Daycare or Homecare?

Hello everyone,

I apologize if this topic was discussed before. I did a basic search, but wanted to ask for suggestions related to my case specifically.

I am the mom of 16 month old boy/girl twins. I am also finishing medical school, and will be starting my residency in July. Right now I have a dilemma in that I do not know whether to send my kids to daycare or have a live in nanny. I am specifically worried about the times that the twins will get sick (everyone seems to say this is inevitable) and I know I will not be able to take many days off from work to care for them.

For those that tried daycare with toddlers, were your twins getting sick all the time? Did you have to have a nanny to care for them during that time? If one twin is sick, do you still put the other one in daycare?

Argh, I am so stressed out about this. I was leaning towards sending them to daycare, but my parents are insisting that its a horrible idea and that I should have a live-in.

Please help!

 

They do get sick a ton at first! How crazy are your hours going to be? Can your SO take off for kids sickness? Daycares are super strict about pick up on time and sickness policies. As for one twin sick, I would still send the other one if it was at a daycare.

I have a nanny (does not live in) which has worked great for our family. She is a surrogate grandma to my kids and is wonderful about watching them when sick. If they are miserable I stay home but my job allows that which I am sure residency does not.

Good luck

 

Mine never got sick a ton. Between me and my husband it always worked out. I would line up an emergency backup for emergencies (parents, neighbor, service, some hospitals have sick child care for a day), but our decision was daycare. Even with a nanny, they get sick and take days off. I'm a lawyer which isn't quite as crazy as residency, but I still have a lot of days I just can't miss period. It works either way and has bad days either way.

 

We have a nanny - she isn't live-in, but she is here three days a week so that I can take my grad classes. It is so nice not having to take the kids out every day and get everything packed up, etc. And if they are sick, she comes anyway. I wouldn't trade it for anything! And not to mention that she is willing to do light housework while they are sleeping, which is a HUGE help for me. (she is a friend of my SIL, so I am getting a great situation, honestly. She is like family).

 

My biggest question is what will your childcare situation be during call, night shifts, etc. Is your SO able to care for them on all nights, weekends, etc? I am a physician so I understand exactly the kind of schedule you will be keeping for the next few years, and unless your SO can handle drop offs, pick ups etc I think daycare may be difficult. You can't always guarantee you will be out at a certain time. What would happen if you needed to pick up the kids but you got involved in a procedure you couldn't step out of. A nanny is much more forgiving. I can't speak for the illness in my own children because DH stays home with them, but I am a pediatric Hospitalist and I know that the majority of patients in daycare complain they are sick most of the winter. Yours are older ao it won't hit them as hard, but any time they have a fever they are usually banned from daycare until the fever is gone 24 hours and they are also not allowed to attend if they have diarrhea. Those are all days you would have to arrange alternative child care for one or both.

Good luck with your decision and feel free to PM me if you have any specific questions I can help with (especially juggling professional with family life and surviving residency!)

 

When you originally thought about sending them to daycare, you knew about the difficult logistics of your situation as well. You do not have to give up on your decision simply because you were advised against it. As for them being sick a lot, maybe you'll be lucky? Especially if their first months in daycare are during summer. A nanny can be ill too and not able to take care of your little ones so you or your partner would have to call in sick from work anyway. I'd say you do what is best for you and your family and if you think daycare is best then that'll be it. GL!

 

I've done both. I had two tag-team nannies during my girls' first year and have had the girls in daycare all of their second year. There are benefits and drawbacks to both options.

Nannies can be unreliable. They get sick and, like you, have schedules that must be worked around (unless you hire an au pair who lives with you or are lucky enough to find a nanny who does not have a family or life of her own). You're going to always have to have a Plan B, even with a nanny. Nannies are also quite expensive if you withhold taxes for them as you are legally required to do. You must contribute half of their social security taxes and, in many states, pay something for workers comp insurance. You may have to hire an accountant to handle all that stuff for you. I'm a lawyer and couldn't figure out how to do it. Also consider how comfortable you are being a boss. Personally, I didn't like it, and I have been much happier dealing with the folks at daycare.

As for daycare, my kids have been sick almost non-stop since they started. I think I can count on one hand the number of days they haven't had a runny nose since last June. But you know they're going to get sick like that at some point, right? If not now, it'll happen when they start preschool or real school in a couple of years. If just one of my girls is sick, I always send the other to daycare.

Your parents are wrong about daycare being a horrible experience. I mean, it can be horrible if you choose the wrong daycare. So don't do that. But my kids learn so many things at our really great daycare that I don't have the time, energy, or skills to teach them myself. And they are incredibly well-socialized. But I liked my nannies too. They still babysit for me from time to time. I guess my point is there's no right or wrong answer. You just have to pick the one that works best for you and your schedule.

 

My hours are not nearly as crazy as being a resident, but I work in IT, so there are a lot of emergency calls, late nights, etc. and DH can only take up so much slack (plus he has his own work issues too). Like Nancy mentioned above, daycare is very strict and will often charge by the minute if you're late picking them up. I decided on a nanny when the boys were born because they were preemies so I wasn't comfortable taking them to daycare when I had to come back to work at 5 weeks (plus the doctor recommended against taking them outside of the house during RSV season). So the sickness issue was a huge factor for me, but only because they were so small. When they got older, I was much less concerned. I also like having a nanny because she picks up their toys, does their laundry, cooks their meals, and I don't have to pack the boys up in the morning and drop them off before I leave for work. This is a *huge* time saver for me, which is great for me because I like to sleep until the last possible moment!

It is true that if a nanny is sick you will need to find alternate child care, but it's a rare adult that gets sick as often as a child does, so this shouldn't be too common. In the almost 2 years that our nanny has been with us, I believe she's been sick 2 days.

ITA with this! Good luck, and I hope you find a solution that works well for you and your family!

 

I've done both as well, and like others have said they both have pros and cons. My mom watched our boys in our house for their first 11 months or so (which was by far the best arrangement we ever had), and then they went into daycare last May. And even though it was summer they got 3 colds within like 8 weeks. So DH and I had to miss a good amount of work during that time, but luckily we have flexible jobs. When the boys turned 16 months we took them out of daycare (mainly due to a disagreement with the director) and hired a FT nanny (but she didn't live with us). She started out great and helped with housework, but it took some getting used to always having somebody in our house. And our boys are early risers so I still had to get them dressed every morning and feed them breakfast before she arrived at 8:30am, so it really wouldn't take much more effort to load them in the van and drop off at daycare. Anyway, that nanny turned out to be a slacker after a while so we gave her a 2 week notice and had to miss a lot of time off from working waiting for a new nanny to start. Well the new nanny got a stomach bug the weekend before her first day of work...and she missed her ENTIRE first week of work due to that stomach. 9 days for a stomach bug?? That sealed it for me. I knew then that I was done with nannies. So about 5 weeks ago our boys started back to daycare and it has worked out great for us. They have missed 3 days during that time being sick, but it hasn't been too bad. And I LOVE being able to take a day off from work, or go home on my lunch hour, and not have to chit chat and be social with a nanny. I like to get errands done and be productive and that never happened when there was a nanny in the house. Now granted, our floors stay pretty dirty now and the house cluttered, LOL, but I can live with that. And the savings is quite significant. We save about $180 per week taking them to a daycare (where they get fed breakfast, lunch, and snack) versus having a nanny, paying the social security and unemployment taxes, and additional food.

I hated being a "boss" and having to always make a list of things for the nanny to do (especially with the first nanny), and worse how to tell them in a nice way that they needed to do something better. And my stress levels went through the roof when the first nanny didn't work out and I had to fire her, and again when I told the second nanny that it wasn't going to be a long term nanny job after all. Since putting the boys back in daycare things just seem so much more laid back for me. And our boys, who still only have a few words at 22 months, seem to be jibber jabbering more. So I think it is helping that they are around kids of a similar age and seeing them communicate.

Only you will know which is right for you, and you might have to try both to see which one really works best for you in the long run. Initially I thought hiring a nanny would be the answer to my dreams, but in the end that wasn't for us. If you go the daycare route perhaps you can line up one or two occasional sitters that are willing to care for sick kids on short notice, schedule permitting. You could also use them for the occasional date night. College students are often times eager to build up a group of moms that contact them on an as needed basis. GL!

 

First of all don't worry too much about what your parents say. YOU are the only one who can make the right decision for your family.

Daycare is wonderful if you find the right one. We LOVE ours. That said, they did get a sick a lot the first year or so that they were there, and I missed a lot of work. If missing work is absolutely not an option for you or your SO, you'll need someone lined up to care for them in that case.

Finding and supervising a nanny can be a challenge, but if you're able to put enough time into it up front (to make sure expectations are clear, you're happy with who you've chosen, etc.) I think it may be the best option for you. I'm generally a big daycare advocate, but one thing they are NOT is flexible. And obviously their schedule is not the same as a resident's schedule, so you'd need care for weekends/evenings anyway.

One nanny might not be able to cover all the time you will need (especially if she has kids of her own), but perhaps you could have one regular daytime nanny and another one who will be available on short notice for odd times? (Or maybe your parents would be willing/able to take care of them once in a while?)

Good luck, and good for you for pursuing your career!

 

I had our boys during my fellowship and so did many of my peers. Most people either had a stay at home spouse or a nanny. One person did daycare with her daughter but it was a real struggle (her daughter was in daycare starting at 3 months and got sick a bit at first.) A few friends had live in nannies and were really happy for the consistent help and help with housework and meals...you just need to find a good one. Best of luck in your training! My husband and I both work part-time and share child care but we are debating doing daycare a couple days a week next year - it's so hard to decide!

 

They do get sick more frequently their first year in daycare/school, so you may need to arrange for back-up care if you go the daycare route. On the other hand, nannies can get sick themselves, while daycares never close. And daycares typically have longer hours (mine goes from 7 to 6). I do think your twins are getting to the age where they would benefit from the structure of a daycare. My kids have all been pretty healthy, but we did have a bout of RSV that knocked both of the twins out of school for an entire week of total hell. Other than that, my girl twin has never had a sick day, but my boy twin has had several additional sick days this winter.

 

Thank you all so much for your responses.

Although I have not received my schedule from the hospital yet, I know that the hours will be pretty bad. The way I see it if we pursue daycare, my husband will drop the twins off in the morning around 7:30-8am, and I will pick them up at night, probably around 6:30pm (the latest the daycare stays open). The issue I will have to work out will be days I need to be in the hospital for call, night float, when babies are sick, etc. Several backups would be a great idea. Do you guys have any recommendations as to how I can find several people available on short term notice? I heard of the website care.com and was thinking of registering. Anyone have any experience with this? Should I post an ad somewhere?

Thank you so much!

 

I found my nannies on Care.com. They were a couple of college students - one in pre-nursing school and one in grad school for neonatal audiology, which I liked - who lived near me. They were cousins who lived together, actually. Their schedules were crazy, but one or the other of them was almost always available. And they always needed money. College students make great babysitters, except during exam season. Another great resource for you will be your daycare center. A lot of the teachers at my daycare supplement their income babysitting. If you can work out an arrangement with a couple of teachers, that's best-case-scenario. Your kids will already know them and be comfortable with them, and you can feel secure knowing that your babysitter has experience working with kids and has all the Red Cross training re what to do in an emergency, etc.

As for Care.com generally, a lot of really good, experienced nannies post ads on there, but a lot of shysters post ads on there as well. You just have to interview a lot of people until you find 2 or 3 you feel comfortable with.

 

I also found our 2 nannies on care.com and it was convenient to let care.com do their background checks. You can join care.com and even post an ad for free. BUT if you get responses to your ad from interested applicants you can not respond to them through the website until you pay to become a subscribers. It's kind of expensive IMO, but I searched online for coupon codes for care.com and luckily found one that gave 30% off the annual subscription. So instead of being $120 for an annual subscription it was only $90. So be sure and do a google search before you register

 

I was going to suggest that you could put an ad up at the medical school looking for first and second year students looking to make a little extra cash. Or if your hospital is near a university, you could look for college students. You may also be able to network with other residents who are already there if they have children or find out if there are any prn nurses or pca's who want a little extra cash. Many times the residency secretary can be like a second mom and help you navigate some of this stuff.