Reward of sorts for no yelling/good behavior

OK. So I yell too much. I hate it. It doesn't work. They don't blink, especially Nicholas. Last night we were snuggling before bed and I told them I didn't like yelling, and that I need to work on it. I also said, they need to work on listening to mommy/daddy as well. Nicholas will yell back at me(never dh really). I think he thinks it's ok to yell because I do. I really really REALLY want to stop this awful cycle we are in. So I need help.

I was trying to think of some reward program of sorts, for all of us. If I yell, they get/do/whatever ______________. If they behave/listen to mommy, they do/get/whatever________. I'm not sure how this would work. When they woke up this morning we were all eating breakfast. Nicholas turned to dh and said, "I'm going to listen to mommy dada." All on his own. And I asked him what I was going to do, and he said, "Not yell."

So-how do I keep all of us honest? I spend my days yelling, not enjoying them. They deserve more and better than that. They are really good kids. I just think my patience is worn with the whining, bickering, fighting, etc etc.

Any helpful hints out there? It's 9:20 am and so far, it's been a quiet day!

 

I'm a yeller too. It's so hard, they are screaming/fighting/crying, i start yelling. Or else I"ve asked them to do something no less than 10 times and they continue to ignore me.

I started taking them up to their crib for time out when their behavior is really bad such as hurting her sister or refusing to comply with my directions. I did it one time for each, I did it calmly, but i informed them of the consequence to their behavior, and they countinued with the behavior, so I calmly carried them screaming up stairs. It seemed to work for a few days because when I asked them to do something they would say how they should do it or they would go up to their cribs.

I know rewards are the best way to get positive behavior, but I think appropriate consequences can motivate too.
how about rewards with a favorite video at the end of the day. It's hard b/c young kids don't really get delayed gratification well so it might not change their behavior that much. Probably the best change is for you to model good behavior (i'm trying too) and to not yell at them... easier said then done GL

 

My boys are almost the same age as yours and one is extremely defiant. I find myself yelling too and it gets us nowhere. It makes me more upset and teaches the boys that it's okay to yell when you are upset.
I try to give myself a little pep talk each morning. I try to recognize a situation that will get out of control and I try to avoid letting that situation escalate.
I don't know about reward charts for not yelling. Maybe having a reward chart for listening and following instructions? You could have certain adult led activities and they would get stickers for listening and following the intructions. That way they can understand a bit more of the behaviour expected of them.

My best advice is a mom's time out. when they are pushing your buttons and you are loosing your patience, it's a good time to step back, take a deep breath and think about calm ways to resove the situation.

 

I am a big fan of Mom needs a timeout before she loses it. I tell them I need a few minutes alone in order to calm down and pull myself together.

Sticker charts have always worked wonders for my duo. You could start by rewarding individual instances and when they are earning lots of stickes, move to good AM/PM, and then good day. You could even offer a reward after a certain number of good days.

 

Oh this post has made me feel so much better, because i have been feeling llike the worst ever mom lately because all I do is yell, yell and yell and the big twins are so defiant that it got us nowhere.

I am going to try the reward for good behaviour thing but i dont want them to behave just to gt a rewatd. i think this is a very trying time for us twin moms as my singeltons were so easy. i think it is because there are two of them and they are asseritng their place in the family.

and yes my yelling has resulted in Victoria thinking that its ok to yell!~! its tiring and it will take time, i just hope i have the energy left to deal with it in an apropiate manner ALL the time....

And that when the baby twins reach this age, that i will be a pro. :laughing: :laughing:

 

What about if you made three big sticker charts.

One for you, and one for each boy. When they listen to you and you're not yelling, you all three get a sticker. When just one listens, he gets a sticker, when the other makes you yell, neither of you get stickers. Make a HUUUUUGGGE deal out of it, especially when you get stickers for not yelling because your not yelling is dependent on them listening. When you *all* have filled in the chart, you take them for ice cream, to the movies, or to the park or something, just you and the boys, leave Annabella home.

 

I agree with this. It's something tangible they can see. Another idea would be each time Mommy yells, you put a quarter or a penny into a jar and then if they misbehave (not listen, etc), you are able to deduct a certain amount from the jar.

 

I love Bex's sticker chart idea, and I really think that Mommy taking a break is a good concept too. It teaches your kids that parents aren't perfect and that people need time to regroup. So whenever you feel like yelling, tell your kids that you're getting stressed because they're not listening and you need to go in the other room and take a break. That way, you get some time apart to yell into a pillow or jump up and down, and your kids lose the privilege of playing with you. You're modeling good behavior (taking yourself out of a trigger situation) and could at the same time reward their good behavior with sticker charts.

 

Thank you ladies!

Bex-thanks for the idea! I will have to try something like that!

Yesterday was a great day-no yelling, no time outs, etc. And they knew it. And they(it really is mostly Nicholas) told dh as soon as he got home.

Now..one of these days I will make said sticker chart!

 

I love Bex's idea! I also think that this is huge. I was a big yeller with my son and I have see the bad results of it that have hung on, so, I think when you fill your chart you deserve a big girl treat...manicure, massage, etc., because it really is a big deal to change that habit.

 

I should have waited an hour to respond again today... <_< Not a good day. Doesn't help that I am extremely stressed with everything that needs to get done before the weekend, or the Christmas shopping that still needs to be completed, or the eight calendars I need to make on the computer, or the cookies, or or or or or .... you get the drift! And let's add to the fact that Annabella didn't fall asleep until 4:15 am.

I'm spent. It's only noon. On the bright side-it's almost nap time! And yes, the yelling has.to.stop. It does NOTHING for Nicholas, and he just yells right back at me. I hate myself for it too.

 

I highly recommend the book--Parenting with Love and Logic. I, too, am a yeller and have noticed a major change since I took a parenting class focusing on the ideas in this book. They have a general one (which I have read) but also a book focused on younger kids would would probably be best for you. I took it out of the library!