Did anyone make it without CIO?

Thus far, DH and I haven't been the biggest fans of CIO for our 16 month old girls twins. Maybe it was because the first time we tried it, twin A gave herself an eye hyphema (ruptured vessels leading to blood in her eye). Maybe it's because bedtime is the only time DH gets to snuggle with the girls after a long work day and he looks forward to it. Regardless, our bedtime MO has been bottle, song (usualy Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star), which starts in arms and somewhere in the first verse the baby is transitioned to the crib to have her back rubbed/butt patted. Then we sit in the girls' room and shush them until they fall asleep. Generally, they wake once to complain about wet pants, but go back down once changed. It has worked really well... until recently. Lately, if they wake at night, they are taking FOREVER to go backdown. We're starting to wonder if we need to revisit CIO. That said, DH also argues that maybe it is just a phase and they are going through something developmental. They are imitating everything we say and are SOO busy as of late.

So, I thought I'd poll you ladies to see, did anyone make it without using CIO, or some variation thereof (graduated extinction, etc.)? Are we the last CIO holdouts?

 

No no no no no! you are not the last holdouts. Millions of people in the world, even some of us with twins, would never ever ever leave our children alone in a room to cry. CIO is not the norm in the world in fact I don't think anyone outside of the US does it. I'm with your DH, as a working mom I really savor bedtime. I found that my girls went back to sleep quickly when they knew I was nearby. I'm sure you've seen that book, Go the F**k to Sleep--Well I didn't relate to it at all and in fact I'm sure the little boy in the story kept waking up because he sensed his parents were just waiting for him to be out of their hair so they could have fun without him. You send the message to your children that nighttime is for sleeping by sleeping at night. I'd go in, change their diapers, keep the light to a minimum, shush and back rub like you do when putting them down. Maybe make sure they are not hungry, they could be having a growth spurt and need a more substaintial bedtime snack. There are a lot of good websites out there for parents which give other CIO alternatives.

 

We did do CIO because our boys can not, will not ever ever ever go to sleep while we're in the room. But that's us, and I think the key is to be responsive to what works for your kids. Obviously if you have a child crying to the point of throwing up, it's doing more damage than good. there are plenty of books and resources out there about non CIO methods that you could try, like No Cry Sleep Solution. I will say that our kids went through many phases where they would suddenly not want to go to bed at night and it was usually related to their busy little brains catching on to something new. The key for any good nighttime experience is routine; pick something and stick with it for a few weeks. Hopefully they'll be back to sleep in no time!

 

I resisted CIO for many months. I tried every sleep method I could find - read lots of books, and tried each system for a couple of weeks. Nothing worked, and at 9 months old, we were still having to rock them to sleep and up 3-4 times a night or sometimes more (and not to feed them or change them - they needed to be rocked to get back to sleep). I couldn't stand the idea of just leaving and letting them cry, so we did modified CIO where we would go in and comfort them at increasing intervals and then leave again without picking them up.

I really was at a breaking point when we did CIO. At 8.5 months, I fell asleep while driving with the boys. Luckily none of us were hurt (wish I could say the same for my car...), but it scared me and I knew something had to give and SOON. So I researched CIO and decided what to do. Since we did it gradually, it took about 2-3 weeks to really work, but it did work and I don't regret it one bit - they are happier, better rested, and so am I. Only rarely do I get up with them at night now - if I know they are sick, I will get up, otherwise I go by instinct on how the cry sounds (although they rarely cry out much anymore).

I think you have to do what it right for you. If you are happy with how things are and you all are getting enough rest, then that is great. You definitely could be seeing something developmental, so it may be wise to give it a few weeks before doing anything too drastic (unless you have hit a desperation point like I did with wrecking my car, but it doesn't sound like you are at that point...)

Good luck with whatever you decide!!

 

I have never did CIO with the girls and won't with any future children. we rocked or patted and coslept at times. Growth spurts can disrupt their sleep. Hope they are back in the grove soon.

 

I did do CIO but I wanted to comment on your issue with them suddenly waking at night.

Right around that age, maybe a little earlier around 14/15 months, my son suddenly decided he no longer wanted to sleep in the middle of the night. I tried EVERYTHING! I tried giving him something to eat in case he was hungry and going through a growth spurt. I tried something to drink in case he was thirsty. Gas drops for an upset tummy, motrin for teeth, teething pills for teeth, I even tried suppositories in case he was constipated, I tried different pajama's, more blankets, less blankets, different pillow, different stuffies, I tried CIO, I tried rocking him (we never rocked them to sleep, they'd been sleeping on their own in the crib since about 9 months old), snuggling him, taking him to bed with me, putting him in bed with my husband, snuggling with him on the couch.....I was at my wits end. He would wake up around 1am (around the time I normally go to bed) and would be up until 3-4am. Every.Single.Night. He did this for about 2 months...maybe it was only 6 wks....regardless it was a LONG time in the lack of sleep department for this mama! I would just cry when I'd hear him wake up because I knew he wasn't going to settle down for awhile. I finally started turning the monitor off, and setting my alarm clock for 1hr later, to wake me up to check on him. And finally, towards the end of that 6 wk run, he started sleeping again. One week he slept 1-2 nights all the way through, the next 4-5 nights, and then he was back to sleeping normally every night.

I have 4 kids, he is the only one who ever did that. To this day I have no clue what the issue was. All I can tell you is it might be developmental, it could be teething (do they have all their teeth and molars in?), could be growth spurt....or it could just be some unknown issue!

 

We are another family that never did CIO even though there were and are times when I was or am really desperate for sleep.

A good ressource for things to try are The No Cry Sleep books - there is one for babies and one for toddlers and pre-schoolers; I think your children would probably fit either category, depending on which book you can find at the library. Once you pick something new to try at bedtime or at night you will need to stick with it for a while to see if it works.

BTW Meximeli. CIO is very common here in Germany too. I have learnt not to talk about sleep problems because "you need to do CIO" "why have you not done CIO yet?" etc. is all you will hear from most people.

 

We never did CIO, it took longer to get them to sleep through the night,but in the end they did. I find it too stressful to listen to them crying.I hope that you find a way that works for you. We also go through patches where they do not sleep so well at night and the reason is not always clear. :huh:

 

We didn't do CIO. We did more of a graduated extinction-type approach when the boys turned 1, but to be honest, they caught on pretty quickly and there has never been a lot of fussing/crying. Now, that's not to say we don't have bad nights now and then!

When you say that lately they're taking forever to go back down, do you mean they're crying during that time? If they're just fussing or making noises or what have you, I'd leave them to figure out how to get themselves back to sleep (as long as you know all needs are met). If they are crying, maybe try more of a graduated extinction approach and just stick to it. Go back in every 5-10-20 minutes to rub backs, assure them that you're there, but it's time for night-night and don't pick them up. I think one of the most important things you can teach a toddler is how to get to sleep on his/her own. I'd try to transition out of being in the room the entire time they're falling asleep. This way, when they wake up in the middle of night, they're not surprised and won't expect you there. That made a huge difference for us.

Hopefully, they're just going through a phase and things will settle back down. I'd just stick to a routine so they know what to expect and try to push for letting them get themselves to sleep without you in the room (even in you have to enter/exit a few times).

 

Thanks everyone. I feel like every time we have a sleep disturbance, I post something. It is reassuring to hear that we are not the only ones who don't really want to do CIO unless we have to, and I appreciate the widom of those of you who have had regarding how you came to that decision. I think we'll give it a few more weeks before we decide because, at this point, I am not totally exhausted. I just wich for a full night's rest. Maybe it's because yet another playgroup mom commented the other day how her baby doesn't wake in the night because of CIO. I try to resist, but sometimes I feel like I am a push-over parent because I won't CIO.

MexMeli - My husband got me the book you mentioned other day. I will admit, when I am wide awake after it has taken me 60 minutes to get a twin settled back into bed, it does provide me some humor. That said, I did wonder - who are these parents who are watching movies and eating popcorn. What is a movie???

 

DUH. My girls have been growing lately, just look at the number of shoes they have outgrown in the last two months! I tried a cup of milk and that seemed to work. We did it in near darkness and we rocked in the rocker while she drank, then back to bed. She was still restless, but I laid down next to her crib and she seemed satisfied with that. She didn't fall back to sleep right away, but she didn't pitch a fuss either. So, we all won. Except I admit I fell asleep on the floor. Oops! Thank goodness we recarpeted her room with plush carpet and I had my head on my childhood teddy bear.

 

I'm glad that seemed to help! I personlly believe the best way to teach a child to go to sleep on their own is to go to sleep in their presence--you know, let them see how it's done. :lazy:

 

We didn't CIO in the middle of the night. We still go in if they need us because it is usually quick. At bed time, Henry did go through a phase at 18 months where he wanted one of us to stay there until he fell asleep. Since I have an older child, it was not possible. Also, if I stayed, they NEVER went to sleep. So instead, I would tell him "i'll be back in 5 minutes to check on you" and set my iphone clock for 5 minutes. Then I would go in and tuck him in and tell him I would be back in 5 mins. It took 2 nights of that and he stopped.

As for waking wet, we went to overnight diapers and it really cut down on Jacob waking at night.

 

What brand do you use? I tried the Papmers and honestly couldn't see any difference, except in price. :search:

 

Huggies overnites are GREAT! We also had to put cloth diapers inside of them when things got REALLY bad!! GL!

 

I never did CIO. It's just something that I don't believe in for my children and I have two girls and the twins.

My twins from very early on would fall asleep on their bouncies. It was incredible, just put them in and they were out. So, it worked for us and they still fall asleep there and they get moved to our king size bed because they co-sleep.

That's our routine and it works. Like everyone says, you have to do what works for you.

 

Right before my kids are about to hit a milestone, they seem to get really cranky and stop sleeping well. Then suddenly they could roll, or walk or talk or whatever and things settled back down.

I never did CIO. But that said, I will let a toddler fuss if they really need to sleep and won't otherwise. But I don't leave babies to cry and don't let my toddlers get hysterical. We co-sleep for at least the first year, sometimes a little longer... it's just depended on our situation. Right now, sometimes Spencer will cry a little when I put him down for a nap and say he's not tired and doesn't need to sleep. But he'll usually settle down in just a minute or two. If he starts to get upset I go in and sing to him and maybe rock him a little to settle him down and then leave again. I tried the CIO thing for one night with my oldest and decided it was really NOT for us.

 

We went with huggies and I swear if you weighed the diaper in the morning, it would weigh 5lbs with all of Jacob's pee in there. You can try going a size up if they are borderline diaper sizes. Jacob is in a size 5 overnight and size 4 normal diaper.