Am I being overprotective?

My DD is a competitive gymnast and every year her gym does a Lock-in. The first year wasn't a problem because the level 3's weren't invited.

Last year they had an option for a 10pm pick up for those that didn't want their kids to stay up all night (which is the goal, there is no lights out). I still didn't let her go because I didn't want her to be one of the only ones that had to leave early and made fun of because of it. She has issues of being treated like an outcast already so I didn't want to add more fuel to the fire.

This year she is still having an issue of being an outcast, but I was willing to let her go until the 10 pm pick up time as I found there were actually quite a few picked up at that time. Well I just got the paperwork for the lock-in and there is no mid party pick up. It is just drop them off at 7pm, pick them up at 7am (which is more reasonable than last years 6am pick up). I don't want to let her go. I don't think she needs to be trying to say up all night in an environment that might have her getting picked on. My DH says I am sheltering her from life, and that if she wants to go we should let her. Of course she wants to go.

So what do you think? Am I being overprotective? Usually when I see these types of threads, I think the person is being overprotective, but it is different when it is your own child.

 

At 11 (well, almost 11) she is old enough to make the decision. I would let her go, especially if most of her teammates will be there. She will feel more left out when they are all talking about it. And, it may be a great bonding experience for her, it will give her an opportunity to make friends with the other girls. You can also share your concerns with the leaders, and maybe ask them to allow her to give you a call if she is uncomfortable and wants to get picked up.

 

If she wants to go, it must not be as bad as it comes off. Any of mine would say they don't want to go if there's a chance they aren't getting along with at least some of the kids. Does she have a phone? I'd tell her to text you if it's not going well and you can call and create a reason you need to pick her up. They can't force you to leave her there if something comes up at home. Nobody ever gets along with everybody, I bet there are at least a couple girls she will have fun hanging out with.

That said, my ten year old would NOT be going to a party where the goal is to stay up all night. As a teen maybe.

 

I was a competitive gymnast and I know how cliquey that group can be. Hugs to you and your daughter, it is no fun.

That being said, do she want to go? If she does, I'd just chat with the coaches to find out what sort of activities they have planned (usually some really fun team building stuff) and what the coach/gymnast ratio will be. If it were me, I would let her go if she wants to. You'd be surprised how good it can be to be in that environment without the competitiveness of practice. It also allows the girls to connect more personally. You might just ask the coach to keep an eye on her (you can justify it with her being prone to getting overtired or something) but I'm sure the coach knows the team dynamic and will monitor it anyway.

During high school there was a clique of girls that I didn't ever talk to and I thought that they didn't like me/I didn't like them. At our senior skip day I had a chance to talk some with them and it really made things easier the rest of the school year. We weren't fast friends or anything, but it was a minor breakthrough (as much as those years allow).

Hope that helps some.

 

Yikes, I'm not loving the goal of staying up all night either, but I woud still let her go. I agree with Sharon (she will feel more left out after the fact if she doesn't go) & Stephanie, especially the bolded part below.

 

I have one son that can be treated badly in his sport with team mates. This year with some changes things have gotten a bit better. I completely understand the reservations you have. But, I would allow her to go, with the option of having her call home to get her if anything goes wrong. BUT, know that if she does end up doing that it could cause her to become a bigger target in the future. It's a difficult line. Does she feel accepted by anyone going? Even if there is one little girl that she can talk to, it would be really good and can help her identify with the others. Could her not going in the past have kept her from being accepted? Just a question.
BTW, I coached for many years and I still think all the clichishness of kids sports stinks! Sometimes I think the parents are even worse than the kids.

 

I agree that she is old enough that if she wants to go, I would let her go.

 

If she really wanted to go I would let her. I would send a cell phone with her so if she wanted to come home she could call or text.

 

I'm assuming that if she wants to go, she must have friends to hang out with. So I'd let her go. I'd think if she didn't, she wouldn't want to go?

 

I think she is definitely old enough. If SHE wants to, I would let her.

 

Agree!! :good:

Though I do see why you are trying to protect her :hug: She's your baby, but if she's up to it, let her go and have fun!!

 

I would let her go. :grouphug:

 

I also think that if she wants to go she must have friends there she wants to be with, I would let her go.

When I was in girl scouts, from 4th-8th grade, every year we did a 'lock in' at the local mall. I remember looking forward to them all year! I don't think any of us actually stayed up all night long, but we were definitely up late.

 

I also think that if she wants to go she must have friends there she wants to be with, I would let her go.

When I was in girl scouts, from 4th-8th grade, every year we did a 'lock in' at the local mall. I remember looking forward to them all year! I don't think any of us actually stayed up all night long, but we were definitely up late.

 

it is very different when it is your own child going through the situation and not just a hypothetical.

Personally I would say no to this years sleep over. I would also look into why there is not 11pm pick up this year. If it was a misprint then I would let her go till then but not overnight.

For me it would be different if it were my two girls attending together or if I knew she had a few friend she could lean on for support.

 

Jenn, I'm with them. Let her try it. If it's not her thing, she won't want to do it the next time. But think of the memories etc..... I say let her decide! :hug:

 

I have to agree with Cheryl .. I would ask about the pick-up. If not then maybe invite a friend to spend the night that same night.

I don't think a child that age should be trying to stay up all night.

 

I had one more thought. Does she have a cell phone or do you have one she could take? If she wants to go but is unsure of how it will turn out, couldn't she call you to come and get her? Even if there's not a night time scheduled pickup for kids, they can't FORCE her to stay or not let you get her if you come. Then you know that she can get in touch with you if she's miserable and she gets the chance to try.

 

My sentiments exactly.

It's one night that could really bond her with other girls and help her with feeling like an outcast. As far as staying up all night "at that age"...it's only one night, I don't think it's a big deal. I think the potential positive far outweighs the negatives.

 

I guess I don't see why staying up all night one night a year is a big deal BUT it is easy to say because she is not my child. I would let her go and I love the idea of letting her take a cell phone. She could always pretend to be sick and call/text you to come pick her up if she felt uncomfortable.

 

This is what I was thinking too. They can't FORCE her to stay especially if she says she doesn't feel well.

Oh and I remember going to slumber parties starting at age 10 so I don't see the big deal about 'staying up.' We always ended up falling asleep around 3ish

 

Thank you for everyone's replies. I have decided to let her go, but I will be talking to her coaches tonight to make sure they watch out for her. They have a phone on the wall the girls can use in case of an emergency. I will probably not give her that "out" of pretending to be sick. This is her decision to go and she will live with the consequences. The girls aren't directly mean to her, they just ignore her.

 

I think that's a good decision! Maybe that will be the night where everything turns around for her... good luck!

 

Yay! I bet she'll enjoy it. If nothing else, she'll have done it and decided not to next year.

 

I hope she has a great time!

 

:good: Good for you!

 

I hope your sweet girl has a great time!!

 

This was key for me. She is 11 and she wants to go. I'd let her go but maybe have a talk beforehand on what she expects of the evening. (And I see below that I am late to the party and she is going. I hope it goes well!)

 

I hope she has a great time. Good for you for letting her make the decision. And I agree, I would not give her that "out" either. Trust me I have a 10 year old and know exactly what you are talking about, about trying to protect them from things. It is very hard to "let go". So :hug: to you.

 

I just had to come back and say that I really admire you.
You clearly wanted to do what was best for your dd. Questioned yourself and asked for advice. you did not stop there. (so many ask for advice but don't ever honestly consider the feedback given, they just wanted to be told they were right.) You clearly considered the feedback you were given and were open minded enough to change your stance while still making sure you looked out for your daughter by talking to her coaches. I think you are a great example of a mother for us all.

 

I hope it all works out and maybe makes new friends! :yahoo: Will you let us know how it goes?!

 

Great job! It will be good for her!

 

I hope your DD has a fantastic time!

 

Thank you for the kind words.

I will try. I hope to be floating away on a really big boat on Saturday, so I might not get a chance until I get back.

Me too!

 

I just thought I would let everyone know she had a blast. I think she even made a new friend. She stayed up all night long. Thanks for all the advice.