shy twins

I want to preface this by saying I am trying hard not to label them as shy, especially if they are around but for this message I'm going to since no one here knows us anyways! Basically my twins are shy.. painfully so. One is more than the other. At home when it's just us, they talk and laugh and play. When we have playdates over here, or go out for play dates, they don't talk, and are very clingy wanting me to hold them. They even often cry. Their playdates start playing with their toys even in our house and they just sit and don't participate!! Sometimes I can get one to play a little but her twin rarely does.. the most is if we are by someone elses house and she starts playing with an interesting toy, but not really interacting much with the other kids.

Any suggestions what to do about this?? I know they are the same way at school and I feel bad for them.. I wish they could just relax and be able to enjoy playing with other kids or even with eachother around other kids! I see when we have other kids over here, when they have a single playdate or if it's two siblings who come over - the other kids play and have fun but they just watch with scared looks, and want me to hold them!! Like I said one of them eventually sometimes starts playing but this is after quite a while and the other twin doesn't even always get there through the whole time.. Or if we have a few play dates, they are the ones just not engaging.. but they can't even enjoy eachother even though when people aren't around they can have fun together. This happens even if it's just one kid over.

What can I do to make them more comfortable and less shy? Also what to do in terms of when this happens in school/camp?
They are turning three in about a month.

Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

How old are they? Are you shy? outgoing?

 

I was painfully shy growing up. I would speak to my parents or sister, but it stopped there. I wouldn't even speak to my grandparents. It was just me. My parents on occasion tried to push me out of my shell, but it was frightening. I did end up talking in school, slowly warming up to people. Slowly but surely I talked more and more (over years). I shocked my parents when I decided to become a cheerleader in high school. They didn't think I would do well, so I proved them wrong. I think I just needed to do things in my own timing and my own way.

From my point of view, I say let them come out of their shell in their own time. It may take a long time, but there are all kinds of people in the world. As long as they are happy and healthy, it's ok to be quiet. They'll get there.

I have some aquaintences that push their slightly shy little girl into very uncomfortable settings because they won't "allow" her to act shy. It sickens my stomach everytime I see them do this.

 

My two are introverted. I do not push them. I understand being uncomfortable in crowds etc.since I am very introverted. It does bother my husband a bit since he is introverted and he hates that they might have some of the same painful experiences growing up. He would probably push more if I wasn't always saying let them be.

I encourage them without pushing. I tell them exactly what we are going to do and who with. When they are sitting on me or warming up I just carry on a conversation. Oh look so and so is over there. Look at that toy would you like mommy to go over with you and we can play with it. If they refuse I don't push it. I will even leave a place if they are too overwelmed. I will also sit an example by taking them with me over to another mom to say hi. I just let them stay on my hip while I talk. This way they can see how interacting socially works. I also acknowledge how they are feeling. Surprisingly sometimes this helps them warm up a bit more. I tell them it is perfectly okay if they don't want to play etc.

Last month I bought the book Llama Llama Misses Mama. Hoping it might help with preschool (they attend school 3 days a week and have forever) since they both have and always have had extreme seperation anxiety. One month of daily reading and they are both doing a lot better. It helps us talk through the emotions of being at school and away from mommy and daddy. I acknowldege their feelings etc.

 

the turn three in a month. i am shy.

 

They are still young, some children just need more time to warm up to new people/places. If I were you I would just continue to have people over and not push them to interact, let them cling if they need to. Maybe you could sit on the floor near the other child and play with some toys, that way they would be more in the action even when clinging to you.
It would probably be helpful if you could set up a regular, or even semi-regular, playdate with a select few people (e.g. you see child A each Monday and children B and C every other Thursday). That way they would only need to get used to those certain children, I bet that would be easier for them.

Presumably school/camp is a while away yet so I would say cross that bridge when you come to it.

Naomi and Luke are fairly shy. They're worse with adults than with children, they just need time to get used to new people before they're comfortable talking to them. If an unfamiliar adult talks to them they will only respond to direct questions and usually will give a one word answer. When they were younger they would have needed to meet the person at least 3 or 4 times for a good period of time before they would talk properly with them, and longer before they'd behave naturally. Even now they would need to be around a new person for a few hours before they really got into talking with them.

 

they already go to school and will be in camp this summer. they won't respond to people they dont know. they actually do have the same playdates weekly and every week its the same shyness, even crying and clinging. yet they are always excited beforehand when they tell them about it..

 

I think if we can accept individuals for being individuals everyone else would feel more comfortable. I do feel the same at times when I drop my girls off for a play date and one jumps right in and my "advanced" talker and way more mature twin quickly shuts down, looks at the floor and picks at her finger nails. However, I find that it also helps other children learn to deal with shy kids. For example, one new girl RAN up to my DD on the first day of her new preschool class on Tuesday, my DD was clearly uncomfortable and the girl looked at me like "what's her deal" and I explained "oh she's a little shy you may want to give her some room". And she did...learning empathy is a very strong trait as well.

 

I agree with the others, support them, let them cuddle and cling. Try not to label them.
All 3 of mine are shy and I was a shy kid and still am in some circimstances.
My oldest was really shy and clingy. Now at 6 he will talk to people he doesn't now and is making friends really quite well.
My twins are almost 4 and are gradually getting more comfortable with new environments.

 

My twins are shy and so are me and my DH, so they get it legit. Even going over to my BF's house, they still need time to warm up and play. I just try to encourage them but not push them. It's hard!

 

My girls are shy (i was/am too). They are 8 and sometimes now still hide behind me when people speak to them. I have told them they don't have to speak to people if they feel uncomfortable, but should smile if someone says hi to them.