Could one twin still be affected by losing a close grandparent....

My dad has been gone almost a year, he passed away suddenly from a heart attack in January. We live in Ohio, my parents lived in Arkansas and the last time we saw him was at Christmas last year, 3 wks later he was gone and my oldest twin, Chandler, has not been the same since. He was very close to his PawPaw and though we didn't get to see him but every 3 to 4 months, the boys remember him so much. On a regular basis, Chandler asks me, "Why did PawPaw have to die Mommy?" It's heartbreaking and to top it all off, ever since dad died, his attitude has been very bad. He doesn't even act like the same child. He has tantrums and cries over everything, and I am confused about how to discipline him. :unsure: My other twin is fine, he has his moments now and then but is still happy go lucky as usual. I was just curious if anyone else has experienced this or if you think my dads death could still be affecting him even after almost a year? My husband seems to think so...

 

:hug: I am sorry for the loss of your father, this January will be a year since my father passed as well.
I think it's very possible for him to still be affected by it. It could also be the age mixed in with every thing else. My twins just turned 2 when my Dad died and they still ask where he is and when they see a man with white hair, they get all excited and starting asking for Pop-Pop. I don't know if there are any programs near by you that deal with children's grief but here is a link from a place that is near by me, they do a lot of good work in this area. Maybe some of their suggestions might help you out. Peter's Place

 

Big :hug: to you on the loss of your father. I agree with Nancy. I think it is very possible. My girls will say things out of the blue that happened ages ago and I think there is no way they remember it. Things that are much much less significant that missing their PawPaw.

 

That MUST be the reason for his behavior b/c he wasn't like that before. Thank you both for your sympathy and my sympathy goes to you as well Nancy, thank you for the link. I will be looking into it.

 

:hug: It's amazing the things that affect them. My oldest was 3 months shy of 4 when my mom passed and then to follow we had 3 other deaths within the next 3 months and it was crazy sad. By the 4th death he no longer wanted to take freeways anywhere, we had done so much traveling that he freaked out anytime we had to go on a freeway. It lasted for 2 years and was awful but talking him through it was the only thing that seemed to help.
I hope something helps soon :hug:

 

Jazz was this way for a while. She was with her great-grandparents when pa died(I was with jessy at hospital for heart surg). She is better since we live in their house. Maybe if he had a picture or something that reminded him of gpa he'd be more comfortable. Jazz did not go to the funeral

 

My twins were just about to turn 3 when my Dad passed away. They still talk about him all the time and I love knowing that they have such great memories. We try to talk about all the wonderful things they did. I don't know what your beliefs are, but we explain that God had more important plans for Papa and that they can talk to him anytime even if he can't talk back to them. A book that my friend bought the kids when he died is called The Next Place. It's a wonderful book and DD1's class actually read this book last month when one of their classmates passed away. Do you think having him talk to a couselor would help?

 

Thank you very much. I'm just hoping that with time and prayer, he will get through it. I have talked with him and told him that it is ok to cry because he misses pawpaw but he just freezes up or gets angry. My other twin will cry and tell you that he misses him. I guess there is not much more to do than wait it out...

 

Both of my boys went to the funeral b/c at the time it seemed like the right thing to do under the circumstances but now I am wondering if it was or not. There's nothing I can do now about that though. I just hate seeing him this way.....

 

Thank you! Yes, we have told the boys that you can talk to Pawpaw and that he is in Heaven because God wanted him. I will definitely be getting that book! Thank you again for the suggestion. I'm not sure if a counselor would help or not at this point but maybe I will try it.

 

Oh yes it is possible and I would bet that is the reason. My oldest son did not even know my grandfather - he died 1 year before he was born. but OMG it affected that kid - I had pics of papa and I would talk about him (because he was my favorite person in the whole world) My oldest son would cry and ask all kinds of questions - the one thing that really helped was my aunt gave him several things that were Papas - 16yrs later he still treasures these things. Maybe if you can give Chandler something that was your dad's - my papa was an avid golfer and my aunt gave Tad some of his golf clubs and a trophy papa had won - give Chandler something that even though his grandfather is gone, he can hold on to. Bless his heart, at 4 it is impossible to understand why grandfather is just suddenly gone and I am sure he cannot get his thoughts together - he may be afraid that any of his family may just disappear without warning and not know how to express his fear. At 4 he may not understand the whole God wanted him thing, because he wanted him too.

:hug:

 

Thanks for the good advice! I will see if my mom has something that she could let him have of dad's. That would probably make him feel really special, I like that idea!! Neither of them understand the whole God wanted him thing really but I don't always know the right words to say. Hopefully someday he will understand.