Shopping w/ kids

My boys are 4 1/2 and are insane when I need to run an errand. They feed off of each other and become rediculously silly. I feel like I need Supernanny. I guess I attributed it to the age and just avoided going in stores with them for a long time. Any advice? Before we go in we talk about about what I expect, but it happens anyway and I spend the whole time being mean. Totally different when I just take one by the way!

 

I am not above a little bribery. If they behave well while running the errand give them a treat. It doesn't have to be any big thing, anything from a small piece of candy to a sticker to getting to pick the music in the car on the way home, as long as it's something they want/care about it should work. You could combine that with a loss of something they enjoy (TV time, bedtime story) if their behaviour is really bad, at 4 1/2 they're old enough for a delayed punishment to be effective.
For things like food or clothes shopping it might help to give them their own list each with a few items so that they have something to keep them occupied. Or put them in charge of picking out certain things/weighing the fresh produce/pushing the trolley. Something that N & L loved to do when they were younger is take their calculators with them and add up the price of things as we shopped. You could also try making up games or challenges as you go along to keep them amused like 'find five yellow things' or 'be the first to find a label with a picture of an animal on', anything that you think will keep their focus.
If it's an errand where you know you'll have to wait around, like going to the post office or bank, it might be worth taking a small story book or doodle pad or even a toy each to occupy them with.

Good luck!

 

I would get them more involved. Ask them to help you find things. My oldest son still loves doing this and gets upset if I pick out the produce before he does.

 

I could have wrote ur post word for word. I just went to the store yesterday alone with my three ages 5,5,&2. Oh my gosh by the time I got to the card I was steaming!! When alone they are angels but together forget it!!! We tried to bribe them, take things away, get them involved, you name it. They are 5 1/2 and dont care about anything. They laugh when you discipline them. Im at a total loss. I hope you have better luck then me!

 

I do this too & my kids love helping to find things & put them in the cart. I also try to be extra positive & happy with my attitude while we are there, I find they really pick up on my stress or my dread of shopping & act accordingly. If I am positive & having fun with it, I find they are more likely to be that way too (even if I have to fake it!). And I am also not above bribery if it is a long shop. If I am buying groceries for the week, I know it is a long time to expect them to behave perfectly (and it is boring for them) so I will promise them some small treat at the end (M&Ms or something) if they behave well. I also do not hesitate to bring them home & put them straight into time out or take away some privilege (tv, Leapster, etc) for the day if they misbehave.

 

I'm going to try getting my girls involved. They are great when they are in the cart and hold my list and coupons and we talk about what I'm getting. But the times I've gone without them contained, its like they lose their little mind with the freedom :wacko:

 

Our grocery store has carts with a bench seat meant for kids 3+... My two don't actually sit on it, but they can stand and hold on to the handle... if they act up, they have to sit and be strapped in.

As much as some may disagree, I also owe a huge debt of gratitude to Steve Jobs... I have an Ipod and and Iphone with games on it... when they start to get too riled up, I can have them sit on the bench and play games... it works in a pinch!

 

In my opinion, whatever works to get the job done with a minimum amount of frustration for everyone involved is all good!

 

I think it helps that our grocery store has points of interest so my older son (and the twins) is able to look at the lobster/seafood stuff while I shop at the deli/bakery/meat aisle. Then there is a train to watch while I shop in dairy. For the babies, shopping is easier because I give them a bagel to munch on while we traverse the store. For the older one, it is a little harder but getting him involved or like PP stated, letting him play Angry Birds has helped alot. Our store also has a kids play center where I can drop him off if he really really really doesn't want to shop.

 

My kids love to help find things on the shelves, like PPs mentioned. But mostly, I just won't put up with the chaos in the store. When they reach the age where I know they understand and are just willfully disobeying and being ornery (vs. being 18 mo old and just antsy after sitting very long, etc), we have a short talk about what is expected of them in the store. I'll let them know what we're going in for, if it's going to be a quick in and out trip or a longer grocery trip, and sometimes I'll add that I will get a treat of a particular thing and if it's been a good trip we'll have it on the way home. The first time they start to act up, I let them know that they're going to lose their treat if it doesn't stop immediately and that we'll be going home and they can spend the afternoon in bed if continues (or whatever discipline I know I can/will follow through with that day). I have left a cart of groceries and walked out of the store. Not many times and never more than once per child. But they learn very quickly that I mean business. I know some people would consider that horribly rude, leaving the stuff to be put away by someone else (and once when I had refrigerated stuff in the cart, I did tell an employee what I was doing so it wouldn't just sit there and spoil). And I know it is to some degree. But what I find terribly rude is screaming children in a store, or little kids who are pulling things off of shelves, despite parents telling them not to touch anything. Or better yet, the child screaming for candy at the checkout line, and the parent who says no three times but then gives in because he/she is embarassed at how loud their child is. Kids know the drill, and they'll do what works for them.

I was somewhere recently where a mom had her daughter with her and the conversation went something like this... "No, you may not come in here. I'm busy with Mrs. C (me). I said no. Jenny, I said no, stay in the hall. Ok, if you come in, you have to sit in that spot. I said sit down there. No, don't get on the counter. Jenny, get off the counter please. Don't play in the sink. I don't want it all wet. (as the little girl was now playing in the water...) Please don't splash that over here...." It went on and on. There was absolutely no follow-through on anything the mom said. She kept telling the girl not to do things and then when she was totally ignored. The little girl was totally running the show, and she absolutely knew it. I dealt with that same little girl at church every week. When the mom wasn't there, she would sit quite well (for a wiggly 4 year old), participate properly and follow directions. Why? Kids need boundaries. They need follow-through from their parents. Some kids need a lot more boundary setting than others. I have a couple children who can be told 1 time what the rules are and they pretty much follow them easily from then on. I have a couple who are kind of in the middle. And I have a couple who are total boundary-pushers! But even they know when I mean business and are well behaved 90% of the time (and almost always in public).

I would probably start out with shorter trips, to set firm boundaries. Then work up to half a grocery cart's worth, and then up to a full shopping trip. It can be hard to leave everything and walk out. Especially if you really needed milk or a loaf of bread for something. But in the end, regularly being able to do your grocery shopping and leaving the store with all your hair still in your head is totally worth it!

 

I've taken the girls out to the car or sometimes to the store's bathroom for a time out in the middle of a shopping trip - depending on the effectiveness of that, we've either gone back & continued shopping, or left it for another day.

 

I was thinking about this and thought that I'd add that while I believe 4 1/2 year olds are generally capable of following directions and behaving for the length of a shopping trip, it's also a good idea to plan ahead and make sure that they're generally well-rested, not hungry, have used the restroom etc. Just as a playdate goes better if they're at their best, they'll also have an easier time following directions and cooperating at the store if they're not distracted by their little bodies.