worried about kids..

i have written about this before but i get worried. i want to start by saying i am not labeling my kids as anything esp when i speak about them!

they are both very quiet around people other than my husband, me and granparents -- even around their own cousins.
they cry everyday when i take them to school but stop after five minutes, but they never participate by singing songs or doing motions dancing ect. at home they do sing the songs they learn at school just not there. they talk about the other kids at home but at school they aren't very social with them, altho one is a little more.. also when i make playdates --- they get sooo quiet and don't really enjoy it until the end -- and when we have more thsn one over or go to families homes they freeze.
what i can i do to get them to feel more comfortable to interact more??

anyone else experience anything like this??

 

Mine are like this and always have been. Things are much better, but they are just very quiet by nature. They take forever to warm up, especially with adults. It takes every ounce of my being to not speak for them, especially when they need help or want something from another adult. It embarrasses me when they don't say please or thank you, but they are just frozen.

Just keep up what you are doing. We enroll them in classes, when they were old enough we started organized sports, etc. We try to expose them to other authority figures and other children as much as possible. But it does get loads and loads easier.

The only thing that has not changed...singing in front of other people, especially if there are hand motions involved. They still will be the only ones up on stage, just standing there, looking like they are going to barf, while the others sing joyfully. I think it is funny now, but we no longer invite the grandparents who have to sit there and watch nothing!!!!

 

It doesn't sound to me like there's a medical explanation for their behavior, such as an autism spectrum disorder, but if you're unsure you should speak to your doctor. More likely, they're just going through a phase, or you have a couple of introverted kids on your hands. I'm introverted and so is one of my twins. I find that extroverted people have a really hard time understanding that introverted folks aren't antisocial or even shy. If you're an extroverted person, you should read up on the subject. There are tons of books and Internet resources on introversion/extroversion. I actually have the opposite problem that you seem to be having - my other twin is very extroverted. Satisfying her social and emotional needs is a constant struggle for me.

Btw, there's absolutely nothing wrong with introverted kids. They can actually be quite social at times but need time alone in order to re-energize. Extroverted people draw energy from other people, but introverted people find being with other people draining and need time alone to re-energize. It's quite typical for introverted kids to act reserved in group situations but then sorta "re-enact" the drama of the day when at home, alone. Sometimes they'll even use their dolls or stuffed animals to represent the actual kids in their class or playgroup.

 

My oldest still won't sing or do hand motions much in front of people, and he's 9. My second child will sing and dance but never did answer the questions when the shows on tv would ask them. The twins, yell out answers to the tv all the time! Every kid is so very different. Be gentle, but encouraging. Expose them to lots of different situations but don't stress if they are uncertain and shy most of the time. They have to decide how far out of their shells they want to come

 

Thanks! Glad mine aren't the only ones because in their class this past year they were the only ones not to participate like the others. I totally know what you mean by the please and thank you - so what do you do?? I always just tell them say thank you, and of course they don't and I just let it go and pretend they did to the other mothers, but what should I do? Occasionally one will mumble a thank you but ushually neither do. And yes it is embarassing because the other mothers always make their kids say it and that do. So how do you handle it, do you make them say or or keep prodding or just tell them once and move on when they don't?

i know what you mean about inviting grandparents - but this makes me feel bad too because the other grandkids - like their cousins are more extroverted so they go to their things without an issue.. anyways thank you for teh encouragement good to know we aren't alone and it gets better. how old are your twins?

 

i am thankfully not worried about them having a disorder because i see how they interact at home with eachother and with us. They were always like this around other people though and it hasn't gotten better yet but they are young - new three year olds. i am introverted as are they and i know there is nothing wrong with it, but i did always feel it held me back as a kid.. maybe that's why i feel so bad for them when they don't because i'm wondering if they want to do more but are just afraid..

 

You just described my kids. They are SOOO conscious of everything/everyone it makes it so that they seem overly shy. They are crazy-extroverted at home but OH MAN... school, public, anything... They freeze up.

I remember being a very very very very anxious child so this does not surprise me. I do not force anything on them cuz I really think that makes it worse. (I can remember.)

All kids are different and being shy is not a bad thing. My kids are shy and I'm okay w/ that. Other people think it's weird ( I can tell.) but I don't care.