3's worse then 2's?

Wow. It's been a LOOOOONG week. the age of 2 was REALLY bad for us. I mean, SOOO bad that when someone told me that 3 was worse I thought.....no way in *&^@!!!! It was only one son though. SO clingy, whiney, tantrums. You name it....it was BAD! Well, things got better around 2.5 months. And I thought....wow, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Well, fast forward. My sons are now just over 3 and my easy one is still easy but my tough one is FAR, FAR, FAR worse then he ever was at 2. I mean....SOOOOOO bad. I can't leave the room without him screaming. He refuses to walk on his own and screams and screams for me to carry him down the stairs, refuses to eat and spits his food all over the floor. Kicks me, hits me, hits and kicks his brother. Can't play by himeself at all....I have to constantly be at his side or he is on top of me screaming all day long. He does go to school twice a week and his fine and so well behaved there. I seriously just don't get it and I am severely struggling here and sinking fast....so fast. My husband travels alot and my dad comes over almost every night when he travels but my one son refuses to let papa help him with anything to I still have to deal with the crap. Please, please, please....tell me this is normal and it will get batter and if it isn't....HELP! I'm drowning.

 

Yes, it will get better. But yeah....3 was way worse than 2 for us unfortunately for all 3 of my kiddos.

 

Yup .. 3 IS worse than 2. But for me it was all good around 3 1/2.

 

2's were not bad for us, so, yes, 3 was way worse than 2.

 

UGH!
We've been having a horrible week as our intro into the 3s. I've been hearing they were worse, but was really hoping it was all just lies. 2 weren't really all that bad for us though so maybe we're due. I don't know. I just want my sweet kids back!

 

Yup- 3s were worse. 2s were great here!

Actually for us newly 4- 4.5 were the worst! They were learning social rules, but did not have the attention span they do now---they were not napping as well so they were tired and more verbal. Now at 5, things are golden. We have moments, but really it has gotten so much better.

We seem to go one 4 month cycle or so every now and then....they test their independence, how much they can get away with, limits, etc. Then it all settles down for the rest of the year.

 

3's were worse than 2's, but as we approach 4, they are getting better.

 

Couldn't agree more!! Mine are 4yrs 4.5mos and 2's were a cake walk, 3's were bad but ever since 4 hit, EVERYTHING has changed!! I'm just hoping (and literally praying) that things change soon. The tantrums happen all the time and it's worse now because they can talk well and my oldest has learned to stick his tongue out at me when he is mad. Oh yeah, he also screams until I come and get him at the top of the stairs too. So believe me, you are not alone and it is totally normal. I'm looking forward to 5....

 

Couldn't agree more!! Mine are 4yrs 4.5mos and 2's were a cake walk, 3's were bad but ever since 4 hit, EVERYTHING has changed!! I'm just hoping (and literally praying) that things change soon. The tantrums happen all the time and it's worse now because they can talk well and my oldest has learned to stick his tongue out at me when he is mad. Oh yeah, he also screams until I come and get him at the top of the stairs too. So believe me, you are not alone and it is totally normal. I'm looking forward to 5....

 

I agree too with 4 - 4.5. The girls began arguing like crazy and they had never done so before. We're two weeks shy of 5 and the past month has been a light at the end of the tunnel. The arguing has simmered down and they are my sweet little girls again!

 

NOOOO!!!! I am doomed!! Mine are almost 4 and I was so looking forward to 4 hoping 4 would bring nice things!! did you mean to type 4 or was that a typo LOL!!!!!!

 

three was worse than two. We did not have problems with 4 though

 

My oldest is 3, and yes he is way worse now then he was at 2! I was told 4's are even harder...... :headbang:

 

I agree with the others. 3 has been worse then 2. Somedays (lately) I want to :headbang: AND :BDH: with the tantrums and attitude. Today was one of those days! :gah:

 

For me 3 (and 4) was absolutely worse than 2--but for me 2 really wasn't all that bad. I think it's one OR the other, not both. It depends on the kids, how fast or slow their development is going--AND the personality of the mom. Part of what made 3 (and 4) so terrible for me, was well, me.

 

:escape: This thread is just a figment of my imagination, this thread is just a figment of my imagination, this thread is just a figment of my imagination.....right? :laughing:

 

Mine just turned 3 so I haven't seen much just yet. 2.5 for me was really hard. The temper tantrums of my one daughter was just unreal. I did find that putting her in some extra days at daycare helped to keep her busy and help me regain some strength to deal with her. I dont' know what to think about the next year or two... I'm just ok with how they are right now. Good luck to you. Sometimes tracking down a few good books at night helps to give a bit of new energy and ideas to try the next day. Likely they won't work but it makes like interesting to know you can try something new.

give more options and choices. Remember to give more hugs and kisses.

 

Seems like for every age, there are hard parts and easy parts. I still think that newborn and baby stage was the hardest.

Honestly, my kids do tantrum (mostly DD) but I have found that the more I give attention to it and try and help her solve the issue, the worse it gets. So, my humble suggestion would be to not carry him down the stairs (talk to him one day, and say from now on you are a big boy and can walk down the stairs on your own and then stick to that - does this mean he will yell and scream at the top of the stairs for a week - probably! But, after that week of He77 he will "get" it and will start doing it himself.

I would say with the spitting food at me, that is an automatic timeout (if those work for you), or take him meal away for 5 minutes, and if they dont work then that meal is OVER.

I think the hardest part is figuring out new strategies to deal with their different behavior. Just when I get one issue at home settled, another one crops up and it takes me a few weeks to figure out how to deal with that one, and the cycle goes on and on.

Good luck - hang in there. Both my kids cling to me, so I know how hard that is to get anything done - I found the more I accept that I cant do much but look after the kids, the easier things became on me.

 

Oh no! We just turned 4 and I was looking forward to a better year! 3 was horrible, 2 was great! However I have noticed that they are regressing at this age, acting babyish? They fight a lot and need me all the time too. For those of you turning 3 it was a very emotional year for my boys, big mood swings. Also very silly, lots of feeding off of each other, especially in public places.

 

Honestly, I'll take the 2's again.

3's have been sheer torture.

 

they don't call it the f**ing 4's for nothing!! They're finally past the 4.5 year mark - so its starting to taper off but yea...I can't wait until 5!!

 

This thread makes me want to get a glass of wine and a bowl of ice cream and cry.

 

For us, 3 has been worse than 2. Two really wasn't that bad here, except a really bad few months for DS right at age 2.5. We're coming out of a few really bad months with DS right now, so I'm hoping the next 6 months aren't quite as bad.

The thing about age 3 for us is the DRAMA and the DEFIANCE! Oh my god. The defiance and the drama! The drama comes from DD who overreacts and whines and is bossy and demanding. UGH. The defiance is mostly from DS. Screaming "NO!" and running away to hide from me when I ask him to do things is a daily occurrence. :wine: :drown:

 

haha, my husband tweeted this morning. . ."Alice puts the AM in DRAMA". Which totally made me laugh because she is not a happy camper in the mornings.

 

Two was terrible. Three has been worse for one and better for one. Meredith has always been an easier temperament child. She hardly gives me any trouble. Hannah spends some days IN time-out more often than out of it. When they were 2, a time out was crying in the crib ... now that she is 3, it is screaming and running around her room, getting out of her room, throwing random objects out of her room then slamming the door, kicking her door, when I tell her "GET BACK IN YOUR BED!" she responds with a screamed "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" in my face ... I think they just have more "weapons in their arsenal" at 3. You know? More "weapons" but still no self-control. Oy! Just yesterday I called my husband in tears just lamenting at how I just don't know how to parent her. The best advice I can give ... but not even sure how to follow it myself (especially now that she can just open her door when I put her in TO in her room) ... is to give him NO attention at all, not even negative attention for bad behavior and give him all kinds of kudos for positive behavior. This may work for us if I can figure out how to implement ... I may have to get a baby gate for her room or a slide lock on the outside of her door or something. I have thought about doing a "toy time out" too where she loses her favorite toys for a bit (even a day or so) for bad behavior. Good luck to us all, eh?

 

The middle of every year is rough. (See the "Your Three-Your-Old," etc. series by Ames and Ilg.) One of the hard things for me, as a parent, has been to realize that there is no point when you can say "Whew, we made it!" Enjoy the easy phases when you're in them, and try not to let them be ruined by the knowledge that a rough phase is around the corner. But conversely, when you hit a rough phase, remember that easy phase you were just in and know that it will come again (and as they get older, every easy phase is better than the last)!

As far as the actual question in the OP.... I found 3.5 to be the worst of all the challenging phases. But even then, we went on vacation when my girls were 3.5 and had a wonderful time. It wasn't ALL awful.

They turned 4, and (as another mom said to me about her 4-yr-old) "It was like she woke up one day and was like, 'Hi, I'm a completely different person!'" It was wonderful. Then around 4.5 I posted here about how much I hated that age. Then they got closer to 5, and now we're living with two (mostly) lovely little people. But I've heard that 5.5-6.5 can be rough...

The lesson is, take it one day at a time! :hug: (And if you're the kind of person -- like me -- who panics when you read these threads, just don't read them. )

 

I don't now if I should start a new topic or just post here but this whole topic of threes being worse then twos is SCARING ME!!!!!!!!!!!! Mine are still two, not even two and a half yet and I am finding it very challenging. Since they were born I was always told and thought it gets easier by three because they get so much more independent and play together ect. But now I'm reading all you saying threes are harder than twos?!?!?!? AHHH!!! Seriously?????? Getting a little freaked out because I was hoping it would only get easier... Tell me this whole topic/post is a joke and threes really are easier than twos....

 

Please tell me why the 3’s are worse?! I've also heard that. My thought (before I had kids) was people weren’t as strict on 2 yr olds so by the time they hit 3 and they are much smarter, starting to “lay down the law” so to speak was too late. Is it becasue they are smarter?
I’m always told how well behaved my girls are but it takes sooooooo much work because I’m pretty strict. So here I am again thinking how much more strict can I possibly get? That’s no way to live!

 

3s or 4s (for some) are worse because developmentally you have a few things going on:

1. longer attention span/focus that leads to 'harder' to direct behaviors- distractions does not work as well as 1s and 2s. This also means they hold their 'grudges' and upsets longer than before and can stew about something much longer than before.

2. more sense of independence---they are more likely to try to DEMAND that things go a certain way. They are determining what they can/can not get away with as well as discovering what they like/dislike (clothes, foods, places, people, etc.) They also want to walk more (no stroller) so it is harder to keep them contained.

3. more agile- leads them to do physically what they could not before (climb on counters, pick up heavy things, open doors, etc)

4. more directed play- they start to pretend play more, can sustain play for long periods, play by themselves, etc. This leads to epic upset if you/anyone else does not feed into their play the way they are thinking it. Thoughts are more complex so it is harder to predict what they are thinking and the demands are more abstract.

5. Learning social rules- before 3, most kids function pretty along, even in a room full of other kids (they often play by themselves instead of WITH other kids). They are just starting to learn what is/isnt OK when incorporating others into their play, they also are learning how to wait in line, be patient, use words instead of hands, use their words to express desires, how to interact with adults, potentially how to follow classroom rules. This is A LOT to take in and can be confusing at times for little people. Adults take it for granted sometimes about certain rules of social interactions, kids have to learn them by doing and watching others. They want to play with other people/kids, but are still struggling with also wanting to do it all the way THEY want it instead of compromising, taking turns, sharing.

6. Frustrations are higher---- at 3ish they start to realize what they can/cant do as well as their peers. This can cause issues with frustration at wanting to do something, but no being able to (write, read, skip, ride bike, etc). Cognitively they get 'it' , but physically at times it is not working for them yet. AT 3-4 the fine motor and gross motor skills between kids is vast---these differences are a source of upset for kids as they learn their own limits. THey also know what a person looks like and can be very angry when they draw it and it does NOT look like it should.

7. Communication. Around age 3, kids worlds get a lot 'bigger'. They remember things from the year previous, they are learning new words daily, they are feeling emotions that are more intense---the lack of language or ways to express these things can cause mood swings. Often kids with delayed speech and poor articulation have more behavior concerns, it is merely due to frustration and inability to express themselves. It also takes time to learn the correct phrases, words, and ways to say things to get things you want ( child asks for a drink....get milk and he/she wanted water. Tantrum ensues due to frustration at not getting what they want due to communication)

8. Forming firm opinions. Due to a stronger sense of 'self' kids often start to express a certain flair for clothes, food, places, and ways things should be. Yet, at times this clashes with the normal way of life. (Cant wear a swimsuit in a snowstorm...even if it is your absolute favorite ever thing to wear).

9. Recall is better and clearer than at age 2: If you had a rough car ride/trip etc last year. They are much more likely to remember it and you will get refusals/anger. (think shots or dentist visits)

10. The natural desire for routine is high- due to all the confusing things going on and changes, as well as a strong sense of memory kids this age seems to like 'sameness' and routine. They feel unsettled at times if it is disrupted (We ALWAYS do it this way....). Even 'easy going' kids can get flustered if things are different- they take comfort in routine and knowing what is happening/coming next. The sense of time has improved and it is a powerful feeling for the kids to 'know' what will happen next instead of anxiety of the unknown.

11. They are sorting out 'real vs no-real' and that can be scary for some kids. This is the age of 'monsters under the bed' , scary movie scene drama, fear of the 'unknown' and/or new situations. Kids are busy trying to process if dragons, unicorns, super heros,monsters, princesses etc are real or not and if so how does that fit in the picture of 'real' things that may or may not be scary- sharks, creepy crawlies, fuzzy ducks, strange people. Think about it- a toothy blue shark is just as scary as a purple one-eyed polka dotted monster that lives under your bed in a book....so which is real? How do they know that? They dont, it takes experience and time. So more things are scary. Pretend play is intense at this age- they are sorting things out as they play.

12. They are moving from concrete thinking to more abstract play. So you get more WHY WHY WHY as they explore ideas in new ways. Younger kids tend to play with what is in front of them and think in the moment. Older kids (3-4) will ask and prefer certain ways of playing and can anticipate things for days or hours or even weeks. A child is more likely to give super powers to themselves (they can fly, they can make magic potions with, pretend a doll is a fairy, etc) instead of little ones (1-2) that will mix things up- but things are what they are (a phone is for talking on, a doll is for playing mommy). They will also be more interested in what friends are doing....(eating, playing with, etc).

13. Ability to compare themselves to others increases. You will see "Well my friend so and so gets to stay up until 8 pm, why cant I ? Or so and so gets ice cream every night. I want it to!" They are trying to balance and make sense of social situations outside of their own. They may question why one friend has only a mommy and another only a daddy or lives with grandparents. Younger kids dont often think that far outside their own 'circle'. They also are more likely to point out physical differences in people (skin tone, big/small, girl/boy, hair color, glasses, disabilities that are visible, etc).

Not all these apply to all kids---but developmentally that is what is going on. Some kids go through some of this earlier or later -- or more intensely than other kids. But from a behavioral and emotional standpoint- this is what 3s and 4s are revolving around. It makes behaviors challenging at times....

It not really about strictness---rather it is about a kids world and thought processes going through a dramatic change during this time period. The resulting behaviors can be very intense and are much less easy to redirect than earlier ages.

 

Wow, that is a great post about what is happening with 3-4 year olds.

Like I said earlier, for us 3 is much harder because they are more mature than they were at 2. The more minor misbehaviors that we had at 2 are no longer the issue here. They understand TO, consequences, etc. It's more the attitude. The completely rude defiance. The bossiness and sassiness. The epic meltdowns over putting their food in bowls when they wanted plates.

 

Mine are two and are already having those meltdowns! They want the pink bowl then change their mind and want the green bowl = tantrum!! Maybe they are just starting young..

 

You guys are all scaring me...I'm *hating* 2s already, they stress me out SO MUCH, they fight and purposely make each other mad, whining all day long by DD, and DS fixates on things and throws tantrum fits for 20 mins multiple times a day!! I just had another baby girl to add to the mix, and all I hear is 3s are worse than 2s...and I'm just *SO* dreading it!! They already bring me to tears at least once a week, out of frustration and anger. Here's hoping this is the worst for me...

 

Don't know if this thread makes me feel better or worse. Better in that I'm not alone, that our girls are not the only mind-melting psychopathic toddlers out there. Worse in that there is no hope for a break and it will get much, much harder. Not before it gets better. Just harder.

Gave up Ames & Ilg. Didn't find them that helpful, despite how my mom raved about them. The advice for moms of 3 year olds - your child is not your enemy (that part is good, sure feels that way sometimes) and hire a babysitter and get out as much as you can. I'm sure that's smart, but we can't afford it. So ours will be a little house of conflict, with all four family members hating each other. Just for another 14 months if we're the lucky ones.

How did this happen to us? Why did it happen to us?

One thing that helps me is to look at pics of when they were 2 year olds. Delightful, sweet, inquisitive children. They weren't born miserable, and there's hope they'll come through this. Hopefully without too much damage to our relationships.

I need wine, ice cream and cigarettes. Or maybe just a long sleep and a good survival plan.

We can do this, ladies! It's just a stage. It's just a stage.

:youcandoit:

 

I'm so depressed reading this thread. I feel like 2.5 has been better than 2. I had read that the half year mark is either better or worse for kids. I'm dreading 3!

 

I think (or at least hope) that it's one way or the other. My boys weren't terribly bad through the 2s...a few tantrums and stuff but nothing major. Early 3s were a nightmare. Closer to 4, not quite as bad with the tantrums and stuff, it's more the defiant, I'm not listening to you stuff.

My baby girl, however, has been quite the nightmare since right before 2 (and she's only been 2 for a month) and she's much harder to deal with. I'm hoping it doesn't get worse with her. I think part of hers is being a younger sibling and she wants to do what her brothers do (or at least I'll tell myself that to make myself feel better).