Scream Free Parenting

Nicholas is my, ummm, 'difficult' child. And that's not to say he's actually really difficult, if that makes sense. I tend to lose my patience with him more than the other two. He just knows every button to push. And it's the way he talks back to me that drives.me.absolutely.BONKERS.

So I yell. And it does nothing. He yells back. I hate it. I really honestly do. I don't want my kids to grow up in a house filled with yelling. Clearly, it doesn't work. And lately, he yells, "YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO YELL AT ME MOMMY!" Or, some other sentence about me yelling. And on a regular basis, he asks if I am happy with him. :cry: I love him to death. He's such a great kid, but it's those buttons again... and he goes in spurts.

Well, we're in a spurt...

So-anyone read this book : Scream Free Parenting

Or something similiar? I was thinking of getting it for my Kindle. I want new ways to deal with *my* patience/anger/what have you. I watch another child three days a week, all I need is her (when she's old enough) to go home and say all I do is yell. I don't want to be that mother...

 

I will be interested in what others have to say about the book... but surely it has some good points with that title!

I know that screaming here just escalates the situation and yet, it happens here too, UGH! I went to a seminar on Positive Discipline last fall and really need to implement more things it talks about, but definitely it gets you to think about how to best communicate. And that their limbic system isn't developed yet, and they don't have the brain power to understand what they are doing yet... Her website is Becky Bailey and is called Conscious Discipline.

I would also think that being able to get a book on Kindle for you would be great so that you will always have it with you.

Yes, I worry these days that the kids are really starting to talk about what is going on in their day, and if I'm screaming at them, those words will come out... and like you said, I don't want to be that type of parent... for my children, or for another child in my care. You can get a hold of the situation. good luck!

 

I'm a screamer and that book didn't help me at all

I'd love to hear about another book that might work though! I do have to say that most of the book is common sense stuff.

I can say that just thinking about it when I'm getting stressed really helps. Breathing through it is the only way for me to not yell. That or instead of yelling I whisper... It sounds strange but it always gets their attention and does help me calm myself.

Good luck and I hope you get some good advice!

 

i haven't read the book, but i've found the most useful thing for me when my girls push me over the edge is to put myself in timeout. ardon: i'll just go down to the basement for a couple of minutes until i've calmed down enough to keep going. :hug:

 

I haven't instituted this "Safe Place" part of the "classroom" yet, but I think it's a great idea. If you go to the above website and click on the "safe place" on the right side of the picture - right above the guy in the red shirt it will bring up that segment... click on "How to" and it will talk you through it... "The Safe Place is a center where children can go to change their inner state from upset to composed in order to optimize learning. It is the centerpiece of your self-regulation program."

What the pps said about calming down and putting themselves in timeout is really what this is talking about... and yes just breathing deeply will help.

I love the idea of whispering, you are consciously making sure you are not yelling! we can't model to our kids how to relax and compose ourselves when we aren't composed ourselves! it's always a learning thing!

 

I do this too, except I go to my room or the laundry room. I tell them "Mommy is getting VERY frustrated and I'm having my own time out." Some days are better than others, so its an ongoing process. I also have tried to change my expectations. For example, my girls lose their ever-loving minds after bath. Getting into PJs was a becoming a huge struggle and big red stress/yelling prone event. Once I removed myself from the situation ("I'm going to clean up the kitchen while you guys get your PJs on. Let me know when you are ready for me to brush your hair."), its become much easier to deal with. There are nights when I'm still all "Are you kidding me?! You're STILL not dressed?!" But its getting better. :hug:

 

I started putting myself in timeout in front of the girls. It has helped their behavior some...it is hard not to yell at Jude - she is a tough kid. But a great kid - so I know what you mean Meaghan. I am finishing (after months) reading a great book - Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-understanding can help you raise children who thrive. It is all about connecting with yourself as a parent - it is freaking awesome - I have cried several times and it has taught me more patience. This is because with all the discipline books I wanted to turn the focus off Jude and onto me. It is amazing that we know how we want to raise kids but it is easy to slip into how we were raised...in my case, with yelling. It is a quick read.

Good luck - NOT easy!

 

Thank you ladies! I definitely need a time out, that's for sure! He is just so darn good at pushing buttons! UGH! And Betsy, maybe I will look into that book. My problem is, I get these books, HSHHC, etc, and *never* read them. :laughing;: Oops!

Have I mentioned dh is away this entire week, I have Fiona Tu/We/Thu from 8-5, on Wed I will have six kids-4, 3, 3, soon-to-be 2, 10 months, and 6 months old. Oh, and we are hosting 20 people for Memorial Day Weekend at my house this weekend!

It's 5 o'clock somewhere, right?!?! :wine:

 

I have a kid that pushes my buttons too and it is so maddening. And it does go in spurts, where after weeks of bad behavior, just when you think you can't take it for another second, he'll get better for awhile. He's always been my tough one - every hard phase imaginable from baby up has been him. And my daugher has been easy, flexible, and a good listener from baby up. It's so hard not to compare. I don't know where he gets it from, but the back talk is my worst pet peeve. The little attitude, the eye roll, the sarcastic tone "no, no I'm not, mommy"...it makes me want to smack him. Time outs set him out of control - we do them anyway, but it's a half hour battle of getting him to control himself (non-stop screaming at the top of his lungs and pounding his feet on the ground). He will never stop for a threat or counting to three. It's like the threat feeds him into doing it more. I can give my daughter a warning and she'll stop. If I talk to her sternly she'll cry and hyperventilate. I rarely have to do that with her. For the last month it's been keeping me up at nigh, wondering what I'm doing wrong with him. Is there something wrong with him that he can't seem to control himself in these situations? What's he going to be like in preschool? And then the other side of him is super sweet. If I try something new on that I bought, my daughter and husband won't even turn their head, but he'll be like "that's such a pretty dress, mommy!" or last week when I was leaving to get my hair cut he was like "but your hair is so pretty mommy, why are you getting it cut?" he can be a great listener and so sensitive and sweet. but that other side of him that goes on like a switch (so far only when we're at home, luckily) has been keeping me from really really wanting more kids. Because it is still so hard 3+ years later!!!

Sorry I have no advice, but I definitely know the conflicted feelings you are describing! I don't yell as much as I used to. Both yelling and NOT yelling don't seem to make a difference with him. Although when my husband yells, which isn't very often, that is the only thing that seems to get results with him. With me, doesn't matter how loud I yell, it doesn't change anything. I posted a few weeks ago about wanting to start a positive discipline chart. I haven't had a chance to do it yet, but I really want to try it with him.