How do you respond to this?

A few weeks ago (maybe 2 or 3), Kiefer and Cameron were having a talk about being a boy. Kiefer blurted out, I'm not a boy, I have a small penis! Ok, so he's now comparing his parts to Cameron or other boys he might see in the school's bathroom. He was still a little upset about it a little later on while he was peeing and I told him he's a big boy and he does not have a small penis. He seemed OK with that comment from me. He calls himself a big boy a lot. Before and after this he's constantly asking who has a penis and who has a 'gina (his word for a vagina). Normal toddler curiosity. Again not finding anything unusual about his comment. Heck, Cameron is obsessed with boobs. A bit young, but it's a part that he does not have, so it's gotta be more interesting.

Last night kind of surprised me. I was tucking him in and laying in his bed with him. I was just talking to him about what song he wants me to sing, and he interrupts me with this conversation...

Kiefer (while touching my face): You have a 'gina?
Me (Jokingly): not on my face, I don't.
Kiefer (with a smirk and pointing toward my legs): No, you have a 'gina!
Me: Yes.
Kiefer: I have a big penis like Daddy and Cameron?
Me (curious where this is going): Yes. That is correct.
Kiefer: I don't want a penis. I want a 'gina.
Me: Oh?
Kiefer: I am going to sleep until I have a 'gina. Then I'll wake up.

I was taken by surprise by that comment. I just kind of didn't say anything but smiled and rubbed his arm. Then he asked for a big hug. He said something else but I couldn't understand him. He got his big hug and we got our I love you's out. I got up and he told me he didn't want me to leave, and he needs me to lay with him more. I felt he really needed it this time as opposed to delaying his sleep (or maybe I needed to?). I laid with him longer until he turned over to go to sleep.

I'm still just chalking that conversation up as a strange but normal conversation. I can't, however, help but wonder why he said it. He hangs out mostly with the boys in his classroom, so I do wonder if someone said something that made him feel awkward or maybe is just feeling awkward on his own. I don't compare him to Cameron. Cameron often boasts about how big he [his penis] is. Kiefer is not small, but he doesn't boast about himself much. He already seems to be fully aware of his body. He's already shown humility and doesn't want anyone touching him near his privates. He'll let me wipe him, but he won't let me touch his penis (not that I want to, of course, but I will aim it if he doesn't and it's aimed down to his ankles when he is standing to pee). He doesn't want me calling him honey in the car or outside of the house. He expresses being embarrassed. I guess I wasn't expecting this yet at 3 years old.

Should I be concerned?


An Idea: It was a while ago, I think I remember Cameron telling Kiefer he's a girl cause he has a small penis, but he hasn't said it to Kiefer since....or that I've heard him say. I had corrected him at the time. Once, more recently, I actually heard Cameron tell Kiefer he's a boy and has a big penis. I just don't know why a 3 year old is so concerned with his size and how that identifies him.

 

I am wondering that even though Cameron has said that one time to Kiefer, it may have stuck. Or it could just that Kiefer is very curious (and confused) that girls have something different then him. I would monitor the situation and see if this is passing phase. I have b/g twins and they bathe together and my son is just astounded that my daughter does not have what he has. He's very curious about her vagina and I think it is because he really doesn't understand why she doesn't have a penis, so he is curious about it. My DH and I have told him that he is not touch her private parts, just like she is not to touch his. Both are very good about respecting that.

 

I've had this conversation with Jesse more than a few times. Not about the size of his penis but about wanting a "china". Sometimes after his bath he'll walk around with it tucked between his legs and he'll say "hey Mom, I'm a girl !!".
I'm still not sure what it all means or why he feels this way .... he acts like a typical boy playing with Star Wars figures and Lego's.
He dressed as a girl for Halloween and thought it was funny that people thought he really WAS a girl (he has very long hair).
But for now I just let him be himself and respect his wishes (he wants an Easy Bake Oven for Christmas) and he has a Hello Kitty blanket.
I don't have any real advice .. just know that I get how you are feeling. I can't help but be somewhat concerned .. but a big part of me also thinks maybe he is just very sensitive and maybe he isn't ever going to be a "dude" but grow up to be a loving, caring and thoughtful young man.

 

mine are boy/girl too... and like pp said, they are curious b/c they have different "parts"... with b/b twins, that has to be hard if they actually look a little different but both have penises... I would think squashing/or downplaying any comments about anyone's private areas would be the route I'd take, or just everyone looks a little different, just like hair color or being short or tall. not sure of the wording, but somehow just focusing that everyone's privates are private for themself.

I wouldn't think that at that age they understand what they are saying when they want a vagina vs. penis...

fun challenges!

 

I wouldn't worry about either. My 2 cents is that said he wants a "gina" as another of way of saying he wants/loves his mommy.

 

I wouldnt be too concerned either although I know how hard it can be to not worry about things like that. DH and I have been talking a lot about how to talk to the boys about their bodies. All of this Penn State stuff has got us all worked up. Additionally they are starting to get to the age where I feel we need to start talking about it more. This woman spoke at a MOM meeting a while back and she had a lot of good resources and suggestions. Anyone else have any good book suggestions?

http://birdsandbeesandkids.com/