5 yr old obsessed with knowing what time it is

Sarah has recently learned how to tell time, and is now obsessed with knowing what time it is. During the day it's not a big deal (and is actually a useful skill), but at bedtime she gets very anxious about it. She will call us into the room just to tell her what time it is, and if it's after 9:00 (when she thinks she should be asleep) she has a little nervous breakdown.

We're getting a clock for their room, so that at least she can see what time it is without having to call us -- but I worry that she'll just lie there and watch the clock and stress about how she's not falling asleep.

I know this, like most things, will mellow out after her brain gets used to this new skill. (And when they stop napping at school -- soon, I hope! -- she will fall asleep quicker anyway.) But any ideas for how to get her not to worry so much about it in the meantime?

 

McKenna has recently started telling me what time it is too....but not at night. My best friends daughter did that for a while. She was concerned that it was ocd (she suffered with it badly growing up). So she said to just try to break the habit of obsessing over it. Only answer every other one or change the subject for her.

 

Jesse has a thing for what day it is. He used to ask me ALL the time, now he'll say "today is Tuesday, right ?" because he has gotten so familiar with the days of the week.
I'm thinking that its just them becoming more aware of day/times. Like when they were younger 3/4yrs old the day and time meant nothing to them .. but now they understand the concept more and it becomes important to them. At least that's how I see it. Now they ask me, "how many days until .. ? " for big events like Christmas and school vacations. It's interesting to see the whole process of time start to make sense to them.

 

Alden,

My oldest DS has some anxiety issues and one thing that was suggested to us by his play therapist was that we only answer a question once, each time you answer the question it feeds the anxiety. She suggested we let him have a "Question Card" that he could use at bedtime (or whenever he was asking the same question over and over - he worried about tornadoes, fires, etc.) and he had to give it to us when he asked the question. Once he handed the card over and asked the question, he couldn't ask any more. It helps give the child something tangible to see and hold onto, so they see a start and a stop, if that makes sense? You might give her a picture of a clock or something and tell her that she can only ask 1xnight what time it is and once she hands you the clock card, she can't ask any more. We found he hung onto the card longer and longer because he didn't want to "waste" his question - and eventually, the worry was forgotten about.

Does that make sense?

 

Jori that is a really good idea. What do you do if he tries to ask again? Just point to the card? I know my kids are younger, but I'm worried (anxious?!) about anxiety in one of my girls and she tends to ask questions over and over and over. I might try this out.

Alden, I remember having this same issue as a child. I would get so panicky about the time especially around bedtime. There are pictures of me at 4 years old on my grandparents' boat wearing my bathing suit and a watch. I guess that is how my parents dealt with it- gave me a watch so I could obsess about the time all on my own. :hug: to Sarah. I feel for her.

 

We would just remind him that he had already asked the question and had given his card. Honestly, he didn't ask the questions very often because he was more interested in holding onto the card so he still had the option to ask whenever he wanted. Does that make sense? Instead of obsessing over the question, he focused on the fact that he *could* ask whenever he wanted when he was ready to hand over the card but because he didn't want to lose the card, he quit asking. Sounds confusing, does it make sense?

Our therapist explained anxiety like this:

A child focuses on a fear, asks a question (will our house ever burn down?), the parent answers the question (I hope not, but accidents happen, whatever), the child asks how do houses burn down, the parent tells a variety of ways, the child asks what happens when houses burn down, etc. The questions spiral, feeding the anxiety. The more you talk about a worry, the bigger it grows. The author of an anxiety in kids book compared talking about anxiety to watering a tomato plant - the more you talk about it, the bigger it gets.

Two other "worry" suggestions she gave and that are also in a great book about kids and anxiety (will look up author and put it in this thread) are:

1. A worry box (you write down your worries and put them away)

2. A worry time (you set aside 10 minutes every day - at the same time - for the child to discuss his/her worries. If your child brings up a worry at any other time than the "worry time", you remind them that it isn't "worry time" and they will have to wait until 7:30 or whatever. Usually by the time "worry time" rolls around they have forgotten the majority of their worries because they die when they aren't talked about.

Sorry to hijak thread!

 

No, this is all really helpful! The thing that's hard is that it goes against my gut feeling about how to respond. I feel like if I refuse to talk about something, she will just worry more. (I'm a worrier too, but I often find that if I can just tell someone I'm worried, then it's better.) If we answer her questions when she feels like she needs to know something, then at least she won't be worrying why we refuse to tell her. (This would pertain more to the thing about the house burning down -- not so much about knowing what time it is.) But I'll have to keep this idea in mind.

I do answer some of those questions with what I think she needs to hear at this age, rather than the literal truth. If they ask whether our house will burn down, I just say "No." If, God forbid, our house does burn down, we will deal with that when it happens, but I don't think they would hold it against me. That's what my parents did (and our house never burned down, and my parents never died in an accident, etc.) and I think it was the right call, especially for a worrier like me.

With the "question card," what do you do if the child asks again and has already used the card? Do you just not respond at all (i.e., play deaf) or do you say "You already used your card" and that's it? I've never had much luck with refusing to answer something with one of my kids. They just get so mad that I won't answer, it winds up escalating rather than defusing the situation. (But maybe that's because I rarely stick to my guns about it, because I don't have complete faith in that tactic anyway.)

Regarding the time, I lean towards thinking she is just trying to incorporate a new skill. Since she can tell time, I had actually thought about buying her a watch. Then she would know that she could just see what time it is whenever she wants, and not have to worry about asking someone if she happens to be somewhere that she can't see a clock. Honestly, she doesn't seem that anxious about it (except at bedtime) -- she just wants to know. But I may do the "question card" idea at bedtime....

Now I guess I've hijacked my own thread -- but I find all the stuff about anxiety really interesting.

 

Jori that's really interesting. I can see the logic in it, and obviously it worked, but I have to say that it goes against my instinct of how to respond to/approach worries as well. I've always thought/felt that talking about worries was the best way of dealing with them. It's interesting to look at it the opposite way. I'd like to know what the book is, it sounds like it would be worth reading.
Do you mind sharing how old your son was when you dealt with this? I'm wondering if it's a technique that works better on younger children, who are more liable to forget things that aren't spoken about/given attention.

Alden it sounds like getting her a watch would be a good idea. At least then the daytime would be taken care of. Having a clock in the bedroom and a question card may be enough to take care of night time too.
Have you tried-when she calls you in-saying something like "it's time to go to sleep" or do you think that would just make her cross? You could also try lying about the time (say that it's earlier than it really is) so that at least she is not getting stressed that she should be asleep, although that wouldn't work if you get a clock.
If she generally has trouble falling asleep it might be worth teaching her some techniques to help. Something like lying still and breathing slowly and deeply and if she's still awake after a while sit up and look at a book or two before lying down and trying again. You can also get CDs (like this one) that tell very calming stories which might help her. I think some even incorporate muscle relaxation and breathing exercises.

ETA: link

 

I should have specified that the approach I mentioned isn't just for typical child worries, but for a high anxiety child. There is a big difference in simply worrying about something and becoming highly anxious/obsessive over it.

The book is:

What To Do When You Worry Too Much: A kids guide to overcoming anxiety.

http://www.amazon.com/What-When-You-Worry-Much/dp/1591473144


I can answer other questions about our experiences tonight after the kids are in bed!

 

I try to reassure her (though I don't dare lie to her -- I think she has enough of a sense of time already that if I said 8:30 and it was really 9:30, she would know I was lying). I tell her "You get plenty of sleep," "It's not time to worry yet," "I'm absolutely sure you will be asleep by midnight" (which seems to be the thing she really worries about -- not being asleep by midnight), etc. It seems to help a little. I also remind her that she can read a book with her flashlight. That seemed to help a lot last night, because she can do it lying down and then when she gets drowsy, she just sort of lets the book fall.

Jori, I figured you were talking about real clinical anxiety. I'm not concerned about that with Sarah at this point, but both my mom and I are borderline anxious, so I wouldn't be surprised if I need to know those techniques at some point in the future....

 

I have time obsession! I must have a visible clock in all rooms of the house. I get anxious if I can't see what time it is. I think having a clock in the room will help. If anything, it might just serve as like a counting sheep kind of thing. Sure, she will stare at it and watch the time, but she will probably fall asleep doing it. You may find after you put the clock in there and she can see what time it is herself, that she wasn't really all that anxious about the time, it was just a reason to call you back in.

 

Zoe has been very obsessed with time for a couple years now. She is very organized (minus her nasty room) and she just likes to know when things are going to happen.

 

Kelly, I'm like that with the clocks too. We even have a little travel clock that I move around the living room depending on where I'm sitting.

Chrissy, Sarah is very much like that too. She has always wanted to know what's going to happen when. (She loves it when we make a list of our day's activities and cross them off after we do them.) So I think knowing the time is actually very satisfying to her.

She is now at a point where she tells us what time it is CONSTANTLY. If I say "It's 5:30," she will say, "No, it's 5:28!" Annoying (sometimes I have to sort of tell her to put a sock in it), but funny too.

Anyway, I hung the clock on Saturday. They always fall asleep pretty quickly on weekends, so we haven't had a true test yet, but we'll see if it makes a difference (positive or negative) this week.