Heading for a Breakdown!

Life is getting crazy lately -- my b/g twins are 19 months old, and I'm having a hard time trying to keep them happy lately. They are into everything, even when I try and keep them in a somewhat baby-proofed area. They always seem to find the ONE place they should be... And they are getting more whiny, my girl twin is now biting when she gets mad, and I have a 9-year-old daughter to also keep happy in this mix. My husband's car recently died, and money is tight, so we need to figure out how to find a new vehicle. He just returned from a three-day trip, during which he lost his phone -- a Blackberry which will need to be replaced for work purposes -- and when he arrived home he promptly spent two days in the bathroom with a stomach flu or food poisoning, we don't know which.

Couple that with my complete and utter dispair that we have to euthanize our beloved 10.5 year old dog tomorrow (she has bone cancer and we have agreed that it's time).

I'm so emotional, and my dog's impending death -- and having to tell our daughter tomorrow that she needs to say "goodbye" -- is killing me. My husband and I know this is the right decision, because we cannot watch our dog suffer anymore. We know it's going to get worse, so we want to head it off at the pass, so to speak -- we just hope our older daughter can understand. She has been through the deaths of five great-grandparents (four of whom she knew quite well) at this point, so this is not her first experience with death. I am grateful we have somewhat mentioned to her that the dog is sick and going to die. I am grateful that we still have a few weeks left before school starts, so she can grieve without the stress of school starting. I know it's the right thing, but I am angry that we didn't get a few more years with our pet.

I'm getting tired of stress -- money stress, pet stress, and twin stress... I think that this is such a difficult time, with the babies not yet being able to communicate well, not listening well, and just being so active and into everything. My older daughter was much less active and very verbal, and the twins are just not there yet, which makes it very difficult to keep them entertained.

Is this the "worst time" with twins? I know it must get easier as far as the babies not getting into everything? We spend a lot of time in our family room, which has a ton of toys, but the babies seem only to want to creep behind furniture (where I hide the things they should not touch) or they want to climb on the furniture. I work from home part time, so I am trying to work while "wrangling" them into using some toy that might interest them for five minutes so I work for a short time. And when my girl twin bites, I have tried to "time out" her, but she laughs and thinks it is a game. I'm at a loss for this latter issue.

I feel like this is a rambling post of nothing, but I just truly needed to vent.

 

:hug: Kellie! I am so sorry about the loss of your beloved dog....pets truly are like family and it is like losing a beloved family member. I am so sorry that you have other stresses on top of that too :grouphug:
I will say that 15-19 months were a tough time for us with the twins. I do think a lot of it was the fact that they (the twins) were frustrated that they could not communicate their thoughts and feelings how they wanted to---so cue a lot of tantrums and misbehavior. I also noticed that it seemed like my kids were more prone to biting when they were teething. Be consistent with your method of discipline, I know it's hard at this age when they don't understand as much. Even if right now all you are doing is re-directing them. I would tell my two how much biting hurts and pay a lot of attention to the twin was bit. It was something they did get out of.
Hang in there :hug:

 

Thank you Nancy.

Today is the hardest day; my DH will be taking our dog to the vet tonight and I'm trying to hold it together for our oldest until we have to tell her later.

Luckily my mother came over today and she is taking the babies for a walk with my oldest so I can work on a few things around the house in peace. I'm going to continue to discipline, like you said, so hopefully eventually they will catch on.

Thank you again!

 

I'm so sorry about your dog. We have two older dogs (12 and 10), and they are starting to really age and I dread when something happens to them. They are members of our family and I know it will be awful when we lose them.

My boys are also 19 months, and yes, this is a very hard time. There is lots of drama in our house - fighting over toys, pushing and smacking each other, screaming if they don't get their way, climbing everything, etc. They are talking more and more in the last couple of weeks, so I think things are maybe a tiny bit better than a month ago, but some days are still really exhausting. We can't take them anywhere without it being just totally draining because they are into everything - climbing, putting stuff in their mouths, etc., and they have absolutely no fear or understanding of very many boundaries yet. I keep telling myself it has to get better soon, like before they're 30. I look forward to the day where we can go out to eat or to a family member's house that isn't baby-proofed and not come home totally exhausted.

 

I have not read the other replies, but I'd imagine most of us here relate very well to you... at least in terms of the twin stress.

First off, I am sorry that you have to put your dog down. We did it six years ago with our beloved 16 year old cat that I'd had since I was a young girl and it is very, very difficult.

As for twin stress, I find this to be a very tough age. I want to enjoy our boys -- and I mostly do -- but so much of the day is spent breaking up fights, reprimanding them, and trying to keep them happy. I find myself waking up in the mornings dreading the fighting and whining that I know is to come. Like you, we have done seriously everything we can to childproof our home and remove things that the boys shouldn't play with. We no longer have chairs around our kitchen table, there are no drawers in the kitchen, we have removed nearly all of the living room furniture and have rearranged the rest, etc. and they still find things to do that they shouldn't or where they end up falling and getting hurt. DH and I try to sit down for a sip of coffee on weekend mornings and it doesn't last for more than a few minutes before we're trying to stop a fight or we're pulling the boys out of the dishwasher (we have a childproof thing on it, but it obviously is not working). And, the fighting. Ugh. My one son has become a biter, but it's in retaliation for the other stealing toys and such. So, who gets reprimanded? One? Both? The twins are our first so I find myself wondering all the time what it would be like with just one toddler at this age (we'll find out with our new baby). Add to all of this that we're in a nap rut and it makes for a lot of crankiness.

I just try to keep our days busy and use a lot of distraction techniques to ward off fights, bad behavior. I do hope that when the LOs get closer to 3 (people seem to say that's a magical age in terms of listening better and better communication skills), the stress will lessen, at least in terms of fighting, whining, and such. Hope things improve for you.

 

I am so, so sorry you are having such a tough time. You have SO much on your plate right now.

:grouphug:
The loss of a pet is the loss of a family member and I am so sorry you are going through this.


One thing that helped us with the biting was trying to trace it to it's root cause and nip that in the bud. I discovered the biter was being bullied by the bite-ee. Once I dealt with that bullying and did not tolerate it the biter quit biting. I don't know if that helps but it worked well for us.

I will be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers in such a difficult time. May your sweet doggie rest in peace. Hugs to you all. :grouphug:

 

Hi everyone,
Thanks for all the kind words and advice. We are adjusting to our new normal without our sweet dog. Today was better than yesterday, so I know with time it will get easier. People may so it's just a dog, but there are so many differences in our home right now. Just one example -- there are so many crumbs now! Even in her feeble state, she would clean the floor. Now I'm sweeping constantly.

As for the twins, it's just day-to-day insanity. My girl twin went up for her nap today and screamed for 90 minutes. I need to get my work done for my part-time job, so I just let her scream (actually, I went in once, laid her back down with her blanket and told her to go to sleep... Which shut her up for about 10 minutes.) My older daughter, who is now 9, was such a breeze overall as a child so this is a new challenge. We only have a few weeks left before school starts -- I'm hoping once we get our regular routine back it might help with the behavior issues too. I would like to get them out of the house more, which I think would help in general. I'm worried they might be bored. And they could possibly be teething too.

It's weird, because by this age my older daughter could point to letters when I said their name. She sat still to watch a TV show. She was speaking in simple sentences. She could hold a crayon and scribble and not fling it or write on something else. This two seem to have much less focus than she did, and don't want to sit and "learn," as she did. It's very hard not to compare, and I feel awful for even typing that I am comparing. It's just so much easier when there is just one!. And I feel like I need to set up a little learning routine for them to teach them how to pay attention and learn.

 

Every child is different - and while it IS harder with two, it's not necessarily anything you are doing or not doing. My boys do not know letters (although they do know a couple of colors), and they won't hold a crayon and scribble - they prefer to throw it, chew on it, etc. (so we don't give them access to crayons except at very limited times). Just a couple of days ago they said their first two-word phrase ("all gone") - but they are no where NEAR sentences. Except for that one phrase, it's all single words. Definitely work with them on learning if you can, but don't feel bad because they can't do things your older daughter could. My SIL had the same feelings with my nephew (he's 26 months). His two older sisters were much like your older daughter at 19 months - sentences, sitting still to do and watch things, etc. My nephew, however, is totally different. So hang in there and they will be alright!

 

I am sorry about you dog One thing that I am finding helpful with my twins is that I put some of the toys up and rotate them in and out. They play more with the toys that are out and when I get desparate I grab something "new". I have also grabbed tupperware and plastic spoons to distract them and an extra bath just to keep them contained doesn't hurt if you can get something done in the bathroom - sometimes I fold laundry in there while they splash.

 

I'm so sorry about the loss of your family pet too! We had to put our dog down when the twins were almost your twins' age. UGH! Yes, time heals, and you are already able to laugh about not having a dog with the crumbs! I remembered the SAME thing!

this is a tough age, and yes, each child is different. I remember at 24 mo. mine were not speaking 2 words together except "thank you" which doesn't really count in my book b/c you always say that together! anyway, my friend who's child is now 24 mo, is rattling off many word sentences!! ahhhhh... it's all good, and it evens out soon.

My twins are also very live wired, and very very busy! Not sure if it's because I can't deal calmly with them, or if they are just live wires! Try to be consistent. some other things you mentioned... YES teething hurts! poor kiddos and poor momma! everyone sleeps better once all those teeth are in!

and I'm not sure about having them "sit and learn"... they will learn doing too... not necessarily just in a more typical "school" situation. also, and I have a hard time with this one... try not to raise your voice at them, it just escalates the situation... I try remind myself of this many times! wish I were as calm as my nanny!

also in perusing the web one day I saw this... "blanket time"!! http://blogginaboutbabies.wordpress.com/2009/11/17/blanket-time/
maybe if you tried doing this with the twins you might eventually (after you worked up from 2 minutes to 30 mins at a time) some quiet time while they play quietly on their blankets. this was a post by a twin mom, and even has a cute video!

You have a lot of stressors right now, I hope that you are able to take one day at a time. You can do this!

 

My kids never did bite but as far as getting into everything and not being able to be pacified, I can totally relate. I think it is something most kids go through at that age. My girls were that way from about 18 months through 2.5 years but the good news is they did grow out of it. They are a little over 3 now and they find ways to occupy themselves and don't need me to "entertain" them anymore. It is definitely easier now. I never believed in the terrible twos but I definitely experienced it, I thought I was going to lose my mind. It was a very very trying few months. Try to stay positive. I know it is hard now but it will not last forever.

 

I could've written this post!
Firstly my 2 are starting to be more ........challenging! They are into everything! Our chairs are all turned around so they can't climb, evrything is 'up high', my poor 5yr dd room gets trashed at least twice a day etc etc etc I think that maybe they are getting a little bored, but because of the fact there is 2 of them, we don't go to as many places as I did when dd5yr was the same age! EG playgrounds/parks are sooooo much harder, going out for coffee, theres not many places that are 16month twin proof!!!

Also, I get extremely guilty over how much time I spend with the girls as apposed to dd 5yr and ds 10yr teaching them! I too am sure that the elder kids were saying more. I remember sitting with them and doing craft and dd 5yr could hold crayons etc. Twins would rather throw stuff on ground. I just don't have the time!!

 

I'm so sorry about your dog. :hug:

As for the twins, I guess at that age they want to discover a lot and have the ability to do so while they are, despite what you may think, looking for boundaries. It is extremely exhausting for parents to be setting them, but that'll have to be done. You can do it, look at your older daughter!

I also think it is frustrating to them that they cannot yet communicate at the level they would be willing to (receptive vs productive language skills!). Do not beat yourself up over not being able to sit with them and teach them stuff. The alphabet, seriously? At this age? I wouldn't even dream of it. :gah: Most days I'm happy if at the end of the day no accidents or major meltdowns have happened and everyone is fed and bathed.

Do your twins enjoy playing outside? I would recommend letting them use/lose their energy by running around and jumping and sliding and who knows what. That is, if the weather allows you to.

Is there a chance you can have a break every now and then? Maybe family or friends can watch them and you get to have some me-time.

I know it can be hard, but it'll all be better in time.

 

Kids are soooo different, and there's a huge range of normal, like with pretty much every other developmental milestone. For instance of my 6 kids, I had one who was talking before he was 1 and in complete paragraphs by 2. I had 1 that hardly talked much at all before he was 3 and still had to really concentrate to retell a story or event when he was 4. The rest all fell in the middle, starting to talk sometime between 18mo to 2 years old. It's really hard not to compare, I know. But really, I wouldn't stress at all. Instead, think of the fun interactions they have, the opportunity to learn to share that maybe your oldest didn't, etc. And at 19, I really believe that children learn from living life. Taking them shopping with you (if you're brave, LOL) and describing what you're doing, going to the park or on walks and pointing out different colors, animals, plants, etc, those kinds of interactions will cement what they learn so much better and especially if you have a couple without the longest attention spans (which also vary by child) will probably teach them much more than trying to set them down and teach to them in a preschool type setting. That's a handful of an age for most children, but especially with twins it seems. Hang in there! It gets easier!