What to do differently?

I have 2 boys currently who were both born at 35 weeks. My first had to spend a few days in the NICU, the other was with me the whole time. My first I was able to start nursing some in the hospital, but the day we got home began exclusively breast feeding him. My second was exclusively breast fed from the beginning. They were both exclusively breast fed on demand for the first year and were weaned around a year and a half. I really didn't have much trouble nursing either of them and loved the experience. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I also co-slept with both of my boys for the first year+. I found that I got a lot more rest not having to get up and down all night long to go nurse in another room, but just nursed them laying in bed with me. Co-sleeping was also something I absolutely loved and helped me feel so connected to my boys. Neither of my sons took a pacifier- they didn't seem interested, so I didn't push it.

Now, being 34 weeks pregnant with twins I'm wondering how this experience will/should be different. My mom keeps telling me I'm going to have to be more scheduled having two babies and not let them just nurse whenever they want. She thinks I should be sure to pump and get them started taking bottles right away too (something I didn't do with my first two). She also believes I should get them in cribs right away and not let them sleep with me because she doesn't think thats good for keeping them on a schedule. Anyhow, maybe she is right... but she hasn't ever had twins, so I wanted to come to the experts.

I know it probably sounds crazy/stupid, but sometimes I get a little depressed about having twins. I so enjoy having an infant to nurse and hold all the time and sleep with. I feel like I'm not going to be able to give either of my babies the time and attention that I want to and they deserve because I'll be pulled in so many directions (2 babies on top of a 6 year old that I homeschool and an extremely active 2.5 year old). I'm afraid I'll be so deliriously tired that I won't even be able to enjoy them as infants. We're 99% sure these are our last babies, so it's just sad to me sometimes that I'm probably not going to be able to enjoy them the way that I wish I could.

 

if you want to nurse them on demand & co-sleep with them, then do that. it's what you know & what's worked for you in the past, so there's no reason you won't love it with twins too! the only thing i would say is that with twins everything is more - more time, more energy, more. but it's certainly not impossible. i hope Meximeli weighs in on this thread because i know she co-slept with her twins & really loved it.

have you thought about hiring a postpartum doula? they are a huge help & support in the first weeks in helping to sort out of all of those things, as well as helping care for older siblings (or taking care of the babies for a little while so that you can spend time with your older children). check out DONA International (Doulas of North America) for more information.

getting twins on a similar schedule can definitely be helpful, but it's not the be all & end all. i think how much benefit it is really depends on your personality type. if you're more of a go-with-the-flow type of person, i don't think it will be overwhelming to let them do their own thing. and there's no reason you can't switch it up - nursing tandem sometimes & sequentially other times. also, i wouldn't worry about introducing bottles unless there's a specific need to. that's just adding more work that may not be necessary, especially if your LOs are champion nursers from the get go.

i don't think it sounds crazy or stupid at all feeling depressed about having twins. it is true that you often aren't able to offer the same one on one time to multiples that you would with a singleton. that's just a fact & that's one of the downsides, i think, to having twins. but there are so many really cool things about having twins too that you get to discover along the way. remember to take the quiet moments when they come & remind yourself to enjoy them. because they do come. and they are lovely moments. :hug:

 

I would say that while a semblance of a schedule helps, the success in nursing twins hinges on the same thing as singletons, and that is nursing on demand. What worked best for me was that if one woke demanding a feed, I woke the other and fed them right after. I also allowed them to cluster feed when they needed to, knowing this would not be demanded of me for more than a few weeks. I did not cosleep because it made me too nervous, but they were in a bassinet next to my bed and I nursed in bed at night. I would advise against bottles at first. You are going to be so busy that pumping will eat into what little rest time you have.

As for having time to hold and snuggle, you will be surprised how quickly you get used to holding 2 at once, snuggling one while feeding the other, tandem feeding, etc.

Just do what you feel comfortable with and what works for you and things will fall into place. Good luck and Congrats!

 

Well, here is the good news. You will get to hold a baby more than usual, I think. I believe I was pretty much always holding a baby.

I didn't use bottles. Orion hated them with a passion. Since I was bf'ing anyway (the few times I did pump in the first 5 days) I didn't see a reason to buy bottles and didn't have any other than the 2oz ones the hospital sent me home with.

Nursing 2 is tricky, but you have an advantage that you've BF'd 2 kids before. I did tandem A LOT, but wish I could cosleep and nurse while I was asleep. Being comfortable with that gives you a leg up, I think, as you can latch on, sleep, roll over and repeat.

 

Thank you so much for the responses! The closer I get to delivering these babies the more nervous I get. I'm not getting excited like I was with my prior babies, all of the unknowns and worries are getting in the way. It's good just to have the reassurance. I've had a few people who have made comments about thinking I'm crazy for trying to nurse both babies and think I'll just kill myself doing it and I'm sure that doesn't help. The comments certainly don't dissuade me from nursing because there is NO doubt in my mind thats what I'll do. I have SOOO many reasons for wanting to nurse them. Not the least of them being because I think it's so much easier (who wants to get up in the middle of the night and go downstairs to make bottles?!).... but then I wonder after people make comments about thinking it will be too hard with two of them. I'm sure it will work out though and I know this forum is a great place to have questions answered in the event that I have problems! I've already been reading a lot of posts even though I'm not there yet. I figure gathering as much info beforehand is helpful. Thank you ladies for being so very helpful!

Any other suggestions/recommendations are greatly appreciated!

 

Definitely having nursed before will be a huge benefit to you and the babies. My oldest was an easy baby who nursed great from the beginning. My smaller twin (38 weekers)nursed well but her brother was lazy. I did have to pump at first for him, prime him with the bottle for 5-10 sucks and then latch him quickly. By about 2 weeks he was totally on the breast.

I couldn't figure out the logistics to co-sleep with both but would often sleep with whoever nursed at night until the other woke to be fed. I fed on demand during the day and mostly at night, I agree with PP that it is better to wake the other one after feeding the one who wakes you. I did not do this and often ended up with only 45 minute stretches of sleep - not good!

I did a fair amount of tandem feeding but also really enjoyed feeding one at a time when I could. I agree with finding ways to snuggle with both (I often had one on my shoulder and the other laying on my thighs).

It is very challenging in the beginning - especially with older kids to care for, but you will figure it all out! :youcandoit:

 

I also nursed my previous singletons (2 self weaned) and was worried how I would handle 2 at a time. At first it was very challenging. My DS was a lazy eater and had to be given a bottle after nursing beginning in the hospital to keep his glucose up. It took both my DH and I to nurse him in the beginning... me to hold my breast in his mouth and my DH to stroke him and try to keep him awake. Then he would give him a bottle while I nursed DD. I started to tandem them almost immediately. I would alternate breast so that the stronger nurser was not always on the same side (I wore a hair tie to remind me!) I also pumped in the beginning after every feed. I built a supply in the freezer as well as establishing a supply for them. If you have to pump or give formula at first, don't be discouraged. It takes some time. Mine are exclusively BF now but I do give a bottle of EBM in the event I am not home so I am glad that they will take one if need be. Sometimes I will give a bottle or have DH do it when I just need a break, when I feel like all I have done is nurse all day, and it is okay to take a break. You need it too! I ALWAYS feed tandem at night and if one wakes to eat, I wake the other. I want to maximize my sleep. We now have it down to a 20 minute routine. If you can tandem you will get more sleep! I could not lay down to nurse because my DS had such bad reflux so co-sleeping to nurse did not work.

I did a combo of schedule and feed on demand, but found that a schedule feed was easier because we also homeschool our 8 yr old, have a 3 yr old and 3 others in middle and high school. When they were on demand feeding I just could not keep track of who I fed and when and were they hungry or just fussy. So for us I tried to keep a schedule (during growth spurts they did cluster and demand feed)This way I knew if I could run out to the store or to a kids activity and know if they would need to eat or not.

As far as cuddle and attention, don't worry! There will be times when one is asleep and the other is not. I nurse separate sometimes while DH plays with the other and then we swap. I lay them both on the bed and even though I am talking to DS, DD will laugh! Get your older 2 involved. Our twins love to have the other kids talk to them. Trust me, those babies will not run short on attention and love! But most of all give yourself some grace and time. It is different but it is soooo worth it. Don't stress it will be ok!!

 

Don't listen to the naysayers who are telling you it will be too hard. My twins were my first so I had never nursed before and I did have one with latch issues, but once I got through the first week or two it was so much easier than bottles! I nursed my two for 19 months and I loved every minute of it. They did eventually feed on a schedule and they did eventually get bottles since I had to go back to work. When I said not to force a schedule I meant in the first week or so when they are still learning to latch and your milk is still coming in.

Definitely keep coming back here for support. The women on this forum have all BTDT and will give you as much support and encouragement as you want.

 

It won't be easy, but you can do what you want. Tons of moms here swear by schedules--but I'm not a real schedule-y type person. I didn't have a pump and my girls were born at 35 weeks via emergancy c/s (like your singletons!) except I had to be put under, so couldn't start breastfeeding right away, I also didn't have access to any pump other than a hand pump that didn't work very well. So I never expressed milk for them. So that's how they started getting formula supplements. They got those supplements on a schedule. At first every three hours, but by two weeks I'd dropped that to every five hours and then worked them down to three bottles a day at four months. I breastfeed on demand around those feedings.
As mentioned I coslept--I recommend getting the biggest bed possible if you don't already have a king. We got two twin matresses, which are now our girls beds, and one of those matress pads that connects two twins into a king. We set that up in our living room because the bedroom wasn't big enough. BUT, they were our first kids, so that worked. Not sure how moving the bedroom into the living room would work for a family that already has two kids. The bed was pushed up agaist the wall in a corner. DH slept on the outside. I put the girls horizontally on the inside and I slept in the middle--starting out the night next to DH, but moving horizontally next to either baby when they woke up to nurse. This worked because I'm only 5'4" and sleep with my legs curled in anyways. So I would lay on my side and nurse and my feet would be almost, but not quite to DH's chest or knees depending on the side--a tall women would not be able to do this. Also my DH was in grad school at the time, so his sleep schedule was irregular.
When the other baby woke up--I woke up and changed sides because I almost always fell back to sleep while nursing them. I don't even know how often they nursed at night at any given time because I only ever woke up long enough to change sides and get the baby latched on. Then I fell right back to sleep. I'm a light sleeper who falls asleep easily so this worked great for me. I'm sure I got tons more sleep this way than I would have if they had been in cribs.
For their day sleeping I never tried to get them on any sort of schedule, anyway it seemed like by the time they established a routine--they had reached a different development stage and were in need of a new routine! So I couldn't see the point. Also if one was asleep when the other wasn't--I took that rare chance to get one-on-one time with that baby. If I had forced a schedule on them I would have lost those chances.

My singlton did/does has more of a schedule because I now have school aged children. (about the same age as your oldest) and they have a routine, so the baby has no choice but to conform their school and my work routines.
Being a mother of 4 will mean you have to be more organized. You won't stop being a mom to the first two to take care of these two.

 

I have never enjoyed tandem nursing and my twins fight everytime we try, so we rarely nurse together. Therefore it was always easier for me to keep them on slightly different schedules, and they still do what they want when they want. I co-sleep with both at some point during the night...whoever wakes up first comes and nurses and then sleeps with me until the second one gets up. Once in a great while, like last night, one of the twins will sleep all night and I co-slept with DD all night. Don't worry about not spending enough time with them, you will always have a baby to hold and I really think they enjoy having a playmate whenever they want. Enjoy your twins, the first year goes so fast!

 

I also want to encourage you to parent your twins as you choose. It may be more difficult with two babies (I would not know as the twins are our first babies) and two older children at home but I am sure you will manage!

I nursed on demand although I did have to supplement EBM and formula from bottles the first 3 months until my supply had built enough and the weaker and smaller of the babies was consistently getting enough at the breast. I nursed on demand during the day and woke the second baby at night when one woke to be fed until they started sleeping longer stretches at night and I did not want to interrupt that. I found that we fell into a routine for naps, nursing, going for walks etc. quite naturally but did not have a real schedule until I went back to work part-time after 9 months. I guess you might need to adjust everyone's routines a bit after the very first newborn weeks to find time for all the children but this does not have to mean strict enforced schedules - just work with the natural rhythms of the babies and your family routines.

We also co-slept with the babies. We started them off in their crib (they shared) at bed-time, the crib was touching my side of the bed (like a co-sleeper, just with a rail) and I would move one into our bed as the baby demanded to be nursed and then switch babies when the other woke up and demanded to be nursed, rotating them in and out of our bed and their crib. They slept between me and the crib. If I fed them both at the same time we would often fall asleep together, but this was rare because their night-time schedules were pretty different from an early age and because DH is a very sound sleeper and we preferred not to have a baby beside him.

Don't worry - you will hold and cuddle and enjoy your babies often enough. I am sure your older children will be a great help when you have your hands full with one and the other one starts cryign and has to wait for your attention and arms. For me, that was the hardest part of having twins in the early stages.

 

I was gone this last week so I am just now reading this; I didn't read all of the other comments but thought I would weigh in with mine

My twins were born at 36.2 weeks; they are 3 months old now. We HAD to schedule them in the beginning because they wanted to sleep and never eat! I pumped and bottle/dropper fed them to get them to gain weight. It was exhausting; thankfully my mom was a HUGE help with my older four. We also homeschool; I have a 7, 6, 4, & 3 yo.

By about 6 weeks they were exclusively breastfeeding. Pumping and bottlefeeding is WAY more work than breastfeeding in my opinion! They were probably 2-2.5 months old before I could nurse them in bed very well. Before that I would get both up and feed them tandem on the couch. I can still only nurse one at a time in bed. WE have a full size co-sleeper beside the bed. It has worked well for us. I feed one then swaddle them back up and feed the other one when he/she wakes up. I usually get a 6 hr stretch at night so I don't wake both up anymore. If one is fussy; I can hold her in bed beside me. The only problem is if one is sleeping with me and the other wakes up to nurse; the first baby wakes back up when I move. If I had them in cribs I would get WAY less sleep! I feel WAY more human with some sleep!

I do use pacifiers. Another twin mom recommended the EASY routine; Eat-Activity-Sleep. It has worked well for us; I feed them when they wake up, then the kids can hold them or they can lay on the floor, bouncy seat, etc. Then, when they start acting sleepy, I can swaddle them up and they will go to sleep. They pretty much follow a 2.5-3 hr daytime "schedule" now....not that I force it on them, but I do try to not let them go longer than 3 hrs during the day. If one is hungry I will feed them! I either feed them together or one after the other. They tend to cluster feed during growth spurts for 2-3 days (exhausting!) I do try to make them take full feedings so they won't snack every hour...I still use a sling; not too crazy about wearing both of them at the same time. DH will frequently wear one when we are out. I also have a double snap n go stroller that is handy or I put one baby in the sling and the other in the carseat in the cart when I am grocery shopping alone.

Hope that all makes sense! I had several interruptions!

 

I was in your same boat. My oldest slept with me till around 2 yrs old and self weaned at 19 months. She was compeltely on demand with everything and my family pressured me into needing a schedule, needing bottles, needing to pump, needing to have them in separate cribs. Dh and I decided there maybe 2 but if it aint broke dont fix it. The twins are 9.5 months into cosleeping, nursing on demand, being worn and napping when necessary. It is completely possible and I prefer to let the children lead my schedule. There are times when its my way or no way(night time bed time) but for the most part they eat when they are hungry and will continue to do so until they wean.

 

Thank you everyone who has replied! It's been great to hear what you do and what works in real life. I guess I'm going to have to, for a lot of this, just wait and see what works out for us. We have a queen size bed with a full size arm's reach co-sleeper, so I think I'll plan on co-sleeping for now and see how it works out and plan on nursing on demand. I know I"ll just have to be flexible and see what works for my babies and our family. If it's not working out I can always change things up. Hoping we're able to avoid NICU time, because I know that was a hinderance to getting started with nursing with DS1. But if we do have some NICU time then I'll pump and do what I have to do to get through that too. Thankfully, I've never had any supply issues. Actually, I think I've had an overabundance of supply because I've been able to nurse my own and pump to help out friends at times. I hope that is an indication that my supply won't be a problem for these babies either!

My mother-in-law has flown up to help me during this very last part of my pregnancy and she is planning on taking my two oldest home with her for a couple of weeks after the babies arrive to allow me time to adjust. I'm sure not having to worry about my two oldest for a while will be a huge help in figuring out how to take care of two infants at once! Thanks for letting me lurk on this forum and ask questions even before I've gotten started. I'm sure I'll continue to have more questions after these babies get here.

 

Everyone has great ideas on what works for them! I'll chime in with my experience. I, too, mourned a little when I found out I was having twins. My son was 6 and we had bonded SO much as an infant and then having six years alone with him-- I was really looking forward to a 2nd "only child" and bonding the same way.

However, the twins are now 9 months and they are SO fun to have together- they're interacting and just loving each other and I know they will have an inseparable bond. And it's fun to experience something different. I nurse exclusively (well, now they have started solids) but they never really took a bottle. I did do EBM once a week to try and get them used to a bottle in case I needed a break but they went on bottle strike at 3 months and I gave up trying to get them to take one. I love nursing them together- it was not without struggle (great at first, really hard at 2-3 months, and then great again). I love watching their little hands intertwine as they nurse facing each other. Early on, I fed them together at night but once one started sleeping longer stretches, I'd nurse them separately lying down and then we'd often fall asleep together- our one on one bonding time.

I am a sleep scheduler but not really a nursing scheduler with the twins (I was much more so with my son). This time, I did whatever it took to get them to sleep well and often. And it has REALLY paid off. They are the best sleepers and have always been. I have been able to keep my sanity, my house clean, my son happy, my husband happy all b/c they (and me) get good sleep. I never really had to let them cry it out (only a few times when I knew they just were overtired and absolutely needed to sleep). I would highly recommend getting them to sleep well, on their own, in a crib, from the beginning. But I did not have any help or any family and a husband who works 11 hour days so for me, with another child, it was an absolute necessity. They are really delightful, happy babies b/c they are hardly ever overtired. They go to sleep b/w 6-7 at night and sleep until 6 or 7 (sometimes wake up once but again, this is fine, b/c I get to cuddle); nap twice during the day.

Good luck and I know you'll enjoy this new experience and it's amazing how much you can bond with two at once! Never dreamed how much I would love it.

 

I got an Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper and attached to my bed. I didn't like sleeping with my back to a baby, especially in those very sleep deprived early weeks/months. So I'd have one in bed with me and one in the co-sleeper, and I'd switch when necessary.

I agree with PPs that nursing on demand is the best thing you can do for success in nursing twins. And remember that just because they're twins doesn't mean they'll be the same, necessarily. Lots of people do have great success getting their twins on a schedule. But my girls were 2 1/2 lbs apart in weight, and had vastly different eating needs and internal clocks. One slept like a champ at night, but wouldn't nap unless she was physically on me. The other wanted to nurse all night and would take these wonderfully long naps. And the little one I'd have to wake to feed, and ended up pumping for because she wasn't strong enough to get enough from me on her own. She's still very small for her age and a terrible eater at 5 1/2.

I think the best thing is to go into it with open eyes, knowing that you CAN do it, but you might have to be flexible. If tandem nursing works for you, fabulous! If not, nursing one right after the other can be nice, too. Making those kinds of decisions, and coming here for help and support will really help you have success.

 

This is pretty much what i did too. I'm not really a schedule/diary type person normally but having twins terrified me and with my other 2 children. I had to follow a rough routine to keep all our sanities lol. I do a combo of schedule/demand feeding. I fed whenever they woke up and any other times. Currently we bf morning, before their 1 daytime sleep and before bed at night. Sometimes T1 wants an extra feed in the afternoon and also still likes to have 2 feeds through the night!!!!
Usually I bf one straight after the other. For the first few months, I tandem fed but I found it much easier for me and them to feed one at a time. That was just what worked for me and you have to so what works for you and what you feel comfortable with.
I would also say to hold off on the bottles if you can as PP has saaid, time will be short even without adding extra expressing. I sometimes express the excess after a feed if one hasn't had her full feed - both to keep up my supply and to build a supply in the freezer.

Me too!!!
I was looking forward to having the individual time (I had a 5yr gap between my first 2 and loved it) and was upset for a while buuuut.....am surprising myself with my ability to cope and how much I do love it. I mourned the posibility that I wouldn't be able to breastfeed or that i might have to use bottles. 14months later, we haven't used formula yet. :yahoo: LOL it seems ,like a lifetime ago when I had just 1 baby and I wonder what I ever complained about and what I did with all my time :laughing: :rotflmbo:
Above all though, do what you need to do to get through it and don't worry about others opinions too much!

 

The babies are here so now I'm trying to work all of this out. We are doing great with the breastfeeding. They are both exclusively bf and seem to have fallen into a pretty similar pattern for when they want to eat, so that is good.

They also have fallen into a similar sleep/wake pattern. But it isn't so good. They sleep VERY soundly during the day. It's incredibly difficult to wake them when they aren't ready. During the night however, they are very light sleepers. I get them to sleep and put them in the co-sleeper and then one wakes up after 2-15 min of sleep. I get him back to sleep and then the other one wakes up. Round and round we go all night long... last night we did this until 5:30am when we finally all got 2 hours of sleep. I'm functioning ok right now because my older boys are at their grandparents and I can nap during the day. I'm terrified of how I'll function with no naps in another week when they get home if these babies don't start sleeping better at night.

 

It sounds like they have their days and their nights mixed up. I remember a nurse in the hospital who would get so annoyed that I'd turn on the lights to nurse the boys. If you turn off the lights, they wake up better- they aren't used to light. For a few weeks at home I'd put them in bouncie seats in our walk in closet with the light on and the door 1/2 open so they could sleep in the light and we could sleep in semi-darkness. It took a while but mine did get that night is sleep and days are wakefulness. They'll get there. :hug:

 

I read something recently that suggested that it's because of our evolution that newborns sleep better in the day (and in a sling or a swing that simulates being in a sling) than they do at night--becaues night was a dangerous time for infants in hunter-gather societies and we pretty much stopped evolving then.

Since the OP is an experienced mom, I'm sure she knows they will get the hang of it soon, but for sure, next week is going to be a hard week for the whole family. Your oldest boy should be a big help--he's about the age of my twins, but maybe hardest of all for the younger older boy in his new role as middle child.

 

So glad it's going well! The nights and days will get better. In addition to the evolutionary reasons, newborns are also used to being lulled to sleep by our movements in utero and they are active when we are still, which is usually at night. In my experience with other mothers, the nights and days usually switch back in about 2-3 weeks after birth

 

looks like you had Dylan and Elliot a few weeks after this post was made.

I will share my advice even though a little late. Having never had a singleton I do not know how to compare but co sleeping with twins and and even triplets is doable if that is what you choose to do. It does make life that much easier even if they are not all breastfeeding.

I breast and bottle fed (my milk) my twins (one had a cleft palate). My other did not start breast feeding till she was 9 weeks old. At at that time she exclusively breast fed.

My triplets had intolerance's to my milk so they were not able to breast feed for long. I coudl have breast fed had I chose to change entirely my eating habits. That is a whole other topic though.

I hope you are enjoying your twin infant experience and doing what you want to do and not what others think you should do.