has always been a child who has been seen by others as having some developmental issues -- Pedis, Dr. daycare, now school. As a mom you usually "know" your child but she has just been a mystery It just has been difficult to really assess what does she know and what doesn't she know. I guess we have had so many things with her so far, I just want the rest of life to be easier for her without the struggle of a learning disability. She is just a kid who needs a break for once.

 

Is she in prek? Are patterns a new subject for her? The girls are doing patterns in k but really didn't cover them in prek. Are your girls on the younger end of the class?

 

Honestly, if she does have a learning disability--a true one, it will not go away. Instead, she will learn ways to overcome and work around it. It is great to be concerned, and I have had some concerns about my child who started reading at 3 1/2 all his life, and at 9 1/2, he will be going for an evaluation to see what is going on. Also, learning disabilities, unless they are really severe, are not really noticeable in 4 year olds. And a child who is doing what you say she is, does not have a severe learning disability. There is a reason why 90% or so of learning disabilities aren't diagnosed until 3rd or 3th grade. It is because until that time it is very difficult to distinguish between a true learning disability and just not being developmentally ready to do something. If it makes you feel better, you can have her tested, but in my professional opinion (as a special educator) even though I haven't met your daughter, she seems fine. Just taking her time to learn academically.

 

Here's a milestone list I found for the typical 4 year old:

PHYSICAL AND MOTOR

During the fourth year, a child typically:

Gains weight at the rate of about 6 grams per day
Grows to a height that is double the length at birth
Shows improved balance
Hops on one foot without losing balance
Throws a ball overhand with coordination
Can cut out a picture using scissors
May not be able to tie shoelaces
May still wet the bed (normal)
SENSORY AND COGNITIVE

The typical 4-year-old:

Has a vocabulary of more than 1,000 words
Easily puts together sentences of four or five words
Can use the past tense
Can count to four
Will ask the most questions of any age
May use words that aren't fully understood
May begin using vulgar words
Learns and sings simple songs
Tries to be very independent
May show increased aggressive behavior
Talks about personal family matters to others
Commonly has imaginary playmates
Has an increased understanding of time
Is able to tell the difference between two objects based on things like size and weight
Lacks moral concepts of right and wrong
Rebels if too much is expected of him or her

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/002015.htm

And this:

The language skills of four-year-olds expand rapidly. They begin communicating in complex and compound sentences, have very few pronunciation errors and expand their vocabularies daily. They can follow multi-step directions and understand explanations given for things they can see. Four-year-olds frequently initiate conversations and are less likely to change the subject of conversation to areas of personal interest. They are also getting better at sharing personal experiences without prompts from adults.
Four-year-olds are building their knowledge of written language. They want to know what words in their environment say and can recognize many letters. By the end of this year, many children understand that letters represent the sounds in spoken words and may associate some letters with their sounds. Most children also are capable of writing some legible letters and know that writing goes from left-to-right and top to bottom.
Four-year-olds have an increased capacity for learning math concepts. They use logical reasoning to solve everyday problems and can effectively use language to compare and describe objects and shapes. They can count to "ten," recognize written numerals "0" to "9" and add and subtract using numbers up to "four." Four-year-olds know some variations of a circle, square, triangle and rectangle. They know days of the week, months and the seasons, but still cannot tell time.


http://www.pbs.org/parents/childdevelopmenttracker/four/index.html
She sounds pretty typical of a newly turned 4 year old to me. :hug: Kids change so much every month, try not to worry.

 

Sounds very normal to me. :hug: It's hard not to worry.

 

She sounds perfectly normal to me. It's hard not to compare twins, but they are two different people with different strengths and weaknesses. One of my twins is a reading machine and has been since she was 4. The other one can read some really simple things, and she's learning more and more everyday in kindi, but she'd much rather play make believe all day long. She can come up with fabulous stories. But my reader isn't all that great with make believe play and stories. It's all normal and good though, it's just the way they are.

 

This is what I was going to say as well. This is definitely one of the difficulties of having twins. If she was your first & only 4 year old, you would likely think that always well and she does sound like she is pretty much on track for 4. But having another 4 year old readily available for comparison, often makes it difficult to evaluate since we can't help but think, but why isn't this one doing the same as that one. You have gotten some great info here & hopefully it will help to ease your mind.

 

Thank you Thank you Thank you for all your comments. My twins are night and day so I don't really compare but when my JK teacher (Canada starts at 3 yrs before Sept) told me that she "stood out" in the class, it made me realise that she was seen as below her peers. I just wanted to know if there was some particular areas I could help her make connections and work through areas she has a harder time. I went to a early years intake yesterday and the woman put it so well.... was it one of the following three things:

1. not understanding what is said
2. too many words and unable to comprehend so many instructions or words at once
3. not used to "listening" due to past hearing issues and needs to be retrained to listen to instructions.


As a parent you just want to help them in any areas you can.

Heather

 

My link

The link above is for Auditory Processing Disorder, which is what we are looking at for one of my DDs.

She is doing well in school (1st), but has always always struggled in big groups, has a hard time w/ some social cues, and has some sensory concerns. Now in school she does not seem to 'hear' or follow oral directions so we are exploring the above w/ her Drs.

Is that something you have looked at? Talk to the staff you have already worked with--- usually it is not dx until age 6/7+, but my DD has signs since infancy.

Best of luck! Hopefully your DD can get some help to make school more successful for her.

 

I'd have her eyes and ears checked. Children who do not hear or see well tend to lag behind this way. Is speech therapy available or qualified

 

she sounds completely normal to me. perhaps she is more of a quiet one,and just isn't a jump into learning right now. I don't think that at this point from what you have said there is anything to worry about. Kids are pushed so hard,I would just playfuly work with her on what ever it is the teacher says she needs more work on. when she is ready to get it she will get it. but until then you really can't make her.
but really I wouldn't worry too much about it. I didn't send my boys to pre k and didn't send them to k until they were 6 thats when they began to start to read. I think that they really learn alot from playing and just being around you in everyday life. you can show her patterns with many different things,just make it fun for you both.