Gifted Children

I do realize that everyone thinks there kids are special (and they are!), but I am seeing more clearly that my DS is very quick to learn new things. DD is also quick, but in different ways.

I have the kids both attending nursery school, and although they were in the same class last year, this year I put them in seperate classrooms on the advice of the teachers who said that DS was answering questions for DD and she was just defaulting to him, even though she new the answers (DS is just very quick to answer questions etc, its the way his brain works). Anyway, because of the way it worked to seperate them I moved DS up into a class with 4yr olds (he was 2yrs 8months at the time), and he easily keeps up with the class and is ahead of most of the kids in his classroom. His teachers constantly tell me he is the quickest one in the class (which I struggle with because I like to hear that he is smart, but not in "relation" to other kids).

Wondering if there are some things I can do try and help him? I live in the middle east, so not sure what kind of options I have to help him stay interested and motivated.

 

Self directed learning is great for "gifted" kids. Does he read? If so, then allowing him access to all the books he can get his hands on is a good place to start. If he likes to build, then toys that feed the need. Gifted kids will often want to absorb as much information about a subject as possible, even things that would bore an adult, LOL. Just go with the flow, his flow. It's really fun to watch little ones learn!

 

Books, books, and projects!

That's what Alice needs to keep her busy. Books that are written for early readers, not toddlers. We're working on spelling, adding and subtracting right now. Just basically anything to keep her mind busy. And by projects, I mean more science project type things, not so much coloring and cotton balls.

Simple things: a nature walk/aka scavenger hunt for bugs. Take a plastic bottle, fill it with ten to twelve small toys, then fill with sand (not packed you want to be able to turn the bottle and see things floating.) Flashcards (make some with three to four letter words and attach pictures to it.) Memory/concentration game.

A&R's favorite things right now are animals, bugs, and plants. Biology.

 

Definitely books! We make a weekly or bi-weekly trip to the library and get out books on all kinds of different things. We do 'experiments' and projects incorporated into play. DH also has some fun apps for his iPad that the girls are really into (spelling, reading, math, puzzles).

 

Books and games are a good start. Sarah was an early reader who reads well above her age. I just keep going to the library and finding things. She reads all over the map, too. I check more for age appropriate subject and then let her decide what she wants to do.

Timothy loves games. He picked up Monopoly at 5. He was playing Uno at 3. Even with the kid games like Candyland, my kids rewrote the rules and played backwards Candyland. We played too many card games to count. Now at school, he's leading his class in math. He shocked his teacher by writing some things in on his math sheets as multiplication problems.

I don't know if either of mine are considered gifted or not. But I know they have thrived when I've taken their interests and obsessions and found ways to feed them.

Marissa

 

I meant to write this in my post too. Both of my girls have some specific interests and talents and we've tried to encourage and nuture them.

 

I dont know if mine are gifted or not, but we get comments from teacher for the past two years and they have had their preschool work adjusted to meet their needs (they read and write already).

I agree w/ PPs .

Books....lots and lots of books. Mine were very early readers/writers and it was mostly due to the drive for books and access to lots of kinds. Access to writing/art/math supplies and free reign to use them as their interest dictates.


Projects--find that they like and run with it. One of my DDs is obsessive and will take a subject and exhaust it. I find that they are engaged and seek out things with more focus when they pick the topic and then I offer things to guide them vs me picking subjects. So far in the past few months we have delved into dinosaurs, United States (capitals, location on map, shape, agriculture), money, planets, plants, food, and human body.

Right now it is birds... On their own they have learned all the state birds, found out local birds, written about birds, drew and colored examples of various birds....and this is in their free time while I am doing housechores. They went to the librarian asked for bird books and then ran with it. They asked me to print bird coloring pages and I printed them for them. They have learned to use an index in an identification book by asking....all of it has been led by them.





Go with it... follow his interests with books, field trips, discussions, etc and enjoy!! Right now he can learn what he wants at his own pace and levels of interest. Once you get into the public/private schools, unless you homeschool, you will not have that flexibility to do what your kids are interested in. Even with homeschooling, some states are strict on what you should teach and you have to have kids be tested for proficiency (it will vary by state, some are more HS friendly than others).


Some examples of advanced preschoolers in our school now:

1. My own DDs (one of whom has mild special needs). They have had teachers (for two years) that dont allow them to monopolize the answers at circle time, but also adjust group pre-reading/pre-writing to their levels. They write in journal instead of practice their names...they read books and report back to the teacher instead of practicing alphabet sounds, etc. They really enjoy the science experiments and exposure to topics they otherwise would not have explored (teeth, ants, yoga, etc). BUT we have had good teachers that make sure that they are enjoying the class and learning, while not being allowed to dominate (as one DD would do if she was allowed to). One DD would answer every question if given the chance, other DD daydreams/thinks a lot- but is not shy. We would have placed them in K this year, but were not allowed to due to no-early entry and Bday/cut off dates. They will be in a K/1 (ages 5-7.5 at the start of the year) Project based learning class next year for K and I think it will be great for both of them.

2. In my 3 yr old class (most are 4) we have a little guy that is very bright- he is almost a year younger than our next oldest kiddo. Knows letters, sounds, tons of math concepts and has a very very rich vocabulary. BUT he is 14 months younger and struggles socially. He does not play with the other kids at all, he is not interested in anything but his own obsessions, struggles with fine motor control (cant draw circle, use scissors, when all other kids can), and simply does not have the attention to stay in line, attend to a longer story, and/or the interest to do so. Yes- he is very very bright, quick to pick things up, and has an amazing memory. BUT he really does not do well and wants to go home often, his parents think that he is so bright he needs to be in preschool- but really socially he is not ready (academically he is way past most other kids). The social gap and his low level of interest in doing anything that does not relate to the two things he cares about (obsessions) is vast right now.. He will stay in the 3 yr old class (vs moving forward to 4 yr old) due to his low maturity/attention levels.

3. In the 4 yr old class (most are now 5) there is an older 3 yr old. She does just fine. She is writing her name, knows her letters/letter sounds, and is actively involved in all the activities. Other than being smaller than her peers and slightly younger speech patterns- you would not guess her from 2 years to 10 months younger than the rest of her peers. She has a long attention span and does really really well. Due to cut-off dates, she will have to repeat next year regardless of her abilities and success in an older group of kids. She may do private Kindergarten (per her parents) but public schools here are strict with cut-off dates and she could not go to public K.

4. In the 3 yr old class there is a 3.5 little boy that has a fabulous vocabulary but little interest in story books( likes only informational texts read to him)/reading/writing at this time, he is too interested in building things and math concepts (he can mentally add two digit numbers and 'read' numbers up to the 1,000 place). He participates well in all the group activities (reading/writing/science/math), thought is slow to answer questions- his answers are always very advanced and thoughtful. He always provides rich detail and thinks about topics that other kids dont often consider at this age (environment, morality, religion, etc). Lots of WHY? WHY? He is very independent and curious. He is on the younger end of the age range, you would only know it by his petite size (he is small genetically too- shorter parents). He is able to attend for long periods of time (even to the point of needed to redirect him), learns quickly, is a quiet thinker type of kid, is a perfectionist, very artistic and draws with great detail, and does elaborate castles/stories full of creative ideas. A casual observer would not pick him out of the crowd unless they talked to him or sat down with him for awhile because he is a quieter shy kid.



So as you can see--- different kids, different needs: different levels of success. All of them have a high interest in 'topics' and have had free reign to explore them. All have different personalities (from outgoing to shy/introverted) but are considered 'advanced' kiddos.


I also would not discredit your DD either just because DS is more outspoken. Scientifically speaking, siblings often have very similar IQ/ cognitive abilities, even if they present it in different ways (some may be early readers, some may be early 'mechanically inclined'/math, some may have rich spoken language, some dont get identified as 'advanced' until mid elementary school, etc).

ENJOY!!! Go with what he likes and wants to know right now and have fun!

 

Websites are also fun. My son loved the NASA website, there are videos on there for the kids to watch. Also, PBS.org and Lego.com have a lot of fun games that teach them different skills. I agree with books books books. Also, use activities to reinforce the books. Activities we've done together since he was younger include gardening and cooking. He is also allowed to build things with supervision in DH's woodshop. Kids learn using all types of ways so besides books, using the lessons in real life reinforce (we read the seed to cantaloupe book then grow them in the garden), we learn math by adding up how many measuring cup of chocolate chips we need. Obviously you tailor the lesson to the age of the kid but the activities help reinforce.

You can also do things like go to the farm, the zoo, the pool, the grocery store, the post office and all of those places teach them lessons. You don't have to do it all the time but those types of places also help. At the grocery store, DS learns dollars plus cents by learning to read price tags. We then discuss how many quarters something would be plus pennies or nickels/dimes. Shopping is fantastic for math, even at a very young age where you are just teaching numbers and quantity.

 

My dh and I joke that we have no worries about expensive long-term education for our girls. (I dont' think we have any gifted kids in my opinion) I was watching an interesting show called "gifted kids" and it followed various children who were considered gifted for various reasons including artistic abilities, maths, and music. My girlfriend called the next day and a conversation ensued regarding gifted children. She knew a gifted fellow student and has a highly intelligent nephew. Some of the things we discussed was that in the long term in order to be successful in life we need to "socialise" . With children under 5 and sometimes even older there are various ways in which they socialise, such as under two year olds will often have parallel play where they play next to but not "with" other children most of the time. Many gifted children are encouraged in the academics since many worry that they will not reach their potential and become bored. Some of the children demonstrated some very egocentric behaviour when they were younger in their 8-10 yr range which is common with most kids that age but it seemed magnified when you have a child whose vocabulary is so extensive. This type of behaviour caused one child to be teased or at least felt everyone teased him. Later when he had the opportunity to attend a gifted school -- the father declined and kept him at home. To see this boy nearly a hermit in his own home was very sad. I think the highly gifted children are at risk of being captivated by their own brains. My girlfriend experienced this with her fellow gifted student still living at home with mom and dad. When I was in school there was one girl who got every award, won everything for sports, Biology at University... met the professor, got married and worked at a photo shop.

In the long term look at life we can see that in order to be successful it is important to:
be able to communicate with others
exercise is very effective stress relief and has many long term benefits not just for health.
teach others -- while kids are egocentric, maintaining this into adulthood is not helpful otherwise they are more limited in their jobs (see Big Bang Theory show)
Free play is often dumbed down as not important. Children playing in a toy house or climbing... but an example of one of the important skills learned is that children watch how other children use the same toys, blocks, etc. This is important for long-term allowing that person to see others ideas and points of view. Often gifted children are skipped grades to be with other kids who are a similar intellect yet they can miss out on some of the other learning based on their developmental age.
Some parents cater to gifted children which can also cause some behaviour problems down the road which are difficult to change. Even gifted children need to hear "no".
Family time. This encourages love with the parents and with their siblings which create a strong family background which helps everyone in the long run.

I am quite sure while I have not met your son that he is very social with adults and other kids. So I'd consider to encourage this. While you know I love books I'd also encourage other experiences like a music class, soccer, Garage band in Apple computers have a piano keyboard you can add and they can learn instruments.

Send me an email sometime you get a chance, would love to hear how you are doing these days.

Heather

 

I have a 3rd grader who is doing 9th-10th grade math for fun. yeah.
So a few thing I have learned:

Find ways to challenge them. I put her in piano at 4, and she is still doing it. It challenges her, and also teaches her to stick with something that is not a piece of cake to her. She will today perform in a recital before hundreds of strangers, but struggles to speak with her teacher over a lost paper.

Include them in team sports and activites even if they don't enjoy them. Social skills are very difficult for some brilliant children. They need to learn them, however hard they are.

Find practical ways to keep them busy. When she was 7 she struggled to clean a room with me, but loved to do fold laundry and could make 4 loaves of bread easily. I chose her chores based on her gifts.

Find ways to volunteer with them. We have done many things over the years - visited persons at the nursing home, volunteered at a local thrift store, etc. They will learn more about their gifts from volunteering. Also supervise them teaching other children - the more patience and nurturing you can draw out of them, the better teachers they will be. In our case it is her sisters and cousin - you may need to seek out opportunities.

Be sure they have a creative outlet. We have a constant "Craft drawer" where the kids can do crafts/activites out of the materials in there. The mroe they create, the more they have to think and plan projects. Offer a space they can make messes working and do long term projects. They may amaze you - this enables may gifts to come out!

Good luck! I believe gifted kids are hard!

 

This is anecdotal, and not representative of what happens to gifted people as a whole. Speaking for myself, I was always kept at grade level, and my school had no gifted programs. So it was the luck of the draw whether I had any classmates who were similar in interests and abilities. I was also, like many but not all gifted people, introverted. Introverted people do sometimes get picked on, gifted or not. It isn't fun, but no one has a perfect life. I was never going to socialize with a great many people at once anyway even though I was forced to do so per the thinking of the time.

I would like to gently disagree with some of this. I speak both as the mother of gifted children and as a former gifted child. I have never for a moment "dumbed down" free play. If anything I allow my children more free play than average--and I spent hours in free play with my sister when I was a child. I don't really know anyone with gifted kids who fails to encourage free play. I would say that free play is very important, yes, but that the idea that parents of gifted children fail to recognize its importance is a negative stereotype.

And, yes, all children are naturally egocentric and it is our job as parents to teach them otherwise. Academic gifts are irrelevant to this process. However, with profoundly gifted children, this process may take longer or occur later than for average children. (Most gifted children are not profoundly gifted.)

No family time for gifted kids strikes me as another negative stereotype. I also object to using "Big Bang Theory" as an example. If you've watched the show enough you know that Sheldon, the one who has trouble socializing and who says what are socially unacceptable things is demonstrating some behaviors characteristic of Asperger's Syndrome. That is a socialization issue of a different magnitude, and holding a child like that back academically to let him/her "socialize" with his age group isn't going to fix it. Sheldon isn't just gifted, he's a genius, and keeping him in second grade so he can socialize, which will be problematic for him because he can't read facial expressions and the like, is just a waste of his talent. It's really a case-by-case thing. The other characters actually do socialize normally (Raj is afraid of women; so are many non-gifted guys), but they have geeky interests. There's nothing wrong with geeky interests, and I can tell you with certainty, because I am one, that there are geeky women out there.

I can't even imagine why there is a thought that gifted children never hear the word "no." Or that non-gifted children always do hear it. I have seen plenty of spoiled children who are not gifted. However, to a certain extent, one does need to cater to a gifted child. More challenges do need to be offered, ways to pursue interests and gifts. This, again, is something that is different from child to child. One child might need smaller classes, so a private school setting might be more appropriate. Another might excel at sports or art or music and need extra instruction in that area. School is not the only way to socialize. There are many homeschooling groups that provide children the chance to socialize with other homeschooled students while moving more quickly academically than public schools.

Saying "no catering, you need to socialize above all else" and just sending the child to school is boring for the child, and does not breed the greater ambition necessary to maximize the child's gifts. The reason some of these children just don't do much after college is that if everything is always very easy (and it is if you are gifted and receive no extra instruction or challenges), then the child may never learn to work hard enough to rise to his/her potential--and then you see him/her working in the photo shop later. So while they shouldn't be isolated, neither should we act like gifted children aren't different and really just need to be treated like everyone else. That's a waste of a resource that we very much need if we are going to overcome our energy and population challenges in the coming decades.

 

​

This is very similar to my son. He was diagnosed with autism about 1.5 years ago, and as he has become verbal, he is evolving into a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome. He can spell all the names of his 20 classmates in day care, can spell his full name, loves letters and numbers, is obsessed with trains, rigid in his routines, somewhat explosive when he doesn't get what he wants or when he is frustrated with not being able to do something perfectly, has a very hard time with fine motor skills, etc. He wants to write the words he can spell so badly, but his fine motor delays prevent it. Heis social though, but often in slightly inappropriate or immature ways. Right now, he's in a mixed classroom with special ed children and typical children. He has an IEP and gets therapy to work on his language, fine motor and social delays.

Honestly, I don't do anything to help him advance his strong areas as I do not want the gap to become even wider. Sure, I spell things with him and I write the words he tells me to spell, I let him watch shows like Super Why where they read and spell. I praise him and show enthusiasm when he's proud of spelling something or reading something. But I'm not going to sit down with him and try to help him learn how to read phonetically rather than just with sight words. Instead, I focus more attention and work on helping him improve his social skills, learn to take turns and wait patiently (or at least without a screaming meltdown).

(That quote is from rubyturquoise; I don't know how to double quote.) I appreciate hearing your POV, but there is a huge difference between gifted children and those with Asperger Syndrome (AS). You are right that simply holding a child with AS back to "let them mature socially" is never going to work. A child with AS needs strategic therapy to help them learn to read social cues better, to teach them how to navigate social situations, to learn to adapt to the spontaneity of life, etc. Like you said, there's nothing wrong with geeky interests or quirks. But forging ahead with the academic abilities of a child with AS without addressing the social delays is irresponsible.

 

Actually, I totally agree with you. I was unclear (writing before breakfast is a bad idea!). What I meant was if I child has AS, saying, "well, yes, s/he's gifted, but let's ignore academics and keep him/her in a regular class so he can just 'learn to" socialize'" won't work. It's a whole other issue, and, as you said, requires specific and direct techniques to help him/her learn strategies to help with social management. I objected to saying "gifted kids are like on BBT" as an example, implying that if you don't make gifted kids stay in the regular classroom, they'll end up all geeky. I stayed in the regular classroom (I am not AS, although I have some traits that are not dissimilar) and still turned out geeky. And I was bored, and as an introvert (not uncommon in gifted children) I was not going to be a social butterfly no matter what.

So, AS children need specific, targeted help with socialization, yes. And socializing is important for all children, but it should not be considered more important than academics for the more typical gifted child, which is a vibe I was getting from that post. There are many other ways to help a child learn social skills while still pursuing more challenging academics. It doesn't have to be one or the other--"oh, if s/he skips a grade s/he'll never learn social skills." I think (again, not meaning AS children here, because as I did say originally, that is a different kettle of fish) that we have gotten a bit overly concerned with socializing in this culture at the expense children being passionate about learning. I would have been better off in classrooms that focused more on harder work than I was in the regular classrooms. Two of my children are like this. The other two are extremely social--and I can tell you that expanded vocabulary is never an issue for them because they are natural extraverts and never had any trouble socializing.

However, as the parent who took the more laid back approach the first time around (and having been that child as well), I do not agree with it. So this time, I am focusing more on being sure they are appropriately challenged. (My sons are much older than my daughters; all 4 are some level of gifted.) There is a path to walk between being socially isolated and being bored in school.

 

Ooops I guess I hit the wrong key and put myself in the "Den" forum. damn computer.

 

I have to agree with Ruby as a former "gifted" child. And note that gifted is a spectrum and does not mean only kids graduating college at 14. Both my husband and I have genius level IQs and we both had very normal childhoods with tons of free play and no real gifted focus. My husband didn't have a gifted program and mine wasn't much. I played the piano but otherwise did no extra lessons. I wasn't antisocial, although I was a little shy as a child. I had a lot of academic support from my parents and my husband had none. Both my husband and I graduated high from high school and excelled in college. He is an architect and I am a lawyer. My point is that I don't think you can really "break" your gifted kids. Read to them a lot, encourage their passions, support academics, pay attention to socialization.

Heather, your flippant post about being in the Den aside, your whole post was misguided and borderline offensive, particularly given that you admit to having no experience on which to base your observations. Not everyone with genius level IQs is Sheldon on the Big Bang (I believe he's supposed to have an IQ in the Stephen Hawking range as as Ruby said likely Asbergers affecting socialization). Most are social people with normal jobs. I'm not particularly scientific at all. I'm more adept in language, logic, and I have an extremely good memory. Stereotypes of all kinds are unkind.

 

I guess I fail to see how this is applicable to the original OP asking for suggestions.

I know for a fact that 'free play' is not dumbed down as unimportant. Most certified Preschools HAVE TO have a certain percentage of free play included in the curriculum. Often at home free play is eliminated due to scheduling conflicts---it rarely if ever has anything to do with gifted kids. It more of a parenting philosophy and a product of our current society to offer less free time than our generation grew up in. Yes, more free play is needed- but that is a universal truth, not exclusionary to gifted kids-- but that goes for all kids.

As for grade skips-- often there is a 2 yr age range in any given classroom for various reasons (skipping, retention,etc) so kids are exposed to a wide variety of developmental ranges of play, behaviors, speech. Radical acceleration is not terribly common (2+ grade levels), often accommodations are made in the classroom or kids that are that gifted are homeschooled and/or go to public school and deeply explore interests outside of school. Not the best set up-- but again, kids that need radical acceleration are much less common than gifted kids that are accommodated in the regular education classroom (depending on the state).

I think ALL kids need to hear "NO", it does not really apply to gifted kids only. That also goes applies to family time- ALL kids need those things.

Gifted kids (and other kids that fall outside any 'norm') do need some catering to. Anyone that is way above or below a given set of expectations (in school that would be academic) deserves appropriate accommodations to fit their needs. Does this mean that they will lack social skills or be egocentric. Not really- mostly that is a stereotype. I know gifted kids (now gifted adults) that are across the spectrum on social skills, (extrovert/introvert) and are at varying levels of happiness in life.

I am sorry, I dont get this. I dont have a membership to the "Den", but I do enjoy discussions like this. I think the OP wanted advice- not a debate on anything else.



FWIW= I was a former 'gifted' student and had a very happy happy childhood with plenty of free play. I did well at school and got the chance to participate in gifted programming, as well as the standard curriculum. I am introverted by nature and am not a math/science person. My DH and I have normal jobs and are well adjusted people. My twins are suspected gifted (not tested) and one is outgoing with fantastic social skills and the other struggles socially. It is more personality than anything else to be honest.


As with any child--- encourage interests, allow them to explore interests, support their ideas, and enjoy!


ETC: Posted at the same time as Rachael.

 

The Den is a wonderful forum for those who wish to "argue" "debate" "discuss". Where you can happily quote someone else and further debate on why you disagree with their statements. Here in these types of forums the discussions are just moms during the day giving their opinion. With three kids under 3 I don't have time or the energy to fully clarify each of my statements and discuss them. Brenda can take my advice or not. We all post our questions and they we all have the ability to choose which advice we wish to listen to. We all are posting with kids screaming in the background, in between making meals, etc. If I had all day I could fully explain into great detail each of my opinions.

Come into the forums and state YOUR opinion but it isn't necessary to discredit others opinion in order to make your opinion stand out. Usually if you are quoting someone else and then disagreeing with them ... you might want to pay the money and enter the Den where helmets and boxing gloves are appropriate.

The reason for my responding to Brenda's post is because I've been emailing Brenda for years now.

Heather

 

I don't see anyone using boxing gloves. A few people with experience as gifted children and raising gifted children disagreed with your advice, and weighed in with differing opinions. Hardly the sort of thing one finds in the den.

 

I don't think the age forums are intended to allow people to post whatever misinformed nonsense they want without disagreement. I didn't come to this thread looking to debate you, but I found your comments ridiculous and offensive. I'm going to respond to that in ANY forum. Beyond that, I'll leave it alone as responding to your statements is now officially beyond the point of the thread.

 

We encourage interesting and thought provoking discussions in all our forums. Voicing a dissenting opinion or view point to another member is not only acceptable, but it's the basic characteristic of online forums. While the Den does have may "hot topics" to discuss, I wouldn't thinking gifted children would be one of those. As a gifted child myself, I found some of the generalizations made fairly offensive. As Rachel said, being "gifted" ranges a large spectrum of abilities.

 

I re- read my previous post and I still continue to be surprised by the uproar of emotions. Often I mentioned "some" children not ALL children. Throughout I was describing a T.V. show I watched in which the children were rated at the highest end of the spectrum for intelligence. My dh and I are not lacking in education by any means. My dh took a law degree "just for fun" to add to him numerous degrees. Many of my statements were also based on him and also what things are important to him at this stage in his life. I can see that he was able to create a wonderful work and family balance.

My second intent was also to assure Brenda that many of the things she is presently doing are all helping towards a well rounded child. All too often "Mommy Guilt" sets in and we worry are we doing enough for our children. Living in another country doesn't always offer the best resources. I don't know all the resources that are available to Brenda where she is living. I didn't want Brenda to feel any sense of guilt that she isn't doing enough. I know she is a great mom and she has great kids.

Heather

 

Hi all, thanks for your responses - all the posts have been interesting to read and get different perspective. I know Heathertwins quite well and I think her message was mostly to make sure to that I dont overlook the social aspect of development, I think its a good reminder because if your child is "gifted" you can get very focused on the learning aspect of things and forget about the other areas that can be equally as important for well-rounded development. I am quite aware that DS is smart for his age, I dont think he is a genius, but I think he will probably need extra stuff to keep him busy during school to keep him interested.
My dh is quite intelligent and he only did ok in school - and I think that is because the classes and work was too easy, so he wasn't motivated, so he kind of slacked off. Now, having said that he did eventually turn it around and has his bachelors, masters and accounting designation. So, that is where I am going to keep an eye out for DS, as I think he has dh's tendencies!
DD is also quick because she is doing nearly the same level of everything as DS, but just happens to be in an group that is the same age as her - so at school she does some stuff that is easier, but at home both DS and DD perform pretty much at the same level.
I think these two are definintely going to keep me busy for the next lifetime!
Thanks all!

 

Wow, I'm not sure how Heather's post could be construed as offensive; I actually agree with a lot of what she said! I'm a former "gifted" as well (could read before 2, write before 3 and tested genius level IQ) and I feel like she made some good points about the importance of socialization and being a "well-rounded" person (not just focusing on academics).

That being said, I *absolutely* think that you can "break" a gifted child. I really feel like my parents and the school system failed me, and I have achieved much less in my life than I was capable of. Maybe part of that was a lack of personal willpower, but I do think that if I had been better socialized, and that my interestes were encouraged instead of made fun of, that I could have done more. I'm only a little bitter.

My only advice would be to recognize your kid's differences (just like you would with *any* child) and give them the support they need so they have the opportunity to be a happy and fulfilled person.

 

[quote name='Nate and Jack's Mom' date='08 March 2011 - 11:59 AM' timestamp='1299607184' post='1767842']
That being said, I *absolutely* think that you can "break" a gifted child. I really feel like my parents and the school system failed me, and I have achieved much less in my life than I was capable of.
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This. My parents didn't make fun of me, but they didn't really offer me enough guidance or opportunity (telling me I argue well and should be a lawyer failed to acknowledge that I hate being on stage, ever, so that wasn't going to happen). Now, I know their histories and the challenges they faced (particularly financial), so I understand why that was, but still, here I am. The schools did nothing (I have never even had an IQ test, but I was invited to participate in a program where 7th-graders take the SAT--which I didn't do because no one explained what it was to me then--which I now know is a program for gifted students). The attitude was that smarter kids don't need any help or challenges, because they can take care of themselves. This was reflective of a certain anti-intellectual bias in this country (it's not "cool" to be an A student--although this has improved in the computer age--was a prevalent attitude then). At least now there are programs for academically talented students (they don't call it G&T here, it is for "academically superior students").

But, hey, I got to socialize. I don't mean to belittle socialization, and I do work with my introverted child on this specifically, because I can remember being like her, but it really isn't more important than academics.

I loved college, but I kind of feel like I wasted that opportunity because I had no sense of the direction I wanted my life to take. I didn't figure that out until my mid-30s.

I do not want that for my children. When they express a passion for something, we follow that up. I have learned a lot this way myself (ask me about bats!). I work with them to supplement what the school offers (at least when I was in school all was not aimed at the standardized test).

 

I guess I'll go with, you can't "break" a gifted child if you encourage their passions as I said. (And you can be a lawyer without public speaking--not the kind I am, but you can be). There is a certain amount of personal drive. My husband had no family support but a lot of stubborn determination so he was fine. I understand that's not the norm. But I was assuming for my post that OP was not planning to belittle or ignore her children's gifts.

As for why Heather's post was offensive, I'm not going to keep arguing about it. I guess it's a matter of perspective.

 

I agree. You and I must have a similar perspective.

No one ever told me when I was young there was law without performance. I actually wish I were a scientist, but it's pointless to relive the past. My goal now is that if I have a child with scientific interests (and I have three of four who do: one who wants to be a physician's assistant, one who wants to be an aerospace engineer and one who wants to be a chemist), I will see to it that they have the opportunity to pursue these interests even though I have no personal knowledge of any of them. I had no support like that as a child.

I certainly did not have the personal drive my sister does--and I don't know why that is. It was sort of expected I'd go into something literary, I think. I'm not unhappy with my life, and I don't have a lot of regrets, but I do feel very strongly about this issue because of my personal experience, as a child, and in dealing with the school district here (not just on the issue of gifted kids; education in TN is not what one might hope).

 

I agree with you both on perspective as well.


I also think that if you encourage and support your child no matter the interest- you will not 'break' them (gifted or not).

Most parents question if they are doing 'enough'--if you are questioning it, you are. Any parents that is introspective enough to question their parenting and try to adjust it accordingly is doing a fine job. Every parent can think of things they would do differently or go back and change, but really if you are looking back (and looking to the future) on what you've done and are trying to adjust you are doing great and are likely being very supportive.


On the topic of drive--- I think it is more a personality-type.

My frat twins are often described:

DD1- driven is the #1 word people have used to describe her. Since she was born, she has been go go go (not physically, but mentally)- more more more. She is very self directed, very focused, very opinionated, and very obsessive on certain topics until she masters them. She tried to drag anyone and everyone along with her and gets frustrated at a world that she can not control and/or does not explain itself quickly enough. She is very social and likes to be interacting. Does that mean she will get far in life? Maybe, maybe not-- but it does mean that she is likely the kind of kid that would succeed and move forward with little to no help from us (parents).

DD2- dreamy is the most common word to describe her. We often refer to her being in her own 'Land'. She asks deep thoughtful questions and is fairly cautious in asserting herself. She like to take her time exploring things and loves to linger over facts and information. She takes awhile to process things and often will re-ask a question until she is throughly satisfied with the answer. We get a lot of Why? How? She needs down time and time to herself to work things through. Sometimes she needs some support to do things that are hard (like learning to walk, learning to ride a bike w/ training wheel, try new foods/activities). Does that mean she will get far in life? I dont know- but but she is likely to be a kid that takes a while to find out what she wants to do/wants from her life.

Same environment, same parents, same everything---but personality. Both are suspected to be gifted and are academically advanced. DD2 has even had social skills training (as well a few other challenges that have gotten her various therapies). Her introverted nature will make it likely that she will always (even with family support) will find some social situations awkward (as do I). DD1 is a natural people person.

DH and I had supportive families. I am more driven than DH, but neither of us were in the same 'driven to the brink of obsession' stratosphere of DD1 (as kids). Both DH and I are happy. DH is more extroverted. I am introverted. DH field of work is in IT- but his passion is sales. I am a teacher. DH is is less happy with his education, career choice, and just found what he wants to do 'with his life' in his mid 30s. I feel like I have always known (teaching/mom). I believe we are of very similar IQ levels (I was tested in schools, he was not).

I really think the combination of introvert/extrovert and the genetic drive of a person affects them- family support strengthens the weaker skills a person may have (socially and/or drive) and encourages the strengths (passions, interests) which really does reflect in how they deal with their giftedness. But with good family support- I think that most kids will feel positive self-esteem and perception of what they 'can' do vs what they 'should' or 'cant' do.

A good school experience also helps guide all kids (gifted or not)- the outliers (gifted and the other end : academically struggling) often are the populations that are underserved and the ones that 'feel' the effects years later if their schooling does not meet their needs (social, academic, etc).

 

This is exactly how I would describe my girls, down to birth order. How weird. We call it Lululand, since her nickname is Lulu.

I have one introvert boy (my boys are not twins) and one extrovert, but they flip flop somewhat on drive. It's fascinating, really. My two introverts are very close despite in 8.5-yr age difference, but my two extroverts are ridiculously competitive even though they are 11 years apart.

 

:lol: We have MaddyLand over here!!

I would not change a thing either. I think they are really good for each other--- they help pull each other toward center, they both tend to lend toward the extremes of each personality type! DD2 would have even fewer social skilld w/out DD1 pulling her out of MaddyLand all the time and DD2 would be even more obsessive and dominant w/o DD1 to help her be patient and look at the world with wonder.

That is funny--- the extroverts in my family are also super competitive (DD1 & DH), though not with each other. DD2 and I are more 'whatever'....though DH swears I have a secret competitive side that only comes out when we play board games.

 

I was heavily pushed to sciences. I started as a biology major in college. Was fine with bio, not great with chemistry. I ended up in English and right where I should be--lawyer.