ok. this may be nuts but i think my kids realllly love my DH more than me

granted i am home - my husband is also home 5 days a week. they love, love, love him and of course, i love that.
however. they ONLY want daddy! daddy to hold them, sit with him, pick them up....
im beginning to get a complex.

 

I notice you have a new baby. I went through the same thing with my girls when our baby was born. It will pass. One of the twins still will only let daddy pick her up in the morning and much prefers to be with her dad than with me. It does hurt sometimes when they say "I love you Daddy", but don't say "I love you Mommy".

 

My two swing through phases like this. For example, while we were on vacation last week their preference was my DH or my Mom. I chalked it up to the fact that they see me all the time and typically don't get to spend a whole week with their Dad and Grandma, so they were making the most of it. But then there are other times where it's just Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!
It does hurt sometimes but I've learned not to take it personal, just as my DH doesn't take it personal when they are in a Mommy stage.

 

I think that kids go through phases. I know mine did. It can be tough, but I am sure they love you also and will soon be back to wanting Mommy for everything!

 

It will pass. :good: I promise and you'll pray for this time again :laughing: Seriously though it's an age thing because I remember mine going through it and I was developing that complex as well. :blush: I cried about it and couldn't guess what DH was doing more or better then me to get their love... then they turned 3 and since then it's been all about me! me! me! I do like it this way though.


:hug:

 

I *totally* agree with Liz! My guys go back and forth, but there was a period of several months where Jack only wanted Dada. He would run away crying whenever I even approached him. It was SOOOO hard not to take personally, but I sucked it up with great difficulty, and let him have his space. He then completely turned around and went through a Mama-only phase! Now both boys switch it up day by day (or even hour by hour) which parent they prefer.

 

You just cannot internalize these phases. Your kids are happy and healthy and have parents who love them. I'm always a little bothered by these kinds of posts because I think what you are really saying is you want them to prefer you to DH. And how is that fair? Your kids are just learning about their feelings. You can't lay a guilt trip on them already. And if you let yourself internalize their every behavior as being about you, you will be doing that whether you mean to or not.

 

It's not fair, but it bloody well hurts, and it's nice to be able to verbalize it to someone outside the home. By talking about these feelings with neutral parties, you can get them out in the open, figure out why it's bothering you, and realize that it's a completely normal phase. ardon: I know this isn't about me, but personally I suck up all the worry, frustration, and hurt every day so I don't show it to my children. Sometimes I just have to get it out, and I'm guessing she feels the same way.

 

I'm not saying don't vent. I'm saying it's really not about us. You can't take how a two year old acts an make it about a failing you have as a parent. You'll drive yourself crazy. I was trying to help actually--as a working mom whose kids have had a steady preference for Daddy from birth. My bad for forgetting that constructive advice isn't always appreciated.

 

Constructive advice is always appreciated, but venting does not always equal laying a guilt trip. I agree that we can't let this affect how we interact with our children, but speaking personally, I *have* to let these things out sometimes. Maybe I'm taking this too personally, this one hits home.

 

I know it's hard, but really, use it to your advantage! My boys are 3 1/2 and want my BF who have been in their lives for about a year now to do things for them. When it's time for bed, and I try to get them ready, I hear "no, Ed do". Same with brusing their teeth and a whole host of other things through out the day.

You know what? Instead of taking it personally, I started handing over those responsibilities to him. He's more than happy to do it and it gives me a break. Before when I needed to go to the store, they would meltdown because I left the house. Now they WANT to stay behind with him and I'm happy that I can go to the store and not worry about what is going on at home or having to take them with.

Trust me, sooner or later it will switch to them ONLY wanting you and not wanting anything to do with your DH. We had a period of about 3 months that my one DS wanted nothing to do with my BF. If he even looked at him, DS would come screaming and crying "mommy, mommy". It was really hard on our relationship because my BF took it personally and I was exhusted because I had to do everything and could not leave the house without him. Now, DS follows my BF around everywhere and cries when he leave.

Enjoy it while you can.

 

We also went through this phase and I admit there were times when it hurt my feeling too - but this too shall pass.

Agree - when my boys when through this phase it was so much easier going to the store or doing other errands knowing they were good at home.

 

I agree. My 2 year old is much more a mama's boy right now and it drives my DH crazy. He'll get all worked up about how Spencer is being mean to him, or hurt his feelings. The kid's 2! It's hard to remember that sometimes when they're starting to really talk and articulate well, that they are still babies emotionally. They're not trying to be hurtful. As a pp said, it's nice to be able to vent, but I hope it's also helpful to get some advice from those who've BTDT. All of my kids have gone through these phases where they prefer one parent over the other. My kids don't come running "Mommy's home" when I walk in the door from grocery shopping or whatever. But then I've been there all day long, so it's not exciting like when he comes from work. Being a mom is emotional business. But those little ones love you! They're just learning to navigate emotions. Hang in there!

 

thank-you. i am pregnant - there is no new baby yet and it hurts me when they only want DH. i want them to just want me.
glad you ladies all think it's a phase. thank-you for reassuring me. :grouphug:

 

You know, one more thing to think of is that even if you haven't told them about being pregnant, kids are able to sense changes happening. So though you don't have the new baby yet, they may also be responding to that. Then things will certainly change again once the baby is born. They say that when you become a mother, your heart suddenly lives outside of your chest. That can be hard, can't it?

 

Hi - just wanted to add to this - I agree completely, this is hard and no matter how much you want to not care you do. But, I agree completely with the other posts, kids seem to go through phases AND once I learned to enjoy when they were not in a 'mummy phase' I realized how much better it is. LOL. Seriously, I can walk without a child attached to my leg (because they are attached to grandma or dad's), I can shower without a face peering through the glass at me, I can even drink my coffee without a child on my lap. ENJOY. Next week it will probably be your turn again. LOL.

 

the kids seem to know about the baby...they see sono's with us and they kiss my belly and say, baby.

 

My girls are the same way. They are total daddy's girls. It does hurt some times when we are out in public and they always hide behind him and want nothing to do with me.

But I'm nursing the baby so he has a strong preference for me. I think in my case that daddy is the fun one. I'm the one who is home with them all day and makes them do the "not fun" things like clean up and brush their teeth. Plus my husband deals better with sleep deprivation so he is the care-giver when one of them is sick so that makes them prefer him too.

 

I can relate. I'm home all day and night. Their daddy works at home and also never leaves. During the day they sometimes want me, but when they want their daddy it's Mommy who? There have been a few times they want nothing but mommy. I LOVE LOVE LOVE those days, but it hurts when they want nothing to do with me. At night, we alternate who tucks in each boy as they are in separate rooms. They both fight over daddy. I think Kiefer has asked for me 2x his entire speaking life. Cameron I don't think has asked for me once. They never cry to have me put them to bed. They scream, kick, tantrum, cry for their daddy when it's my turn to put one of them to bed. They'll fight over him. Now, I can't say this is every time, sometimes they'll just agree to let me do it, but there are still protests and begs to have daddy do it, it's just without the screaming, kicking, and crying. It hurts the most when they add the tantrums to their begging, but even so, I'd like them to want me to put them to bed. I do exactly as their daddy does when putting them to bed. Our routines are the same. DH learned them from me, but still they want their daddy only. We always end up laughing and having a great time when I put them to bed. They have a great time with daddy too, so it's not like one of us is boring or too serious. They go to sleep with little to no fuss for either of us, but it's just when we go tuck them in is when the protests happen. The one who gets daddy looks forward to getting tucked in and going to bed.

It'll be my turn one day, I know it! I'm patient. I have to be! It's not like I have a choice. But I'll love that day. I'll cherish it and never forget it. Why does that sound so pathetic? Still, I wait for the day I hear, "I want Mommy to but me to bed." ...one day ...one day....

 

I think you've gotten great advice so far. I wanted to add only that your lo's know you love them. The phase they are going through right now is just their way of asking for a little extra attention from your DH. It doesn't mean they love you any less (or your DH anymore). They just want to spend some extra time with him. GL.