I'm at a loss

My DS Conner is ALL BOY. He's energetic & full of spunk. He's always been like this...a child that cannot sit still...EVER. He's very bright & loving, along with very good at fine motor activities (he's the kid that can do a 48 piece puzzle in less than 5 mins with no help & could sit and do art projects for an hour!).

But he's SO stubborn & sassy. He's constantly back talking (his favorite is, "NO! I WON'T DO IT! NEVER!"), purposefully disobeying, pushing buttons, etc. At home, we deal with it every time. He's not allowed to get away with anything. I feel like I'm CONSTANTLY scolding him, like he's constantly in time out or sent to his room to play (separated from the rest of us, but still has plenty of toys). I've had to drag him out of stores & leave parties just because of his behavior.

He's relentless. It's like he just doesn't get it. These are NOT new rules, yet he's constantly breaking them. Just at dinner tonight, he was scolded for goofing around so he spit his food out & knocked over his milk...all on purpose! He LOVES negative attention & loves attention in general. If he can get a rise out of other kids, he'll misbehave as long as they're laughing at him or egging him on.

So not only is this a problem at home, but it's becoming a major problem at daycare. He's there part time, 2-3 days per week & it seems like we get a negative report EVERY SINGLE DAY. He's constantly disruptive at naptime & meal times, and they say he always thinks everything is funny when they try to discipline him. He's even been sent to the office to get removed from the environment . He's always worse when he's overtired, so on the days that he won't nap, it's horrible. But, regardless, I'm extremely embarrassed about his behavior...at home, in public, AND at school.

We've tried positive attention, rewards, sticker charts, loss of things he likes, early bedtimes, extra praise for his brother, etc etc. It just seems like nothing works. Time out doesn't phase him. I read one of those "Spirited Child" books & implemented ideas from there, but didn't see much change.

I need help. I'm afraid he's going to get kicked out of daycare or become the kid that every teacher hates. It's also starting to wear off on Aiden, who is typically a good child.

Thanks for reading this far & listening to my vent. I really hope someone out there can help me!

Pleeeeeease !!!

 

Andrea, I feel for you guys. :hug: I know this has been an ongoing struggle. I remember you posting about this before, and I remember thinking he has ALL of the classic ADD or ADHD symptoms. Have you talked to anyone at his school or a private counselor about getting him evaluated? It sounds like he could really benefit from getting the appropriate counseling and/or medication.

My brother was ADD, and was never properly treated for it as a kid. My mother always tells me that my parents had more arguments about this than any other issue in their marriage. You son's behavior sounds quite similar to my brother, especially the negative attention thing.

 

sounds like my son also, however I do know they won't typically diagnose ADHD until after the age of 5

 

Oh man, I'm sorry. I know a taste of what you are describing - but not as intense.


Since you have tried all the behavioral things - maybe there is something metabolic going on? I know folks mentioned ADD, etc, but as Amy said he is a bit young.
Is he like this all day? Is he better in the morning? Is it possible that diet could be making him a bit high energy?

Also have you looked into sensory stuff? Jake has had some sensory issues, but has settled down a lot (his growth hormones might be helping) - but he would easily get overstimulated and act out. It's a bit different than what you are describing, but he needed more down time than most kids his age.

Anyway, I hope some of this helps...I know how frustrating it is to be in what feels like a cycle of reactive parenting.

 

Have you mentioned it to his pediatrician? Hopefully they can help.

 

Thank you for all your replies & advice. I have mentioned it to his pediatrician & we agreed it's something to keep an eye on.

Ironically, after I posted this, we've had some really good days. It's like he has a light switch...naughty or nice . Not that he's perfect all day (what 3 year old is?!?) but his days have been MUCH better. We've been rewarding him with extra praise & have given him things to look forward to if he's good (ie a movie after school if he's good all day). So far, so good....we'll see how long it lasts, though!!!

I do have a sinking suspicion that he has ADHD (my brother, niece, & step brother have it), but he could also just be a highly energetic, spirited child. We'll see as he ages, I guess.

So, anyways, thanks again. It was nice to get the vent out & get replies. Meant a lot, so thank you, thank you, thank you!

PS I just ordered $50 worth of puzzles online for him that I plan to stash away to use as rewards. This kid LOVES his puzzles!

 

I know you talked with the pedi. Have you talked with the people at the school? My niece was acting awful at school; she was hitting other kids, even attacked the teacher and kicked her. The school suggested getting her evaluated. My SIL had to take her to a psychologist, a MD pediatrician, and have someone watch her for a few days in the classroom. They produced a report, and diagnosed her with a cognitive auditory delay (she was like 4 at the time). I'm not one to believe that you cannot see the ADD/ADHD symptoms that early (Although I know there's debate about that because there was a huge blow up about it in another forum I'm in.). I'm not sure about your son, but for my niece, it was bad because in spite of her well above average intelligence, all the teachers were doing was disciplining her, and on top of that the other children didn't like her because of her behavior. So not only was it hurting her academically, but it was hurting her socially.

While I agree with talking to your pediatrician, I think it is important to talk with the actual people who diagnose and treat behavioral/social/emotional problems, and that would be psychologists, counselors, and psychiatrists. I remember in the brief time my brother was seeing a psychologist, she was teaching him techniques to control his outbursts. One thing I remember is that he used to have to count to 10 before he did anything; it helped him to think and calm down rather than just lash out.

I'm sorry you guys are having to deal with this. It's really tough. I hope things continue to go well; it's great that he loves puzzles, maybe he's a future architect. .