Naughty List

Okay, I'm at my wit's end with DD. She is being so naughty and fresh lately. Because of this, we decided to break out the "ultimate" threat. Daddy called Santa last night and had her placed on the Naughty List. He told her that Santa would consider taking her off the list if she could improve her behavior. We talked about how everyone would be getting Christmas presents except for her. She said that she doesn't care and wants to stay on the Naughty List. So, now that our threat has proven completely empty what do I do?!? Do I follow through and have everyone return their presents? Do I praise mediocre behavior just as an excuse to have a happy Christmas? Help!!!

Thank you so much!

Jenny

 

How old is she? That is a huge threat that most young kids - I'm talking even elementary age - would have a hard time 1)remembering and behaving according to that fear and 2) believing. Also, what do you do when Christmas is over, even if the behaviors improve temporarily? Once Christmas is over, there will be nothing to behave for, you know?

I could never threaten to take away Christmas because I could never follow through on it. Christmas is such a happy, special, magical time for our family that I know I'd cave in and give them gifts because it isn't about them being good, but about many other things that we choose to celebrate - both religiously and family/kindness/good fortune/love, etc.

I think you'll have to implement some type of positive behavior reward system so that she can earn back her Christmas presents and you won't have to get "called out" on your empty threat, you know?

So, have her earn a sticker or something each time she helps clean up toys, or follows directions, or is nice to her siblings, or help feeds the pet, etc. Catch her being good - and give her a sticker for it. Then you are not only rewarding good behaviors but you are also bailing yourself out!

Good luck!

 

I agree with Jori. I see no good coming from such a threat--particularly at this age.

 

Yeah, I know what you mean. DH is a big empty threat-er. And, now we're backed into a corner. I've been trying to establish a positive reward, but she just doesn't care. Right now, her attitude is I'm bad. Deal with it. Arg. I guess this is 3. Thanks!!

 

I attended a child development seminar when my twins were 3 and the #1 suggestion was only threaten things you are willing to follow through on. Sounds like she has learned DH won't follow through. At 3, I would start very small with something like a rewards chart where you are using positive reinforcement for desired behavior.

Have you tried 1-2-3 Magic? If not, I would highly recommend it.

Best of luck!

 

That's a threat I wouldn't have made in the first place, because I would never have carried it out. But now that you have made it, I would just fess up and say you won't put her on the naughty list, because it would be too sad for everyone if she didn't get any presents. You can say that Santa talked you out of it or something. (FWIW, we've been telling our kids that Santa doesn't expect kids to be "perfect," just "as good as they can be." But maybe 3 is too young for subtleties like that.)

I don't think a 3yo can really grapple with such a broad consequence (bad behavior = no presents) anyway. I would just leave Christmas out of it completely, and work on the small things -- each act of compliance or noncompliance brings a direct consequence. Before you ask her to do anything, think about what will happen if she does it or doesn't do it. Try to have positive consequences as well as negative ones.

And if all else fails -- she won't be 3 forever. :hug:

 

"Good" can just be giving a sibling a toy, helping to pick up the house, giving a hug, brushing her teeth well, following directions, walking to the car to go "bye bye", etc. You don't have to necessarily catch her doing good things - but surely she isn't "bad" all day long. Right? There must be pockets of time where she's playing nicely, petting the dog, being kind, etc. - catch her in those moments and reward her big time!

 

I love this advice. I'm trying to do this with my boys, and it's good to know that it works!! It's so very hard to stop focusing on how badly they're behaving.

 

I would give her specifics about how to behave. Instead of "you need to be good," try "you need to help mommy pick up the toys."

 

Hey Jen!
That's okay. I call Santa all the time. The only difference is, I just have to pick up the phone to say I'm calling him and mine FREEZE and stop being bad cuz they're SOO AFRAID HE'LL COME TO OUR HOUSE! Yes. They're THAT scared OF him! LOL.

Anyway.. all hope is not lost. Just have her earn back her Santa stuff now and then have smaller consequences when she's naughty- like time outs instead.

What is she doing?

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