Need some encouragement to be a meanie

I apologize in advance for this being long!!

We hired a FT nanny a little over 4 months ago. In the beginning she was great, offering to do things here and there, showing up on time, etc. Then after a month or two she got a little complacent and lazy, but was still good overall. But over the last month or so she has become completely lazy and will not do ANY thing unless I explicitly write it on the board (ex. vac under the couch, dry off dishes before putting them away - its ridiculous). Basically, she has 2 tasks that are to be done everyday (besides take care of the kids): use a stick vac on the LR/kitchen, and clean the kitchen island. Anything other tasks I write on the whiteboard. So 2x a week she does baby laundry, 2 or 3 times a week she unloads the DW, 1x a week she changes/launders crib bedding, and 1x a week she washes towels. She also started talking incessantly on her cell phone and is habitually 5 minutes late (making me a few minutes late to work most days). And in the beginning I created her an account on our small laptop (aka netbook) figuring there would be some downtime while they nap and I didn't care if she checked her email briefly for example. Also, when my mom was essentially their nanny until they were 11 months old she would occasionally IM me, to ask me something pertaining to the boys, or to give me a quick little update, which was very nice. I guess I was thinking initially that I would setup this nanny w/ IM to do that too, though that never transpired because it turns out she loves to text and would text me w/ any questions or updates on the boys. So at first there will just little annoyances, like her constant phone chatter, then when she would routinely drain the netbook battery and not recharge it, so when I needed to use it at night I always had to run for an AC cord. And she just got SO darn lazy. She would make her some coffee, and then leave the mug or the carafe. The boys nap on average of 2 hours and she wouldn't get up off her butt to clean up HER mess?? So recently I decide to become more assertive and I told her she needed to charge the netbook, clean up her coffee mug, etc. But if we left a plate, or dirty frying pan (used to make the boys something) she would just leave it on the counter, presumably she figured if she didn't dirty it up she didn't need to clean it. And I have noticed she now makes the boys the easiest lunch possible, always finger foods. Never anything like pasta that would require assistance since they are still learning utensils. And then there was the issue last week of her leaving ALL their toys strewn across the LR, with a note on the baby log saying they needed to do better about learning to put up their own toys, that it would help if they did it at night (insinuating that we don't teach them that, which we do, but even if we didn't we are paying HER!). And this past Friday was baby laundry day and I asked her to put up the laundry (previously she always left it for me to do, when it takes all of 3 minutes to put a way). Well she left a note that afternoon saying that B was so whiney and clingy (he's been sick) that she didn't get a chance to do so because of taking care of him. Which is complete BS because she found time to login to the netbook that afternoon! And that is just one of many lies. She has been lying repeatedly about brushing their teeth in the mornings when we know for a fact there are MANY mornings that she does not, yet she checks off EVERY day on the baby log that she does brush them. So there is no trust now, which is a HUGE issue.

So the bottom line is I WANT to fire her tomorrow. Well, give her a 2 week notice, because that is what our nanny contract says (that either party will give a 2 week notice if things don't work out). But I'm afraid she is going to be all sweet and agreeable, etc and I will end up giving her a stern talking to rather than a 2 week notice. And I will hate myself in that case! But I've never fired anybody before. Then there is the whole issue of whether she can be trusted to take care of the boys, or will she completely neglect them knowing its her last 2 weeks??

Aaack, this sucks! Anyway, just looking for some advice and encouragement on what I NEED to do tomorrow

 

Your not being a meanie, your doing what you have to do to get the best care for your children.

That being said, I personally wouldnt give two weeks notice, but rather give her two weeks salary, or tell her since she was only with you for a short time, you are only giving her one weeks worth, if she wasnt doing a good job, when she though u were happy with her, there is no motivation for her to do anything, if she knows she is only going to be tehre for 2 more weeks.


Good Luck, but u'll feel much better after you do it!

 

Regarding the 2 week notice, I am just hoping she gets all mad and tells us she won't work out the notice. That would make my day! LOL But if she does work out the notice (ugg) then I'm thinking DH and I can mostly work from home over the next 2 weeks, taking turns, just to make sure the boys are looked after. And if we both need to be in the office on a certain day, then I'm thinking we can hookup our Logitech webcam to the laptop in the LR that sits beside the tv (and faces the LR/kitchen and the table they eat at).

 

Awesome - a post today I feel I can contribute to. Okay, I have fired two part-time nannies...don't I sound terrible? I am full-time SAHM now but I worked for 6 months in 2010. I fired them for almost the exact reasons you mentioned. Real go-getters at first and then just got lazy. We didn't ask them to do that much...just clean up after lunch and pick up toys. I would come home to chaos...the house spread with a million toys and the nanny sitting exhausted in an armchair just "barely awake" watching my kids. At least put on a fake act when I walk in the door! One was eating us out of house and home. I said to her once if she forgot her lunch she was welcome to something we have. Well, suddenly all kinds of things started disappearing. Like fish and I kid you not, even steak. I would splurge on some organic chicken nuggets and the whole box would be gone in one meal because she would make them each 2 or 3 and then make herself 8! The other one would time and again leave the doors open upstairs with the air conditioning running and every light in the house on all day. My energy bills those couple months were astronomical and she had the gall to act defensive when on my 6th time of telling her to close the doors with the air on I made her a sign and taped it to the door. I could go on and on with the stories. Many little things that really added up. The texting is an issue - and my nannies were 27 and 33...still were texting all day. It just isn't okay to have a distraction like that. They don't have that 6th sense that the child's mother has - they need to be more so on their toes. Final straw was offering to pay for CPR only to find out that I put up the cash and no class was taken. It should not be that hard to find a nanny. Ugh. Anyway, that being said, just keep it short and sweet. Tell her you will not be needing her anymore and this is her 2 week notice. If you can line someone up sooner release her sooner (but with pay.) Or I like the PP idea of just paying her 2 weeks and asking her not to return. Sure it sucks, but only for a minute and then she is out of your life forever. I empathize with you - it is a tough tough thing. Good luck - let us know how it goes!

 

Just do it LOL! If you don't think you can could hubby do it? And I really like the idea of giving her the 2 weeks severance pay vs 2 weeks actual notice, that way she doesn't have a chance to neglect your precious boys. You can do it, just think of your boys and their well being.

 

You aren't being a Jeanie. If she is neglecting these things how is she neglecting the kiddos?

I hate autocorrect. That should be meannie

 

I don't know. What struck me is that none of your complaints are about how she cares for the kids and that you have a lot of housekeeping expectations of your nanny. I think you need to have reasonable expectations. As for the two weeks, give her two weeks salary and tell her not to show up the last two weeks.

 

Well I don't see how she can be keeping a good eye on them and sufficiently interacting with them if she constantly has that phone glued to her ear. And we don't have that many housekeeping expectations of our nanny IMO. She is just lazy and doesn't want to do the few things we ask of her. I'm of the opinion that a nanny should be more than just a babysitter. And she was agreeable to light housekeeping in the beginning and also has that in her care.com profile.

Anyway I think I will be able to give her the boot today Hope so!

 

The phone thing would annoy me. In your contract, does it stipulate what housekeeping duties she would do? If not, for your next nanny, I would outline that in the contract. I've been looking into nannies and basically the advice is put everything and they mean everything into the contract and spell it out in plain english so nobody is confused. You've already made up your mind to fire her so when you hire someone else (if that is the route you are going), I would suggest making sure you've got everything written down so you both have the same expectations.

 

I would regularly come home on my lunch break and she would be laid back on the couch covered up with a blanket either watching tv or surfing on the netbook. Last week she was nearly asleep when I came up from the basement.

And funny you talk about your nanny eating all your food. Our nanny was regularly eating our food too and then we had 2 pieces of left over pizza in a ziploc bag. Common sense should tell her one was for me and one for DH. But she ate one of those too. Was that a huge deal? No, it was just rude to not ask first. Kinda like her filling up our DVR queue with her stupid shows like Charmed and 16 and Pregnant! She is just so unbelievably immature.

So I gave our nanny her notice this morning. She acted like the snotty nosed brat I thought she would. She is 20 years old going on 15. She said "Well I was going to give my 2 week notice today anyway because I feel like what you ask me to do is excessive." I then said "Great!" and I also held up the nanny contract which clearly stated she would vac the LR/kitchen every day, clean the kitchen island, unload DW, wash baby laundry and crib bedding as needed. She then started nitpicking and pointed out how once every week or two I've asked her to wipe down the other kitchen counters (after all she is dirtying them up making lunches for the boys), and twice in the past 4 months I've asked her to use a wet Swiffer to go around the floor under the table where they eat (because as we all know babies are messy eating food). I also told her there was a difference between a babysitter and a nanny and that a nanny is expected to do such light housework (and she agreed to do so in the beginning!). She said no, that there are nannies (who just babysit) and then there are nanny housekeepers. I said whatever we'll just agree to disagree on the definition of a nanny.

marchl I'll definitely make the next nanny contract more specific! I've been emailing with the first nanny we interviewed (who was our first choice but we picked this other one because our first choice was holding out for another family and we wanted to make a decision right away). Anyway, she is 24 and was a FT nanny for a previous family for nearly 3 years, and she totally knows the difference between being just a babysitter and a nanny (and she said it drives her crazy when people think a nanny is just a babysitter). So I'm going to talk to her in more detail this evening.

I'm working from home today and things are a little icy, LOL. But I just can't bring myself to reward this girl by paying her for 2 weeks for doing nothing. I'm hoping she finds the work environment too uncomfortable and just decides to bail and not work out her notice, then we don't have to pay her!

 

Hi - I agree that you should let her go and then either work from home for the 2 weeks or let her go with pay and not have her come back (don't want an angry nanny watching your kids!) For me it is really more about the sense that you don't trust her and that to me says a lot. With my kids I always trust my instincts and yours seem to be saying that she is not the right fit. On a side note, I often take my kids to the library or other public places for outings or to just run around and I'm shocked sometimes by some (to be clear just some - not all) of the nannies I see, they seem totally disinterested in the kids, they act tired and bored, they are playing with their phones instead of watching the kids. One day I watched a nanny make the two kids she was watching (I asked her how old and she said 18 months) play for over an hour in the library with their snow pants on because she was clearly too lazy to take them off. The kids were red and sweaty and one kept whining and trying to pull the pants off and she just ignored them. It was crazy hot in the library. I felt like helping the kids myself. Sorry, just my rant for the day. LOL. I want to be clear again that I have also seen some great nannies so for those who have nannies please don't be offended. Like any profession some people are great, some not so good.

 

Working from home is a great idea! I think I misinterpreted your post. I was thinking she was going and you were going to try to work and watch your kiddos. I am proud of you for holding firm! This will no doubt happen to her again if she does not change her ways so let's hope it is a wake up call. Good for you!

 

So glad you let her go!! Trust your gut and from her immaturity she will probably not come back. I would take it as a learning experience and then you will know what to do/what not to do if you decide to hire another nanny. We had a few mother's helpers when our boys were first born. I was home the whole time, but we had one who would constantly text right in front of me. Crazy!

 

GOOD JOB STAYING STRONG!

 

Thanks ladies! I feel sooooo much better after giving her a 2 week notice! Sure the housework, or lack thereof, was a major annoyance, but the biggest issue was lack of trust (the constant lying about brushing their teeth was the worst), and I know she wasn't devoting as much time to the boys as she should. One day last week I saw her on her cell phone while putting the boys lunch on their placemats (finger foods, of course). And I know that is why she never feeds them pasta, because that takes assistance w/ utensils and she is too busy running her mouth and texting. I actually did tell her to feed them some leftover pasta the other week, made with "cut spaghetti" especially for little ones, and she did but apparently she just put it on their mats (no bowls!) and later told my husband it sure was messy because they smeared it around everywhere. Well DUH! They are also at an age where they should be learning colors and shapes, but I can tell she NEVER gets down their wooden puzzles and sorter toys from the shelf. Because after they play with them for 10 min or so they often times start throwing the pieces (which is when I put those toys up) and she obviously doesn't want to have to do that (because she is LAZY). She sometimes reads to them and has taught them some body parts, but she could be doing so much more.

 

I'm so glad you let her go! Her response to you giving her a 2 week notice was just another sign of her immaturity. And the EXACT difference between a nanny and babysitter is that a nanny does light housework. I nannied for a year (it was 3 days a week) and I never did heavy cleaning but I cleaned up ALL the mess the kids and I made that day as well as did any dishes in the sink and put away dishes in the dishwasher/drainer. Working in childcare is difficult and certainly isnt the right fit for everyone. Good luck on finding a new nanny! I hope your first choice can work well with your family

 

I am glad you got up the courage. I have been taking lessons from my friend who is on her fourth nanny. It really is hard to find a good one and when you do, keep her.

How are you seeing what she does during the day? Do you WAH or have a nanny cam?

 

I don't normally WAH unless the boys have a pedi appt or something. And when they had a vaccination appt 2 weeks ago I worked from home that morning until the appt. And the nanny immediately got on her phone and made two back-to-back phone calls that totally at least 20 minutes if not 30 minutes, all while she was supposed to be watching the kids.

Last week I was home 2.5 days out of the week due to me being sick, and then Brandon getting real sick with croup. So I was at home sick 1.5 days, and worked from home most of the third day. When i was sick I would go downstairs to nap where it was quieter, and EVERY time I came upstairs from downstairs she had that cell phone glued to her ear. It was most annoying! One of those days she used the stick vac to vacuum our hallway, while she talked on the phone. Can you imagine how annoyed the person on the other end must have been? Later that evening I noticed all kinds of cat litter and furballs along the sides of the hall that she missed, because she was too busy running her mouth.

BTW, she just emailed me tonight and said she would be using the remaining 31.5 hours of vacation next week. Well I have news for her. Counting next week she was only here 21 weeks, so 21/52 weeks * 40 hours = 17 hrs - the 8.5 hrs already used means she only has 8.5 remaining vacation hours accrued. Some people may think I'm being mean, but we simply can not afford to pay her AND pay another sitter to watch the boys. And the only way we are officially allowed to work from home is if somebody else is in the house caring for the kids then.

All of this certainly underscores the importance of a VERY detailed nanny contract. I'll definitely be filling in any gaps for the next nanny! We are meeting with the other hopeful nanny tomorrow evening. She seems agreeable to everything discussed over the phone so far, yay!

 

Oh, I wasn't questioning or calling you mean. I think you did the right thing given all the circumstances. Since I am trying to figure out a new daycare situation for all of my guys, a Nanny is on the table. I was wondering about the nanny cam thing because another friend of mine told me she had one.

 

I know you weren't calling me mean. I was just venting about our nanny We don't have an official nanny cam but yesterday DH hooked up logitech webcam to the laptop in the LR which points at the LR, kitchen behind it, and dinette table the boys eat at. Not as good as a nanny cam but it will do in a pinch.

 

She just sounds young and age-appropriately immature. I'm quite positive I would not have been equipped to watch 21 month old twins and take care of a house - even a few chores - at 20 and meet anyone's expectations. I hope you like your new nanny better.

 

After interviewing 5 nanny candidates we kept coming back to girl's age, which was the only negative that we could see. But I think since she was married we figured she was hopefully more mature than her years. Obviously we were wrong. Another reason we picked her is because she was a nanny for 6 month old twins for a while (not sure how long though, I exchanged a few messages with that mom though while checking references and forgot to ask that). So when I told her yesterday "good luck finding a nanny position where you don't have to do any housework" she said "I already did," meaning that previous nanny position. However, dealing with 6 month old twins is waaaay different than dealing with 20 month old twins and if we had a nanny when our boys were 6 months old I wouldn't have expected any housework to be done then either! Actually my mom watched them when they were 6 months old and it was all she could do to get their bottles washed during the day.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to moving on and never having to deal with this nanny again! (Until I have to send her a W-2 next January...oh well that will be easy enough).

 

I agree that a nanny is not just a babysitter, but I thought that difference was in the expectation of teaching the kids rather than housekeeping. I'm glad your situation is resolved, but it surprises me that there is such an expectation of housekeeping from nannies.

 

At least in our area, it's really common to have nannies do light housework, at least what is related to the children. Most nannies I've interviewed actually state that they do this in their resume.

My nannies (I've had 3) have all washed bottles/feeding implements, washed down the table after meals, done baby laundry, changed cribs, cleaned up toys, etc. I also pay my nanny extra to clean our floors on the main level and dust (I fired my incompetent cleaning lady recently, so she's helping me out until I find someone else), but this is outside of her "nanny duties" so I do give her extra compensation. Now that the boys are older she has a bit more time to do this; I wouldn't have felt comfortable with this arrangement during the chaotic first year.

Just reading this thread makes me really grateful for my nanny. She is a true professional and cares for my boys very well.