WIsh more multiple mom's were supportive

I took the twins and we ran to Sams Club a little while ago and while we were there another couple stopped to talk who also had twins. They asked how old WG&W were etc and I asked about theirs. Well WG&W will be 8 months on Friday and their b/g twins were just 3 months old. They had that "look" and I kind of giggled and said don't worry it gets easier. And the dad sighed this big sigh and said "you are the first person to tell us that". I felt that same way when mine were born.I have 2 good friends with twins and 2 good friends with Trips and the twin mommas just wanted to tell me how the whole first year would just basically suck. The trips moms were a little better about it, saying yes its hard but slowly it gets easier and its so much fun. I just wish more multiple mommas would be supportive vrs negitive. Yes the first year may very well suck but do you have to share that? Can't you give a mom and dad who are struggling from being tired etc some hope?

other thing I am slowly learning is that WG&W are super small?!?! The dad asked how much Wyatt weighed and I said he is 14 and she is 11 and his eyes got huge and said that their ds was 14 lbs and he was only 3 months old!

 

I totally agree with what you are saying and it's not just moms of multiples but just people in general (that maybe have larger families or older children). We have a 7 year old and a 5 year old and then 2 year old twins. One particularly hard day last summer we bumped into this woman I knew from church. She didn't have twins but had 4 or 5 kids who were all grown with children of their own. I was just sharing some of the struggles of that particular day and I was saying how hopefully it will get easier when they are a little bit older. And she was like "Oh no! Just you wait! It gets harder!!!" And I was like "well, I'm sure there are some harder things but at least they will be able to feed themselves and sleep better at night, etc." And she was like, "Yes, but those are easy problems compared to what you'll be dealing with soon." And I was like, "Well, it's really hard now and I'm just hoping it will be easier in some ways.." and she was like "nope, these are the easy days...you better enjoy them!" Part of me felt so defeated and part of me was like "This lady is an IDIOT!!!" I was thinking, "Can't you just LIE???? Just to make me feel better!!!" I'm no fool. I will have 4 teenage daughters some day so I know it won't be easy but please just have some sympathy or compassion or common sense! I think she was determined to make me feel worse. I don't know???? I find that so weird! My sister has twins that are 10 months younger than mine and I try hard to complain too much about the hard things so she won't feel too discouraged. I mean there's also a chance to share in each other's misery every once in a while and that is good too...at least we know how the other person feels. But you are right, everyone needs support and a little encouragement can go a long way!!!!

Shannon

 

I think many people are supportive and many are just thoughtless.

When the girls were four or five months old I took them to Target by myself. When it came time for a feeding I went and settled in to lawn and garden (they had all the patio furniture out) and fed them right in their stroller. I had at least three people come up to me in the space of 15 minutes. As the last couple walked away with the husband yelling "Ha! You just wait 'til they crawl!" over his shoulder a girl came up and put her hand on my arm. She said "Screw him. You'll love when they crawl, it's amazing. You won't have to bring their toys to them anymore, they'll be interacting with the world more. My boys are 11 and I'm so glad I had them at once. It gets easier and better and more rewarding every day." And she walked off. I wanted to hug her!

So now I make it my mission to pay it forward. If I see a frazzled looking couple each carrying a baby, I run ahead and grab the door and tell them that I miss those days! And that it gets easier.

 

Hi - it's funny I was just complaining about something similar the other day...the only difference is that I find it is people who don't have multiples that are the problem. My lucky experience with other parents with multiples is that we seem to immediately relate to each other. It is the people without twins who say - Oh my god, I can barely handle one, I could NEVER do 2 at once, that drives me crazy. I don't know why. It just makes me feel bad. Or the tons and tons of people who say - oh wow, that must be a lot of work, or double trouble, or poor you. I remind myself that half of them are not even thinking when they say it (it is just something to say) but when I have a bad day it makes me feel justified in feeling sorry for myself which is not the right way to think at all when I have two beautiful children!!

 

UGH, I SO agree with you!! I went to a friend's house when her twins were 6 months old and I was about 6 months pregnant. I came home in tears and my husband was like "what the heck happened"!! She made it seem so doom and gloom and that I would never be able to handle all 3 of my kids alone (my husband works long hours). I spent the next month worrying until I finally decided to call an old co-worker of mine that had triplets. I went to her house and came home feeling much better as she put a much more positive spin on things. I felt a lot more confident that I wouldn't end up in the nut house by the end of the 1st year. Now I am nearing the end of our 1st year (still can't believe how the time has flown by) and I want to be an advocate to other moms expecting twins and let them now it will be okay and that yes, there will be hard days, but twins are such a blessing and are so much fun!

 

I tell people the same thing when I come across twin mom's with younger babies. I try to be encouraging.

 

I think misery loves company...but I also don't get it. I actually have not thought twins were hard since before 6 months. People would say..wait till they are 2...I'm there..and way better than the first few months!

 

I think when a parent of multiples says something negative, you have to take it with a grain of salt. They are probably having a bad day or even week. I know that I don't always engage a conversation with another mom of twins when I'm out b/c I really don't have the right attitude at that time. My favorite time of the boys life so far was ages 6-10 months so I try to tell people that if I don't have anything nicer to say at that moment. There are negatives to every age and stage but there are also huge positives. For instance, right now, I have to go hold down my sons "peepee" so he can poop on the potty. We're not fully independent yet, but I don't have to clean the little potty! ardon:

 

I will just never understand why as women we do this to ourselves and others. Its not just this one topic, we fight over men, put each other down, gossip about each other. I try so hard to not do these things,(well I don't fight over men LOL) but I am not perfect. Its just funny to me that men can let things go so much easier than we can LOL We should be banding together instead of tearing each other down. Sad to me

 

I totally disagree with your post. Being a woman is harder than a man these days. You go to shcool, get a degree, get a career, then have family and put your career on hold to have kids (this is a big big sacrifice), then go back to work. Its also hard hard to set your focus on both work and family. and many of us here go back to school for higher education degrees. Women or men, there are many good ppl and many bad ppl too. it doesnt mean if you are a woman you have to have those negatives.

oh and you are totally wrong if you think men dont gossip. Im a software engingeer. My coworkers are men 80%. They do gossip about everything: kids, wives,...mostly wives. :laughing:

 

I ALWAYS tell moms of all kids that it gets easier, and harder, but as you get experience as a mom, the hard doesn't seem so hard! I thought I was going to die during the first year of my twins lives. Now I have 'just' one it is like a dream! BUT I miss the days of 2 babies discovering each other... Anyway, I think that twin moms are supportive in general... it is the 'just wait' moms that kill me like described by a pp...

 

I am sorry you disagree. This was just my point of view. From what I have seen and felt. I made the choice to be a mom. I didn't have to make the hard choice to quit a career, to me it was not a choice. I am a mom. That is my career. I am blessed enough to have a husband who can take care of us financally so that my choice to stay at home with my kids is something that I can do. That way I don't have to choose and I don't have to juggle or balance between 2 things. I can devote my time to my kids. My choice is looked down on by many people. NO I don't have a college degree nor do I have a desire to have one. I am over the moon happy about being a wife and mother. I take my job very seriously. I am a room mom and in the PTA and co-leader of a brownie troop, I am blessed that I get to see all my kids firsts and get to spend my afternoons in the floor covered in babies or at the park pushing a swing and yet I am made to feel less because of that choice. I also get to have a girls night out, I am in a great bible study I get to do things just for me too. To me I have the best life! Oh you don't work? is what I hear. And guess who I hear it from. MOMS not men. thats my point. I also wasn't able to breast feed but a very small bit with only one of my kids and do you think I was ever made to feel bad about it by a man? NOPE only by women. I wasn't trying hard enough or didn't I know it was better for my babies? That is my point.

 

I'm sorry to hear you don't have more supportive women in your life. I guess I feel lucky that most of the encounters I've had with twin moms have been very good. I met one negative twin mom while I was pregnant, and she kept telling me how awful labor and delivery was, and how I was going to have to have a c-section, blah blah blah. I had a vaginal delivery and I thought it was pretty easy and short compared to what I was expecting. One bad apple. Everyone else has been great - even people at the doctor's office or out shopping. They usually have positive, supportive comments.

About your babies' size - has the doc spoken to you about it? It sounds to me like they are on the small side (they are a little smaller than my 6 month olds), but if the doctor isn't concerned then I don't think there's anything to worry about as long as they're eating well.

 

no. She thinks they are doing great. THey are growing on a curve just a little one lol. I am glad you have had supportive comments. That is helpful.

 

I should clarify that I do get my share of stupid comments and questions, but they often come from strangers or people who don't know me well. I usually just smile (or ignore it if it's rude) and go about my business. Twins get attention and apparently a lot of people feel the need to comment - men, women, kids, all kinds. Just like they do with pregnant ladies - I can't tell you how many times people commented on my size or that I looked about ready to pop when I was only 6 month pregnant.

 

I agree 100%. I did go to school and worked a profession before I had my kids. I also still worked and older DS went to daycare after I had him. However once we had the twins DH and I sat down and discussed the cost vs income of me staying home or going back to work. And I have to say, I am so thankful and so blessed to be able to stay home with my kids. I agree that my choice is looked down on by many people as well. I hate feeling like I have to defend myself. And yes, it is mostly other moms who say that. My husband tells me to brush it off as they are envious that they don't have the means to do that, and maybe they are? I have no idea. I know that as stressful as things get around my house sometimes, I still wouldn't trade any of it.

 

" will just never understand why as women we do this to ourselves and others. Its not just this one topic, we fight over men, put each other down, gossip about each other."
I disagreed this. Not all women are like this!!!!

No woman would look down on another woman because she chooses to be a stay home mom. Why would you say that? We moms do respect stay home moms and working moms. We work hard to raise our kids. We do earn the same respects.

About breast feeding, Noone should make you feel bad because you don’t breast feed your babies. It’s the matter of choice. I do breast feed my kids, because I believe it’s the best for them (they were premature), and because its my country’s tradition. I don’t think every woman must breast feed their babies. I do believe formula fed babies are as healthy as breast fed babies. And there is nothing wrong with formula feeding your kids. There is nothing right or wrong about this.

And guess what I do admire some twins moms here though. They devote their lives for a big families (5, 6, 7 kids). They raise healthy and beautiful kids. I don’t think I can have do that (have many kids) even I always want a big family.

 

I think it's just a matter of prespective. I am a working mom but wish I didn't have to be right now. My career and salary are important but Id be willing to put them on hold for my babies if it were an option for us financially.. I'm sure some women look down on me for going to work and leaving my twin babies with a nanny. I think there is more than one way to be a great parent and I choose not to let others bother me if they are passing judgment without knowing me or my family. I imagine every mom at some point wonders if things would be better, if only....,

 

Bless your heart where ever you are from must be wonderful if you can truely say no women would look down on you for being a SAHM. I can't tell you how many times I have heard the phrase "oh so you DON'T work" from women. NEVER from men.

 

I always go up to twinfant parents and tell them it gets easier. That first year is a doozy

 

No, I dont lie. I never heard of this issue. Maybe, I hang out with men more than women. And I dont look down on a sahm. My friend decided to quit her job to have kids. And she did. I kinda thought that she wasted her knowledge. BUt as long as shes happy. I was happy for her. Did/Do I value her less? NO. Now she has 2 beautiful kids.

About bad/crazy comments, I did get many even when i was pregnant. But i always just smiled and let go. I believe it when i see it. If you say it will get better/worse, I dont see how until i actualy experience it. And I always tell new twins/singelton moms that it will be better and fun after 6 months lol. I do believe at each stage, somthing get easier and something else get harder. But at least after 6 months, most babies sleep through the night and so do we. And we would have more energy to deal with their issues lol.

 

This is the boat I'm in right now. I have to work, but I so don't want to. But DH is scheduled to lose his job in a year, so I can't give up my job/benefits at this point. Things are looking positively for a new job, though, and if things work out, we'll take a year or two to pay down debt and build a savings, and hopefully then I'll be able to SAH.

Come live near me! The expectation around here is to be a SAHM. People were shocked to hear that I was going back to work. I got a lot of comments like "How can you stand to leave them?" Comments like that so didn't help when I was struggling going back to work those first weeks and I've been back for 2.5 months and I still struggle many days.

I do agree that women seem to be more critical of each other and its sad. We're all in this mothering gig together, so it's a shame we aren't more supportive of each other. That's why I like boards like Twinstuff where we can reach out and support each other.

 

:thanks: its true

 

I'm always honest w/ my answers. I tell them what's hard and what's not AS hard. I don't go overboard w/ HOW hard etc but I'm honest. I'm one who would rather be prepared!