Always getting into everything...

I feel like such a failure... This last week has been absolutely awful. The kids are getting into everything all the time. I don't know what to do anymore, short of following them all day or gating the whole house again... They KNOW they're not supposed to (as soon as I hear them and go in they put their hands in front of their face) but they just don't care! Nothing I do work. They don't care about time outs because they're together. They don't care if I yell. They're even happy to help me put things back where they belong. The only thing that upsets them is when I put them in their room (which involves me carrying both of them upstairs while they struggle with me, which totally sucks) and close the door. Then they scream and scream and scream. Then start playing. And they're back at it one hour later.

We don't have anything dangerous in reach (except when dh forgets) but they keep getting in my purse and emptying my wallet and everything else (I lost a prescription this way, and it costs $10 to get a new one so I didn't bother...), they unroll the paper towel roll every single time we put a new one out, they get in the mail, they bring toys to climb on so they can reach stuff on the kitchen counter (coffee jar that dh never puts away, bread, cookies, anything really), they keep emptying the drawer with all the storage bags and putting their toys in bags... It just doesn't stop. We had to buy a lock for the fridge, and THANKS GOD they haven't figured it out yet, because I found them munching on strawberries and playing with eggs (raw) once... and stealing I don't know how many yogurt smoothies a day... They've figured out how to open the bathroom door when it's not latched properly and I've found them writing with soap on their windows, using bandaids as stickers and playing with the toothbrushes on the bed (same thing though, nothing dangerous in reach...).. The other day we left our bedroom open and they emptied everything that was on dh's dresser, opened some throat losanges he had in his night table (why???), played paint with some chest vapo rub, and I found them munching on cashews that dh left in a jar on his night table. It doesn't stop. All this happened in the last couple weeks by the way (except the fridge stuff).

I'm going nuts. I feel like the worst mother because they just don't listen. All the discipline advice I've got is to do time outs, which doesn't work one bit with my kids... they don't care. And I can't just carry them both upstairs at the same time every single time they get into something (and they'll run away and laugh at me if I ask them to go to their room). And even then, they're together and they love playing in their room, so what good is it going to do?

I'm at a loss. They ARE getting good at not touching everything when we go out, but at home... forget it.

 

The first thing I would do is seperate them for time outs. I know if I put mine in the same place, they would do the exact same thing.

I would also find another place for time outs; somewhere that has nothing for them to play with.

Honestly, mine have to stand in a corner and face the wall for 3 minutes. If they turn around or move, I start the 3 minutes again. If I have to put them in a room where there are toys, I make sure to remvoe all toys from that area.

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Your kids are basically the same age as mine... And mine are just now starting to get consequences. I read to them every night and if they are good then I read 2 books but if they aren't good then I don't read any. If one of them has a favorite toy or blanket, maybe take it away when they get into stuff they aren't supposed to.

Is there a certain time of day when they are getting into things? Mine tend to be more naughty and sneaky in the morning, when I'm not fully awake and it drives me :crazy: So I make sure that I have some sort of project to keep them busy during "that" time of day.
Kids get bored and get into things, it just happens and it doesn't make you a bad mother at all! This is how they learn and it's our job to teach them no matter how crazy they make us. This will pass and they will get it but you have to be persistent and as stubburn as they are. So easy to say but doing it... not so much. I feel your pain!

I was in changing my little ones diaper and the twins pulled a chair up to the fish tank and started feeding them all of their crackers :headbang:

 

honestly - if time outs and counting don't work I'm not adverse to a slap on the hand or on the butt...but I'm not against spanking...

 

Ditto


And I also agree with separating them for time out and putting them in the corner or some place boring and if they get out of time out, their time starts over.

 

We also separate for TOs. Separate from their sibling and us. (We can see them and hear them, but our TO spot is behind the couch in an open area by the door.) They hate it. But they also know that we have the timer. And usually will ask if the timer is set while they are crying that they have to go in TO, lol.

 

I could write this post about my boys. They also like to break things. It drives me crazy.

In their cases, it seems to be driven by boredom and curiosity.

 

It's not possible to separate them. Where would we put them and how do you keep an eye on both of them if they're not in the same place? We don't have any other room to put them in. The first one put in TO would just leave as soon as I get the other one... That's why I don't really do time outs. It's technically impossible. If only one got in trouble, sure... but that never happens.

And yes they're probably bored, unfortunately there's not much more I can do about it... Every time we go out it costs too much money, there isn't much to do in the area, and doing activities gets their attention a whole 10 minutes and then they expect more, and get crabby if I have nothing else to offer...

 

I agree with this. I have also, now that my kids get consequences, put their favorite toys in time outs if they are not listening to the rules of the house.

 

You have to find another way of separating them. I personally would put one in the bedroom with the door locked and the other in the kitchen. Put the one in the bedroom first then lock the door (maybe install a latch on the outside of the door temporarily), then the one in the kitchen.

It really does sound like they're bored and need to run around outside at a park for an hour. Run off the excess energy. Is there a way you can let them play in the backyard or at a park? They don't need toys or structure, just imagination and some shoes. My two will play for hours in the backyard with sticks and dirt.

 

Oh we have a backyard, but they want to come in after 20 minutes! They drive me nuts!!! We're getting a swingset tomorrow, and with how much that thing cost us, I really hope they spend more time out there now...

 

I think the swingset will help a lot! they'll LOVE swinging and sliding if it has a slide. it will be new so it will be extra exciting! woohoo!

as for all the things that they are getting into... it was easier for me to just lock them up or move to a location that they can't get to. sure, I'm not really teaching them to stay out of my things, but I also don't have to yell at them 20 times a day for it either. I even have lots of the toys locked in cabinets and organized. I'm just now starting to leave the cabinet doors unlocked in hopes of teaching them to get one thing out at a time. We lock our bedroom door and any other door we don't want to deal with - like the laundry room etc. the hall closets is where I have random stuff and I got those locked too...

as for time outs. it would seem that you can at least have a timeout on the bottom step and then one another 10 feet away, right? in a chair or on a specific spot on the floor? maybe even have a small towel or rug that the sit on to define the area.

I'm kind of with you, on the time outs though, it is very hard to control them both, but with practice they will do it. we still have their booster seats at the table, so sometimes I use that.

as for spanking... I'm not really into that, but... just today they were tired and being naughty and talking on and on in their beds. I swatted ds's foot 1x then 3 min. later both were loud again, so I swatted dd's foot and ds's foot, of course they cried... but now are sleeping. I'm really hoping that they learn the lesson... but for now it seemed to have worked. it is so hard when they both wind each other up and get both into trouble.

 

We also do hand slapping/spanking here if necessary. But I am right there with you on the never-ending-getting-into-EVERYTHING!! It seems like everytime I clean up or deal with one disaster, they are already onto the next one! *sigh* I admit this is one of the few downfalls to having twins, not only do they egg each other on, but if one is doing something bad, you know the other one is going to join in, even if the first one got in trouble for doing it. :hug: I have no great advice because some days it feels like all i do is yell...especially if it's "that time of the month" when I lack a great deal of patience!! :lol:

 

hmmm... I have been realizing this too... though for me, I think I get hormonal 2x a month, at ovulation too... UGH, so every other week... anyway, it does help for me to realize my "time" is coming and to breathe a little deeper those times.

 

I totally agree on the separating them for time outs. I always designate a spot for timeout whereever we are. At home we have a dining room chair by itself in the front foyer. When they are both in trouble one goes to the chair and the other to whatever I designate at the moment - sometimes another chair, sometimes a rug, sometimes a stair - what ever is easily defined and close by. It's the same when we are out - something where there is nothing to play with and where they can't reach or talk to each other - seperate benches at the park, another table at a restruant, or even sitting outside with me on the sidewalk.

If time out isn't working we try alternate tactics - toy time outs (if you can't both take turns and share no one plays with it). I put it in a prominent, but highly visible place (like the mantle). Toys get longer timeouts than the kids - sometimes it is a few minutes, sometimes if it is a big enough offense (like bonking your bother in the head with a metal truck requiring ice) it is gone for the rest of the day.

The trick is finding something that's meaningful for them. One of my kids loves cars and a few more so than others. He would do anything to avoid toy time outs of his favorites. His brother on the other hand could care less. He has favorite toys, but when they are gone he just moves on to other things. However, he LOVES to read. So threatening to read fewer books or only read his brother's books at bedtime is good incentive for him.

We also MUST have time where they can exert themselves at least twice a day or we all go crazy. When we are home we go outside. They love to play outside they burn a ton of energy. Even when it gets ridiculously hot we still go - we just don't stay as long. And when the weather is bad we adapt - umbrellas and rainboots, coats and hats, or a trip to McDonalds for snacks, or the germy mall playground - there is lots of cheap/free entertainment. Especially when you use your imagination.

I have also found for my boys the more I can set them up for success they better they do. Telling them what they can and should do (not what they shouldn't - don't give them ideas!). For example - it's time to play in the dining room. We are going to stay in this room until the timer goes off. We can play with cars, or we can color at the table on the paper or maybe we could even get out blocks! But we aren't going to get anything else out, okay? So what do you want to do? Rememember we are going to stay in the dining room until the timer is up, and we are going to use our indoor voices and keep our hands to ourself, right boys? Do they always do it? Of course not, but 9 times out of 10 they do. And I hear them reminding one another - "SHHHH!!! We have to use our indoor voices!!!" Or "Wait!! The timer hasn't gone off! Too far!" I also pop-in and "catch them being good." WOW!! You guys are doing such a good job playing nicely in here together! I am so proud of you! You did such a good job listening and doing what I asked (and I spell out what that was) would you like to ____ (read a book, go for a walk, play outside with a favorite toy, watch a show - what ever is a treat).

My guys love praise. When I find I am having to intervene more than I would like I try to focus for 10 minutes and find 3 things they are doing right and compliment them. And sometimes I have to get creative, but it can totally turn a bad afternoon around.

They also love to "help" which can be a good distraction when I can't supervise them constantly but need to get other things done. They "help" clean the [clean] table with wipes while I am cleaning the counter tops or washing dishes. They hand me hangers when I am hanging up laundry. They match socks while I sort laundry. Does it take longer to have them "help." Yes. But in the end we are all happier for it.

 

I praise all the time... It might help with their behavior as a whole (especially when it comes to hitting, sharing etc), but not the getting into everything part. They help with dishes etc too... they still get into everything otherwise. Except of course when we're not home, but if we spend even $3 every time we go out, this adds up quickly...

We go outside when it's not too cold or hot, but DS wants in after 20 minutes, if that. It drives me nuts. Everyone always says how important it is for kids to run around and burn energy, but nobody ever mentions the kids that don't want to play outside. DD always wants to go out, so I always have an unhappy kids. Just awesome.

Our mall doesn't have a playground, as I said, there isn't that much to do around here. I ended up getting a membership to a park but it's still closed most days until June... still had to leave after a while because they were not listening. We don't have raincoats and rain boots, too much $$ for something used just a few times.

Oh they don't understand time out on the stairs etc... one of them always ends up going upstairs or downstairs, and I can't physically make two kids sit in place in two different spots...

 

I totally hear the frustration. I am sure we have all been there.

Mind if I ask what you are doing when they are getting into things? Is it the second your back is turned kind of thing? Or is it all the time? My guys occassionally get in trouble for attention when I am doing other things. Taking a few minutes out here and there to get down on the floor and play with them when they are being good helps - bargain with them - If you give me 10 minutes to get something I need to get done, I will do something you want to do - undivided attention. And explain to them why you need to do whatever it is. I have to do the dishes or we won't have clean cups or plates for snack time. And if we don't have clean XYZs we won't be able to have snacks. and then we would all be really hungry and our tummies wouldn't feel good. We wouldn't want that would we? Or recruit them... How about you guys inspect the dishes to make sure I got them all clean? I hold they look. Or they help me "guess" which cabinet things go in as I take them out of the dishwasher. There's very little that I do that they can't be included in if necessary.

As for cheap/free activities - don't rule anything out. Go on a bear hunt around your house. Check the bushes. Look under the car. Peek around the corner of the house. Be silly. Take a walk - look for 10 things that are red. Count how many houses there are are one side of the street. Walk to the park. We have 2 in walking distance, 2 in extedned distance which means them strapped in the stroller while I get to relax. Cost - $0. Even if we get there and turn around after 10 minutes it got us outside and the change of scenery is always nice. Check your public libary - they usually have story time. Even if they don't - make your own.

And splurge once in a while. $1.07 for apple dippers or an ice cream to share at McDonalds once a week is a small price to pay for an hour of peace.

As for everyone wanting to go outside I have one who does, and one who doesn't. It doesn't matter. We all go. Set a timer. We will stay out here this long. And don't just push them out the door, or plan to sit there while they play. Engage them. Play kick ball. Draw with chalk on the sidewalk/patio. Have races. Play ring around the Rosie or London Bridges or Duck duck goose with stuffed animals. Do you have to be doing something every second? Of course not. Tell them they ran so fast you just can't keep up! Mommy is old and has to rest. You guys keep going! Lay on your backs and watch the clouds. Look for birds. Look for planes. Have a picnic. Even my indoor guy has fun outside - it's just a matter of engaing him and helping him see the posibilities. Water guns, sprinklers that you will have run anyway, bubbles. Even pulling weeds! Who can find one!?! There aren't any more weeds. I got them all! You can't possibly find one!

Honestly - the best thing about having two of them is that you have TWO of them. They CAN entertain each other and in a non destructive ways... All you have to do is faciliate, and moderate...

As for rainy days - who needs rain gear? Let them try to catch rain drops on their tounges. Let them splash in the puddles. Let them get soaked. 10 minutes in the rain shouldn't kill them. My boys love nothing more to play in water no matter where it comes from. You don't have to get wet to enjoy it either. Look out the windows - look for the biggest clouds - look for lightening. Count the time between the thunder. Look for rainbows. Looks for breaks in between rounds and run around before you get wet again.

And with regards to managing time outs of course they aren't going to stay the first time you tell them to. You have to teach them. Work on it 1-1. Every time they get out - put them back. Sit with them if you have to. It's not something that just happens. It is learned behavior. They are old enough to get it. Be persistent. And consistent. They will get it. And even after they do there will be times where they don't want to go, or refuse to go and you will carry them kicking and screaming. And they will get out. And you will put them back. But other times you will tell them calmly go to timeout and they will go. And stay. Start sending 1 to the current spot - their room? And working with the other one.