Separating them at school?

We run into this issue (seperating the boys) every time it is time to transition classes at daycare. Our daycare only moves kids up to the next class when they have mastered certain skills. One of my kiddos has been ahead of his brother (by as much as 9 months) since they were infants. The last milestone they did in the same relative timeframe was crawling at 6 months. So we have done this guessing game of holding one back, moving one forward early, or letting them go on their own timetable more times than I care to count and mostly guessing wrong and dealing with the consequences. They typically aren't separated for more than 2-3 months and there are pros and cons that come along with that.

As it stands now one of the boys is in the Pre-school class (and has been for 5 months) and the other is still in Early Pre-School (and will be until he's PT'd the only skill he's missing.) I was called in for an appt with the Director today to discuss their progress. I totally expected a whole get on the PT wagon speech, but I was totally unprepared for what their actual recommendation was. Summer school starts in June and they now want to move the kid who is in Pre-school to Pre-K for the summer and fall. We knew there was a chance he might go in Fall because he will have been in his current class for almost 9 months by then and he's already mastered all but 2 of the skills and is making really good progress on them, but we had hoped to have both boys go in the fall. Or worst case - 1 in Fall and 1 around Christmas. However, they are currently planning for the other kid (assuming he ever gets PT'd!) to stay in Pre-School along with all 11 of 12 of the other kids with birthdays from October - May for the next "school year" - which would run through next May. So hence forth they will be a year apart and won't go back into the same class ever (1st opportunity would be public school and our ISD mandates seperation for multiples).

The director really stressed that one of the boys is just really ahead and excelling well above most other kids his age and they want to continue to challenge him and help him grow. They think he will be bored if he stays in the current class though they would consider leaving him there until Fall if we wanted. They won't however even consider moving his brother in the fall given that best case (PT'd today) he wouldn't move to PS until June and wouldn't possibly be ready to move to the next class after just 3 months. She also stressed that other then PTing that the other kiddo wasn't behind in skills compared to his peers.

I am not sure there is really choice in all of this, but our options are:
1) Go along with the move and hopefully move both of them in June to the next class (1 in PS, 1 in Pre-K)
2) Hold off the Pre-K move and have them both in PS at least for the summer and then decide on fall.
3) Hold off the move to Pre-K for a year and keep him with his friends and brother so they can move on together.
4) Cry and look for another school where we can find the best of all worlds (which isn't going to happen...)

What would you do? And why?

 

IMO it doesn't really matter at this point, as long as they end up going to kindergarten at the same time. But I think it's just really silly to hold up one because of PT... so I guess I'd leave them together for now... plus going to pre-k at 3.5 seems really early! Plus if he moves now to pre-k, he'll be even more bored by the time he gets to kindergarten from being in the pre-k class for 2 years!

 

That's a tough decision. You said there are pros and cons to having them separated for 2-3 months and then back together again. How do you think the pros and cons would weigh up with having them apart for longer (if the one boy moved up to pre-k as his brother moved up to pre-school and then presumably it would be at least 6 months before the second boy was ready to move up to pre-k)? I can see that it would maybe be less of an adjustment for them as they wouldn't have to get used to being together and then being apart again.

In your shoes I think I would probably hold off on the move until fall. Just because he does seem quite young for pre-k (although not being from the states I'm not sure what age is typical?), you said he still has a couple of skills to master, and it's quite possible that your other son wouldn't move up to the pre-school class until fall anyway as it's dependant on the PTing. I think the teachers in the pre-school class should be able to keep your son interested and engaged for now, it shouldn't be hard to tailor any lessons/activities to be slightly more challenging for him.

Good luck with your choice.

edited to fix typo

 

I am all for it but it is truly a case by case basis I think. We are a year behind you but I will offer an opinion anyway as a near future educator and mom to 26 monthers. Now that they are getting older I would truly look at them individually. This is where you can start thinking about them as having their own path because they are different kids and if you always keep them together then someone's needs are going to stop getting met. I think this is where the twins thing can get tricky. Especially since they are already spending school time apart, I would let him move into pre-K. It is important to stay challenged - this is not school work the way we look at it - kids actually enjoy learning. If you think he couldn't handle it emotionally that is one thing, but this will just be the beginning of learning to make new sets of friends. When in doubt try to look at it from his daily value, not from an adult perspective. Not easy, our girls are going to be split from the beginning this fall because that is the schools policy with multiples. At first I was like, "no way", but then I got to thinking that I have one inclined to study things intricately and one inclined to play and be social, and when they exist in the same space, one is always breathing down the others neck (guess which one). So for school I am thinking that what works in my household will be to give each the opportunity to an individual learning experience. Sounds like by doing that so far both boys have gotten their needs met. Not an easy decision though...just giving my two cents. Pre-K here is 4 years so 3.5 isn't that early to me. You may face him going straight into first grade depending on your state rules...just something to think about - you never know. Here a child can skip kindergarten - it isn't mandatory in this state. I don't know that it is common, but it definitely happens. Different world than where I grew up. Good luck!!!

 

The pre-k class is typically 4 and up, but they base it on the academic school year. You move when you are ready into all the classes up to and including Preschool. There are 8 moves along the way. Starting in Pre-K they look more at the academic year and aligning kids with when they will be entering Kindergarden/1st Grade. So if you turn 4 on or before Sept 1st you go. If not, you stay. Though there are exceptions. There is another little girl who is 2 months older than mine that will be going in June, too. They have both moved at about the same time through all the classes so I wasn't surprised to see them both on the list to go. Next year either summer or fall all the same Pre-K kids move to Kindergarden - which we will continue at private school. Next year they go to 1st grade.

The way our public/private schools are set up it is possible that I will end up with 1 a grade ahead of the other in school depending on when we make the switch to public school. I could choose to hold him back and move them both into public school at the same time I just don't know if we would. It would in effect send him to private 1st grade for a year while his brother is in kindergarden and then move both of them when they should technically be entering 1st grade base on age to public 1st grade. FYI... I fell into this, too as a child and ended up a grade ahead of my age group when I moved to public school. And the school even recommended through testing (after I got in lots of touble because of boredeom) to move me up further. My parents declined and my mom and a 4th grade teacher worked together to come up with "extra work" for me to do when I finished my current classes assignments. And I spent a LOT of time in the library reading books and doing book reports for the librarian instead of disrupting my class during "work time."

 

It's funny - I am in the camp to move him in the Fall. Mostly because I think of them as individuals. I just worry about the path that sets in motion. I am not opposed to separating them and I wish I could separate them into different 3-5 yr old classes at the same school. Because I see them grow so much more when they don't have each other to lean on.

DH and I talked it over and he is really opposed to them not being in the same grade in school down the line. I am opposed to him repeating a grade (at least at the same school). But for now we both agree moving him in the fall is the right path and we will bridge that gap when we get there.