MINE!

Just when I thought the second year couldn't get any more fun :laughing: my girls have learnt the word "mine". Every 5 second it feels like I'm breaking up a scrap...they push each other, pull hair, yank on each others clothes, scream, yell, kick, all to get the toy they think is "mine". The funny thing is I have 2 of almost everything in order to avoid situations like this but they still seem to fight. I have been doing toy "time outs" which help but I usually run out of places to out things since almost everything they start to play with they end up fighting over.

Mix this in with the chaos the time change as created and I'm back to thinking I'm gong to put them on the street corner with a "free" sign stuck to them (I'll probably put my 4 year old out too since he's been a real treat as well ). Are they ever going to be friends or am I going to be a referee for the next 18 years?

 

As I'm feeding them breakfast I'm reminded that it's not just toys, it's everything. They fight over the plate/bowl/cup/fork/spoon they get at meals, even who gets what yogurt container, piece of fruit, etc. Also, who gets which highchair, bid, carseat, seat in the wagon, side in the stroller...it goes on and on...it's exhausting!!!!

 

Oh you poor dear! I'm sorry but it makes me laugh because we go through the same thing....only I don't think that its as bad as yours hun. I'm sorry.

I don't understand why they all do the "I have the same toy, but I want yours" routine! It gets old quick. I would start doing real time outs and not just toy time outs. Who ever instigates the fight...they would go in the chair/spot/whatever. There have been a few times that I just let them hash it out. I don't let them hurt each other, but still, I let them try and figure it out sometimes.

Twins and an older sibling is a real treat!!!!

 

I have 1 who is forever and a day stealing toys from his brother. Somewhere late in the 2nd year I became convinced its time to learn about sharing and turns. I sat down with them and started saying the following.

To O: no, we don't take x from our brother. Give it back. Now say sorry brother.

Would you like a turn with the x?
Say brother , my turn please?

To S: can you share with brother?

In the beginning S would always share. I praised the heck out of them when they would. Now he doesn't always. If he doesn't, I say

O, S doesn't want to share. You'll get a turn later. I suggest a couple of things he CAN do ( which he usually snubs, lol ). After a minute or two, provided O isn't screaming for said thing (screaming = TO in our house), I say

S: ok, it's brother's turn. Please share x to brother.

It was an involved process and I still have to do it a couple of times a day, but my little 'thief' is getting the message that stealing isn't working and he needs to ask. I catch him practicing after he's been caught stealing so I know it's sinking in.

 

That sounds exactly like my house, except I just have the twins. And in addition to "MINE" my two have also learned "my turn" and "share, share, share" and "mean". Some days it's like a zoo around here!

 

Haha That is William's fave word! It is usually, "No! Mine!" as he runs after Nathaniel who tries to hide from his brother behind something.

 

Such a fun phase! This is precisely why I always preferred having two slightly different things to two identical items, everyone knew which things belonged to who so it cut down the 'mine!' a fair bit. Also for the things like highchairs, carseats, stroller etc they had a side each and sat on the same side every time, that saved a lot of hassle (both in terms of arguments and having to adjust straps for my different size twins).

For the toy arguments I did pretty much the same as Michelle described, got them to ask and wait for a turn (and made the other one share after a little bit). It does work eventually if you keep reinforcing it. Along the same lines some people have good results with setting a timer for a minute or two when there is a contested toy. One child gets the toy and when the timer goes off they have to give it to the other and the timer is set again for the first child to get it back, repeat until one or both have had enough of playing with said toy.

 

I have actually just started doing what you mentioned above today...I have "assigned" a specific car seat, high chair, bib, etc to each girl and at least at lunch and dinner the fighting about who was sitting where, eating with what and wearing what bid was a little less. I also separated their high chairs...they are now on opposite sides of the table instead of beside each other so hopefully that helps too . They are the same size and weight so until today I have always just put whoever came over first in the first chair/car seat/side of the stroller as the straps were always right for both of them.

Most of the toys we have 2 of are slightly different as we had one from my son and I got a second one after having the girls. This usually means there is one that everyone likes more even though they are essentially the same. I think I am going to try the timer thing. I will admit I often don't see who had something first when the brawls break out...if I can see it brewing I usually try to distract one of them with another, similar toy. My youngest is so much more laid back then her sister that she will often give in and leave her to it rather than deal with her wrath but that makes me feel bad for her as she always seems to be the one who gives in.

I am hoping this new phase is short lived . Thanks for all the suggestions and support!

 

I just wanted to update that I've been using the timer and have had AMAZING success with it. It also works incredibly well with my 4 year old. Usually before we get to the second timer session everyone has forgotten about the toy and moved on to something else...wow!!!!!!

Thanks

 

Glad to hear it's going so well. Thanks for the update.