Why won't he stay asleep!?

I'm sorry for another sleep thread, but I need to vent and also see if anyone has any advice. One of my twins has only STTN a handful of times. He goes to sleep no problems at all and is a great napper. But without fail, he wakes up every night and cannot put himself back to sleep. We've tried co-sleeping, which worked until the past few months. Now he refuses to go back to sleep in our bed. I've tried 5in/5out. He just gets more hysterical when I go in and then leave. I've tried full on CIO. He'll eventually fall asleep, but it seems like its hours and it doesn't improve. There's no "he cried for 45 minutes, then for 20 minutes, then STTN!" like the sleep books say from him. I give him a sippy of water, lovey blankets, a book to read (some nights it settles him down enough to be able to fall back to sleep), but nothing consistently works. He usually just throws whatever I give him out of his crib. He does play with the strings on the crib rail protector fleece. He likes to snuggle, so I would co-sleep if he would sleep. Picking him up, hugging him, bringing him to our bed for a little bit (like 20 minutes) does seem to help, but how do I get him to put himself back to sleep without me, especially since he won't co-sleep? To be honest, I think he would like to be swaddled, but obviously we can't do that anymore at this age.

I have one theory that I need to try out again tomorrow night. Both twins came down with colds this week and Chase actually STTN the first two nights of his cold. The only thing I did differently was put them to bed at 7/7:15 instead of 8. Maybe I've been putting them to bed too late? They wake up from their second nap around 3:30/4, which is how I got the 8 o'clock bedtime.

I just wish I knew what he needed in order to help him learn to put himself back to sleep. These night wakings can turn into hours, which just isn't good for anyone!

 

:hug: Joanna. I think you might be on to something with the earlier bedtime. That's what I was going to suggest. Let us know how he does with it. I hope he starts to sleep better for you!

 

I would definitely try the earlier bedtime. It could also be a cold - my boys' sleep always gets WAY out of whack when they have a cold.

 

Thanks! They were in bed by 7:15 tonight, but Chase struggled to fall asleep, so it was more like 7:30-7:45 before he fell asleep. Hopefully that doesn't mess up his sleep too much.

I used to say it was teething, a cold, change in routine, etc, but its every night regardless of what's going. It was crazy because he actually slept through the night the first two nights of his cold. I was shocked!! DH works nights and I was totally expecting for an awful night by myself. But I'm hoping the earlier bedtime helps.

Fingers crossed for tonight!!

 

He sounds like one of my DDs. Both still wake up occasionally but one is waaaay worse than the other.

I also tried everything you had on your list and was about to pay a sleep consultant because I was desperate! When you tried CIO how long did you try for? We ended up doing full on CIO about 2 months ago...it did not take 3 nights like the books say, it took 10 days to get better sleep and a full 2 weeks to get her sleeping to where she was no longer waking up. I had tried in the past and would usually give up after 4-5 nights thinking that it wasn't working but have now learnt that my kids regress on night 5 and this lasts a good 2 nights before things start finally getting better. Also, like you, it was not 45 min, then 20 min, then sleeping, it was HOURS and it did not ever seem to get better!!! It was a horrible 10 days and I hated every minute of it but now we are getting more or less full nights of sleep (they have had a cold so we've had some wake-ups).

I also agree with the earlier bedtime. We start putting the kids to bed at 6:30 and by 7 or 7:15 they are usually all asleep. Now they all sleep until 6 or 6:30 whereas before they were up by 5am or before. GL! I know how challenging the sleep thing can be...hands down it is the hardest part for me about having kids!

 

I also think the earlier bedtime is a good place to start. My boys go down for their second nap around 2:00-2:30 but wake up anywhere from 3:00pm - 4:30pm. A lot of it depends on what happens with the morning nap - if it was skipped or really short or really long. Regardless, they go to bed at 7pm, and sometimes by 6:30 if they skip a nap and seem extra tired. I know a lot of people follow the 2, 3, 4 rule and the 2 and 3 part works for us, but our boys wouldn't really last 4 hours in the evening before bedtime.

 

:hug: Joanna. It sounds like skipping the nap might have set him off course. It's very hard when you have to handle the night wakings by yourself. I had to do that the first two years of the kid's life when my DH was working midnights. I hope tonight he does better for you, so you both get a good night's sleep :hug:

 

I also have friends whose babies slept through form an early age, not mine. I also asked the question of what am I doing wrong. ( I did not do CIO as I find it too stressful, but if it works for you try it. I would suggest starting on a Friday; at least you can have a nap the next day if you were up the whole night.) DS also still wakes for no apparent reason some nights. Luckily co-sleeping still works for us.

I hope your day is not too hectic. Stick to putting them to bed earlier and hopefully they are napping well today. I hope that all of you will have a good nights rest

 

I know how you feel. My boys were up many, many times until around 9.5 months (CIO did work for us, though). During that time, I had a friend who had a baby and he literally slept through the night the very first night home from the hospital and every night after that. It was SO frustrating!! Hang in there, try to be consistent, and hopefully things will get better soon. I know missing a nap messes my boys up for about 3 days, so hopefully this is a temporary setback.

 

Oh my, Joanna i'm so sorry, i had no idea you were going through this. I don't have any advice other then I agree with an earlier bedtime, mine are in bed no later then 7pm, and maybe trying cio for more then a few days, my husband works nights too and I can remember how awful it was at one point. I bet MoM's night can't get here soon enough, I think you will be due for a few drinks!

 

Have you tried feeding him?
It sounds simplistic and I know it says in books and stuff that they shouldn't need it, but maybe he does. My son is almost 20 months and he still feeds overnight.

 

What about trying to phase out the morning nap, maybe he is getting to much sleep during the day?? Who knows toddlers are so hard!!!

 

Yes, I am definitely in need of a drink!! I still need to find a babysitter for this month, but my MIL should be able to watch the boys.

Sadly, I've tried that I've tried rocking and offering a sippy of milk, a bottle with milk, giving him a sippy of water in his crib, and nothing. Ugh! Well, on some random nights, the sippy of water settles him down and some nights if I give him a book in his crib as well, he'll stop crying, drink the water, look through the book, and settle down enough to fall back asleep. But most nights, he just throws everything out of the crib. I had thought I had it figured out with the sippy of water, but it doesn't always help. I think he mostly just wants to be held, so co-sleeping worked for a few months. Now, he just thinks its party time when I bring him to our bed. Do you have any suggestions for helping to make co-sleeping work and making him realize that our bed is for sleeping?

Toddlers are definitely so hard! We tried dropping the morning nap about a month ago, but Chase was soooo cranky by dinnertime that we went back to the morning nap, but only let them sleep for an hour. It might be time to try dropping it again though.



So, DS2 decided to STTN last night, but of course DS1 didn't!!! Ahh....life with twins! :lol: Thank goodness DS1 is easy to settle in the middle of the night and goes right back to sleep. Crossing my fingers for a good night tonight! At least tomorrow is Friday! YAY!

 

I would agree with CIO for a good amount of nights in a row. Maybe a week or two. With my boys, they didn't do well co-sleeping either. And, we realized that going into their room to try to help them back to sleep, didn't work either. Even though they were crying, they needed to do it themselves. And I think the crying was just them struggling and trying to work it out. So CIO worked for us. We still have nights once in a while where we can tell that we need to go in and help soothe - and then I'll usually hold one for a little while and put him back down. He'll cry, but then eventually go back to sleep. After a long time, we now know their cries and when we need to help them and when they just need time. But, it's not easy. i'm so sorry you are having a tough time and lack of sleep is the worst. Good luck!!

 

My philosophy has always been to show. But I know that every child is different and picks up on things different. I don't remember my girls ever wanting to play in the middle of the night. My son did for a while in the first year. But as a working mother with a husband who is out of town M-F, I pretty much colapse into bed when put my son down and fall asleep and sleep for a couple of hours. About 75% of the time I wake up around 9:30 and get up and watch a video or read for a couple of hours before returning to bed. The other 25% of the time I just get up long enough to brush my teeth and get ready for bed for real. When he was waking at night and wanting to be awake I'd just stay there in the dark half asleep or at least pretending to sleep. Luckily that phase didn't last very long.
I feel like if I tell my kids, it's time to sleep, then I should sleep or at least pretend to. If I say it's time to sleep but that doesn't inclued me then that gives the the opening to want to be with me, doing what ever fun things they imagine I'll be doing without them.