Handling Biting at 18 Months Old

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by beanmachine, Jul 9, 2011.

  1. beanmachine

    beanmachine Active Member

    My girls just turned 18 months old and over the last few weeks one of the girls has definitely gotten more aggressive towards the other. She will pretty much hit or (more commonly) bite the other one without being provoked, and when I try to discipline her she just laughs and thinks it's a game. I'm guessing that she's tired or frustrated or seeking attention when she does this but I'm at a loss for how to effectively handle this behavior at this age since they don't seem to understand cause and effect yet and don't seem to comprehend punishment (e.g. timeouts, etc). I'm pretty frustrated and would love to hear how others have handled biting or bad behavior at this age...
     
  2. miss_bossy18

    miss_bossy18 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    We did do time outs at that age. I didn't think of them so much as punishment but rather more of a literal time out - I was removing them from whatever situation was causing the behaviour for a short period of time, hopefully long enough to distract them & allow the moment to pass. Honestly though, it was just doing it over & over & over again. In some ways, I think it was more just helpful to me to have a plan of action - although, it did seem to help curb the behaviour in the moment.

    You could also try the reverse - shower attention for a minute or two on the bitee while ignoring the biter. That can sometimes be effective as well.
     
  3. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I did the same as Rachel. I would put the offender in my lap as a time out but not facing me and we would go in a different room and look at the wall for a minute. Then when the TO was over, I would remind the offender about the no biting ever policy, biting hurts, etc. I also showered attention on the child that was bit. I think what ever you decide to do to curb biting, as long as you are consistent, it will help curb the behavior. I did notice, especially with my son, that biting was worse when he was teething. Of course, god forbid, he use a teething ring but I think that's what he thought his sister was for :unsure:
     
  4. beanmachine

    beanmachine Active Member

    Thanks for your suggestions. With the timeouts, the offender never seemed to stay sitting quietly in the chair/corner that I placed her in so I might try Nancy's suggestion to sit her in my lap. Also a good point about consistency - I'll definitely have to pick a way to handle it and stick with it. Thanks again!
     
  5. vharrison1969

    vharrison1969 Well-Known Member

    My guys never responded well to time-outs, so what I always did when they bit or hit each other (or anyone else) was to tell them "we don't bite!" in a stern voice, and make them say or sign "sorry". Early on I had to guide their hands while signing, but I always made them do it. I'm not sure if I was actually teaching them empathy, but it was at least enough of a distraction to make the behavior stop! ;)
     
  6. Minette

    Minette Well-Known Member

    I don't think time outs as a punishment (or really any kind of punishment) really works at that age -- not only do they not really grasp cause & effect, but they don't have the impulse control to think about something before they do it.

    The best thing for biting in young toddlers (IMO, and per our daycare) is prevention. If you can possibly jump in when you can tell she's about to bite, do it. Also, consider pain meds if you think she is cutting molars -- that can cause a big increase in biting.

    Give her other things to bite, too. I know that will not solve the aggression problem, but it may reduce the urge to take it out on her sister with her teeth. You can say "Biting hurts Sissy, but you can bite this" and then hand her a toy or washcloth or something.

    I read somewhere that when one child is aggressive toward another, it is actually the aggressor who needs more comfort. Obviously you don't want to reward biting (or ignore a child who has just been injured), but the biter is also experiencing a lot of scary feelings. That's why holding him or her on your lap (gently but firmly) is more likely to help than sending them away to be alone.

    Another thing they did at our daycare was making the biter hold an icepack on the bitee's arm (or wherever). Obviously the bitee has to cooperate with this. But it does help develop empathy, as well as provide sort of an enforced calm-down time.
     
  7. SC

    SC Well-Known Member

    I personally think it's too early for timeout (that's not to say it doesn't work with some LOs). At this age, they just do not grasp consequences yet and without that, it can't be effective. My DS who tends to bite does respond when I (we) speak very sternly to him and tell him to stop. Now, it doesn't prevent him from doing it again a few hours later, but for now, we are just being repetitious and consistent about reprimanding him. Generally when we reprimand him he'll repeat "no bite" or something to that effect (often times, he does it when his brother starts to push him (which is not acceptable either) so at least we can identify a reason for it). If it continues closer to 2 years, I'll try implementing timeouts.
     
  8. MeredithMM

    MeredithMM Well-Known Member

    For a while one of my boys was biting the other one and I tried all kinds of things to see what would work.

    What worked best for us was trying to see what was leading up to the biting. I started really trying to pay attention to the situations and their root cause and I realized the non-biter was almost always the one taking toys away from his brother, just being generally pushy, etc.
    The biter would usually bite as a last resort after he'd been pushed around all day.

    So I started trying to nip the pushy behavior in the bud---anytime one got too pushy with the other I would step in and ask them to show me "gentle touch" (something we taught them with each other and the animals in the house) or "share." Usually they'd stop they pushiness and pat each other gently or share their toys or whatever, which worked kind of like a reset button. Then we'd talk about how we "love brother" and so on. Most of the time it would work. Not all the time, but most of the time.
    And then the biting pretty much ceased.

    I still have to jump in every now and then and make sure they are treating each other kindly, but most of the time things don't escalate.

    I know some parents opt for letting the kids work it out themselves, and I'm sure that works well for many kids. But for ours what seemed to really help us is making sure they played nicely upfront.
     
  9. mommylaura

    mommylaura Well-Known Member

    Time outs worked for us at this age with my oldest, and we've done it a couple of times with my more aggressive twin. We put him in an arm chair in the dining room and push the chair in so he can't get out (although my first was not a climber, and I do worry a little about this one climbing out). You only have to leave them there for a minute. I only do time out for really dangerous behaviors (with my first it was biting and then throwing things over the top of the stairs). Otherwise I just re-direct to a more appropriate behavior like giving a high five or a hug.
     
  10. Gigantor

    Gigantor Well-Known Member

    I sternly say "no" and pick up the hurt baby while gently pushing the biter away from me telling this is unacceptable. He may not understand the words, but my behaviour is very clear that I do not promote biting.
    Time out did not work for us, he was just laughing and laughing and laughing at me....when I started to give more attention to the one that got bitten, I did not have to do it more than twice...he got it fairly quickly...
     
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