Feeling very frustrated and overwhelmed

My twins turned 2 the end of November and OH MY GOODNESS we are definitely in the terrible 2's now. Hitting, annoying each other (the whole don't touch me - poke poke..), hitting me, telling me no to everything. Now they are taking off their diapers constantly and sometimes that means poop everywhere. I've started duct taping their diapers at nap and bedtime and so far it's kind of worked except DS has figured out how to pull it down like underwear. I've decided to convert the cribs to toddler beds this weekend (Lord help me)and put a potty in front of their beds in case they need to go. They're both getting good about going. Honestly they're probably ready (not night time but daytime). I on the other hand feel like I cannot handle it all. My youngest is 9 months and into everything and is getting super clingy all of a sudden. I just feel like I'm constantly chasing someone or someone is screaming (sometimes me LOL). My normal diaper/pj time is trying to get someone to lay down - they try to kick me in the stomach when I'm changing their diaper, the other one is either running around naked or hitting me because they don't want to go to bed, and the 9 month old is using my ponytail as an anchor for standing. All in all I just want to cry most of the day and night. I wake up every morning with a positive attitude and by 8am I'm usually ready to cry. I go to bed every night beating myself up because I am SO blessed and after so many years of trying for another child somehow I ended up with 3. I just want to be able to do this right and I just struggle constantly. I'm trying to keep up with the house and the kids. Now I've got potty training to deal with and then the transition to toddler beds. I just really have a hard time getting through each day. I don't know where else to vent, who to talk to. No one seems to understand. Everyone I know here has 1 baby or an older child and a baby. No one gets how hard it is with two 2 year olds and a 9 month old. My husband is going to be gone a lot starting in March. I'm just beside myself on how to get through each day. I have the 1-2-3 Magic book and I need to reread it (read it before my youngest was born and haven't used it much). I have a pack and play set up for time out but what do I do if they are both in time out? Put one in there and one in their room? I have a gate on their room so I guess that could work. Oh and when one is time out in the playpen the other one tries to climb in with them. LOL I try to laugh instead of cry but sometimes it's tough. I guess this is a combination of a vent and looking for advice. LOL For any of this. I just feel at my wits end and like I am completely sucking at this mommy thing.

 

No real advice, just sympathy. That sounds REALLY rough.

I would NOT make the toddler bed transition, I would potty train, ya, but that doesn't mean you need to do beds. Just my two cents. I think that would add an infinite amount of stress to your life.. GL!

 

Not to sound negative, but if you put a potty in their bedroom and you are not in there, they may very well use it and then take it's "contents" and play with it. Instead of having a poopy crib you may very well have a poopy room.

I just posted that out of the blue, my 3 year old has begun sticking his hands down his diaper and pulling out his poop. He never did this before and I'm thinking of starting to PT very soon.

In the meantime, I may try to see if they sell onsies in their size. Not being able to stick his hands down his diaper might be a temporary solution.

FWIW: I would not potty train and convert to toddler beds at the same time. That would be :gah:

 

:hug: I remember hitting the two year mark and thinking HOLY COW! I also remember feeling like this :gah: and this :grr: and this :headbang: many, many days. I still have those days, but I do remember 2 being a big, rough stage for us. I cannot imagine having 3 under 3. :hug: :hug: :hug: Having said that, I would definately recommend 123 Magic. We started it at 2 and it did help.

I think your idea of TO's would work. Maybe instead of their room, you might have a hallway to gate off or somewhere just as boring as the PNP. When we first started TO's, I would use their booster seats. They sat on the dining room floor and I would strap them in. Once they understood they had to sit there until time was up, I quit strapping them in and eventually we moved to the 'naughty' step....which is what we are using now. As far as moving to toddler beds, WAIT! Seriously, don't do it unless you have too..climbing out, safety issues, etc... We did it at 2yr4mo because DS figured out how to climb out. It was a nightmare to keep DS in bed. IMO, the closer you can get to 3 the easier it will be. If I had to do it over, I would have gone to a crib tent instead of converting at age 2. I know it isn't as disastorous for some kids as it is with others. DD transitioned easy. So, I guess it all depends on their temperment/personality. BUT...I would still wait until the communciation increases which for us was closer to 3. With the diaper change issue....we started using pull-ups when it became to cumbersome to change a diaper. I don't know, I just found it easier to be able to pull up and down while standing rather than laying them down doing the whole diaper thing at that age. That wouldn't help with the whole poop issue, but it might make diaper changes easier. :unknw:

Hang in there! It will get better. :hug:

 

I have to agree about the toddler bed transition. We had to do it right after my youngest was born because they started climbing out and that in itself was a nightmare. Naps went out the window, bedtime took HOURS, and I had to put locks on their closets because they thought it was fun to scale the shelves and take every item off of the hangers. It was maddening, especially when it was all I could do to find time to put away the clothes the first time!! Onesies are a really good idea - I know they make 24 month size because we had some. Not sure about 2T because we PTed right around that time.

My DH travels a lot and I definitely understand the frustration. I've just started to try to laugh more. When they start whining or fighting, I try to make some silly joke or game that is more fun than whatever they were griping about. Tonight DS was throwing a fit because I wouldn't let him go upstairs to get one of his bath toys at dinner time. Absolute screaching, stomping tantrum. So I grabbed my cell and told him to growl at me so I could take a picture, Then I git his sister to make a funny face and took her picture. I started showing them the pics and telling them to try to look even more mad or sad or silly or happy until they were both giggling and in their chairs, ready to eat. It sounds dumb, but I've found that when I get strict and try to force a behavior, they protest and push me even more. When I turn it into something silly, they usually have so much fun that they forget that they were whining. I still have many moments each day where I really just hold my breath for a minute before react just so I don't strangle someone, but it's getting better.

For your TO question (about putting them in the PnP...I'm not sure if this works for everyone, but my sister told me that TOs work best if the kid isn't forced to be in it. So if you tell them to go to a certain place (for us, it's a chair in the kitchen), they go there on their own or with help and stay there without being strapped in or stuck in a PnP. When she said that I laughed because she didn't have twins...but I gave it a try, expecting them to run circles around me laughing. Somehow, they don't. When someone gets a TO, they get into the chair and I set the timer n the microwave. They know if they get down before it beeps, they get 30 more seconds. If the both need a TO, one goes to the kitchen and the other to a chair in the living room. They seem to get that it's not about the place, it's about having time to cool off.

 

theother girls said it, but I wouldn't do toddler beds right now. I tried toddler beds right at 2 yrs mainly b/c I thought we might not have cribs/pnp on a vacation at 26 mo. but in the end it was such a disaster I had my dh put the cribs back up and the tents back on.

we also did potty training about the same time, and kept up with that and even have pretty much night/nap trained while they are in cribs. we do go in 2+ hrs after they've gone down for the night to take them to pee one last time... I keep thinking that I'd love for them to have toddler bed freedom for pottying... but then my logical side comes back and I realize that they wouldn't go to sleep easily and we'd lose naps so I don't think we'll be doing beds for a while.

you have a lot going on... I'd say to take some of the challenges out of the equation if you can.

as for diapers... I wonder if they'd do ok w/no diapers... maybe that's why they are protesting? one main key to keeping ours dry all night is limiting liquids at night...

as for time outs, I started using the PNP, but then just started using their booster seats and strapped them in.

one other thing that has helped was the positive help... telling them what to do, not what not to do... "put your feet on the floor" instead of "get off the table"... just an idea.

 

Thanks for all of the wonderful advice. I don't know what I would do without you ladies! I'll put the crib converting on hold for a long while I think. They sleep so good now and I don't want to mess that up. I LOVE the idea for the time out of putting them in their booster seats and strapping them in. Going to try that today and keep reading 1-2-3 Magic. My DH was trying to give me helpful advice last night (turned out making me feel like an even worse mom by the end of it unfortunately but did have some good ideas) and suggested rewarding them for keeping their clothes on, making a schedule for the potty times and rewarding them for putting and keeping their clothes back on. We'll see how it works. Thanks again for all the great advice!

 

I would also recommend the crib tents and keep them sleeping good for as long as you possibly can. We tried the 3-day potty training at 24 mos and one DD got it and the other didn't. I scrapped it as the baby was crawling through the accidents, getting into the potty before I could clean it, playing in the big toilet before I got the lid down, tearing up toilet paper, grabbing the bottle of 409, licking the potty bowl, etc. Saying it was a nighmare is the biggest understatement of the century. You need three or four adults to PT with three babies/toddlers underfoot. The twins will go on the potty at bath time and at some diaper changes, and one DD can even take her clothes, onsie, and diaper off and go potty and put her own diaper back on!

I think stripping clothes and diapers is normal, and very good practice for them. I used duct tape when I didn't want the diapers to come off. Now, I can just tell them to leave the dipaer on if I'm busy doing something else and can't monitor them. I like for them to practice taking clothes off and dressing as they can do a great job with their clothes now. (One less thing for me to do!)

I don't have the fortitude right now for PTing with a baby/toddler around but you might have an easier time than me. You could give it a try for four or five days like I did and if it's too stressful, just wait. Mine go from diapers to pull ups to going on the potty and back again without issue. We like the No Cry Potty Training book and LOVE the Potty Power DVD. As DH says, no one wears a diaper in the first grade, so don't worry about it!

I also like 123 Magic and really like Love and Logic and Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline. Getting them laughing is soooo important and solves most issues. When things get bad, I turn into the Tickle Monster and chase everyone around and we all scream and laugh, and we have other funny games. It's great for changing the attitude of the "pack", me included. I then tell them what I want them to do and give them the words for working out their issues. There has been a huge improvement in their behavior from 2 to 2.5 as they can understand concepts well and can communicate much better and all of my teaching after a TO seems to be sinking in. A lot of times I sit with them during the time out and talk to them about what they did, how it affected the other person, and what they should have done and give them the words to act it out when the time out is over (role-play). If they full-out hit or something, they get a regular time-out and we talk about it afterwards, all of us. They learn from the other's mistake too. I give huge praise for them doing something "right" too and they eat that up. It's easy to forget that strategy, but it's very effective. You might find that doing TOs with them right there in the same room and talking to them is less stressful for you and your kids might respond well to it. Every child is different, and you'll have to find what works for each one.

You are doing a great job and need to give yourself credit. Going from two babies to three was not just 33% harder, it was 100% harder. I have resigned myself to doing most all of my cooking, cleaning, chores, organizing and any personal things when they're asleep and I play a lot with them. My baby DD just started her first clingy phase and it has had me in the worst mood as it tipped me over the edge of what I could handle. I know what that's like! I just tell myself that I'd better embrace it and get some hugs and kisses in so it will make up for the unaffectionate teenage years!

What has also worked here is to have our neighbor who is 16 come over one or two afternoon-evenings a week to play and help me through dinner and bedtime and the girls love her and it makes those couple of nights very nice. She isn't expensive, so that is nice for me. Any pre-teen/teen could do that if you have any nearby and have a little baby-sitting money in your budget. That really helps my mood, espeically when DH is travelling.

We also focus on removing any and all unnecessary stress so we have less disciplining and more playing and laughing, so we've totally baby-proofed 90% of the house and the other 10% is locked off, we don't fight about meals/feeding, thanks to the Ellen Satter method, so there aren't any battles there at all, we'll skip a bath if that is just too much to deal with, we play outside any and all chances we get so the house doesn't get so trashed and their moods get lifted, we eat a lot of sandwiches, etc.

Good luck!

 

I love lots of what you said... I also have tried the positive side of parenting too, and that has really worked wonders, telling them what you want them to do. I love the idea of the tickle monster and just trying to negate the bad behavior.

I had a question on the teenager... do you mind sharing what you pay her per hour? I'd tried it with a neighbor girl last year and I thought $5/hr was good b/c I wasn't leaving her alone with the kids... though I was trying to work while she was here so she was "in charge" quite a bit. anyway, she must not have liked it and basically wasn't ever available, then later on that summer when I asked her she mentioned she'd need more money, but she didn't state what... anyway, I was curious what a "mother's helper" goes for...

I also loved the idea of skipping things that are creating issues, I've done that with bathtime before. usually they love it, but last week I think my dd skipped 3 nights in a row... ah well... we weren't outside much. and it wasn't worth the crying and carrying on.

 

That's me most days and I only have two. We haven't figured out the time out thing yet. I just don't know how people do it with twins. Every time someone gives an idea, I can think of 3 reasons why it would not work, lol. Like booster seats, great idea in theory, but by the time I have one strapped in (knowing them, they'll be screaming and making it very hard), I'll end up chasing the other one, he/she will make it a game and by the time he/she is strapped in too, she/he will have totally forgotten why he/she is in time out in the first place. I know that time outs have to be consistent to work, so I just don't see it happening in our house. When one really gets too far, he/she ends up in the crib, but 99% of the time they get in trouble together... I just don't know how people do it. I've tried... failed. I've put them both in their crib for an early nap when they get too far, but I don't think they get why... it's more so I can calm down at this point.

So we just take things away and try to do consequences, they understand immediate consequences but that's it. They do listen to us when we tell them to stop something, but they'll just do it again... sigh. Talking to them and rewards are pretty much useless here, they don't get it yet... they sure wouldn't have got it at 25 months. I have a friend who keeps telling me I need to be more strict, and I probably do, but I just don't see how. My kids are not the kind of kids that will just sit there for a time out if I ask them to - they don't even sit here for a story! So take advice with a grain of salt, kids are different and what works with one might not work with another.

Oh and we're still in cribs and not even thinking of potty training here. They show no interest in the potty, and won't even sit on it, let alone pee. I don't have the courage to deal with it yet.

Bottom line, you're not alone, and I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like with a 3rd!

 

Thank you SO much! I've tried some of your suggestions today and it's helping a bit already. We totally have everything that we can babyproofed and we have ten thousand gates. LOL People make fun of us but I just can't handle chasing after them and saying no constantly - which is why we rarely leave the house or go to other peoples homes. Anyway - it's nice to hear from someone in almost the same exact situation. I think yours are 15 months apart? Mine are just 16 months apart. In some ways it was easier when Ryder was a little guy but then I had NO schedule and that was hard and I had no time to myself. SO in some ways it's easier now and some ways it's harder. I'm going to try and do more playing with them and less yelling. I really want to get going on the 123 Magic.

Question for all of you that use the booster seats as time outs - first of all do you just move the chair to an area away from the dinner table because what if they act up at dinner - or won't come to dinner. Definitely might have some kicking and screaming getting them in there but I'm guessing they'll get used to it. Did your LO's ever not want to sit in the seats for meals because they're the TO chair too? LOL I think of silly things I know but it was wandering through my mind

 

:grouphug: You've gotten some great advice! I totally know how it feels having two so close in age... my 3 are 13 months apart and it sure does keep you busy! 123 magic works great here but I couldn't put them in a specific spot. So I count to 3 and sit them down facing a wall or a door for 2 minutes. It helps because I can do this when we're at other peoples home or even at the park. If they get up then they have to sit back down for another 2 minutes. As long as you're consistent with it then they will know that you're serious and stay seated.
I personally don't like doing time outs in spots that they eat or sleep in.... I don't want to give those any bad "vibes" :laughing: I need them to be happy to eat and sleep!
The sooner you can get all 3 on the same schedule the better! You'll be amazed how easy things get once that happens.

eta-- I also wanted to add that I'm still having trouble getting out with all 3 but now that my littlest is getting better at holding my hand, things are getting better. Just give it some time.

 

Mine didn't like using the boosters at the table. That is why they were on the floor in the dining room. They became the TO spot after we decided to not use them for eating.

 

I was actually amazed that even though we used the boosters seats as their time out, they still came to dinner w/o issues. What I liked about the boosters was that it held them in place and they couldn't really move. we did move the boosters away from the table about a foot so that they couldn't pound or play on the table. when I used the PNP I kind of felt like they had fun moving around, and the booster gave them less freedom.

the main reason I liked the booster was that I had a spot for each twin. and our boosters are right in our greatroom/play area. I never had luck at the beginning (at 2 yrs) of them sitting still w/o restraint. mainly b/c I couldn't figure out how to keep 2 kids in TO ...

I have found a lot of things have gotten a lot better with age... and probably with us just continuing to attempt them. don't give up hope. glad you tried some things and they worked.

good luck!

 

My 3 are 18 months apart, so I've been there, and am still there! LOL

BEDS:
We moved our twins to toddler beds at 16 months BEFORE the baby was born, for a few reasons. 1) I REFUSED to have 3 cribs! That was our main reason, 2) I didn't want the twins getting to much 'new' stuff at one time and overloading them... I think one thing that made our toddler bed transition so smooth was that we put an old coffee table in between their beds. Completely by accident my intent was to use it as a nightstand, but they also could not see each other and I think in their little minds they thought they were by themselves in the room. At this point I would probably try to keep them in their cribs longer as other posters have suggested though.. 2- Another thing we do now though (they are 4) if you REALLY want them in beds, ours have poster beds, so we put a curtain up to create private space for them, but it's the same concept in that the kids wouldn't be able to see each other...

TO:
I bought a little bear shaped timer at the grocery store. If they do something that deserves a TO, they sit on the stairs, and I set the timer for however long (2-4 min usually depending which one is in TO). If more than one needs to be in TO at the same time, I have 2 sets of stairs, so one on each set. If all THREE need it at the same time (very rarely) then someone ends up sitting on their bed.


HAIR:
Honey, it's time to cut the ponytail! LOL Get a cute little bob or something. Seriously, the hair got to much for me and if I didn't wear it in a bun, they would either be pulling it, or tryin to style it for me which, nice as a gesture as it was, drove me NUTS!

DAILY ACTIVITIES:
Kids yearn for structure. If you plan a schedule, it will help everyone. They're at the age now (even your youngest, beleive me, my son LOVES learning with his sisters) that they can start learning their numbers, letters, colors, shapes, etc. Do blocks of like 30 minutes. Say from 7-7:30 can be breakfast, 7:45-8:15 can be for learning colors, then you can have play time till 9, then snack till 9:15, from 9:15-9:45 could be numbers, open play till 10:30, lunch, storytime, naptime, etc..

GETTING OUT:
You NEED to get out! When my son was younger, I'd just take the double stroller for the girls, and put him in the baby Sling. Then I'd switch from letting the girls walk (helping me 'push' the stroller so they were hanging on) and the baby would sit in the stroller with one sister. Then I finally broke down and bought a Sit-n-stand, that is the BEST stroller ever! One kid could sit in front, one kid could sit on the platform facing forwards (feet dangling into the basket) and the other kid would stand on the foot platform in back. GENIOUS! LOL The other thing that we do now that the baby is walking (he's 2.5 now) is we make them all hold hands, then the leader has to hold hands with one of us. Depending where we are, we'll walk in a big line with me at one end and DH at the other holding hands... Keeps them out of trouble and from running away.

HOUSE:
Let it go, just let it go.... LOL I tried to keep everything clean, orderly and organized - and I ended up yelling a lot more becuase I was so tired. Now, we clean once a week, do laundry as needed and fold everything on the weekend, and the rest of the week we just let it go and don't worry about it. I used to have a model home, ready at a moments notice for anyone that wanted to come in. Now, I make a point NOT to let people over, but that's OK. Until the kids are old enough to start helping with the cleaning (they're getting there, they 'help' put laundry away, or 'help' vacuum, etc) then my house will just have to be a little dirtier than I like. I have 3 kids under the age of 4 (they turned 4 on Tuesday) and I work fulltime, if you can't deal with my house being not so tidy, then don't come in it!



GOod luck - you'll get through it. You need to make sure after bedtime or something you get some time to yourself though to unwind...

 

:hug: to you! I can relate - my youngest is 11 months and my twins just turned 2 in december. Some days are great and it all flows. Other days, I am just trying to get by and make sure everyone is fed, changed and not hurting each other. We do have a lot of fun and we are so blessed to have had three babies in only 14 months, but sometimes it's a challenge. This is all DH and I know, but we know enough to know our lives are very different compared to our friends who have one baby or multiple children separated by several years.

We are switching to toddler beds this weekend - DS started crawling out this week. I do not plan on potty training though until they are almost 3. I've read that the average age for potty training for a girl is 34 months and for a boy, 37 months. To me that says there's no rush and the longer I wait the easier it will be. Do whatever you need to do to keep your sanity and that might mean tackling one large milestone at a time. There were a lot of great ideas on here from other moms, so I won't repeat them, but you are doing a great job!! Where we are right now is just hard - my DH is also in the military and at our next assignment he will be leaving a lot again. Right now he's been gone for 2 weeks, will be home this weekend and then gone for another 2 1/2 weeks. He hasn't been gone this long since his last deployment and I was pregnant then. Taking care of yourself and children is a very different than just taking care of yourself. I know what you mean about wondering how you will get through the days, but you WILL! Hang in there!

 

I'm so sorry. I've had some major frustration with tantrums, whining, aggression, etc., and I only have the twins! No advice, just sympathy!
I do think the idea of using booster seats for TO is good, or I do the SuperNanny method; have him sit in a certain spot with his back against the wall. If he moves, put him back in place without saying a word (and the timer starts over). Repeat as many times as necessary. they caught on pretty fast.