Finding this year really tough

For the first time since they were born, I find myself really feeling like it is really hard with the twins and feeling like other "non-twin-moms" just don't get it. Maybe I made it look too easy all this time But the other day I had my sister visiting w/her 4 y.o. and 1 y.o. and I was just struck at how frazzled she was, yet the whole time she just carried her little 1 y.o. around like this precious little princess. I realized that I never carried either of my boys that way, b/c there is just too much work going on at the moment and/or I can't carry them both around all day while also taking care of my 3 y.o. If too many little ones need me, I just sit and let them crawl all over me until they get their fix then toddle away. It was the first time I really understood in some ways, what the difference was, and in all honesty I watched her holding her baby with jealousy. I feel I have not given either twin that much attention b/c I am always dividing it up. I am sure this is covered somewhere on the forum, but just needed a chance to write it out in a place where (hopefully) I will be understood.

 

We are now getting to the point where I can carry one around without offending the other. Mine are just getting good at a little independent play so if one needs me, I can pay attention to him and not worry his brother is going to cry. I think the second year is harder than the first. The first is all bottles/diapers/sleep. This year it is keeping them stimulated and safe while they want to explore everything and virtually have no vocabulary. It is very tiring to the parents because there is very little down time, especially those with other kids. I figure I am doing the best I can and so far mine still love me and hug me a lot so I think I am doing OK.

 

:hug: I totally know that feeling. It really struck me when the twins were 6 months old and my friend had her 3rd child. I could see how he got held by his parents and could be the focus of their attention when the older two boys were not around. I knew that DH and I were not able to hold our twins that much and give them solo attention like that and I wondered how nice that would be.
But now that the twins are 3, they seemed to turn out normal or as normal as two kids parented by me and DH can ever hope to be. I truly do believe that we did surround them with a lot of love and affection and they felt that, even if it wasn't what I had in mind...it did turn out okay. So, hang in there and give the kids the hugs and squeezes that you can and letting them toddle all over you all you want. You are doing great and I know your children do not have one iota of doubt that you love them!

 

I couldn't agree with you more! I am finding this second year physically tiring and draining. The logistics of getting out and about drive me nuts! It's not like I can put both in the cart and have my 4 year old walk. I have to drag out the stroller and doing this sometimes twice a day is exhausting for me. I find that moms of two where one is a baby and and one is an older child have no clue.

 

I look back on the early years (and mine are 'only almost 3 yrs')... and I wonder how they would have turned out if they were singletons and had more attention. I know that they are loved and feel loved, but it still is hard to have to deal with two at a time. right now I'm struggling b/c they are almost 3 and getting into everything...

good luck keeping it together, you are doing a wonderful job!

 

I think about stuff like that too. There are times now as they get heavier that its hard to carry or cuddle both at the same time. Way back at the beginning it used to be the guilt of making one wait to be fed or one crying more so they needed the attention. I also think about how easy it would be to take one child to the park and help it down the slide and give it all the attention. Instead of the chaotic park days we have. One's and the top and one's at the bottom and I'm somewhere in the middle hoping no one gets hurt! The stage we are at now it is impossible for one person to take both kids anywhere and let them loose--they really do run in different directions

I never got to have the scenario of 2 parents with their first baby. People often comment "lucky you, you got to get two in one shot and get it over with". It always strikes me as a weird comment. I wouldn't trade them for the world though but leaving the house can be exhausting at times. It really is different to have twins. Both children are at the same developmental stage, unlike other siblings so that is where the challenge is. You can reason a bit more with an older sibling. Still, this is my life and I love it......most days :ibiggrin:

 

This is SO true and what my friends with singletons don't always get. The other day one of them asked me why I don't take the boys to story time at the library on Tuesday mornings. I just laughed and said "yeah, right" because I don't dare take them by myself. People totally don't get that they go in different directions and you can't possibly keep up with both of them in a place like the library. Until they are older and can listen, sit still, etc., I don't take them anywhere by myself (and they HATE the stroller now that they can walk and run). I almost can't even get them to the car by myself without losing someone! :laughing:

 

Thank goodness I can still trap mine in the stroller! Yeah, we do storytime and usually its me chasing them down until finally I give up and sit and sing by myself looking stupid. There is sometimes a nanny there with triplets that are about a yr older than my girls and they all sit nicely with the nanny. Go figure, maybe I need that nanny!! So there is hope for the future

 

Oh you are NOT alone!!! Having twins is tiring, lovely, exhausting, fun, TIRING!!! LOL... you get the drift. I wouldn't trade it for the world but it is NOT the same as having two kids of different ages and getting out is friggin' hard. At this point we always have a someone else with us when we go out to public places b/c Sophie is running one way and Noah the other and they have no judgement.... they are just so curious

 

I could have wrote your post!!!! You are in good company here for I feel the exact same way in regards to EVERYTHING that you just said...wow! Glad i'm not the only one!

 

I feel you 100% with this post. I want to do things with them like story time but it's so freaking tough. An outing to Target is about as good as it gets. Sigh.

 

This is the kind of posts that make me happy to be registered on TS! I'm totally there with you... I don't think the second year is more difficult though, but that's probably because our first year has been tougher than average.

 

I get you! I have found the second year to be incredibly lonely.. all my singleton friends happily skip back to work after maternity leave at a year, while I was faced with going back to work and bearing the financial burden of two in daycare. And having two increasingly mobile and independent little guys is incredibly rewarding and hilarious, but unbelievably difficult sometimes. It can be very isolating. There are places we can't go because I can't handle 2 at once. Or if I attempt it, the singleton mommas are casually watching over their one kid while I am frantically running in 2 directions. And every time I see a single kid their age getting all the attention in the world from a relatively unfrazzled momma, I feel sad that they will never have that. But then they give each other a big hug and crack up at each other's unintelligible babbling and I realize that can't be replaced either.

 

I can't thank you all enough for responding! I have forgotten the invaluable support here!

 

I took my little girl out yesterday without her twin brother or big sister, and we had a really nice time. I wish i could do it more often because it was so special just to spend time with her. It was something simple..we ran to Mcdonalds and ate dinner in the car. She sat on my lap and we talked (well..she babbled mostly) and I just hugged her and spoiled her with ice cream and french fries. I wouldn't change anything, but I think alot what it would be like to have had them individually. I feel like my older daughter got so much more attention, and the first year with the twins felt like more work than bonding time. I wish there were two of me...or 3 I guess to spread myself out equally to all 3 of my kids.

 

I am so glad you posted...I guess we all have the same thoughts, feelings, joy and regret from time to time....Being a twin momma is so much more intense than being a singleton...and only we can understand that... :hug: