Should I have lied or told the truth about 3 1/2 year old boys?

Yesterday I was at Costco with my boys. We were in the clothing section and my boys say hi to everyone. A woman asked me if they were twins and I said yes. She then tells me that she also has twins and I asked how old. She said 9 months and then she asked me the all too common question "Does it get easier?".

I told her the truth "It's not easier, but different". At 9 months I could leave them in their jumperoo's and go upstairs if I had to. They still took two naps a day. Now, everywhere I go, I have at least one of them right behind me. They fight, tease, change their minds one minute to the next and lets not forget about the tantrums. :crazy: Naps ended on their 3rd birthday. :cry:

As I walked away, I felt bad. I feel like I bursted her bubble. I could remember them being that small and could not wait until they could walk, then talk and be potty trained beacause by then it would "be soooo much easier". What I was not ready for was them going in two different directions once they began to walk, both having speech delays that require them to still be in therapy at 3 1/2 and still trying to get a handle on PT since my one DS has a food intolerance and would poop up to 5 times a day. Within the past two weeks I started him on probiotics and he's finally have normal BM's.

But they are also so much fun and I hope she realizes that with every age comes the good with the bad.

 

Nah you did fine. She will find out anyway!

 

Yeah, I have never said that it gets easier, just that it gets different and once you start getting full nights of sleep you deal with it better.

 

My guys are only 17 months, and when I am am asked that question by new twin moms, I say it is different. I have a 3.5 yr old so I KNOW what it is store for me times 2. I miss the tiny baby days.

 

I always reply exactly like you did...."it doesn't get easier, it just gets different". I always say honesty is the best policy. She will understand soon enough what you mean.

 

so many times I've done the same thing... I agree, once they start or start again sleeping through the night it is better... at least after teething it gets better, but then like you said the running in both directions etc... ah... they will find out!

 

I always say that it gets easier in some ways and harder in others. Lately I we've been going through a really rough patch with behaviour (terrible twos, here we come) and I get really discouraged when I meet a twin mom in passing who has nothing positive to say (seriously, I started bawling on the plane yesterday when another twin mom with 3 year olds told me that I have a long way to go.. I think something is wrong with me). With that in mind, I try usually try and tell other moms some things that they have to look forward to without sounding too upbeat about it.

That being said, I don't think there's anything wrong with telling the truth and not sugarcoating what you're going through. I had a woman tell me once how much fun her twins were, really going out of her way to tell me how wonderful everything was while one of them was ripping something off of store shelves and another was having an epic meltdown. I really questioned her sanity at that point.

 

i usually try & go with a balanced "it's easier because of this, and i love this about this stage, but sometimes these things drive me crazy". i know that whenever anyone was really negative about the future it was really hard on me, and now that my girls are getting older, i'm finding that each stage really does have it's pros & cons so that's what i like to share with new parents of multiples. although, i'm definitely in the camp of i-can-handle-anything-with-a-decent-night's-sleep-behind-me, so nothing will be as hard as the newborn days for me.

 

I actually did recently tell a mom of 4 week old twins it gets easier. For me, weeks 4 to 6 were the hardest. Ever since then it's been hard some days (obviously) but at least I sleep most nights and nobody's screaming 5 hours a night.

 

I tell people that it gets easier in some ways, but harder in other ways. I think what you said was fine.

 

You did the right thing. When I was pregnant with my twins, my husband, my toddler and I were at the mall and rode upstairs in an elevator with a family who had twin girls who were about 6 months and a little boy about 2. I commented on their stroller and asked where they got it. I told them we were expecting twins as well. She looked at my toddler and just said "I hope you have help. You're going to need it. It's awful, really". I knew I was not going to have any help because we live so far from family and I literally panicked the rest of my pregnancy believing I was never going to manage. I wish she'd just said Congratulations and left it at that.

 

I usually say that some parts get easier and other parts are a little harder. But, for me, hands down I would rather have 2 three yr olds than 2 newborns or young babies. If I get sleep everything seems better! So, it really depends on your personality and preferences. I love it the older mine get, and I will tell people that - for me, I enjoy it more the older they get and the more things we can go and do together. Mind you, I had colicky babies and we moved across the world when mine were first born - so I had several stresses going on at once.

 

I think you said the right thing. I have found in some aspects it does get easier and others it does get harder. I do find this age, while it does have it's challenges, to be easier then the infant stage because at least I can reason with them and also be confident in what they want. But on the other hand, there are times when I miss two little ones to cuddle.

 

Really depends on your kids too. Mine started sleeping through the night at 7 months and it was much, much easier after that. I guess now is harder than when they were 9 months though... At the time all we had to do really was change them, give them food and milk and they were happy playing on the floor. Now... not so much LOL.

 

Like others I say some things are much easier, but then there are new challenges. I don't think you burst her bubble. When my girls were about 5 months old a mom of older twins (they were 3ish I think), told me it get MUCH harder and I was shocked. I was a sleep deprived mess and kind of emotional. But I recovered and realized it was just one opinion.

 

I usually say it gets better. You couldnt pay me any amount of money to go back to the twinfant stage. :faint: No way did you burst her bubble.

 

I just wanted to say that someone approached me once and made a point of saying that it just got worse. Talk about the feeling of deflated. I think saying, everything changes is enough. Everyone is different. Perhaps it was because she went out of her way to tell me that it gets worse. Or maybe because I had difficult infants I couldn't imagine it getting any worse. Every situation is different. Truth is best though... but only if asked.

 

I always say the same thing you did... And I always add that it does feel a bit easier once they start sttn. I don't think you burst her bubble

 

I think what you said was perfect!! :good: I would rather someone tell me that then get my hopes up and make me feel like maybe my two are the problem. I usually say the same thing.

 

The only advice that has upset me has been when it was unsolicited or from a singleton parent. "Whew, better you than me! It's going to be hell when they're both running opposite directions, huh?"

Parenting is tough in general. Each developmental stage brings with it it's own unique challenges and obstacles. Each stage also brings amazing joy and happiness. To say that it's still hard, just different is 100% honest and accurate. I'm a pretty positive person most days, but I don't lie so if I was asked I would say exactly the same thing.

 

I think your answer was perfect. You're absolutely right.

 

I think anyone should take any and all comments with a grain of salt because each one is the truth for that person. For me it's soooooo MUCH easier now with 3 yrs olds. Of course they are fighting and 90% of their issues are because of the other but that for me cannot compare with the stress of taking care of tiny babies that did not speak my language and had me on my toes 20 hours a day! So the older they get the easier it is for me to communicate and interact with them (I think the baby stage is hard for me in general). But next weekend we start potty training...my story may change! :blush:

 

Ditto this. I find it soooo much easier now. They sleep! They feed themselves! They sometimes play for an hour at a stretch! They speak and understand my words! Sure, they fight, they whine, they talk back, but the brain and physical downtime that the rest gives me is crucial!

 

Me too. Do the fights over "I had it first", "MY TURN", etc. get old? Sure, but I'm finding the closer they get to 3.5, the easier it is getting. I work with a woman who has twin (almost) 2-year-olds - and I can so relate to her daily stories and exhaustion - and I make a point of telling her that FOR ME, 3 has been the first time I've felt like it is getting easier.

 

I thought your answer was terrific too-truthful and not negative! I was always grateful in the early months when parents of older twins said anything positive or wonderful about having twins as they grow older. I think about that too if I'm ever asked to impart advice!

 

Wow. I feel like I could have written the same post you did. I get asked every once in a while by parents with younger twins if it gets easier. I usually smile and say "in some ways it gets easier." Mine are nearing 2 1/2 and the days of being so anxious for each new stage to get here have faded. Not that I never just enjoyed the simplicity and ease of some of the phases the boys have gone through since they were babies, but life does get more and more complicated and I don't know why I was so anxious for them to grow up so fast. Both of mine are in occupational therapy, one is speech therapy, both have feeding issues, so I fully understand how that is for you and your little ones even at 3 1/2. I realize now that these little monkeys grow up too quick as it is. I miss the days of being able to swaddle them and have them fall asleep in my arms within minutes. I miss being able to calm them by singing a quiet song. I miss being able to put them in their little superyard and let them crawl around while I washed dishes or cleaned up. Now it's running all over the house, running into each other, fighting, pushing, pulling, yelling, throwing, lots of non-stop talking from one of them (not the one in speech therapy, of course), and all around craziness :crazy:

Every stage has it's fun side, but as the activity of the brain cells increase, so does the size of the circus I feel like we live in now :wacko: Now over the next few months I get to look forward to beginning potty training, possibly loosing naps, big boy beds and all of the joys that brings and much more. I think when a mom or dad asks does it get easier, the best answer is probably "from what I understand, it will get easier in about 18 years." I wouldn't trade any of it though. My monkeys are the best things in the world...tantrums, yelling, stinkiness and all

 

I just wanted to add that even a "It gets sooo much easier!" answer is not necessarily comforting ATM. IRL I know a mom of 17 year old twin boys, and she's ALWAYS bragging about how easy it is now, what a sweet spot they're in, etc. Sometimes I just want to strangle her, because hearing about how easy her 17 yr olds are does NOT help me AT ALL when I've had a tough day with my 4 yr olds!!! :grr:

So anyway, it is definitely ok NOT to say "It gets easier." That is not always a comforting answer! You did fine.

 

I do tell people it gets easier (although my twins are so big and so different now, no one even realizes they're twins until I tell them) because when mine were babies, I so desperately needed to hear that.

At some level of course I knew that it's never really easy, but to me, everything has been easier than the newborn stage. (Though I have to say that 9 months was a pretty great stage for us! And 3.5 was just about the hardest, after the newborn stage.) So I don't feel like I'm lying when I say that, and some days (as a mom of infant twins) you just need some hope to hold on to.

Still, I don't think you did the wrong thing. The only wrong way to answer that question (IMO) is "No way, honey -- it gets harder, so try to appreciate how good you have it!" I've heard some version of that from at least one person at practically every age, and it's taken me 5 years to learn to stop listening as soon as I hear the words "Just wait...."

 

I would probably say it has gotten easier for me but everyone kids and situations are different. I've loved the 2 and 3 year old stage so far and would never want to go back to the colicky baby stage.

 

Ditto for me on both of these! You did fine. You were honest. For me though, I think it is easier. Any stage is easier than twinfants!