Upset about an incident on the bus

This is the first year Abby and Gabe are riding the bus with older kids. They started Kindergarten this year. My 3rd grader also rides the bus home with them (I drop them all off in the morning). Our district has the 5th and 6th graders (middle schoolers) ride the bus with the elementary kids. I asked the bus driver on the first day if he would make sure that my 2 sat up front. His response was "I guess I can if that's what you want". The bus drivers are supposed to have the young kids up front and the older kids in the back. The kids have been telling me that he lets the older kids sit where ever they want on the bus and that they are always screaming and being mean. My kids have been sitting probably 6 or so rows back, which I wish they sat closer but thought things were ok.

Anyways, here's what happened today....I over hear Abby asking DD1 was "those words" meant. When I questioned them about it, they told me a 5th grader was trying to convince Abby that the word Bit*h means "I love you" and the word F##k means "hi". I asked DD1 if she knew who the kids was. She said she did and I asked if she knew his name. She did and she told me. I got on the phone to the transportation dept. and left a message for the bus driver. I want to insist that my kids not sit with the older ones, but is that being unreasonable? I'll talk to his supervisor and our principal if the issue doesn't get solved. My husband is ready to call the Superintendent already, but I want to talk to the bus driver first and see what he has to say. WWYD?

 

I think this should be the rule on all buses... that the little ones sit up front. :good: I know that our bus driver has started this as of today because my two and a few other first graders were getting pushed (not meanly but everyone trying to get on and off) by the older kids. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all!! Take away the foul language part of it <_< they should be up there so the bus driver can keep a closer eye on them. Good luck. I hope the bus driver cooperates so that you don't have to talk to anyone else (which will only look bad on her)... it's a very simple request.

 

I remember the last year I rode the bus (13 years old) I remember this set of twins that were in first or second grade cussing up a blue streak and being so shocked that they talked that way so it's not always the big kids you have to worry about. Id call the superintendant the kid needs to be kicked off the bus/expelled. Their is no reason for any kid to be telling that sort of stuff to the younger ones

 

I agree with this. That kid (or kids) should be banned from riding the bus if this is how they are going to behave. Stories like this really do sour my stomach. The thought of Abby and Gabe being exposed to that kind of behavior really saddens me. I know what good parents you guys are and imagine you are beside yourself right now. I hope you can get this straightened out.

 

Thanks ladies. I actually know who said it now. I am friendly with the boy's Mom and his brother was in DD1's class last year. I'm not saying my kids have never heard swearing, but to hear this from a kid on the bus and the kid was trying to trick her into thinking these were normal words for her to say just makes me so angry. I know that it's not just the older kids that can cause issues. I do think any kid doing this sort of thing should not have it tolerated. Unfortunately on our bus, it seems to be mostly the older kids right now and I just wish the bus driver would follow what he's supposed to and keep the older kids in the back and the younger ones up front. I'll keep you all posted on my talk with the bus driver tomorrow.

 

I would call the principal. I know that in our school, any bus issues are to be dealt with by the assistant principal.
Our old bus driver was know to say "he is only paid to drive the bus and get the kids to and from school ."

 

Wow! I'm sure that made parents feel safe about sending their kids on the bus. I think I will call the principal tomorrow and let her know. Last year, they moved our 5th and 6th graders to their own building, so the kid that was doing this isn't in our school but rides the bus since they combined the busing for the 5/6 building and the elementary levels.

 

I would be soooo upset. The principal will have a lot of control over the discipline issues. To my knowledge, any bus incident for middle schoolers in my school is handled by our principal or asst. principal. The superintendent really only gets involved if it's a huge issue.

 

I'm not sure how it would work since it's 2 schools. But, I'm hoping that our principal can help and bring in the other principal if need be.

 

Since you know who did it it should be easier to get a solution. My big problem was with the trickery more than be actual swear words. My girls I'm sure have heard the words but know they aren't supposed to say them.

 

Yep, my kids have heard those words before. I have a big issue with him trying to trick her into saying them either by repeating them or by giving her fake definitions for them. My kids know they aren't allowed to say those words and as far as I know they haven't. 2 years ago, this kid got kicked off the bus about a week into the school year. I was just talking to a friend that lived on our street last year and she said that he got kicked of 2 days into the school year last year. So, he doesn't have a great track record.

 

Kid may just not want to ride the bus. I've know of kids doing weirder things

 

I agree that the kids should be separated by age, more for maintaining some sense of calm on the bus than anything else. However, I wouldn't get terribly upset about the foul language and most definitely would not demand that the children be suspended or expelled. There are going to be many, many times during their school years that older kids pull this type of cr@p. It's unfortunately human nature that some older and more mature prey on the younger and naive. I would focus on emphasizing with your kids the behavior that you expect from them in response. You can't control the other child or that child's parents. You can only control what you teach your own kids - so start as soon as possible in developing their skills to deal with the idiots they will encounter throughout life.

Just my $.02

 

I just talked to the principal. The bus driver and I keep playing phone tag and I wanted to move forward since he said he wouldn't be back until this afternoon. Anyways, the principal is going to contact the Trasportation Supervisor to keep her in the loop and also call the principal at the middle school. She said that the principal there will deal with the issue and he will most likely get a warning about bus behavior. I told her I know kids will be kids and I know that bus rides are not going to be perfect, but this crosses the line. She said that we need to deal with it b/c even if he's not sitting next to my young kids, that won't stop him from doing it to other kids. She asked if I knew who it was and I told her that DD1 told me it was XXX and she knew the name and said that we for sure need to deal with it (she knows this kid). So, I will wait for the call back from the drive b/c I want to have good communication with him and make sure he is aware of the issue as well as tell him again that I'd like A & G closer to the front.

FWIW, I do know kids will be kids and this won't be the last time an issue comes up where they need to know how to react/respond. We do talk through ways of dealing with situations and how to get help if needed or what they could say. I asked Abby what she said to this kid and she said "I already know what those words mean", which I think is pretty good. She's my shy one too. I worry about other kids that may not have the skills or ability to respond/react. I guess this is a learning lesson for all involved.

 

I am glad you are being so proactive on this! Great job keeping the lines of communication open between you and the principal. Sounds like this child has had prior issues and apparently did not learn from them. Sorry you are having to deal with it though.

 

I don't think you're being unreasonable. Our bus driver makes the kindergarteners and first graders sit in the front of the bus, and the older kids in the rear. It's the district rules.

Sorry you are dealing with that. Our bus consists of children that live within maybe 3 blocks of me, and that is all. So I know most of the kids and parents anyways. Thank goodness they are all nice kids who wouldn't pull that kind of stuff! Our bus only has kids up to 5th grade.

 

I think you handled it well.

Sounds like that kid has been a problem before, hopefully they will do something about it!

I would have been LIVID! My girls do not know those words and likely have not ever heard them. One of my DD has some social concerns and would have totally taken the boy at face value for what he said and believed him.

Kids will be kids, but that crosses a line. One thing for him to be messing with kids his own age, but to try to bait younger kids- that is ick factor times ten. The bus really needs to set up in a better manner to prevent this type of thing- especially if you have K-6 graders.

 

I would call the school as well. I have learned with the girls being in school if there is something that happens to them it is best to deal with it right away. I have thought things would get better but they do not always.

 

UPDATE:
After I talked to the principal, I got a call from the transportation supervisor. She told me that she'd talk to the bus driver and let him know that he needs to have the K-1st graders in the first 4-5 rows and she thanked me for bringing the issue to them. The bus driver called me a few minutes ago. He said he is aware that there is a foul language issue on the bus, but he can't hear everything and know who exactly said what. He thanked me for calling (and that I called him first). He's already called the boy's parents and let them know of the issue. He'll be making an announcement on the bus today that the K-1st graders have to sit in the first 4-5 rows. He said he's been kind of slack on that, but sees the need for it. He'll also make an announcement about how foul language won't be tolerated. I told him that I know kids are going to be kids and it's not so much the language, but the trickery involved in it and some kids may take him at face value. He agreed and asked me to let him know if any other issues pop up and that he'll keep a better eye on the younger ones. At the last second I added that I hope he'll keep it anonymous so there isn't any "retaliation" of any sort and he said he would. I believe the boy's principal is speaking with him as well. I'm happy with the outcome and hopefully this is the end of it.

 

Yay for resolution! Hope there's no more issues

 

The bus pulled up today and it was so quiet and calm compared to last week. The kids said the bus driver told all the kids about where they could all sit and discussed foul language and that anyone found using it will have a "big punishment". The kids got off the bus smiling and said they had a fun ride home. So, hopefully this is the end of it. Thanks so much to all of you for your feedback and suggestions. I appreciate it.

 

That is great!!! I think you did the right thing and that the bus driver did not take offense with any of that. WTG! Hopefully the rest of the year goes better.

 

wow, that sounds great! I hope it lasts. Good thing you called!

 

I think everything you are doing is absolutely the right thing. It is exactly these kinds of things where I thank the powers that be that I"m in a situation where I am able to take them to school and pick them up everyday. It's one less stress for me to deal with.

Now, if I could just get dd1 to go to her K class without the assistance of 4 (yes 4) faculty members having to pry her screaming and crying little self off my leg and causing my heart to shatter into a thousand pieces...

 

At our school, our principal has zero tolerance for bus problems. If there is a small problem, we can email her and she will get on the bus and address all the kids at once. The kids have to sit in grade order too (K up front, 6th in the rear). It helps if you have a principal on the same page willing to correct all the problems.

 

I agree.

Personally I don't care if my kids sit in the front or back but they have to transfer buses. Our school has all kinders on transfer buses sit near the front so they are off first and drivers can make sure they transfer to the correct bus. My 2 are with their brother in 5th grade so it's not of concern for me.

As far as the language behavior I have seen it from ALL ages, including the 1st graders. That can happen when they have older siblings. It's really about driver experience and control.

I hate to have my kids hearing/learning such things but that's life and look upon it as a learning opportunity to teach right/wrong etc.

Personally I would go through transportation or your principal first then if not resolved, go to superintendent. You will get more respect from the big guy if you go through the proper channels first.

Just read your update. Great job! Glad things are working out.