Frustrated about shoes!

This is not directly linked to an issue with my kiddos. Less than a year ago we moved into a new house that has laminate wood flooring (dark). It is beautiful but a lot of maintenance. It can shoe every water drop and footprint. With 7 people in the house I have gotten much better with just accepting that those things are going to happen and the floor will not be perfect all the time. However, I have never been a shoes on in the house fan. With little ones around and on the floor a lot I just think of all the nasty stuff that can be drug into the house on the bottom of a shoe. I also do not like the thought of it when I want to lay on my floor to watch tv. I see when I am out and about where people have thrown dirty diapers on the ground, spit on the ground, let the their dog poo lay on the ground, etc. I understand that kids will encounter germs and NEED to encounter things to have a strong immune system but I am just in the belief that I would like to eliminate that in my home. With the laminate floor any sort of debris such and rocks or dirt can damage the floor. I don't want to have to replace a new floor right away and not only that we wouldn't be able to afford it. So we would be left with a scratch damaged floor just so people could wear shoes in our house.

With all that said we have an upcoming event that we will be hosting at our new house. Some people who will be invited have voiced how they think it is rude when people ask to them to take their shoes off before coming into the house. Is it really? Are they willing to pay for my new floor after the scratch it up with the debris/salt on their shoes? We as a family don't even where shoes in our house so why should they?

In my old house if we hosted something I would let shoe wearing slide because our carpet was old. I still hated it because my little ones would play on that floor and sometimes eat off of that floor. The only time I would really ask guests to take shoes off there was when it was wet out....and yes there were people that were completely willing to walk onto my carpet with wet muddy shoes and not see and issue with it.

So please sound off and tell me, am I being rude to ask people to take their shoes off? Do you have any helpful tips on how to do it for the super touchy that take offense to it? My husband is no help, he makes me do the telling (especially to his parents who are some of the biggest offenders)\.

 

Honestly, if you asked me to remove my shoes, I wouldn't and would leave if you insisted. This is one of those weird things, but I personally need to wear shoes, I can hardly walk without them. I don't really think that it's polite for you to host something and ask people to remove their shoes, what happens if someone drops glass in the house or a knife (one of my old coworkers dropped a knife into her foot)? You don't want the liability of someone bleeding in your house (that isn't a family member). What if they need to wear shoes for medical reasons (orthotics, fallen arches?)

My suggestion: go buy an area rug or a cover of some sort. And what's the worst that happens? The floor gets really messed up and you have to resand it and refinish it. If it's that prone to damage you're going to have to do that eventually anyway.

My two cents, but your house.

 

I am with you, and I feel your pain. I despise when people walk into my house and leave their shoes on. I consider it rude not to remove your shoes, I don't want all the crud that is outside my house, to be tracked inside my house!!

That being said, when we host gatherings, I have to bite my tongue and let it slide. Most people will take their shoes off when they see our own pile of shoes sitting by the door. But there are some who don't, and while it drives me crazy, I just ignore it, then I sweep/mop after everyone has left. Now, if it's muddy outside, that's another story, and I do in fact ask people to remove their shoes. We have all red clay around our house, which stains everything, and I don't want that all in my house.

You'd be surprised how durable the laminate flooring is, unless they are dragging their feet with metal cleats on, it's not going to damage that easily. We have all "grades" in our house, some really good stuff, some medium quality, and some el cheapo stuff, and for the most part, it's all in fantastic shape. A few chips in the cheapy stuff from when we installed it, but otherwise, every type of object you can imagine has been dropped/scratched/dragged on it and there's no chips or scratches anywhere.

 

Ditto this.


We do not wear shoes in our house (I wear hard soled slippers since I need foot support), but when company comes over or we host--- I dont sweat it and clean the floors afterward. My MIL has severe foot problems and has to wear a special shoe all the time. Yes, she actually cleaned her shoes in the sink sometimes when the girls were first crawling...but now I tell her not to worry about it.


We had laminate, hardwood, pergo....it SHOULD be built to take it, after all it is flooring. If there are places in your house you want off limits- close doors or place a ribbon across the doorway with a sign (new carpets/laminate, etc, please stay off) but heavy traffic areas (hallways, front hall, kitchen, family room, etc) will see a lot of wear.

It is not worth making someone remove shoes for us, I will simply clean the floors well later. The purpose of hosting is to enjoy the company--- shoe wearer and non-shoe wearers alike!

 

I do respect what you said and I have thought about those things...ok maybe not the knife dropping on somebodies foot and them bleeding (really? I mean in that case we better not have anyone over because they could also cut their finger while cutting steak on their plate..I don't cut the meat for them ahead of time to avoid injury when they are eating) I am just saying that example might be a bit of an extreme reasoning for wearing shoes in someone's house. However, for health reasons, that I do understand and would make exception to it if someone told me that.

On a laminate wood floor.....you can not sand them. When they are damaged you replace them. They are pretty durable but a rock wedged in the bottom of the shoe can scratch it and there is no cleaning that up. We do have area rugs but I am not going to buy area rugs to cover wall to wall for one event.

I guess the reason I don't understand why it should be so offensive for the average person (no medical issue) is because if I were invited somewhere I would do as the host wishes. I would not be offended, it is what it is, not my house and I don't pay the bills so who am I to dictate that I am more special than the average and that they should make an exception to meet my needs. For example: would you still feel the right to smoke in a non-smokers home just because you are the guest...I won't allow that to happen in my home either.

Again, I am not heartless and if someone had a medical reason for NEEDING to wear shoes I would allow it. We have a friend that comes over and he thinks it is rude that we don't allow shoes and he purposely walks through my house with his shoes on and ignores/disrespects our wishes. On the other hand when we are at his house we cannot wear baseball caps inside, eat with our elbows on the table and my children must address him by Mr. and not by his first name. All things that we abide by when we are under his roof. Do I think its extreme, yep, but its not my house. I think the real reason it offends people is not because they have medical needs for wearing shoes all the time, it is because I think some people live to buck the system of being told what to do and live to prove some kind of point when someone tells them to do something.

Please keep in mind that I do ask politely. I am not at the door screaming and demanding people to take their shoes off.

 

Ooops added this reply in response to the first poster. After reading the others and thinking about it more I think that the ones who anger me the most are indeed those like our friend that I described who knows our wishes. He comes to our house often and knows what our own habits are and his only real reason for wearing shoes in our house is because he doesn't think we should be that way. I know this because his sil does the same thing and he has mentioned that because she asks him to he is not going to do it. He is the guest and therefore if he wants to wear shoes then he will. I guess I find that itself very disrespectful. I also wonder what kind of message he is sending his kids by having that kind of attitude?

So again, maybe its just a few people that frustrate me with their attitudes and not the general population.

For you ladies that have laminate mine is an espresso brown, very dark, and there are a few nicks in it. Not sure if it was from us or the builders but is there any sort of touch up kits for little knicks like that?

 

We had a filler 'pen' that we got at Home Depot (looked like a sharpie). Our laminate was honey brown- it worked great! Yes, if you really looked you could tell...but it certainly made the glaring scratches a lot less obvious!!

Another thought--- could you rent a floor runner (plastic or carpet) or rugs for your event?? Like they have open houses or model homes? It may cost less than cleaning your floors and/or any repairs you are worried about. I know our realtor laid them down on our carpeted and hallways when we did an open house. It was GREAT!

 

I think it's perfectly fine to ask people to remove shoes. If it's such a big deal for them, honestly I wouldn't want them in my house anyway... My house, my rules, and taking shoes off is really not a big deal.

In some cultures you take shoes off all the time too... Personally I hate shoes in the house too but mostly when dh takes them off and leaves them all over (which is ALL THE TIME and drives me NUTS). But I don't bother asking guests to take them off, it's not like our floors are really clean as we have a dog anyway.

 

I think it's part of being the hostess. Yes, you can make and ask people to follow your rules. And yes, there will be people who don't want to.

There is one set of friends here who do the no shoes in the house thing. I think part of it is cultural for her and then there's the pure white carpet. By the door they have a nice bench you can sit on to take your shoes on and off. They have cubbies to put them in. And the bench is full of slippers and house shoes for people who'd like something on their feet. I've noticed most people assume we do that also since I never wear shoes in the house. But for me, it's a personal preference of I like being bare-foot and run around like that as much as I can.

We host a large get-together about twice a year. And trust me, something will go wrong. It might be a rock on someone's shoe scratching the floor. Or, it might be some adult shoving a bunch of stuff down the garbage disposal and not telling you or running it and then when it finally gets run it backs up in the basement and smells like puke down there. Or it might be a little boy ignoring the closed doors and trying that valve on the water heater and draining the water heater while his grandparents are talking to someone else. Luckily we had tankless so it works more like a faucet than a flood, but still. Odd things will happen. It's the hazards of hosting.

Marissa

 

I am one of those that wears shoes all the time. I actually had a foot problem where I couldn't walk barefoot for over a year (and there were times that I wanted to). If I am over someone's home for a playdate or something like that, and I see that they remove their shoes, I usually will (many times I forget because it simply isn't something I do all the time, so it doesn't occur to me). For a larger party or gathering, I would be annoyed if asked to remove my shoes. I actually think it is rude to ask party guest to remove their shoes (muddy weather is different). Yes, it is unlikely that someone cuts their foot during a party, but a dropped/broken glass is not farfetched. Also, spills are not uncommon, and it is much easier to clean up the bottom of a shoe than a sock or stocking.

 

No one in my family wears shoes in our house either, and I try to get guests to take off their shoes. But I won't force it... I just take mine off and hope they follow suit. Especially at a special event, some people don't come prepared to take their shoes off (no socks, holey socks, etc.).

I think the best you can do is put a bench inside your front door with racks for shoes and when you welcome your guests turn to the bench and say "oh - you can sit here to take your shoes off if you'd like". Most people will... but those people who need/want to keep their shoes on still will. It will irritate you, of course, but you have to weigh whether you'd rather have a party with the small potential for floor damage, or not have the party and a guarantee there will be no shoes.

 

I thought laminate flooring was supposed to be durable (even more so than hardwood). I've had both and am glad we have laminate floors now with the kids being so hard on them.

If it's really important to you I think it's okay to ask people to remove their shoes. Most people probably will anyway if they see shoes sitting at the door.

 

I think you have every right to ask people to remove their shoes when they come into YOUR house. Guest or not! And I can't believe some people think you're being rude and unreasonable! You don't even need a reason to ask people to remove their shoes! I don't ask people to take off their shoes (though I may start) but I have had many people ask me if they CAN remove their shoes in my house, which I think is just good etiquette on their part. And sure if someone has an actual medical problem and they NEED to wear shoes, I'm sure you wouldn't still insist on them taking them off.
I think you're being totally reasonable asking people to remove their shoes and if they have a problem with it and it's that big of a deal do you really want to be around those people who can't respect your wishes, especially in YOUR house?!
This is just my opinion, but I was taught to be respectful, especially when in someone else's house!

 

I have no problem with people wearing shoes on my hardwod floors or my laminate or tile floors (or my concrete floor in the basement) but I cannot stand for people to wear shoes on my carpet. I think if the rule of your house is no shoes then you should request no shoes at your gathering. If someone has an issue to where they cannot take their shoes off, then I would hope they would just let you know and not get mad and leave. It is not like you are requesting some unheard of thing - if you were asking people to take their pants off at the door then I could see some people leaving LOL!

 

Interesting comments... I wonder if you can lighted it up and include it in the invitation... something to the effect of "make sure your socks or toenails are in tip top shape when you come to our house as we don't wear shoes in our home and make sure to take your own shoes home at the end of the night" ...

anyway, good luck with it! I can totally see how it would be infuriating when someone who knows your house rules and doesn't comply (without a medical reason). I know my mil wouldn't take her shoes off, but she does have some bad feet issues.

I'd also say to have some extra nice thick rugs at the entry to make sure to get all the salt/sand off etc.

 

You can always pick up a box of disposable shoe covers for your guests to wear in your house. That way, they can keep their shoes on while not dragging dirt and other debris all over your house. Just leave the box by the door.

Good luck!
Jenny

 

I think part of being a hostess is making your guests comfortable. Something about being greeted at the door with a litany of rules so I won't mess up anything just sets a bad tone. Why have people over if you have such negative feelings about them? Just mop and vacuum when people leave.

If you are going to insist that people take their shoes off, I'd make sure they know in advance. I'd be mortified if I had to take my shoes off and had an old pedicure or something. If you want honesty, I'd probably think you were high maintenance and not want to come to your house. But presumably your friends have similar thoughts to you.

 

this reminded me of a museum I went to this past summer... we had to put the disposable shoe covers on! lol.

 

We don't wear shoes in our house (personal preference), but I don't insist guests do the same. Some see the baskets of shoes by the front door and take them off too. Some keep them on. I just clean up after people leave. We have laminate in my kids' room and have never had an issue with it.

 

We take off our shoes but don't insist anyone else does. Most people do after they see our shoes at the door but some don't.

I'd prefer they did but it isn't the end of the world if they don't. We also have laminate flooring and have not had an issue with it.

If you are going to continue to be stressed about the flooring etc. maybe you need to do something else with the floor. I can't imagine spending years with a floor that just stresses you out. With the kids (and a cat) we did get new carpet but knew that whenever we sell the house we will be replacing the carpet so we don't stress about it. I don't think I'd enjoy having floors that just stressed me out everytime someone didn't take off their shoes.

The laminate has held up much better then the carpet. The boys run their cars, little tyke cozy coups, move chairs around on it etc. No problems. We have in the entry way, dining room and the boys bedroom.

 

I agree with this. I prefer to not have shoes on my carpet. I insist my kids take theirs off, and I do. But I don't insist other people do. Like others said, many people see the shoes by the door and just assume that's what we do and take theirs off. But if not, I'm ok with it. And DH doesn't take his off. He is a shoe guy. For years it drove me crazy that he'd wake up on a Saturday morning with no intention of leaving the house and still put on his shoes. For awhile he had an issue with toenail fungus that was crazy hard to get rid of, so that was a little of it. But that was years ago and he still wears his shoes almost constantly. His parents were the same. My folks would take off their shoes if asked, but it would be very difficult/uncomfortable for my mom and while she'd never say anything about it, she might not ever go back. It seems like it shouldn't be a big deal to take your shoes off, because that's what you do and are comfortable with. But not everyone is. It's difficult or uncomfortable for some, and I know a number of people who are just super self-conscious about their feet for whatever reason.

Go ahead and say "we prefer to have shoes off in our house." But if you insist or make a big deal about it, know this is maybe one of the consequences with some people.

 

Thanks for all of the helpful comments. Even though I hate it when people wear shoes in my house please know that I don't go crazy when people do it. I actually do what is suggested just deal with it and clean it up. Maybe I am just more paranoid because I finally have a new house and don't want it trashed in 9 months. I guess maybe I didn't realize how durable the laminate can be...so thanks to all that have it that have shared that it is more durable than I am giving it credit.

As far as being high maintenance...that I am not but I knew I was opening a touchy subject when I posted this topic so I guess it is fair game to be judged as well. I think if I were high maintenance I would just tell people take your shoes off like it or leave instead of taking the time to post and ask if anyone else has dealt with this and has any helpful suggestions on how to deal with it. I would like to think the fact that I am putting any thought into it at all shows that I do have some consideration on how my actions could make others feel.

I will continue with the lead by example approach and hope people take their shoes off because they see we do.

 

That I totally understand. We built our house 3 1/2 years ago and even with the shoes off requirement for the kids, the carpets are looking pretty sad. Steam cleaning doesn't help much, either. In our case though, the carpet condition is more from other things than shoes.

 

I wasn't intending to be offensive. I don't like to have people over at all, so I guess I'm antisocial. But that is what I'd think and I thought you were looking for input.

 

I love shoes and wear them all the time. But we do have a spot for everyone else to take off their shoes. I could care less if people wear shoes in my home but my entire first level is laminate wood flooring so it's easy to clean. For the first time I went to a holiday party this last Christmas and at the door was a sign that said, "come on in but please take your shoes off." I did take off my shoes but was not comfortable about it. My problem isn't taking off my own shoes, as much as looking at other peoples feet. :bad: :lol:

I also just wanted to add that I have had laminate for 4 years and have no scratches or any marks that I've noticed. We have 2 80lb labs that are mostly indoor and haven't marked it up.

 

I'm coming to your house, to sit on your couch and read your magazines and we can be anti-social together. :drinks:

 

:laughing: you can put you shoe clad feet on my coffee table, but stay way from my magazines!

 

I do not like shoes on in my house. I grew up this way, oh wait, I was yelled at if I took one step on the carpet (even if it was just to quickly grab something I forgot in my bedroom)but that is a different story. When we have guests over, I let it go. We have laminate flooring on the bottom and carpet upstairs in the bedrooms, so I am not sure what I would do if we did have carpet downstairs (but I would never- see above!). Our laminate is a light color, and it has taken a beating- installed about 5.5 years ago.

Yes, I am the crazy person that sweeps and vaccums and mops before we have a party and does it after, but I just like a clean house when I have people over even though it is going to get dirty afterward. It does make it easier to clean up afterward.

I feel your pain, and I do not think it is rude to ask people to take off their shoes. I understand the medical need and haven't ran into that issue but a happy medium maybe getting some throw away booties like real estate agents use when showing a home? Amazon has them here

 

I cannot imagine anyone wearing shoes that have been worn outside in my house. We live in an area where boots are necessary for six months of the year so no one even thinks about wearing them inside. Wearing shoes into someone else's home is not part of the local custom in our area and I am very happy about that. I have significant foot problems; have had surgery to fix them; and I wear a compression stocking on my left foot. When my feet are bothering me or I feel my very expensive stocking will get tattered or stained, I take my indoor shoes to wear. No matter where you live or what the custom is, as the homeowner, you have the right to tell people not to wear outdoor shoes on your floors. Imagine what may be on the bottom of those shoes worn outside! Yuck, to have that brought into your home and smudged and smeared throughout is gross. I suggest putting a basket of slippers at the door, or crocs(imitations ones are at our local dollar store), and asking anyone who wants to wear their shoes inside to kindly use the slippers provided. I'd love to get an update how you ultimately deal with this issue.

 

We have 5 boys, 2 girls, a dog, and two cats and our laminate (dark also) remained in great shape. And we wear shoes in the house, including cleats in every sports season that includes cleats.

That being said, you are the hostess so you can ask guests to do whatever you'd like. I do think it's somewhat rude though.