Changing her mind

Lately (more often this week than before, but it's been a problem before) one of my daughters has a problem with making up her mind. I don't mean like just making a decision over a toy or book or something but I mean changing it. Continually. For instance, this a conversation that might occur (she is usually mad/upset when this happens):
DD: I want the purple crayon
me: (handing her the crayon) OK
DD: NO! I don't want the purple crayon!
me: (taking it back)Ok, you don't have to have it
DD: NO! I want the purple!

And so on... usually it doesn't last too long and she usually decides she wants whatever "it" is. But it can happen with wanting things, going in a different room, putting on shoes, etc. Like I said, it seems to be happening more often this week. Is this something we should be concerned about? Or is just part of being 3? Anybody else have something similar happen?

BTW: She also has a bit of temper and throws some mean tantrums... I was just reading another thread that mentioned a book I may have to check out...

 

My kiddos are not quite 3, but I have found repeating their request back to them to be helpful. For example, I offer them a banana at breakfast. In our house, we have two options for banana...slices or "monkey banana" (banana still in the peel). When they make a decision, I will say "Okay, Mommy is going to cut your banana in slices. Is that what you want? Sliced banana?" I have found that hearing their choice back to them helps them to understand what they said.

I hope others have more suggestions!

And if the book suggestion you are referring to is "Raising Your Spirited Child," I highly recommend it, too!

 

I do this and also I will say before either child makes their final decision..."are you sure you want a banana or an apple?" And I will affirm their response, "Okay, banana it is." It is a frustrating phase!

 

I'm going to say that it's because she is three. Alice does the same exact thing still.

A: "I'm thirsty."
Me: "Do you want milk or juice?"
A: "I want milk."
Me: "Okay, you want milk?"
A: "I want milk."

Pour the glass of milk, shrieks and screams follow, "I WANT JUICE!"

Me: "You said you wanted milk, so here is your milk."
A: "I don't want milk anymore, I want juice."
Me: "You can drink the milk you asked for. You're not getting juice since you asked for milk. If you don't want it, you don't have to drink it."
A: screams

Me: "You don't have to drink it if you don't want it, but you're not getting juice since you asked for milk."
A: screams some more

Me: "Okay, go to your room, we don't scream in this house."
A: "I want milk now."

You can replace milk with juice, crayon, type of underwear, shoes, toy, anything.

 

this happens to us too!! and they aren't even three yet. one does it more than the other.. i'm hoping for more responses to. mine say things like i want the purple crayon, no i don't want purple i want blue, no i want purple, no i want green ect ect.
this also happens with getting dressed in the morning, i want purple pants, no i want green pants ect ect. i'd also appreciate ny tips on how to handle this!

 

This sounds like exactly what is going on in my house! Whew... I'm glad others are experiencing something similar. Yeah, sometimes I can tell her, "Okay, I will take it then." Then she wants it.

Thanks!

 

THis house too.....it started at 3--- still going at 5. I think it is a personality thing--- this is my more spirited DD. My other DD never did this.at.all.

I also make her stick to her first choice. She gets mad sometimes, but it has gotten better at time. It is a control thing.

 

I let her win sometimes if she's nice about it, but she hasn't been nice about it lately.

I'm mean mommy. Mwuhahahahaaaa.

 

oh add my house to the list of daughters like this!!!

most of the issues we have is,

me: do you want to use the stroller or walk?
J: stroller
me: ok stroller
J: no.... walk
me: walk? ok, let's walk
J: no.... stroller...

you get the idea! UGH!
it makes getting in and out of the car a chore when we go somewhere to have fun.

I think for me, I need more of a routine...

but truly, the struggle is with anything like the others said!

I tend to get upset and talk too loud... I need to keep my cool, and I loved the pp's suggestion on telling the child that "we don't yell in this house, go to your room."... though uh oh... mommy needs to take that class first!

keep the ideas coming!

 

Ditto Bex. After a certain amount of flip-flopping, I'll ask them, "Are you sure you want ___? Is that your final decision?" And then I tell them that if they change their minds after I give them ___, too bad, it's their final decision, and I'm not going to change it even if they scream and cry about it. It's taken a while, but it has worked - we have a lot less of this than we used to.

 

I read in some book (I think it was the "Your Two-Year-Old" series by Ames & Ilg -- I love those) that kids that age simply can't always handle the concept of mutually exclusive choices. They want both things at the same time, and even though they are making a choice because they have to, they can't really accept it. They don't understand that you can't do one thing and then do the exact opposite thing too.

It's still very difficult to deal with, but I found that I didn't get as angry about it once I understood that.

With older kids, they understand that they have to make a choice and that it is either/or, but they still don't like it! Sometimes I make them stick with their first choice, sometimes I let them change their minds if it's not too much trouble for me. Maybe that lack of consistency isn't the best approach, but it feels better to me than just not letting them change their minds on principle. And I think (at least I hope) that if they are allowed to change their minds sometimes and they understand that I'm doing them a favor, they'll be more willing to accept the times when they can't change their minds. (That logic only started working around age 4.5-5 -- it doesn't work on 3-year-olds.)

 

thanks SO much for that tidbit! that does help me!! my dh says "she's being a two yr old"... true... but in my grownup mind... it's like - already, enough make up your mind!

 

Thank you for that!