Sad ***Loss mentioned***

Yesterday I had a miscarriage :cry: I would of been 8 weeks today. I was very excited about having one more and being done after, dr says to wait 3 months before trying again but I want to be pg now I know it was for the best if something was wrong. Idk if we will try again I dont think I could handle a third m/c, I also had a m/c in 2008. Plus it doesnt help that my best friend found out she was pg days before I m/c, She cryed really hard when I told her and I said I dont want her to hide from me in fear of hurting but I talked to her today we didnt talk about my loss or her gain but it did feel weird. I am jealous and bitter and I dont want that to be like that for us I have known her since I was 11yrs old and I will be 36 next month there is just to many years of friendship between us I just dont know how to get past this...I'm sure time will help but I'm afraid every time I see her I will think of my loss and how unfair it is :cry:

 

I am so sorry. M/c's are so awful and lonely. I'm sorry that your friend is pregnant at the same time, too- that's hard. I hope that time will help heal and your friendship will continue under this stress. :hug:

 

:hug: I'm so sorry! I went through a similar situation last year - we had a miscarriage at 6 weeks & then found out shortly after that my little sister was expecting. She was due two weeks after my original EDD. I had all the feelings you mentioned. I talked about them with my husband & close friends to get them out. I let them exist & then I worked to let them go. They were there & they were real feelings & it was hard, but like you, I didn't want to have it ruin our relationship. I think grieving is such a process - you need to let each step happen & live there for a while before moving on & there aren't any short cuts. If you try to jump through one part quickly, it'll just come back again later. If you do need some time apart from your friend for now, I think it's important to say so. Just let her know it's not forever & you'd rather take the time now to be where you need to be so that when it's time, you can step forward without it hanging over your head. That being said, there are still times it hits me - I was my sister's birth doula & while she was in labour I took a moment, quietly on my own, to acknowledge my own sadness & to think for a bit that had things been different I would have had my own newborn by then. I tried not to ignore what I was feeling while at the same not necessarily dwelling there.

Be honest about how you're feeling. Take your time. :hug:

 

I'm so sorry for your loss I agree a lot with what Rachel said, you have to take your time and work thru each step of the grieving process, and if you need some time away from your friend, be honest with her, but let her know it's not forever, you just need some time. It *will* get easier, every day will get easier. One day you'll realize you just smiled again. One day you'll laugh spontaneously. And one day, you go to bed and realize, you haven't thought about "what if" all day long :hug: Just take it one day at a time right now.

 

I am sorry for your loss. It is never easy and I understand the wanting to be pregnant right away again. I m/c'd in June at 12 weeks. Your body will need the break, believe me, the hormones are not quite right yet for me and its been 3 months. I hope you can find some peace.

 

:hug: :hug: I'm so sorry. :cry:

 

:hug: I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

I'm so sorry

 

Thanks ladies your kind words mean alot.....I'm havin a really hard time and feel I have no one to talk too or that understand how I feel I know its a downer for you all to read.

 

:hug: I'm so sorry R&RMama :hug: Thinking of you during this difficult time :grouphug:

 

:hug: I'm so sorry for your loss. :hug:

 

I am so very, very sorry. I have had 2 mcs one in 2002 the other in 2009. i totally understand how you are feeling. :grouphug:

 

I am so very sorry. I was a wreck after my m/c and it was very difficult being around anyone pregnant. DH's cousin had a baby shower a couple weeks after I m/c'd and I just couldn't go. My OB gave me the go ahead to try after one normal cycle and we get preggo with the twins 6 weeks later. But I remember thinking I never wanted to try again for fear of having the same thing happen and feeling that same pain. I think with time, you will be able to be happy for your friend and the awkwardness will go away, but it will take time and I'm sure she understands that but maybe doesn't want to feel like she's rubbing anything in your face if that makes sense.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss .... it's one of the hardest things to endure. I've had two losses and nothing can prepare you for the heartache. Take one day at a time. One hour at a time if you need. It's okay to be mad and it's okay to feel the hurt and jealousy towards your friend. You've recognized that those feelings exist so in time they will not be so painful. I had a very similar situation and it took me awhile to absorb everything and learn how to move on. Big hugs to you!!! I hope you find peace soon!

 

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I never knew how awful m/c was until I had one. I thought it was sad and moms cried a little bit but then got over it. Wrong. I still get sad on my baby's due date and I lost him in 1994! My sister was due 2 months before me and no one understood why I just couldn't get excited for her or even see her new little one for a few weeks. I had to be selfish at that time and do what was best for me. Big hugs to you.

 

I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard to deal with your emotions. I have had 10 miscarriages and each one affected me differently. The physical pain is almost nothing compared to the emotional pain. So many people kept telling me "oh everyone has one, you will be fine". Allow yourself to grieve. My sister and I were due on the same day for one of my pregnancy's...that one was very hard to watch. And for another my best friend was due the day after and ended up giving birth on my due date. You find strength you didn't know you had. The best thing is to find someone who understands and talk about it...try not to bottle up your feelings to get by. Hopefully your friend will continue to be a good support for you. I know with my best friend she kept talking to me about it and told me to tell her when something was too hard. She was amazing for me during that time.

 

Sorry for you ladies that have suffered a loss and it makes me feel better knowing that my feelings are normal toward my bestfriend and @ Rachel having your sister had to be extremely hard so sorry and you nailed it when I read ur reply all I could do was cry Idk I thought my friend would of thought of me and decided to wait to tell facebook a few more days or weeks for goodness sake she posted her wonderful news to the world just hours after I told her I m/c :woah: That really hurt me :cry: ....All I could say is REALLY over and over to myself and then yesterday she is asking for prayers because she had a tooth pulled and cant take anything cuz it will hurt the baby, I know she should be and is excited I was too, I just choose to not tell everyone because of having a m/c before. She is only 4 weeks and I just felt like she didnt have to pick that day of all days to tell. I think I may have to take a break from facebook, I dont want to unfriend her but thats what I'm ready to do!!!! My mom was upset when I told her what she said on facebook and said that(Sandra) only thinks of herself(a mothers love :hug: ) IDK maybe I'm just a pushover I dont think she was meaning to rub it in my face but it sure did hurt :cry: Thanks again for listening I just got to find a way to deal with this!

 

@ Jen so sorry :cry:. I do have another friend that has had 2 m/c and totally understands, I have been talking to her more about how I'm feeling. She gets it!!!!

 

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

 

I'm so sorry your friend is not being sensitive to you! I surely hope for her sake that nothing happens. That's really early to be telling people...But to each their own, I guess. If it were me, I'd have to stay away for a while. I would burst out into tears or say something hurtful in my grief. But that's me. Only you can know what's best for you. Grief is so individual. What works for some won't with others. I'm so very sorry you are going through this. I searched and found a multiple miscarriage support group online after my losses. Those girls I have now known for years and have the best understanding that friends in my real life can't. Just being able to vent helped tremendously.

The bliss of those who have never had to loose a child, is so so so hard to deal with. In one way, I'm happy for those that can have that "perfect" experience. But on the other hand, it's impossible to understand once you've lost. It hurts.

My sis and I found out we were pg on the same day 5 1/2 years ago. She has lost babies too, even after birth. But, when I lost Hannah and she continued on to have her little boy, I still had a hard time. I was beyond happy for her though, after what she has been through, life is still a miracle. We were due 2 weeks apart. I know she understands, but I seriously had to grieve that day. Hannah's due date was the 15th of October. Which is now National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day. UGH, every year I'm reminded...

I got pg right after and had an early loss. But then went onto having the twins. So you just never know what might be around the corner. We almost gave up trying. The twins were my last try. I couldn't handle anymore loss.

I'm so very very sorry you are going through another loss. :cry: :hug:

 

I'm sorry about your loss!

 

I'm sorry for your loss. :hug:

 

:hug: I am sorry.

 

Almost the exact same thing happened to me... My best friend got pregnant and then I got pregnant right after. We were due less than a month apart. She lives in Spain and in 2009 we took our entire family to visit there. She was starting to show a little and I was not yet. We were so excited to be pregnant together. While we were there visiting I lost the baby. I was devastated. She was in the room as the DR. told her and she translated to me. We cried, a lot. It was so hard at first knowing that she would have her baby and I would not. She went on to have a healthy little girl and I rejoiced with her. I totally understand how you are feeling. However, we then got pregnant 7 months later with the twins and now she is expecting number 3. I was glad to have such a friend there during that very hard time. I know it is hard but maybe look at your friends pregnancy as a blessing and be excited for you and you.... she is your best friend so in a way you are gaining a neice or nephew. You don't need to forget or not talk about your baby you lost. We were on the Mediterranean Sea when I miscarried and my friend goes there each summer and she tells me she always says hi to my baby... I find it comforting. Anyway, I am sorry for your loss, it is so very hard. Take time to heal and mourn as you need to. I still mourn but if I had had that baby, I would not have my twins. I mourned once and rejoiced twice. Best to you.

 

Thank you mom0f6, sorry for your loss also and I am so glad u and your best friend made it through. I am doing better day by day and I talk to my best friend just about every day and its getting alittle easier to talk to her she is now 8 weeks (thats what I was when I m/c and I today would of been around 12 weeks)but at this point all I can say to her is I know what your going through then I stop there I am really happy for her My dh and I have decided not to try again....I have 3 beautiful children and I feel I am very blessed even though one more would of been wonderful I can honesty say Our family is complete Thanks ladies, *Blessing to all* Amy