A bit of a struggle being a SAHM

Never thought I would be writing a post like this with 22 month olds. Maybe I am setting myself up to fail. I was full-time SAHM with the girls until 14 mos which was very hard and that first year was truly survival. I then worked a 24 hour a week job for 6 months and hated every minute of it - I am sure part of it was we went through 3 nannies and my confidence in that system is crushed. I have been back SAHM full-time since November. It has been easier for sure or I was more excited to get back home which may have been motivating. I still feel strongly that I want to be at home rather than work a full-time job for two reasons. 1) When I do go back to work I will have my teaching license and hopefully teach, rather than go back to exec admin work where I support a bunch of corporate execs (although the money is excellent) and 2) I don't want to be away from them 40-50 hours a week and part-time admin work does not pay enough and not worth the time.

Here is the thing. I just feel so untalented at being a SAHM. They wander around and whine at me. Maybe this is a stage? I thought by now we would all be co-existing and meeting up to play occasionally. I am expecting too much I guess. They have free reign of the house now which is nice. We do try to get out 2-3 times a week and I try (sometimes fail) to do something crafty every morning. Naps have been horrendous so maybe this lack of break is taking a toll. I have had days where I have almost just started applying for jobs but I know I would hate that. I don't want to give up. So, who has the successful formula for handling this age all day every day without going insane? I was thinking of sending them once a week to a 2.5 hour early edu program. Have to budget well to pull that off but even that little time might be worth it. Sucks that music classes, etc., are beyond our budget. Anyway, thanks for listening to my pity party. If I get some sleep tonight maybe I will feel better tomorrow. I have had a hard time handling not having my personal time. By night I am just drained and can hardly function - I am feeling a huge difference at my age from a couple years ago. I haven't felt this low in a while so I am hoping some of you might share your stories about how you have managed through the difficult times. I really want to succeed. Thanks in advance! :hug:

 

I read your other post about the naps and the mourning of the no-nap. I think this is affecting you big time (rightfully so!) When mine gave up the am nap I mourned for like a month. I think in that thread you got a lot of good advice and it's just a matter of getting back on track and getting back in the groove for you.

Getting out 2-3xs a week + a craft? I think that's a great mix of in and out with activities.

& finally- you are just down the road from me. Feel free to stop by sometime with those sleep-rebelling girlies.

 

I'm having a hard time being a SAHM too lately. I do feel like I don't give them enough attention or get anything else done so I am constantly wondering what the heck I do all day (apparently post on here!). Look up and see if there is a local moms group in your area. There is one in my area (I didn't find out about it until two weeks ago and we are about to move so I didn't join) and it's only $25 a year and there are multiple acitivities throughout the week and age based play groups. Here is a link to the International MOMS club page and I see that there are 3 chapters in Denver. I know my kids are so much happier when we get out of the house, even if it's just to the grocery store. Good luck and know you are not alone!

http://www.momsclub.org/links.html

 

:hug: Being a SAHM isn't easy. In fact being at home with my kiddos is sooo much harder than my actual job! I swear I have the neediest crankiest kiddos ever! I took an extra year off from work as a leave of absence (we get the first year off as maternity leave). I have struggled like I have never struggled before but when it comes down to it I don't want to leave them even though it's so hard being at home! I try to savor these days since I know I will have to go back in September and I still can't, we are still just surviving. So you are not alone!!! Hang in there momma, once they start napping again it should help!

 

www.mops.org

BEST thing I ever did!

Also, that age was ROOOOOUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH! I'll never forget it. Rough patch.

Your feelings are totally normal. They sound like I feel (felt.)

You are okay and you're doing a GREAT job!

Try your local YMCA, too. They offer classes for cheap and have 2 free hours of child care per day!

Hang in there!!

 

What about a Mommy's Day Out Program? That might benefit both you and the kids.

I know it was around that age that I went back to school and used a drop-in center for a few hours a day (which is a little more than a MDO program) and frankly, it was wonderful for all of us. The kids loved every second of it and thrived from playing with other kids and I got a much need break. But it wasn't so much as a full-time job, kwim?

Good luck!

 

Everyone mentioned the kinds of things that I would have added, but just wanted to say that I know where you're coming from.. and giving up naps! Sheesh.. that makes for a VERY long day. And winter is tough too.. I know there's only so many places around here that are toddler friendly in the winter, but in the summer everything will be different. Hang in there, get some rest. :hug:

 

I have all the same feelings you do! My twins are 15 months... and I struggle daily to keep them entertained and stimulated. They LOVE to go places, grocery store, Target, a stroll around the mall, the local botanical gardens, the childrens' museum in town. But-there are only so many places you can cart them and "contain" them on your own, especially if they rebel on staying in the stroller. I hate winter-it makes it so much harder to do everything. Mine are too small to play outside and HATE the cold so far, so that is out.

I feel awful some days we stay home, and they wander around, playing with a toy or book for a few minutes, then finding me and whining/crying/pulling on me to do something else with them. It is EXHAUSTING.

The days naps work out... heaven. They are happier and so am I. We all need that break from eachother. The days they don't nap well... disaster. Crabby, crabby, crabby.

I feel the same at the end of the day-drained. I often lay on the couch and watch tv, then go to bed, every night, I just have no energy left for myself or DH to do anything other than that. It is such a vicious cycle.

It is hard for me to join clubs/groups as I have a bit of social anxiety-making new friends is hard for me. I suppose I need to get over that in order for my twins to have healthier social lives.

Just sympathizing with you. You are most definitely NOT alone.

 

Just wanted to chime in too....feeling so much the same! Since the new baby my DS has been SO incredibly grumpy - yesterday he cried most of the day! And it is much harder for us to go places with the new baby!

I think it sounds like you are doing a great job!

When I had the twins, my doctor asked me if I was going to go back work...when I told him no, he said, well you know, most people don't look back at their lives and say, gosh, I should have worked more! Usually they look back and say I wish I could have stayed home more.

Hang in there! I guess we might be experiencing the terrible twos a little early? Are the terrible twos quadrupled with twins? Uh oh!

 

Hi there. Just thought I'd chime in to say that I feel similarly, so you have a lot of company on this thread. Being a SAHM is the hardest thing I'll EVER, EVER do. I didn't have our boys until I was 34, so I had a long history in my career and being gone at work 8-10 hours a day. Wow-- what an adjustment! My LOs are younger than yours, but it is an incredibly demanding job and can feel thankless sometimes when you give it your all and you still have whiny, cranky kids at the end of the day. I think the hardest thing for me is something you touched on which is having no personal time. I can't depend on naps either. Although my LOs consistently take two a day and they are fairly decent naps, invariably, one will wake early from the first nap and then vice versa for the second nap; they never seem to nap well at the same time. I can barely clean up the kitchen from breakfast or lunch most days before nap time is over. Even on my busiest of days at work, I could always count on lunchtime to decompress and I always knew that no matter how hard a day I was having, come 5 or 6 o'clock I could leave (not the case these days!). And, while I hate to say it, I think I am more of a control freak than I ever realized because I have a VERY, VERY hard time accpeting that I can't control much of our day.... what the boys choose to eat, how much they drink, if they sleep well, what their moods will be.... that is hard. I have a need to manage things and I've had to accept the fact that in many cases, I can't.
My DH is good about letting me get away pretty regularly. For example, on Sunday I went and got a pedicure. I brought my favorite magazines and drank a cup of coffee in a relaxing enviorment. I never appreciated that type of thing much before.
We live in a cold climate, so we are pretty much shut-ins from Oct-Mar. That doesn't help. The days can seem very monotonous and long. You can see that our boys were born very early, so we really isolate ourselves during RSV season which is hard because it's lonely. I'm already looking froward to spring.
While I love our boys more than life itself, I completely agree that you simply cannot be with any one (or 2!) person day-in and day-out without needing a break. At least I can't be. I try and make sure I get those little breaks every few days and DH knows I need them. I do look forward to going back to work someday, but I constantly remind myself that the grass isn't always greener. My BFF had a baby two weeks after I did and she went back to work after 3 months. She is always complaining about not being home more, missing her son, and feeling guilty. That's what helps keep me in check when I want to start applying for jobs.
Sorry this is kind of rambling, but I can really relate. My only advice would be to insist on some me-time every few days and go do something that makes you really happy (even if it's just sitting and reading at the bookstore). I think it's great decompression and you'll all be better off for it. Hugs--let's hope we all stay sane through the winter .

 

I think just about everyone said what I was going to say...I have been in your shoes Betsy and it is a rough patch and you will get through it. Lack of sleep really can play havoc with your mind and nerves.

I would also say to try not to put such high expectations on yourself. If your goal is do one crafty thing a day, it's worth giving it a try but if the kids aren't into it that day, shelve it and don't worry about it. At that age, my kids preferred to draw and color on their own with little interference from me. They are better now at doing simple crafts at 3 then they were a year ago. I can't really say we have a schedule outside of eating & napping to our day, I just kind of wing of it. We will work on a letter of the day but I try to keep it simple and once they start to lose interest, I stop. Most days, the kids color, read, play with their toys, catch a couple of their shows. They started a 2 day a week tot rec program for 2.5 hours and it's working well for them and me.

Hang in there, you are doing a great job :hug:

 

Yeah...I am sooo feeling your misery. :grouphug: I feel absolutely HORRIBLE for my almost 3 yo DD. The twins are 5 months and are fine, but my DD is bored to tears. I cannot go on outings with her and the twins, it is just too difficult. She is in a Morning Out program as well and while our budget is extremely tight it is worth every penny. SHe goes twice a week for 4 hrs each day. It has been canceled this week and she is going NUTS! I suck at keeping her entertained...I feel so bad at the amount of TV she is watching. In the warmer months we play outside 4-5 hours a day! So this is killing her and me. :gah:

I struggle to get out on my own much...like I said, money is tight. Although I do LOVE going to Barnes and Noble and just chilling out for a few hours. Just the logistics of leaving my hubby with 3 kids for the day is difficult. It is hard for him.

C'MON SPRING!!! :80:

 

I make sure we get out of the house and do something everyday. I live in California, so I don't have to deal with snow (although it was really cold the other day, and I just bundled them up lots to go to the park). Most of the things we do don't cost money. Like going to the library, park, meeting up with someone else who has kids, just playing in our backyard. I find this helps with their naps too. They tend to go to sleep easier than if they are just hanging inside (even if it is coloring or playing with their toys). Worst case: strap them into the stroller and take a walk/run.

 

WOW! you are so lucky to live in a nice climate. Literally here, it is 13 degrees today (that is the high!) So, it's not a matter of just bundling up for a walk...it's kinda not safe to go out My rule of thumb is 45 degrees...if it is above that, we are OUTSIDE!!!

 

Thanks so much everyone. We had a playdate two days in a row or I would have thanked you sooner! Well, I did start putting Zoe in their room to nap - she napped 3 hours yesterday. I put Jude on the couch downstairs with a tv show on low. She fell asleep for 1 hour the first day and just layed their quietly the second. Still, I'll take it! I have been part of a twins club for a while now but go figure, we are lucky to pull off a playdate once a month. Someone mentioned MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) so I am going to check them out. I know that is mostly singletons but there are probably plenty with multiple children and if not, a lot of help...hee hee. It has been great relating to you all through this tough time. I am hoping like every other period that ebbs and flows..next week will be much different. I guess we are at least well on our way to getting through this toddler bed transition and I won't have to worry about it eventually.