Having a feeling like a failure mommy moment

Ok, so I am having a feeling like a failure as a mommy moment. I feel like we are way behind on a few things.

We have tried potty training and DD was interested once. DS wants nothing to do with the potty and gets hysterical when we try to suggest it or show him how. Someone said "Oh they are almost 3 and not potty trained yet?", so that got me obessesing about it last week.

I can't get them to break the paci habit. We are down to 4 left and I figure when they chew through these they are gone, but each time I tell DD the store doesn't sell them anymore she starts crying. I just know it is going to be hell when we run out of paci's because they have chewed them up.

DD is waking up at least 4 times a night screaming from night terrors or a lost paci. We were letting her cry it out, but two weeks ago they had a nasty stomach virus so we have to check to make sure the crib is clean. So we are tired from the middle of the night wake up screaming sessions.

I also worry that I am not spending enough time with flash cards, reading, coloring, etc. It seems like all the other moms are doing more than me and I can't find any time to fit in any more.

Thanks for letting me vent. Maybe now that I have said it things will start to feel less stressful.

 

First of all, mine are 3 years, 2 months and one of them is definitely not potty trained. She had two accidents at preschool today. They tell me it is not unusual to have kids who are older than three and not potty trained and I honestly don't think they are saying that just to make me feel better.

Secondly, as a teacher, I really don't think you need to be doing flashcards with your toddlers. Read lots of books. Talk to them about colors of things around them as it naturally comes into conversation. Don't stress! You are doing fine.

I have night wakers too, so I feel your pain. I don't know what to tell you about the paci. We took the paci away from DD2 in August and she did MUCH better than I expected. You might be pleasantly surprised when you get to that point.

Don't feel bad. You are doing just fine and so are your kiddos.

 

Make that three potty accidents for today...just to make you feel better that yours aren't potty trained yet. Sigh...

 

Mine are 3 1/2 and STILL aren't potty trained. I've heard so many different opinions about when kids should be potty trained. But, I go with the logic of "we all go to the bathroom as adults, it will happen one day". I got really frustrated at the fact that they weren't, but I just let them take it in stride and do it on their own time.

We still have pacifiers as well, I fell as though they would totally freak out with the stress of potty training AND taking their security items away too. Especially Anthony, that boy has to have 3 or 4 with him at all times. I'd love to break them of it, we'll get through it together!!

I've found that simply reading books and simple interaction with them can teach them more than conventional flash cards, workbooks, etc...I have a concern about it too, but just not enough hours in the day to fit it all in!

 

Three years here and not potty trained. And I unapologetically let Jack sleep with a paci. He will give it up when ready and I am not concerned. I don't do falshcards and such. I read to them. I play with them. And I let them play on their own.

You just have to not care what people think you should be doing. Is it working for you? Is it working for your pedi?

 

Kristin! Big hugs to you. You are NOT a failure!!! So... to address your points in order:

1. Potty training. Don't stress. Seriously. Remember when we all had 9 month old twins and we freaked out that they weren't eating enough solid food? Or that they couldn't use a spoon? How silly does that seem now? I figure that potty training is just like that. Almost no one has kids who enter first grade in diapers... so it will come.

2. Pacifiers. Again, no stress. My girls go to school with a little boy who's parents are both dentists. And he still sleeps with a paci at age 3. I always thought pacis after 2 were huge no-no, but both of these dentists said not to worry. Thumb sucking is apparently even worse for front teeth.

3. Night wakings. Ok - that sucks. I wish I had something good to say about this one, but I hate night wakings. You could be feeling extra stress because you're sleep deprived.

4. Flash cards, etc. Oh heck no. You don't need to do flash cards and work books with your 2 and three quarter year olds. As long as you're not dumping them in front of the TV, you're doing fine. Your kids will get more out of playing than they will flash cards at this age... and besides, they'll learn letters and other stuff when they're ready. If all they want to do is play kitchen and Duplos now, let them!

 

1. Both of my boys are nowhere near potty-trained and they are 3 years 2 months. They have absolutely NO interest in it - and I'm just not choosing it as a battle I want to fight. They will be potty-trained one day. And in the meantime, I will enjoy the convenience of putting diapers on them and not dragging them into every public bathroom while we are out and about. There are benefits to just peeing in their diapers! :lol:

2. Both of my boys also still sleep with their pacifiers. They love them. And again, just not a battle I'm not up for fighting. They won't use a pacifier forever.

3. We also still have some night-wakings - not every night - but usually once or twice a week. They will ask me to cover them up or find their blankey that is lost in their blankets.

4. Flash cards, oh flash cards. Totally unnecessary. I have never done flash cards with any of my kids and my DH and I are both teachers. Flashcards promote memorization, but not necessarily meaningful learning. As others have said, they will benefit much, much more from daily books and you just labeling things as you talk and play with them, "Oh, look at those green leaves!" "Wow, see that big yellow school bus?" etc. They are babies in the scheme of learning things like the alphabet, numbers, shapes, etc. Playing and being read to is so much more important.


:hug: Seriously, you aren't doing anything wrong - and your kids are just fine!!

 

You are not a failure!!!!

My girls just turned 4 Addison has been potty trained for about 6 months and Ava has worn panties exclusively for maybe 3 weeks.

If your dd stresses over no more paci I would give it to her. She will have plenty of stresses in her life and this is one you can cure.

Do not listen to other peoples judgements, do what works for your children, there are no deadlines.

 

1.We are 3 years and 5 months. One boy has been pee trained for 5 months, but still doesn't poo consistently on the potty. The other child doesn't show any interest at all in the potty. I don't know if I'm more tired of diapers or more tired of comments from other mothers about how awful it is that my boys aren't trained yet.
2.pacis were disposed of at 2 years of age. I was expecting a huge revolt and it wasn't bad at all. On the other hand I have a 7 year old niece who still sneaks a suck on her paci when she's stressed and overtired. It's not the end of the world.
3. The night wakings have really got to suck and I can see where they would drain you of your energy.
4. Flash cards and teaching? Sign me up for the bad mum award. My kids are language delayed, most of their new vocabulary has come from television. One of my boys has a hard time with making some sounds (f and v for example) and instead of working with him on it, I think it's tremendously cute when he says "I wub you" for "I love you".

 

:grouphug: Mine are 3.5 and DS was just potty trained maybe 3 months ago and (if I'm being honest) we still have pooping issues with him. I wouldn't stress over the potty thing. When they are ready, it will happen. AND...as far as flash cards, I agree with pp's...sign me up for the bad mom award too! We don't do flash cards around here. We read, color and do puzzles. We sing the alphabet song, count and practice shapes. Mine would be bored to death if I tried to do flash cards with them! I can't imagine them sitting through flashcards (and enjoying it) at this age.

 

Another thing, when Judging Jane tells you that she took her Childs paci at 9 months and he was potty trained at 20 months what she won't tell you is that little Billy wet the bed until he was 10 and still sucks his thumb. Some people just need to make themselves feel good by telling others the things they think sound impressive,.

 

This--although not always true--is true more often than you think. Or maybe those two things went well, but Judging Jane is dealing with another issue you aren't.

 

Thank you ladies. Now I can breathe and know that we are normal or as close to normal as anyone can get :ibiggrin: . We were starting to worry that we were falling way behind in too many areas.

We don't talk about the pacis with our ped because he is a big advocate that any child should NEVER have a paci and I got the lecture one time which was more than enough. We only let them have them at nap-time and bedtime so they are not running around with them all the time like my nephew did. It drove us crazy that we would always have to ask him to repeat himself because you couldn't understand him through the paci.

The ped brings up the flash cards sometimes because their practice believes in them and unfortunately MIL works in their office as a nurse so she is always asking us how they are doing with them or buying them another set. I find it better for them when I use everyday life to teach like when we are in the grocery store I ask the color of items I place in the cart or if they can find a certain shaped container.

The potty training was really worrying me because DD will ask to use the potty once a week and then beg for her diaper again. DS starts kicking and screaming when we try to show him the potty. We even had my nephew show him how to use the potty as a big boy, but he was more interested in the fact that my nephew had the same boy parts as he did not like his sister. I just didn't want to fight them to potty train and make it a negative experience.

I never thought about the naysayers having other issues they were not telling me about. I do find the people I know with singletons are quick to tell me their child was off pacis and potty trained before they were 2 years old and I must just be overwhelmed because we have twins. After the last comment is when I asked DH if we were doing something wrong and I was worried enough to post about it. Thanks again for the understanding and support.

 

My pedi has no issues with pacis for falling asleep. She told us not to even worry about it til 2 and after 2 she wasn't concerned with his limited usage. DD gave them up shortly after two with no fuss. DS will get there too.

 

My singleton wasn't pee-trained until he was 3.5 and he didn't really reliably poop in the toilet until he was 3 years 9 months! So, I can vouch for the fact that not *all* singletons are potty trained before 2!!

He never would take a paci, but he nursed til he was 29 months - so I'm sure he would have been a longtime paci user too if he would have taken one as an infant! :laughing:

Blow off other people's judgments, you know your kids, you know your life - do what works for you and them! :hug:

 

Don't stress the PT thing. :hug: I know that is easier said then done but my son wasn't PT'd until he was 3 and if you wait until THEY want it, it will be so much easier. I promise. :good: My son was PT'd in a day or two because he wanted it.

No experience with breaking the paci habit but from talking to others and what not, they are still young and you have time. :hug: Plus when you are ready to stick with it, you will. :good: Yes they'll cry but they'll get over it and that's it!

As for the flash cards, I agree with Beth, I'd skip out on that with toddlers. :good: Just read and talk about colors as you are passing things, count steps, do the alphabet while brushing teeth, or put the alphabet on the wall in their playroom and go over it whenever!! There is no need for scheduled learning at that age. And another thing I learned with my two is that they will learn everything when needed. One thing I stressed so much about was using scissors. :blush: For the life of me I couldn't teach them and worried they'd be left behind because of that (silly, I know) and now they are pro's! I just tried to make them learn it too early... it will all happen.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. :hug: You are doing a great job!!!!

 

no offense to your MIL but it sounds like you need a new pedi...mine has never brought up flashcards, binkies, and feels that potty training happens when it does...children are not cookie cutters!!! in fact mine nearly fell off his stool when Ian recited his ABC's at 18 months...

as for PT - sometimes its like a switch...Abby at 3 suddenly decided she wanted to wear "princess panties" - I told her she couldn't pee on the princesses - and she didn't! Ian pee trained in a week or less but pooped his pants for another 4 months or so before that switch turned on (urged by a little threat of taking away his computer privileges - because he COULD poop in the potty - he did it when he felt like it) when he was nearly 3.5....

 

Love the above statement I know it's easier said than done to ignore the Judging Jane's of the world, but I am also a firm believer that anyone who judges you about potty training, speech development, pacis, what-have-you, has something they need to prove to the world because they are feeling inadequate inside. Ask like-minded mamas (the amazing ladies of TS!) for tips on potty training, bidding adieu to the paci, etc... but don't stress! You are doing an incredible job!

FWIW, my duo aren't PT either and I got this comment the other day, "Oh so your kids are potty-trained." Not even a question, a statement assuming they were. I didn't feel judged but I definitely felt like saying, "Why, MUST they be at 2 yrs, 9 mos.?" I smiled and said, "No, we're working on it!" Cut yourself some slack-you're doing a fabulous job mama!