Playdate dilemma

Amy and Sarah started kindergarten a month ago, in the same class. Predictably, Sarah has been a bit slower to make friends. She seems happy but doesn't have one special friend (that I know of). Amy, on the other hand, bonded with one particular kid on the very first day.

Now that kid is going horseback riding as a birthday treat this weekend -- her parents said she could bring one friend and she picked Amy. The mom is very sensitive to the twin issue and said it would be fine if our whole family came, but it's basically a playdate, and my policy is that playdates are not a package deal.

It's just that it's such an exciting playdate. :unsure: I also feel like it's a little harder on Sarah because she hasn't made any close friends of her own yet -- as opposed to preschool, where all the kids were buddies and if someone invited Amy, we could easily arrange something else for Sarah.

The same child is having a traditional birthday party in a couple of weeks and invited all the girls in the class, which makes me feel a bit better about it.

Advice on how to handle this?

 

I don't have older twins so I haven't had to deal with the emotions yet but it seems given your rules that Amy gets to go horseback riding and both get to the more traditional party. Could you plan something fun for Sarah just to take a little sting out of the allure of horseback riding? Maybe a nails day or something else she would enjoy? If you take out the twin factor (them being the same age) how would you handle this situation if they were just sisters?

 

I agree with Irene .. you have to treat them as if they were just regular siblings in certain situations. Maybe you 2 could just go do something like a movie ...

It's happened to us a few times already .. and I know it's a sticky situation ..

 

I would let Amy go to the playdate and do something fun with Sarah. I think you said it best, that your rule is playdates are not a package deal. I know it's going to be tough, but it's going to happen with school and the kids (although it's hard I know) need to realize they are not going to be invited to the same things all the time. We are dealing with it here as well, mine are in separate K classes, and I've just told them that's how it is, they won't always be invited to the same things and that is okay. :good:

 

That's basically what we decided to do (though we haven't told the kids yet).

It's just hard because if you ask Sarah who her friends are in the class, this girl is usually at the top of her list, along with a few others. But the girl, although she likes Sarah just fine, thinks of Amy as her best friend. (And I think Amy is more popular generally, because she's so much more outgoing.) If they were siblings of different ages, they wouldn't be choosing their friends from the same pool.

I also just worry about Sarah finding her feet socially. She doesn't seem to mind being kind of a drifter, but I worry that all the other girls are buddying up and she's going to be left on the outside. But I guess I should work hard not to burden her with my worries about her social life!

 

Can you invite a girl who is second on the list over for a play date of your own?

 

This is a great idea! That way Sarah will hve the opportunity to have some one on one time with another little girl and maybe find her special best friend without Amy there. I have similar concerns for my Meara because Ana is so outgoing (and overbearing at times).

 

I would just send Amy, and do something fun with Sarah, like maybe the above mentioned playdate of her own.

 

Sarah requested to go to the bike park (this being Boulder, we have an entire enormous city park dedicated just to biking) with Mommy & Daddy. She actually doesn't seem that upset about the playdate. So I decided not to make a big push out of inviting someone else for her to play with.

 

I think that's a great idea! Some alone time with BOTH Mom & Dad? How special for her to have you both all to herself. :good:

 

Geez, I want to go to the bike park. How fun is that! Enjoy your one on one time with her!